The Friday Sex Blog [Dick Kung Fu, pt. I]

¡Hola! Everybody...
I have a hypothesis. It’s a hypothesis that has yet to be disproved in all these years. Simply put, the hypothesis holds that a woman’s nipples point in the same direction that her nose points.

To further illustrate: if a woman has an upturned nose, her nipples point up. Now please note I’m not referring to sagging or drooping breasts. Nipples normally maintain their orientation even after the effects of gravity has taken their toll, and pert breasts have nipples that orient down. I know this because I have seen examples of this. *grin*

So, using my theory, we can go down my friends’ list and speculate about nipple orientation. ______, for example, most likely has nipples that point slightly upwards, or straight out (as if they were accusing me of some crime or lustful desire).

That’s my hypothesis, and I have yet to meet a woman who has disproved it. Go ahead, look (I know you’re dying to. LMAO!) Now, there are several implications stemming from this hypothesis the most problematic being that a perve like me knows which way your nipples point. That’s fucked up!

BTW, if you disagree with my hypothesis, please feel free to submit relevant documentation (i.e., photos) to yours truly for inspection.

* * *

-=[ Cultivating Male Sexual Energy, pt. I ]=-

You know? Sometimes guys get together and spend their time talking about strengthening their biceps and quads and other muscles to look sexy (“curls for the girls”). I find such conversations beyond boring and usually this is the point in time that I take out my cock, soak up a glass of oil, and then light it up when I expel it through my urethra. LOL!

I’m kidding, of course (I soak up water), but there is one unseen muscle far more important when it comes to matters sexual. This “sex muscle” is actually called the pubococcygeus, or PC, muscle. This group of muscles running from your pubic bone (“pubo”) in the front of your body to the tailbone, or coccyx (“coccygeus”), in the back are essential for optimal sexual health.

In fact, two or three inches of your penis are rooted in this PC muscle, and strengthening it leads to harder erections, more intense, multiple, and more enjoyable orgasms, and better control of your ejaculations. This last benefit is why the PC muscle is essential to becoming a multi-orgasmic man. Yes, fellas, you too can be multi-orgasmic, why let only the ladies have all the fun, huh? Simply put, you can use the PC muscle to put the brakes when you feel you’re gonna shoot that load. And please, stop the bullshit! We all know, as the comedian Kat Williams says, that the “first nut has a mind of its own.” Now, I don’t care how young you are, or how good you think you are, there’s nothing as good as that first nut. In addition, most of us indulge in the second nut mostly because we don’t want some outraged woman blasting our sexual shortcomings (pun intended) on the internet. LOL! Yeah, I’ve seen those “Quick-Draw McGraw” blasts son... Shame on you!

Now, you all know I don’t normally do New Years resolutions, but if I did do them, mine would be to develop my PC muscle to superhuman strength. So far, I’ve gotten pretty good at it. Not to the point where I can suck up a glass of oil and spit it out with my cock, but I’m getting there. ::grin::

Not too long ago, I wrote about the PC muscle and women. Most of my female readers think they know all the exercises for the “love muscle,” but believe me ya’ll don’t. I’ll be sharing some of that in the coming weeks. Today, I’m going to share basic PC Muscle 101 for men -- or Dick Kung Fu. I’m not going to give away all my secrets, muthafuckas. I might share more in the coming months.

The simplest exercise for strengthening your PC muscle is called “Stopping the Stream” and it involves stopping the flow of urine ht next time you use the bathroom. If you can’t stop the flow, your PC muscle is weak. That’s OK, cuz Uncle Eddie is gonna help with your “quickness” problem. The PC muscle is what causes the rhythmic contractions in your pelvis and anus during orgasm. The Taoists discovered that these contractions involved a man’s prostate gland. By learning to contract your PC muscle around your prostate, you can learn to stop yourself from ejaculating which in turn will deepen your orgasmic contractions. As I wrote previously, ejaculation is separate from orgasm. Many men (and women) aren’t aware of this physiological fact. When you contract the prostate, you might begin to feel a shaking or chill through your body. In the following exercise, you will learn to stop the stream of urine and strengthen your PC muscle.

