The 12 Steps for Everyone [Step 1]

¡Hola! Everybody...
Life is change/ Growth is optional/ Choose wisely -- Karen Kaiser Clark

* * *

-=[ Stopping the War ]=-

We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
-- The First Step of Narcotics Anonymous

I was once told that my spiritual principles were as a bridge back to life. What I didn’t know then was that this bridge is built on the very bones of those who came before me. This series of posts is an attempt to honor that sacrifice.

I don’t know if this will work for you, but if you were to ask me, this is how I recovered my life. My story is a narrative of a life lived on the extreme edge and you might find it hard to identify with some of its elements. All I ask is that you try to identify with and not compare my story. Listen to the message and not the mess.

I believe all people, regardless of whether they are addicts or not, can benefit from an application of the 12 steps.

The First Step confronted me with two problematic words: powerless and unmanageable. I also didn’t notice at first that every step began with the word “We.” I was a loner; “we” wasn’t a word I used much. Everything was about me. They say an addict is an egomaniac with low self-esteem, and I believe that was how I felt.

Let me just say that 12-step recovery is about action. Every step involves growth, exploration, and action. I think people have huge misconceptions about 12-Step Fellowships. People in recovery like to say that the first step is the only step you have to get perfectly. I disagree, recovery is an ongoing process, and my understanding of the first step expands as I grow. However, there is a level of acceptance necessary for the integration of this step. But I get ahead of myself…

There are several powerful psycho-spiritual factors at work in the First Step. Primarily, there is an admission. Admitting to a problem has become a popular notion in our culture that first came to prominence in the recovery community. Admitting touches on the first spiritual principle of the first step: honesty. However, admitting means nothing without acceptance. For example, I had no problem admitting I was an addict; I could be honest about that. LOL! That and $2.50 got me on the train, which is another way of saying that admitting by itself it is worthless. It wasn’t until I embraced another core spiritual principle of the first step, acceptance, that I was then able to make changes in my life.

The more meetings I made, the more I heard my own story being told by others who were honest about themselves. I began to see that I had a lot in common with these people when it came to my to my addictive behaviors. It took me a long time to come to grips with powerlessness. I was raised to think of myself as powerful. I was taught that if I exerted my will on any issue, that I could overcome anything in the world. If I had enough cojones and worked hard enough, I could have power over anything.

Besides, it wasn’t my addiction that was the problem, it was everyone else. At least that was what I told myself. If only other people got their shit together and external situations in my life corrected themselves, I wouldn’t be in such a fix. The problem with my thinking was that it involved exerting willpower. The problem with my willpower was that it was warped. The more willpower I exerted, the more I fucked up. I tried everything: using only on the weekends, snorting instead of using needles, drinking instead of using other drugs, using only certain drugs in certain combinations, etc. No matter what I tried, I always ended up in the same place: all fucked up.

Imagine a machinery part that was made to perform only one action, or to move in only one direction. No matter how much you oil that part, no matter how much you try to fix it, it will still perform what is was meant to perform. Similarly, if the only tool you have is a hammer, then everything begins to look like a nail. simply put, if i wanted to change, I needed to develop new tools, to step out of confines of my comfort zone. For me to begin my journey, I first had to surrender. In fact, as I look back now, the whole process of recovery is one long, beautiful, liberating process of surrendering.

The First Step is like the beginning of a hero’s journey. In the archetype of the hero (or errant knight), most heroes begin reluctantly, clumsily, and then forces beyond their control propel them past their ordinary lives into a journey of personal change and renewal. Like most addicts, I was unaware of aspects of myself -- my feelings, for example, and the wreckage I was creating. The first step freed me to begin my quest for self-knowledge and transformation.

Admitting to powerlessness took me years; accepting that admission brought me to the gateway of healing and sanity. That was also about another core spiritual principle: willingness. instead of willfullness, what I needed was willingness. It’s part of what is often called the HOW (honesty, openness, and willingness) of recovery.

The first step is not about defeat. It says powerlessness, not hopelessness. We have no power over many things. Take the weather, for example. You can’t stop the rain, but if you take the time to stop, look, and listen, you may come to realize that using an umbrella is a lot better that railing against the elements. We have no power over how others act or think yet we spend enormous amounts of time and energy trying to exert control over other people. oftentimes, we don’t even have power over our own emotions, but we can learn to relate to them differently.

The first step is really about admitting powerlessness over living in the extremes. Try fighting the rain, or better yet, a hurricane, and you’ll get a sense of what it is to fight addiction. You have to surrender.

As part of taking the first step, you take an inventory of the consequences of your addiction. For me this meant documenting the jobs I lost, the people I hurt, and most of all, the harm I did to myself. In this way, I could no longer deny the unmanageability of life as an active addict. This was a hard nut to crack because I never wanted to admit my life was unmanageable. I had it together, I liked to think, I just went a little overboard sometimes.

I also discovered the insanity of the obsession that led to the compulsion and how my fight would be fruitless until I surrendered. If you’re fighting an inner war, then someone has to lose. If you’re fighting an inner war, it follows, you will always lose.

Taking the first step clearly showed me that my thinking had little connection to reality. There were countless times, for example, that I would experience a blackout. With a blackout, you can sit down one minute and the next thing you know you missed an entire episode of your life -- while conscious. It’s similar to what I imagine a time jumper would feel. One minute you’re in one place and the next, you’re somewhere else and you don’t know what the fuck is going on. One time coming out of a blackout, I had a whole party-full of people wanting to kick my ass, and I had no clue why. It seems I propositioned the bride-to-be (it was an engagement party) and that kinda pissed a few people off. I once came out of a blackout in a different state and different year. Still I couldn’t admit my powerlessness. It wasn’t that something was wrong with me, I rationalized, it was those damned stuck up muthafuckas, and besides, I know that bitch at the engagement party wanted me. Perhaps you may have never this extreme form of powerlessness, but have you ever had a situation spiral out of control to the point that you were at a loss?

Most of all, the first step is the beginning of the undoing of the karmic consequences of denial. I had to be brought my knees -- from hopelessly addicted to institutions and even close to death -- and still I wouldn’t admit my powerlessness. There was definitely a lot of evidence of unmanageability in my life. Shit, I attempted suicide at least once. What “normal” person can say that? More than anything, I was addicted to insanity.

Oh, and yes, I’ve kicked more habits than I can remember. I just could never stay stopped. It was never really hard kicking a habit. But addiction, I soon learned, was not merely about substance abuse. I would get “clean” and chill for six-seven months, but when I started again, it was as if I never stopped. My last day as an active addict, I had spent $300 after having been released from an institution for exactly fourteen days. I went from clean to a $300-a-day habit at the drop of a hat. I would say that’s unmanageable...