Exercise 1: Stopping the Stream

Inhale: as you get ready to urinate, inhale deeply.

Exhale: Exhale slowly and forcefully push out the urine. [Note: clenching the teeth will intensify the practice.]

Inhale and Contract Your PC: Inhale and contract your PC muscle to stop the flow of urine midstream.

Exhale and Push Out Again: Exhale and start urinating again.

Repeat Until Finished: Repeat steps 3 and 4 (urinating as you exhale and stopping the stream as you inhale) three to six times or until you have finished urinating.

This practice may sting a little at first, but it should quickly disappear within a couple of weeks. However, if it continues, it may indicate you have an infection, in which case you should go to a doctor and have that cleared up before continuing. In addition, to begin, push out your urine as if you are in a hurry and trying to finish quickly. Standing on your toes and clenching your teeth will help intensify the practice, but the most important part of the exercise is simply to start and stop urinating as many times as possible.

Finally, sexual strength is only half the practice. Sexing is like an art, like learning to play the piano or any other instrument. Sensitivity -- to your partner’s arousal and to your own -- is equally if not more important. Unlike the old bullshit techniques of desensitization (lessening feeling) in order to delay ejaculation, becoming multi-orgasmic requires that you increase your sexual sensitivity and bring more mindfulness to your sexual arousal.

Love,

Eddie

Resources

Michael Winn: The Taoist Art of Cultivating Male Sexual Energy

Mantak Chia: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy

The TGIF Sex Blog [The Wicked Sex Therapist]

¡Hola! Everybody...
By now, it’s all over the internet: Lou Dobbs quit! Yeah and? You know that lout will end up with Fox or some other racist media propaganda arm...

It’s Friday and you know what that means! Yup! It’s the weekly [un]Common Sense Sex Blog! Again, I repost a blog that answered questions submitted by you. What? It’s free! LOL

* * *

-=[ The Urban Sex Therapist ]=-

Never sleep with anyone crazier than you, my son...

I am a woman in my twenties. I met this guy, call him “Phil,” in the town where I live. I didn’t know that much about him, but after hanging out a couple of times we ended up in bed. That happened twice before I discovered what a douche bag he was. Let’s say our dealings ended when I punched him in the face in a bar. Not classy, but satisfying, and it’s something I’ve never apologized for or explained to anyone. The problem now comes from the fact that I had sex with this guy. Apparently the men in my town gossip more than women, and it’s common knowledge that I slept with Phil. I have had other guys reference this fact and have been turned down for dates because of it. Obviously, people have a low opinion of Phil, and I seem to be caught up in it. Since I am not planning on moving out of town, how do I deal with the situation? Is it fair that I get rejected because of one skanky dickhead? -- Confused Maiden

Ooookaaaaay, let me recap: You punched a muthfucka in the face in a bar full of people, CM, something you’ve never bothered to justify to anyone -- including me -- and you’re wracking your brains out why all the other guys in town aren’t lining up to fuck you? Dang! Maybe it’s because they suspect you're a psycho?!! Maybe when your name comes up in conversation, the men in town nod and say, “That bitch is crazy.” Have you considered it’s possible that whatever the guys in town think of Phil, they regard you as skanky based on your actions?

* * *

My girlfriend smokes. We’ve been together for three years. For a while, her smoking didn’t bother me. Now it’s a huge turnoff. I’ve tried everything to get her to stop. She says she’ll try but never makes much effort. I don’t like to kiss or be near her when she smokes. It’s ruined our sex life: She comes to bed smelling like cigarettes. If she doesn’t stop I want to move out. I’ll sacrifice the relationship before I succumb to cancer from secondhand smoke. Is it fair to give her an ultimatum? -- Doesn’t Smoke

This is a topic that I identify with very much. For me, smoking is a “deal-breaker” as they say in the dating wars. I will not have a relationship with anyone who smokes, and more often than not, I probably won’t even fuck a smoker. The last smoker I fucked was attractive, intelligent and almost as freaky and willing sexually as myself. Unfortunately, she smoked. I swear -- and I don’t know if my mind was playing tricks on me -- but I swear her pussy smelled like an ashtray (I’m kidding)! Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last too long (actually I went to bed with her once and the second time we had sex, she gave me a “BJ” as a “present”).