However, there are other ways our powerlessness and unmanageability manifests in our lives. Whether it’s food or cigarettes, or relationships, I think we can all look where we’re slowly killing ourselves, suffering needlessly, or causing ourselves and our loved ones harm. I believe we all can identify with the need to exert control and the denial of powerlessness. I use my life as an example because the extreme manner in which I lived it makes it easier to illustrate my points, but we all have the dark places, the places that scare us.

Today, I apply the first step to many things in my life, especially in relationships and to certain behaviors. Addictions like to migrate. One might be able to kick the heroin or the alcohol, but then you see people acting out sexually or financially. If you don’t do the inner work, applying these principles in all your affairs, then you’ll continue to be in the grips of addictive behavior. The first step stipulated that I was powerless over my addiction. Addiction is not about a substance, but a way of thinking.

Eventually, I began to think of the first step as something similar to the concepts of Aikido or Wing Chun, two martial arts that stress the importance of never meeting force with force. In a sense, the first step is about learning to flow with the forces of life instead of fighting all the time. It’s learning to transform difficult emotions into opportunities for healing. It’s knowing that you can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

Love,

Eddie

Resources

Alcoholics Anonymous: Official website

Narcotics Anonymous: Official website

Recovery USA, llc: Recovery USA, llc is an online resource for those seeking recovery information, community connections, and high-quality 12 Step Recovery Supplies for Alcoholism and Drug Addiction.

Sober Recovery: The Alcoholism and Addictions Resource Guide. "Our Sober Community is always open 24 hours a day with helpful moderators in our message boards and Sober Forums."

Alano: "The Online Alano Club is a nonprofit association intended as a resource for Alcoholics Anonymous® members and groups, as well as any individual who has a desire to stop drinking. Members from other 12-Step programs, especially the Al-Anon Family Groups, also are welcome."

12 Step Radio: A great site for Recovery Music, Artist Interviews, Online Communities, Links and Resources, and more...

Note: The featured artwork is from an artist who sells the prints online. I happen to like them. His website features prints of all the 12 steps.

The Friday Sex Blog [Tantra]

¡Hola! Everybody…
Before I forget, please be sure to check out my article on the importance of stories over at Subversify.com (click here). There's something there for everyone:

What's America coming to? The David thinks it Oligarchy; W.D. Noble covers the Koch brothers, the Tea Party, and a future America; Edward-Yemíl Rosario reminds us why stories are important; A.B. Thomas defends gamers everywhere; A collection of Poems from Bill the Butcher and Karla Fetrow continues her Luke Maverick series in "Clovia" all at Subversify.com

Apparently, a tornado touched down here in Brooklyn not too far from my neighborhood. I was hanging out in the City when it all came down and didn’t notice anything…

Today’s blog photo contributor wishes to remain anonymous, but GAWD! I can fall in love with an ass like that! What an altar that would make... If I woke up to an ass like that, my first act every morning would be to kiss it. LOL

* * *

-=[ Tantra ]=-
Every woman’s nature is to be a priestess, to be an initiator. Only when a man knows how to give her pleasure will she be radiant, devoted, loving, satisfied, and able to be in the fullness of the whole relationship.
-- Margot Anand

I keep trying to write a piece on Goddess worship and it just doesn’t come out… What follows is a very brief and very inadequate attempt to elaborate on tantra.

Sex lies at the root of life, and it is crucial that we learn reverence for it. By reverence I don’t mean to say that sex should only be practiced under certain conditions and only with certain individuals. By reverence I mean that we must come to the realization that sex is an energy – a divine and transformative energy – and that we must learn to revere and cultivate that energy.

Orgasm brings us closer to the divine than any other experience. This is why organized religions have always tried to control sex: because ecstatic people are a free people. In the moment of orgasm, a bonding between the right and left hemispheres of the brain occurs. When the creative, intuitive right side of the brain fuses with the center of logic and thinking on the left side, an akashic field (“zero-point”) of total connection can be accessed. The ego walls come tumbling down, time and space cease to exist, and you become one with energy and consciousness.

This form of sexual practice transcends mere ego needs so often heard in popular culture: songs wailing about “Baby, I need you,” and “I can’t live without you.” Sabotaged by ego needs (the “Mini Me”), sex becomes a quick exercise in tension and release. It obstructs the free flow of energy.

Sexuality is a very natural instinct, a powerfully creative force. From the tantric perspective, each of us can put that force to work in the service of healing, transformation, and the realization of our potentials. Yet, in many ways, we are conditioned to think about sex that confuses us. We straddle the two extremes of viewing sex as something natural that should not be interfered with, or the perception of sex as something hidden, dirty, and taboo. Of course, that last part is what sometimes makes it so interesting and brings violence and exploitation into sex. In this country, we find it so difficult even to talk about sex without defining it in deviant terms, we have to fight through all the cultural taboos to have a good time, it seems.

I write this Friday Sex blog mostly because I feel the damage caused by the condemnation of sex can’t begin to be measured. Instead of celebrating sex as a creative force, we turn it into a shameful, guilt-ridden affair. Religions want to make people believe that a priest is necessary in order to have a relationship with the divine. They discourage any direct attempt to have an experience of “God” on their own. Religious institutions, for the most part, do not want us to wake up to our natural ecstasy. The moment they wake up, a person becomes a free thinker and for those in power, a free thinker is a dangerous individual.

Tantra developed as a rebellion against the repressive moralistic codes of organized religions in India around 5000 b.c.e. It developed particularly as a response to the widespread notion that sexuality had to be denied in order to attain spiritual enlightenment. Tantra means “weaving,” in the sense of bringing together the many and often contradictory aspects of the self into one harmonious whole. Tantra also means “expansion,” in the sense that once our own energies are understood and unified, we grow and expand into joy. Truly, Tantra is the “yoga of love.”

Characterized by what the Tibetan Tantric tradition calls crazy wisdom, Tantric masters scandalized mainstream society and were often condemned and persecuted. Crazy Wisdom is a tradition in which the teacher uses paradoxical stories, seemingly absurd questions, and unexpected behavior in order to tease, jolt, and provoke people to drop mainstream conditioning and conventional attitudes so that they may embrace the whole spectrum of life, with no conflict between the sacred and the profane, the spiritual and the sexual.

There’s no way I could do justice to the Tantric vision in a one-page Word document, but I will say that the Tantric vision accepts everything. There’s nothing forbidden in Tantra. Everything that a person experiences, regardless of whether it is judged as good or bad, is an opportunity for learning. For example, a situation in which you experience sexual frustration is not viewed negatively in tantra, it is viewed as an opportunity for learning.

The best way I’ve heard tantra described is through the use of the metaphor of weeds. While weeds, if left unattended can bring a garden to ruin, one can also use weeds to fertilize the soil and make it richer. In this way, Tantra utilizes energies usually judged as negative as a path toward growth.

I guess I will have to write a part two on this tantra thingee. LOL

According to Tantra, sex is first a matter of energy, and Tantra views energy as the movement of life. For example, the nucleus and electrons of an atom have a certain rhythmic movement. The same goes for molecules, cells, and organs of the human body. Each organ -- the heart, diaphragm, intestines, lungs, brains -- pulsates to the rhythm of life. The vibrations from these rhythmic movements generate bioelectric currents that stream continuously through the whole body. They also generate energy fields that surround the body, and our moods and emotions generate specific vibrations that alter these energy fields as well.

One last thing, Surrender is an essential aspect of Tantra. There is, however, much confusion about what surrender means. People are suspicious of this term, which is often equated with loss of free will and personal power. In fact, they are confusing surrender with submission, which is (to me) a passive attitude that implies giving up responsibility for one’s behavior. True surrender, at least within the Tantric tradition, is a conscious choice made from free will. It means opening your heart and trusting the person you are with.

Tantra is about wholeness, of embracing everything, because every situation is an opportunity to become more aware about who you are and about how you can expand your capacities. Because Tantra embraces wholeness, it embraces opposites, seeing them not as contradictions but as complements. The concepts of male and female therefore are placed apart, forever divided by a gender gap, but are viewed as part of a continuum that meet and merge in every human being. Tantra recognizes that in each individual there exists both a masculine and feminine quality.

Practice: Cultivating Sexual Energy

Man: Sit comfortably on a pillow with your legs crossed.

Woman: Sit on top, straddling your partner with your legs.

Man: Hold your arms around your partner to support her back.

Looking into each other’s eyes, breathe through the nose down into the belly. It is best if your bellies are touching. With the breath, find the same rhythm. If you desire, you can start to rock your hips in movement with each other. Feel into each other as if wearing the other person’s body.

Man: As you enter your woman, feel your strength entering her as a gift. Fill her with your conscious presence. As soon as you start to feel a buildup of energy in your genitals, stop moving, breathe deeply, and have the intention to spread the concentrated energy throughout the rest of the body. If need be, tell your partner out loud when you need time to recirculate the energy.

Woman: Feel the gift of your man’s energy entering you, receive it in your womb, and draw it up into your heart. Give it back to him as love and nurturing through your breasts. Keep focusing on this as an act of worship and giving. You will inevitably get caught in feelings of physical pleasure. There is no need to try to stop them, but do not get stuck there. You will also get caught in strong personal emotions. Allow them, but go deeper. Allow the gifting to pass throughout, not from you. If you continue circulating the energy and allowing it to give through you, after some time your partner will become an invitation into something vast, something much bigger than the personal.

Man: As you keep giving to her with your body, you will start to feel that you are giving through her, to all women, to all of life.

Woman: As you pour love into your partner through your breasts and your heart, and keep opening your womb to receive more freely in undefended surrender, draw this up into your infinitely open heart, and you will feel through him to all men, to the Divine Source.

Unlike sex that is only for physical pleasure and release, the need to reach orgasm may lessen in this kind of sexual meeting rather than grow. Instead of climaxing in an orgasm, keep circulating the energy until you come to a place of absolute fullness and stillness. Remain there without moving, and feel the great union, one you could never feel alone. This is the union of you and your partner, of masculine and feminine, of energy with itself. When you know union in this way, you come to the realization of why there is life.

Love,

Eddie

The Friday Sex Blog [Sex and Spiritual Growth]

¡Hola! Everybody...
This summer has been somewhat of a downer me, as I have been working harder than usual. Vacation is out of the question, and I’ll be working this weekend as well. On the brighter side, my mother is in town, so I look forward to visiting with her at my sister’s house… Special thanks to my friend, the "Naughty She Devil" for today's blog photo.

* * *

-=[ Sex as Spiritual Practice ]=-

In the first stage, people use sex for selfish reasons. In the second stage, people share sexuality as a means of loving one another. In the third stage, people use sexuality to open one another to the very recognition of oneness.
-- David Deida

Some of the most sexually repressed individuals I have ever met have been Christianized people of color…More on that some other time.

For some time now, I’ve been posting on Tantric and Taoist sexual/ spiritual practice. Using sex as a path for spiritual awakening is not for everyone. Many Westerners, socially conditioned by the sum of thousands of years of anti-sex propaganda, are at a loss when confronted with the notion that sex could be about anything other than physical pleasure, or that it should even have a place in a “spiritual” discussion. In order to elevate sex beyond the ego, beyond the conditioned habits, takes a conscious and sustained effort. At a basic level, we are hard-wired for pleasure. As humans, we are pleasure addicts, conditioned to contract it down into a small and egocentric agenda. In order to shift this circuitry takes time and commitment.

While there are many paths leading to awakening, sex is one of the most effective because it works through the body, as the bridge between spirit and matter, between our inner and outer life. If you learn how to use sex (instead of the other way around), you will have access to one of the most direct routes to spiritual realization and embodiment.

Margot Anand was one of the first Westerners to explore this sexual territory:

You begin to open up a channel to allow the orgasmic energy to move through your body, beyond the orgasmic explosion of release to an implosive orgasm of expansion of consciousness. You move from the genital orgasm to the belly, to the heart… You don’t fall in love anymore, you arise in love… When you have an orgasm of the heart, an orgasm of surrender, where you become the other and the other becomes you, it’s a tremendous heart-opening. When you have an orgasm of the third eye, you are in total spaciousness and total peace with each other. This is a wonderful art… you have to devote a lot of time to this.

Practices

While the following practices are very simple and easy to learn, they are also extremely powerful and need to be practiced precisely. I offer the following only as a very brief overview. If you feel attracted to redirecting sexual energy in this way, you will definitely need instructions that are more specific. In my personal opinion, I would go further and say that eventually you will need a teacher.

For a Man

The first step for a man is to open his body to allow energy to flow more easily. You can do this through yoga, with qi gong, or just by stretching and opening the whole body.

The next step is to begin to arouse and recirculate sexual energy. It is best to start this alone, before you practice with a partner. Begin with self stimulation until you begin to feel the first waves of sexual energy, and then use breath and intention to draw that energy up through the spine and through the rest of the body. Once you become accustomed to practicing in this way, you can send the sexual energy up the spine, over the top of the head and down the front of the body again.