I will say that I mentioned this turn off to her and she was very nice about it, not smoking around me, and even showering before coming to bed, but the offending smell was still there. If a smoker’s stench doesn't bother you, then fuck smokers. But if it does, DS, you’re going to have to dump the girlfriend.

* * *

I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years. I'm in love with him, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him if possible. Problem No. 1: He’s married and has been throughout our entire relationship. He tells me he loves me and wants to be only with me, but he won’t leave her. Her wife and I know each other quite well, but she knows nothing about us. Problem No. 2: He was my first and has been my only with everything sexual. Problem No. 3: He did leave her and we moved in together about a year ago and everything was going really well until he came down with an STD that I did not give him. When he moved in, I was told all sexual encounters with his wife had stopped. I found out he had been having sex with her. How am I supposed to deal with this? Now she has moved in with us, and we don't even sleep in the same room anymore (for the sake of the kids). What do I do? -- Stressed in Nest

I actually hate giving advice, but Dang! You need it badly: 1) If he loves you and only wants to be with you, then he’d leave her. Period! (2) Very few people have one sexual partner for their whole lives. For most of us, having different sexual partners exposes us to different people and different situations, teaching us a lot along the way. IOW, you need to sleep with more folks before settling down. (3) Finally, SIN, to be blunt, your boyfriend is a lying, cheating prick who is emotionally abusive and possibly exposing you to some nasty cooties (STDs).

* * *

Well folks, that’s it for now! Please! Remember if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. Fuck! It’s okay, really, just be careful and fuck with an open heart (or at least open legs. LOL!)

Erotically Yours,

Eddie

The TGIF Sex Blog [Awakening Female Sexual Energy]

¡Hola! Everybody...
Well, it’s the last weekend of the summer and I’m planning to get away -- going to the Boston area for some much-needed R&R. This past week has been hell at work and the lull of summer will become the hectic, fast paced, helter-skelter of fall once next week rolls around.

I was going to write something on revolution and sex, but didn’t get the chance to finish it. Instead, here’s the last of the Summer Reruns series...

* * *

-=[ Ovarian Kung-Fu ]=-

As many of my readers know, I do not believe sex is incompatible with spirituality. For centuries, we have been indoctrinated to believe that sexuality and spirituality are mutually exclusive. For me, this stereotype has destroyed untold millions of lives, and continues to do so. The truth is that if we want to grow spiritually, we cannot deny the existence of our genitals. We must instead work to integrate our sexual urges into our spiritual lives. In fact, I contend that sex is a valid spiritual path -- a bridge to a deeper relationship to your Higher Power.

Sex can be so much more than a mere release valve for our stress or our neurotic need to feel good/ validated, or be loved. It can be joyous and illuminating. It can be a genuinely transformative force in our lives. Not only can it uncover for us a depth of pleasure that transcends the nerve spasms of genitally focused sex, it can also yield a radical intimacy that obliterates our false sense of separateness, obliterating our ego-boundaries until we recognize in one another the Universal Principle of existence itself. Whew!

::gets off soap box::

As for the title? Yeah, you read that right: Ovarian Kung-Fu -- there are women can do some Hidden Crotch/ Flying Poosie shit on you and you’re whupped!

WEPA! LOL!

I’m making fun, but I’m very serious about this. This is an actual internal system of kung-fu that involves cultivating female sexual energy. The original Taoist sexual exercises were called Ovarian Kung Fu. Some students feels this sounds too violent or too much like a martial arts. However, keep in mind that the term kung fu means discipline or intensive work, an expression of power and mastery, of the ability to take control of one’s body and sexual life.

The following was adapted from the book, Healing Love Through the Tao: Cultivating Female Sexual Energy (Chia & Chia, 2005). I can’t possibly convey enough of this teaching through one-page Word document, but I have tried to give a brief synopsis. I found this totally engrossing.

The Taoist masters believe that the principle energy of a woman (called jing) is largely accumulated in the ovaries and that conscious breathing releases that energy and makes it available for spiritual growth as well as the rejuvenation of the body.