Your penis will go through waves of being very charged with energy, as though you were close to ejaculating. As you move the energy with the breath, there will be less energetic focus on your penis. Each time you move the sexual energy, your penis becomes less charged with sexual energy, and the rest of the body becomes more energized.

Keep practicing until you can stay aroused without ejaculating for at least twenty minutes. Then you are ready to practice with your partner.

For a Woman

For the woman, the core of the practice is to open the heart, to use the heart energy to open the sexual energy, and then share that energetic alchemy with your partner.

Although the genitals will become fully aroused, the practice doesn’t involve direct stimulation, but rather the circulation of the energy from the heart downward.

First, massage your breasts in order to stimulate and open the heart center. When you begin to feel a warming and concentration of energy in the heart, use the breath to practice drawing energy up from the ovaries to the heart. As this continues, feel the energy in the lower part of the body being drawn up into the heart and flowing out of the heart, particularly from the breast, as a blessing and a prayer.

As you continue drawing energy up into your chest and out through the breasts, feel for your friends, your family. Expand your attention, feeling the whole world, the births, the joys, the wars, the pain -- all of it. Like a prayer, a meditation, you are giving yourself. It is as though you were saying with your body, with your breath, with your relaxation, “I am here, I am giving myself to you, to all of you.” Once the heart is awakened with the flame of loving compassion, let it flow downward and awaken the vagina, draw it all up into your heart, and keep pouring it out as if it were a river of blessing. Feel as big as the universe and beyond, just give everything away through your body.

There are practices for partners to do together, but I won’t post that here.

The whole practice is about balance. The reason why these practices were always guarded in secrecy was because of their potential to create power.

A good place for men to start is Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams Arava The Multiorgasmic Man. In addition, Chia’s Healing Love through the Tao (written with his wife) is good basic text for women. Chia also offers trainings throughout the world as well as tapes and DVDs. I personally stand by his teachings, having read his books, taken some of his courses, and having applied his teachings in my life. Margot Anand has written several good books that offer guidance in how to enter into sex with a deeper sacredness (click here to visit her website).

Finally, I will personally vouch for all of David Deida’s works. His Finding God through Sex was a revelation for me and has been a huge influence on my spiritual path. Before Deida, my spirituality was missing a coherent approach to sex. I have to say that he was a major influence in my way of thinking and spiritual path. I have attended several of his workshops and recommend him highly.

Love,

Eddie

PS: Sex is good for you!

The Friday Sex Blog [The Big Bang]

¡Hola! Everybody...
Some may find the first part of this post offensive. No apologies offered. I want to thank a dear friend and former lover for allowing me to use her photo and part of our story for today's blog. She read it in advance and actually enjoyed it (helped me edit some of it) -- thought it was important to share. She doesn't live in the US, but we had an intense, loving affair one summer a few years back...

* * *

-=[ The Big Show ]=-
... I feel like a storm, like the ocean, the waves... I want to fuck everything into my womb. A woman suffers not giving her love. To be fully satisfied, she must absolutely live in the depth of her love.
-- Jennifer Garcia

She’s beyond beautiful, she’s feminine sexuality itself, but throughout all our sexing, there’s always this holding back. Sure, she does everything to please me: she happily goes doggy-style and lets me penetrate her deeply and she revels in my deep thrusts, looking back over her shoulder and urging me on, thrusting back herself. She takes me into her mouth to the point of gagging and even swallowed my sperm -- all for my pleasure. But somewhere inside, this is all something dirty and she’s afraid to be a slut for me because some part of her is ashamed.

I want her to show me, to tell me what she wants. I want to know her -- the real her. I want her to grind her cunt against my face and take her pleasure. It’s a gradual process. Little by little we talk, communicating openly, talking about what we like and what we want and who we are and she begins to open. At first, it’s just a little bit -- like when she looks into my eyes while we’re fucking. Or when she squeezes the opening to my cock and smells it, or licks at my pre cum greedily -- all things she was ashamed of doing before.

She opens slowly and I wait patiently for the day when the floodgates open. She tells me she’s never met a man who was so curious and interested in her sex and at first it frightened her, but she enjoys the openness, the permission to be what we want.

One day, while I’m fucking her from behind, she pleads for me to stop. She throws me on my back and tells me, “It’s my turn,” and proceeds to ride my cock in the way that brings her most pleasure -- on top of me, facing me and all I ask is that she stays in the moment with me, looking into my eyes. I lay back, a passive tool to her aggressive grasp for pleasure, and she takes the reins of our sexing and rides me for all she’s worth, not caring, throwing caution to the wind. I feel her moistness. She scrapes her fingers against my chest. Eventually, she takes me on waves of bliss until she comes in violent bursts, her petite taut body trembling, pulsing, and I can feel the walls of her vagina vibrate, exquisitely wrapping my cock in a tender and tight moist cocoon...

All sex, in fact all life, is about the meeting of masculine and feminine energy -- the yin/ yang of life. I envision masculine energy as consciousness and feminine essence as light. This does not mean that men always embody the masculine, or that women only embody feminine energy. What it means is that sexual union is always about a conscious (masculine) presence penetrating a yielding, loving surrender. With some couples, one partner holds more masculine energy, and the other feminine. Some more sexually conscious couples will alternate who is the leading, masculine polarity and who is the yielding feminine polarity. This has very little to do with physical positions and more to do with attitude -- disposition.

As soon as a woman becomes more assertive, initiating, and penetrating with her presence, and as soon as a man relaxes, waits, becomes soft and vulnerable the sexual polarities have been reversed. This can be a great thing to practice intentionally, to experience more deeply the opposite sexual essence. For a couple that has learned to polarize and merge, sex changes from merely a personal act for intensifying pleasure into something quite different. Orgasm is a glorified sneeze when compared to the potential that arises once we step out of the box of rubbing genitals to release pressure or to connect.

When partners are willing to manipulate and cultivate sexual energy, they both arrive to a sexual meeting of fullness. In this scenario, the man has not only realized himself as empty consciousness, but he has also brought that realization down into his body. The woman has not only experienced love and connection, but she has also practiced opening so much that she radiates love itself, from her whole body. She actually becomes the body of the divine feminine: the supreme strength of absolute surrender.

This is not a matter of imitating or acting out in a certain way, rather it is relaxing into your natural essence -- to your genuine essence. This takes no effort at all, only conscious practice. In this form of sexing, the couple isn’t meeting in order to get something from each other. They are not meeting to get off on waves of physical pleasure. They are not even meeting to love each other in the sense that we normally think of love. Sex in this context is being offered at the altar of spirituality itself.

This is why I pray... LOL

This form of sexual union is the “human replication of the union of consciousness and light.” This union can occur within an individual and in our hypermasculine world, this was as good as it got. People became unified within themselves and presented themselves to the world. But the sexing I’m speaking to here is quite different. When we consciously choose to embody the union of consciousness and light, both partners are releasing a gift that is universal, rather than personal. When a man and a woman sex in this way, the two offerings become a full circle, and there is a unification of consciousness and light, of yin and yang, something much greater than could ever occur within an individual. The masculine gives the feminine a deep trustworthy consciousness presence, through one’s body, and the feminine essence gives the masculine deep love and light. In that way, ego boundaries finally break and they pour into one another.

Man, freed by the realizations that, no matter what, he can still fully give of himself is no longer afraid to open into life and finds the union of consciousness and form. Woman, finally freed of her longing to be fully penetrated by God, allows a fuller love to move through her. She realizes, in the unconditional giving, that her world is already fully penetrated by divine consciousness all the time, and always has been. In a way, she becomes the Divine Goddess, the feminine principle itself, open in radiant love. By consciously surrendering to the masculine principle, she is transported beyond her longing to be loved into being love itself.

Love,

Eddie

PS: Sex is good for you.

The Friday Sex Blog [Dick Kung Fu, pt. II]

¡Hola! Everybody...
Lebron wouldn't have been able to hack it in The Big City anyway... And they better win it all in Miami, no excuses this time, Lebron.

* * *

-=[ Dick Kung Fu ]=-

Popular mainstream depictions of intercourse are almost always of the mattress spring-squeaking, in-and-out variety that leads to fast ejaculation and little satisfaction for either partner. One has to realize that proper thrusting is essential for a truly pleasurable lovemaking experience. Ejaculatory control, and overall sexual healing, and health are enhanced when the art of thrusting is properly mastered.

First, one should wait until the woman is highly aroused before intercourse. In the colorful language of the Taoists, a couple needs to wait until the woman’s pot is boiling before the man puts his carrot and peas in. Otherwise, they will have soggy sex and his carrot will quickly go limp. LOL

When most people think of intercourse, they think in terms of being “in” or “out.” for Taoists and Tantric practitioners, who mapped out the pleasure and reflexology points of the penis and the vagina, there are many different depths and directions for the man to thrust and pleasure himself and his partner. These crucial reflexology points correspond with the organs and glands of the body, which are energized and healed by rubbing on these points.

You should experiment with various depths and directions. In the interest of making today’s post simpler, think in terms of three basic thrusts: shallow thrusts, long deep thrusts, and short deep thrusts.

Taoists recommended that men (or women, when they are on top) vary the type of thrusts they use. When used synergistically, the deep thrusts push the air out of the woman’s vagina and create a vacuum that can be intensified by using shallow thrusts. As long as the penis does not come out completely, this very pleasurable vacuum effect is maintained.

The recommended thrust combination was nine shallow thrusts and one long deep thrust as a basic rhythm or nine short deep thrusts and one long deep thrust. The long deep thrusts are highly pleasurable, but also make it hard for a man to control his ejaculation. The short deep thrusts are deeply satisfying to the woman while not being overly stimulating to the man. As a man learns to control his ejaculation, he becomes multi-orgasmic and the thrusting ratio can be lessened to six or even three shallow or short deep and then one long deep. The most important thing is to find a regular rhythm that you enjoy and the experiment with depth, direction, and speed. Think of the fun you'll have with your partner exploring thrusts in an open and conscious manner.

The Thrusts

· Shallow Thrusts: These serve to stimulate the highly sensitive first two inches of the woman’s vagina, and depending on her position, her G-spot.

· Long Deep Thrusts: These are deep thrusts in which the man pulls back almost to the entrance of the woman’s vagina between thrusts. These are the thrusts usually depicted in the media and pornography. They can be highly stimulating for both partners, as the man pushes and pulls the head of his cock along the whole length of his partner’s vagina.

· Short Deep Thrusts: These are thrusts in which the man stays deep in the woman and stokes back and forth. This stimulates her clitoris (with pressure from his pubic bone) and the back of her vagina while not stimulating the head of the penis as much.

If the man is experiencing difficulty maintaining an erection, of course the long deep thrusts are good for resolving this problem. And the fact remains that at some time or another every man experiences difficulty having an erection when he wants one. This is what sexual therapists call “situational impotence.” In these situations, it is essential for men to be knowledgeable with the Soft Entry technique (which I won’t get into at this point). In ordinary (often-mediocre) sex, men enter hard and exit soft. In Tantric and Taoist practices, a man can enter hard or soft and exit hard.

I have found the short deep thrusts extremely useful in ejaculatory control and very effective when a woman is reaching orgasm and wants my cock deep inside of her. Using this thrust, I can pleasure my lover without risking losing my ejaculatory control.

Depth, Direction, Speed

It’s important to vary the direction and speed of the thrust in addition to varying depth. While the following is addressed to the man, it can also be adapted by the woman when she is on top. Please remember that the most important part of lovemaking is to be in your body, not inside you head. Don’t get lost with over concern about thrust and lose the pleasure of the thrust itself.

It’s interesting that in English we sometimes describe intercourse as screwing, but in actuality many couples don’t actually “screw” each other. In other words, they don’t rotate their bodies in circles. While most people consider the term vulgar, when it is actually done it can be sublime in its pleasure. Instead of simply thrusting forward and pulling back, you can instead “screw” your hips or, even better, your sacrum in half circles, first on side and then on the other.

Experienced lovers the world over have discovered the importance of using one’s pelvis during lovemaking. The hips are good, but according to the Taoists, it is the sacrum that really controls the penis for the man. To find your sacrum, place the palm of your hand at the base of your spine with the tip of your longest finger in the valley of your buttocks. Underneath your palm is your sacrum (now: please wash your hands. LOL!). This form of screwing has the potential to keep you connected in pleasure for an extended period of time. To use the language of the Tao, a nail (going in straight) comes out easily, but a screw (circling) stays for a long time.

Okay, that’s enough for today. I’m giving away too many secrets!

Love,

Eddie

PS: sex is good for you!

The Friday Sex Blog [Dick Kung Fu, pt. I]

¡Hola! Everybody...
I have a hypothesis. It’s a hypothesis that has yet to be disproved in all these years. Simply put, the hypothesis holds that a woman’s nipples point in the same direction that her nose points.

To further illustrate: if a woman has an upturned nose, her nipples point up. Now please note I’m not referring to sagging or drooping breasts. Nipples normally maintain their orientation even after the effects of gravity has taken their toll, and pert breasts have nipples that orient down. I know this because I have seen examples of this. *grin*

So, using my theory, we can go down my friends’ list and speculate about nipple orientation. ______, for example, most likely has nipples that point slightly upwards, or straight out (as if they were accusing me of some crime or lustful desire).