Similarly, the principle energy of a man is found in the testes and is used by a similar discipline of controlled breath and concentration. Both Taoism and Tantra emphasize the importance in taking command of one’s psychosomatic energies. Taoists believe that ordinary sexual activity squanders this all-important energy, mostly through orgasm. Through sexual practices, this waste can be prevented and the life-force can be used to intensify our awareness and ultimately reach a state of spiritual realization.

An interview with a female practitioner yields some interesting insights. For one, she stated that the exercises were easy and that there were no negative side effects for her or anyone else she knows that practices. She states that the exercises empowered her with her control of her own sexual energy and a rediscovery of sexuality as a resource for personal cultivation.

Taoists speak of cultivating one’s nature, refining energy for personal and spiritual development, with sexual energy being one raw material for that process. Practitioners of Taoist sexual exercises speak of being able to direct their sexual energy throughout their body, watching it transform them. Using Taoist techniques and practices, a transformation occurs which causes a basic grounding and harmony. Sexual pleasure becomes more intense and exquisite -- pleasure becoming ecstasy and ecstasy growing into bliss.

Some of the other benefits of Taoist sexual cultivation are relief of menstrual cramps, a shorter flow, and fewer pre-menstrual symptoms.

With Ovarian Breathing, the practitioner learns to move their sexual energy from their genitals to their whole body. Over time, it becomes possible to refine it to the point that it can be shared with other people in their daily experiences. Some practitioners report becoming more attractive to people in general and men in particular. Not merely in a sexual sense, but in the sense of people being interested in their whole person.

What I found most interesting is the description of what is called a Valley of Orgasm, as opposed to a peak orgasm. The practitioner first experiences a slow wave of energy rising within her, leading to a prolonged phase of peak excitement. Then by deeply relaxing in the valley for period, the cycle is repeated with each successive cycle becoming more deeply relaxing and more intense. Eventually the whole body/ mind is at the same time aroused and deeply surrendering.

The Valley Orgasm occurs spontaneously in the state of deep relaxation, and it is a very powerful experience that is felt in every cell, every particle of the practitioner’s being as an ecstatic, exquisite universal integration with all creation.

Now put that in your pipe and smoke it! LOL

Love,

Eddie

Resources

Chia, M., & Chia, M. 2005). Healing love through the Tao: Cultivating female sexual energy. New York: Destiny Books.

[un]Common Sense Sex Blog (Cultivating Male Sexual Energy, pt. I)

Hola Everybody,
Anybody ever notice there are usually two parts to my posts? LOL

I have a theory. It’s a theory that has yet to be disproved in all my years on this planet. This is the theory, a woman’s nipples point in the same direction that her nose points.

To further illustrate: if a woman has an upturned nose, her nipples point up. Now please note I’m not referring to sagging or drooping breasts. Nipples normally maintain their orientation even after the effects of gravity has taken their toll, and pert breasts have nipples that orient down. I know this because I have seen examples of this.

So, using my theory, we can go down my friends’ list and speculate about nipple orientation. ______, for example, most likely has nipples that point slightly upwards, or straight out (as if they were accusing me of some crime or something).

That’s my theory, and I have yet to meet a woman who’s disproved my theory. Go ahead, look, I know you’re dying to! LMAO! Now, there are several implications stemming from this theory the most problematic being that a perve like me knows which way your nipples point. That’s fucked up!

BTW, if you disagree with my theory, please feel free to submit relevant documentation (i.e., photos) to yours truly for inspection.

Today’s blog photos are courtesy of my “gorgeous genius,” the lovely, ever philosophical Phil. I’m flattered she would share this with me. This is what I wrote as her testimonial:

“From the fine turn of her calves, to the curve of her thighs, to the deliciously formed derrière (gawd!), a soft belly leading to impertinent breasts swollen ripe, to a pouty bottom lip sticky-sweet with invitation, and those enormous eyes radiating intelligence -- Nakia is all woman and more.”

As you can see, she is a beautiful young lady...