That’s my hypothesis, and I have yet to meet a woman who has disproved it. Go ahead, look (I know you’re dying to. LMAO!) Now, there are several implications stemming from this hypothesis the most problematic being that a perve like me knows which way your nipples point. That’s fucked up!

BTW, if you disagree with my hypothesis, please feel free to submit relevant documentation (i.e., photos) to yours truly for inspection.

* * *

-=[ Cultivating Male Sexual Energy, pt. I ]=-

You know? Sometimes guys get together and spend their time talking about strengthening their biceps and quads and other muscles to look sexy (“curls for the girls”). I find such conversations beyond boring and usually this is the point in time that I take out my cock, soak up a glass of oil, and then light it up when I expel it through my urethra. LOL!

I’m kidding, of course (I soak up water), but there is one unseen muscle far more important when it comes to matters sexual. This “sex muscle” is actually called the pubococcygeus, or PC, muscle. This group of muscles running from your pubic bone (“pubo”) in the front of your body to the tailbone, or coccyx (“coccygeus”), in the back are essential for optimal sexual health.

In fact, two or three inches of your penis are rooted in this PC muscle, and strengthening it leads to harder erections, more intense, multiple, and more enjoyable orgasms, and better control of your ejaculations. This last benefit is why the PC muscle is essential to becoming a multi-orgasmic man. Yes, fellas, you too can be multi-orgasmic, why let only the ladies have all the fun, huh? Simply put, you can use the PC muscle to put the brakes when you feel you’re gonna shoot that load. And please, stop the bullshit! We all know, as the comedian Kat Williams says, that the “first nut has a mind of its own.” Now, I don’t care how young you are, or how good you think you are, there’s nothing as good as that first nut. In addition, most of us indulge in the second nut mostly because we don’t want some outraged woman blasting our sexual shortcomings (pun intended) on the internet. LOL! Yeah, I’ve seen those “Quick-Draw McGraw” blasts son... Shame on you!

Now, you all know I don’t normally do New Years resolutions, but if I did do them, mine would be to develop my PC muscle to superhuman strength. So far, I’ve gotten pretty good at it. Not to the point where I can suck up a glass of oil and spit it out with my cock, but I’m getting there. ::grin::

Not too long ago, I wrote about the PC muscle and women. Most of my female readers think they know all the exercises for the “love muscle,” but believe me ya’ll don’t. I’ll be sharing some of that in the coming weeks. Today, I’m going to share basic PC Muscle 101 for men -- or Dick Kung Fu. I’m not going to give away all my secrets, muthafuckas. I might share more in the coming months.

The simplest exercise for strengthening your PC muscle is called “Stopping the Stream” and it involves stopping the flow of urine ht next time you use the bathroom. If you can’t stop the flow, your PC muscle is weak. That’s OK, cuz Uncle Eddie is gonna help with your “quickness” problem. The PC muscle is what causes the rhythmic contractions in your pelvis and anus during orgasm. The Taoists discovered that these contractions involved a man’s prostate gland. By learning to contract your PC muscle around your prostate, you can learn to stop yourself from ejaculating which in turn will deepen your orgasmic contractions. As I wrote previously, ejaculation is separate from orgasm. Many men (and women) aren’t aware of this physiological fact. When you contract the prostate, you might begin to feel a shaking or chill through your body. In the following exercise, you will learn to stop the stream of urine and strengthen your PC muscle.

Exercise 1: Stopping the Stream

Inhale: as you get ready to urinate, inhale deeply.

Exhale: Exhale slowly and forcefully push out the urine. [Note: clenching the teeth will intensify the practice.]

Inhale and Contract Your PC: Inhale and contract your PC muscle to stop the flow of urine midstream.

Exhale and Push Out Again: Exhale and start urinating again.

Repeat Until Finished: Repeat steps 3 and 4 (urinating as you exhale and stopping the stream as you inhale) three to six times or until you have finished urinating.

This practice may sting a little at first, but it should quickly disappear within a couple of weeks. However, if it continues, it may indicate you have an infection, in which case you should go to a doctor and have that cleared up before continuing. In addition, to begin, push out your urine as if you are in a hurry and trying to finish quickly. Standing on your toes and clenching your teeth will help intensify the practice, but the most important part of the exercise is simply to start and stop urinating as many times as possible.

Finally, sexual strength is only half the practice. Sexing is like an art, like learning to play the piano or any other instrument. Sensitivity -- to your partner’s arousal and to your own -- is equally if not more important. Unlike the old bullshit techniques of desensitization (lessening feeling) in order to delay ejaculation, becoming multi-orgasmic requires that you increase your sexual sensitivity and bring more mindfulness to your sexual arousal.

Love,

Eddie

Resources

Michael Winn: The Taoist Art of Cultivating Male Sexual Energy

Mantak Chia: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy

The TGIF Sex Blog [Sexual Healing]

¡Hola! Everybody...
Yesterday, I went for an acupressure treatment with someone new. She’s young -- too young, I felt. Man! She did a number on me. At one point it felt as if she had grabbed my sciatica and was playing it like Jimi Hendrix -- plucking at it, kneading it, massaging it. GAWD! She asked if I wanted some acupuncture, but I don’t trust just anybody with the needles, so I declined. Still, she improved it tremendously. It still hurts badly, but I am able to walk. She told me my body is too tight -- too run down. More on that some other time… My Friday blog is all about sex!

* * *

-=[ Sexual Healing ]=-

I was with a woman once who was extremely unhappy. I didn’t fully realize this until we were together in a hotel room. I had sensed that she was unhappy, but didn’t realize the extent of her unhappiness until we spent some real time together. And it wasn’t that she acted sad or anything like that. It was an energy, a deep sadness that ran through the core of her.

Long story short, we were in the throes of passionate lovemaking when I noticed that the closer she neared orgasm, the further inside she retreated. She was there, feeling me, but she was also in her own world, a place where I didn’t exist. I slowed down my actions and spoke to her softly, wanting to bring her back to me. Lying still, I looked deeply into her eyes and forced her to make that conscious contact with me. With just a little coaching, we began to breathe together, slowing down our movements as we reconnected. I wanted her to go to that place but with me, not alone, but with me.

And that scared her…

Very gradually, we were able to reconnect and by synchronizing our breathing, becoming mindful of our bodies, we were able to move together, slower at first, but building up our movements. And eventually we went there together again and again -- building up the intensity until we both experienced a Big Wave orgasm that blew both of us out. But we did it together -- grabbing on to one another while being obliterated. It felt as if we were being transformed at a molecular level.

When we “came to” we both had tears in our eyes and she cried for a long time while I held her.

Most conversations around sex are almost always centered on pleasure and/ or protection. Public discussions about sex are generally debates over pleasure and perversion: with whom you can and can’t have sex, what you can and cannot do, when you can and cannot do it. Unfortunately, this narrow focus misses the larger purpose of sexual energy. In Eastern practices, sex is as much about physical and spiritual health, as it is about pleasure or procreation. The Taoists, for example, have long known that sexuality is as important to our overall health as it is about pleasure. The Chinese medical tradition has long known that sexuality is as important to our well-being as nutrition and exercise. Orgasm is not simply a momentary release of tension but, if cultivated carefully, a life-giving aspect of our overall health and longevity.

According to the Taoists, it is important for us to feel the arousal of our sexual energy and orgasm as often as possible -- ideally everyday. (As a side note, the Taoists cautioned against ejaculation. they discovered that male ejaculation and orgasm are two different sexual functions.)

During arousal and orgasm, our body releases sexual hormones that the Taoists literally considered the Fountain of Youth. Modern medical research is beginning to show the Taoists were on to something important, showing the enormous health benefits that sex and orgasm can offer.

In one study, breast cancer survivors who experienced orgasms through lovemaking or self-pleasuring recovered more quickly than those who did not. The most startling research suggests that sex and especially orgasms can prolong life. The British Medical Journal reported that the more orgasms men in their study had the less likely they were to die. Of the 918 men between the ages of 45 and 59, those who had frequent orgasms, defined as twice a week or more, had a 50 percent lower mortality rate than those men who had infrequent orgasms, defined as less than one per month. This lower mortality rate was for death from all causes as well as death from coronary heart disease, the most common killer in the United States. In addition, there was what researchers call a “dose-response relation” -- the more often a man had sex, the less likely his chances of dying.

Chemically, we know that the hormone oxytocin and PEA, which has been called the molecule of love, both peak during orgasm. Regular sex also increases the amount of testosterone, which improves thinking and serves as antidepressant, in both men and women.

For thousands of years, Westerners have been searching for the Fountain of Youth, a search that has taken them around the world. The irony may be that the Fountain of Youth may very well be in your bedroom.

In addition, the Taoists believed that the value of sexual healing went beyond the mere physical or biochemical. In traditional Chinese medicine, health benefits occur as energy is channeled throughout the body. Western science has already documented that at the moment of orgasm, human brain wave patterns change drastically, literally putting the person into an altered state of consciousness. Deep physiological and electrical changes occur throughout the system during orgasm. The Taoists believe that partners could learn how circulate this healing energy within their own bodies and to channel it to each other.

Taoists describe a practice in which you circulate multiorgasmic energy from your genitals to your head and then down to your abdomen, which has many health benefits. This multiorgasmic energy, which can last up to 14 hours after lovemaking, nourishes your body and actually changes your brain.

Perhaps at a later time, I will describe briefly the art of Vaginal Reflexology -- vaginal massage. The vaginal canal is composed of ringed muscles with each ring corresponding to a specific part of the body. The same is true of course, with the penis. But for now, I will point out some basics for sexual healing.

Love is Healing: As far as I’m concerned, Love is god. Love is the most powerful force we know. It is my Higher Power. The emotions we bring to sex make a determine the extent its healing. If our hearts are filled with love and compassion, it is much easier to transmit healing energy to our partners. There are too many people out there full of negative emotions, especially in the realm of sex. That’s why there’s so much harm done in the name of sex. What my partner above and I experienced didn’t happen only because of technique, but because there was genuine, love and care involved. And no, we weren’t in a committed relationship and had sex only twice.

Limit Ejaculations: The Taoists noticed the depletion of energy that immediately followed male ejaculation and therefore recommended that men limit the number of ejaculations. The secret to being a multiorgasmic man lies in the ability to separate ejaculation from orgasm. The two are not the same.

Multiply Orgasms: As couples are able to multiply orgasms, they not only multiply their pleasure; they also multiply their healing energy.

Circulate Energy: the more energy an individual is able to circulate, or a couple is able to exchange (to be explained in future posts), the more healing the lovemaking will be. You first learn to circulate the energy in your own body, and eventually you will be able to exchange it with one another.

Healing Practices: use healing practices such as genital massage and health-enhancing sex positions to intensify the healing of your lovemaking.

Take Your Time: For lovemaking to be most healing, couples should engage in foreplay for at least a half hour with hugging, kissing, touching, and foreplay and then have multi-orgasmic intercourse for at least another half hour.

Love,

Eddie

PS: Sex really is good for you…

The TGIF Sex Blog [Love Letter]

¡Hola! Everybody...
My phone isn’t working correctly. No innanets! ::sigh::

Allow me a moment of self-indulgence. I love letters. Do you?

-=[ A Letter to my Lover ]=-

Dearest Lover,

How would you live if you lived your life as an expression of your fearless deepest heart?

Inspired by your liberated love, you might become a mother, a teacher, or a writer. Perhaps you would invent a new healing modality or create music. You might become an earth mother on a farm, or an attorney. Love moves each person in a different way.

Forget the horoscope, if you want to know your true destiny, it is to be found in the way love moves you. When you don’t add fear to love’s power, your life unfolds unrestricted like a flower. Each day is a flowering of your gifts. At work, with your family and friends, alone -- each moment springs open from the core of your heart.

If you want to know how to allow your true destiny to unfold, be in this moment right now. Stop. Listen. Allow your breath to be full, strong, and tender, as if you were pressing love from deep inside of you into the softness of your lover. Relax your muscles, open your senses, and feel into the world around you, as if feeling into the soft, bright luminosity of a dream, breathing this light in and out. From deep in your heart and soft belly, offer love outward in the direction of the winds as far as you can open to feel. This is your true destiny and it unfolds freely when you live every moment open and shining as an offering of love.

However, if you add fear -- and many of us do -- then your life takes the shape of your dread. Anxiety about finances stunts the creativity of your career. Fear of abandonment strangles honesty with your lover. Your gut tenses because you don’t want really want to be where you are.

Fear, dearest, is the opposite of love.

Few men and women live their true destiny. Most follow that arc bent by fear. Your true destiny is lived only by giving everything and loving openly without waiting.

If you’re waiting to open fully, then your heart is aching as your life shrivels in the shape of your chosen sorrows. Your bedtime snuggles and rituals can lessen your pangs of unlived love for a while, but your heart’s pain slowly grows to the unbearable.

Sometimes a crisis cracks open your heart. Your business goes under, or a loved one becomes terminally ill. Stripped of what you most cherish, you are left open and unprotected. And sometimes a flower grows from that crack...