* * *

-=[ Cultivating Male Sexual Energy, pt. I ]=-

You know? Guys get together and talk about all the time spent strengthening their biceps and quads and other muscles to look good (“curls for the girls”). This is the point in time that I take out my cock, soak up a glass of oil, and then light it up when I expel it through my urethra! LOL

I’m kidding, of course, but there one unseen muscle far more important when it comes to matters sexual. This “sex muscle” is actually called the pubococcygeus, or PC, muscle. This group of muscles runs from your pubic bone (“pubo”) in the front of your body to the tailbone, or coccyx (“coccygeus”), in the back.

These muscles are essential for optimal sexual health. In fact, two or three inches of your penis are rooted in this PC muscle, and strengthening this muscle leads to harder erections, stronger, multiple and more enjoyable orgasms, and better control of your ejaculations. This last benefit is why the PC muscle is essential to becoming a multi-orgasmic man. Yes, fellas, you too can be multi-orgasmic, why let only the ladies have all the fun, huh? Simply put, you can use the PC muscle to put the brakes when you feel you’re gonna shoot that load. And please, stop the bullshit! We all know, as the comedian Kat Williams says, that the “first nut has a mind of its own.” Now, I don’t care how young you are, or how good you think you are, there’s nothing as good as the first nut. In addition, most of us indulge in the second nut mostly because we don’t want some outraged woman blasting your fast ass on 360! LOL! Yeah, I’ve seen those “Quick-Draw McGraw” blasts son, shame on you!

Now, you all know I don’t normally do New Years resolutions, but if I did do them, mine would be to develop my PC muscle to superhuman strength. So far, I’ve gotten pretty good at it. Not to the point where I can suck up a glass of oil and spit it out with my cock, but I’m getting there. ::grin::

Not too long ago, I wrote about the PC muscle and women. Most of my female readers think they know all the exercises for the “love muscle,” but believe me ya’ll don’t. I’ll be sharing some of that in the coming weeks. Today, I’m going to share just the basic PC 101 for men. I’m not going to give away all my secrets, ma’fuccas. I might share more in the coming months.

The simplest exercise for strengthening your PC muscle is called “Stopping the Stream” and it involves stopping the flow of urine ht next time you use the bathroom. If you can’t stop the flow, your PC muscle is weak. That’s OK, cuz Uncle Eddie is gonna help with your “quickness” problem. The PC muscle is what causes the rhythmic contractions in your pelvis and anus during orgasm. The Taoists discovered that these contractions involved a man’s prostrate gland. By learning to contract your PC muscle around your prostrate, you can learn to stop yourself from ejaculating which in turn will deepen your orgasmic contractions. As I wrote previously, ejaculation is separate from orgasm. Many men (and women) aren’t aware of this fact. When you contract on the prostrate, you begin to feel a shaking or chill through your body. In the following exercise, you will learn to stop the stream of urine and strengthen your PC muscle.

Exercise 1: Stopping the Stream

Inhale: as you get ready to urinate, inhale deeply.

Exhale: Exhale slowly and forcefully push out the urine. [Note: clenching the teeth will intensify the practice.]

Inhale and Contract Your PC: Inhale and contract your PC muscle to stop the flow of urine midstream.

Exhale and Push Out Again: Exhale and start urinating again.

Repeat Until Finished: Repeat steps 3 and 4 (urinating as you exhale and stopping the stream as you inhale) three to six times or until you have finished urinating.

This practice may sting a little at first, but it should quickly disappear within a couple of weeks. However, if it continues, it may mean you have an infection, in which case you should go to a doctor and have that cleared up before continuing. To begin, push out your urine as if you are in a hurry and trying to finish quickly. Standing on your toes and clenching your teeth will help intensify the practice, but the most important part of the exercise is simply to start and stop urinating as many times as possible.

Finally, sexual strength is only half the practice. Sexing is like an art, like learning to play the piano or any other instrument. Sensitivity is equally if not more important to your partner’s arousal and to your own. Unlike the old bullshit techniques of desensitization in order to delay ejaculation, becoming multi-orgasmic requires that you increase your sexual sensitivity and bring more mindfulness to your sexual arousal.

Love,

Eddie