Inevitably, you come to face the one truth: Everything you acquire is eventually lost. Everybody you hold eventually dies. If you have been waiting to love without holding back, while your life -- everyone’s life -- passes, then you have bartered your true destiny for the false comfort of safety and quiet sorrow.

Your true destiny is lived by opening as love and offering your deepest gifts, this very moment, in this very life. How you do this -- as a mother of three, a teacher, or an artist -- is for you to discover as each moment unfolds as love.

If you have chosen a life shaped by the illusion of security, you can feel your true destiny in your heart, waiting to be lived, wanting to open as the offering of your life. As you open and offer your deepest gifts, your life can flower once again. As you slowly break through your heart’s dread, your sexual depth may open to your lover more fully. Your business may acquire a new innovation. Anything can happen once your heart unfolds and your moments open wide as love.

Your true destiny may seem less predictable than the imitation you have spent years constructing and holding in place. The choice is yours in every moment. You can choose to hold the shape of your fear as a consolation lifestyle. It only costs your life.

Love,

Eddie

The TGIF Sex Blog [The Way to a Man's Heart]

¡Hola! Everybody...
So it seems that someone did a study and revealed that most New Yorkers can hear their neighbors do the nasty. DUH! It’s part and parcel of living in New York. I mean, everybody knows I like to talk dirty, and whether you’re in denial or not, you heard your parents fucking if you grew up in a NYC apartment building. Stop. You’re full of shit, be truthful with yourself. I know, I know, you thought they were fighting, but no, it’s just that your mother was a loud fucker and everybody else in the building knew it! LOL

Since I posted something about women’s hearts last week, here’s my take on the way to a man’s heart (hint: it sure ain’t through the stomach you silly goose!).

* * *

-=[ The Way to a Man’s Heart ]=-

This one’s a freebie for you, ladies. Read carefully because I will not repeat myself... *grin*

Contrary to the cliché, the way to a man’s heart is through a place a little lower than his stomach. The way to a man’s heart is through his penis, his bodily root. The flower of my heart opens widest when my root is planted firmly, deeply in your body. I challenge any man to say otherwise.

I’m not talking about any immature lover here: the mediocre lover whose penis is merely an extension of his pleasure (no matter how long); a sensitive tongue or finger that responds to your juicy wet friction. I am referring here to the man who has made the commitment to the growth of his sexual capacity. That kind of man’s penis can help ground his consciousness in his body and yours.

Most men tend to live in their heads, separate from their bodies. Men, more often than not, think, plan, and run things through their heads all day. Then, for a few moments with you, his life force goes to his genitals (the “little head”), and then -- BAM! -- it spews. You might enjoy this little bit of time with your man. For a few moments he’s not glued to the TV or immersed in his work. Your sexing draws him out of his head and into his body, however briefly, where he feels more present with you than he is when he is inside his head.

When a man begins to mature sexually (and I am not talking in chronological terms here), he cannot help but stay stuck in his head. He tries, through mental efforts, to become technically proficient, and you feel this and ultimately experience this mechanically oriented attempt at sexual intimacy as unsatisfactory.

Want to know the to the antidote to this mediocre sex? The antidote to this is your dance on his penis! Nothing brings a man into his body faster than a firm yank on his root (and I’m not talking about just your hands here). Yes, there moments when motionless sex is called for: loving, sensitive touching, etc. But there are times for a healthy grasp with your vagina, mouth, ass, or hand. Most women touch a man’s penis too lightly, too hesitantly. Grab him firmly and really fuckin’ pump him. And, when he’s just about to ejaculate, slow down, or stop so he doesn’t. Let him relax for a few moments before continuing.

Why? Well, here’s the gist, the key to a man’s heart: you have to help him create an energetic connection between his head and his cock so that his heart is aroused! Remember, that for men it takes practice to open our hearts while having sex. Women want to be fulfilled in the sex, while men seek to be emptied. Your stimulation should be intense enough to keep him in his body rather than in his head, where he’s usually thinking about what’s he’s supposed to be doing in order to be a “great” lover.

To prevent a *ahem* premature ending to the sex, remain present enough to slow or stop stimulation before he ejaculates, and then start that motherfucker up again as he softens. You will only be able to open his heart as wide as yours, ladies. If you are pumping mechanically, he will simply gasp and spend himself. But if your body is flayed open and your heart is fully exposed, then as you draw him away from his head into his body, your love will resonate with his love. And faking it, contrary to what so many women think, will not get it. You get what you pay for ladies. If you are fuckin’ some immature motherfucker who probably doesn’t give a fuck anyway, you might get away with faking it. But a mature man will only be able to give you what you give out.

The art of deep, fulfilling sex lies in your capacity to relax into your body and receive your lover so profoundly that he is drawn beyond himself and into your love. Open yourself so wide that he falls into you -- again and again. He will try to pull back, to regain control, to practice some stupid-assed technique or another. All this time, just work his root, drawing him back into his body, opening your heart and body as wide as you are willing to trust, nurturing his love with the power of yours.

Of course, you want your man to love you during sex. First, he must learn to undo the years of the conditioning of masturbation and habits of sexual fantasies. Want him to stay present with you during sex? Then remember that most men find a woman’s pleasure more attractive than their own.

Why do you think men go to stripper’s clubs? When men watch a stripper dance on stage or an actress have sex in an erotic movie, what they are most turned by is her display of pleasure. I realize that to you the exaggerated moans and self-pleasuring seem ridiculous, but while women are most turned on by presence, men are most turned on by a woman’s glow and energy. We are entranced by how you move, moan, smile, and open to love.

What we find utterly attractive in a stripper show is the display of feminine essence opening to pleasure. Believe me, watching a woman touch herself with the enthusiasm of a dead fish is not interesting. But when a woman is truly enjoying her feminine sexual essence, we are smitten. Our attention becomes absorbed in the radiance of your happiness and pleasure.

The reason why a good actress or dancer can give a man this feminine energy is because true acting is a real art; the emotions expressed are authentic. To offer a man the gift of your authentic openness and pleasure, allow your body to be moved by the deep flow of ecstasy. In this way, your feminine energy and your man’s masculine presence can grow together. Eventually, his need for mere sexual gratification or stress release will morph into a fuller expression of love. He will be drawn into you in a way that opens his heart in vulnerability.

So remember ladies, keep his penis hard and your heart open so that he has the opportunity to yield into your soft convulsions of pleasure like a tongue tasting the meat of a juicy mango. Who you are when you are reveling in sex, relaxed in bliss, radiant with sexual pleasure attracts him more than anything else on Earth.

Love,

Eddie