The Friday Sex Blog [Sexual Peaks]

¡Hola! Everybody…
It's Friday! Yaaay!

Today marks my first day of unemployment. It’s been more than twenty years since I could say that…

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-=[ Sexual Peaks: Men and Women ]=-

Today's post has to be a quickie (pun intended!).

I think that by now most of us are familiar with the cliché that knowledge is power. Clichés are clichés because for the most part they are true. I would like to spin that cliché a little and add that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. What I mean by that is that incomplete knowledge is dangerous because it leads to erroneous conclusions and assumptions.

The folk wisdom that women reach their sexual peak after age thirty; men during adolescence is one of those assumptions.

Mind you, after extensively researching this area -- the published literature, reading through piles of “experts,” Masters and Johnson, etc. -- I can’t say I have come to a definitive conclusion. However, that doesn't mean that we shouldn't question this assumption. In fact, there are more reasons than not to be suspicious about this often-cited “fact.”

I started where everyone should start: I asked myself the question where did this claim have its origin. I was able to trace it to the famous Kinsey surveys of more than a half century ago. Kinsey came to this conclusion by simply polling people on the frequency of various sexual behaviors. Based on the number of times the interviewees said they had masturbated or had intercourse or erotic dreams, Kinsey's crew figured that women reached their peaks in their mid-to-late thirties -- long after men.

Sexual peak is not a clear-cut term, however. For example, the number of sexual experiences per year may be different from how much one enjoys them, and this may be different from how often one thinks about sex or how much enjoyment one brings to one's partner. Who's to say which one these is most relevant to the idea of a “sexual peak” period?

Even if we were to decide to limit this discussion to one of mere frequency, the problem with using the Kinsey-style method is that it's unclear whether women are said to peak later in life for physiological, psychological, or social reasons. One possible reason, according to other studies on human sexuality, is that giving birth may help women to become more sexually responsive because they develop more capillaries (and therefore more “feeling”) around the genital area. However, one researcher notes that a crying baby in the next room may do far more to cool sexual desire than a few more blood vessels could do to stoke it. In fact, a good number of women report a loss of sexual desire immediately after giving birth.

One of the better-known researchers of sexual hormones and their effect on behavior is John Money (and with whom I disagree with in other areas). He insists that how we are raised to think about sex is more relevant than how much estrogen or testosterone we secrete. He observes that while we need a little amount of hormone to get the system going, additional hormone doesn't do anything. If women enjoy sex more, or simply do it more, at forty than at twenty, this is probably more a reflection of the time required to break free from early social conditioning about sexual desire. According to Money, much of what we see as biological in women is intertwined with the concepts of how girls are educated sexually (i.e., the “Madonna/ Whore” dichotomy).

Women are taught to repress their sexuality. They are conditioned to think that if they're horny that they're sluts. Women peaking later may be a consequence of the time it takes to get over the more than twenty years of socialization before they can learn sex can be fun. An even better case against a biological reason for a later sexual peak is that from an evolutionary point of view it makes no sense for women to become interested in sex just as they're nearing the end of their childbearing years.

If the issue is socialization, then the gap between men's and women's sexual peak should narrow (become more alike) as the impact of sexual double standards lessen. Sure enough, studies since the Kinsey Report are consistently showing that “women are reaching high levels of sexual arousal at earlier ages.” There seems to be a leveling out between the sexes these days in terms of enjoyability and frequency of sex. On the other hand, women are less likely to report a lusty motive (“I was horny”) until they are in their late thirties.

What all this points to is that there is a great need for a large national study, but politicians are naturally nervous about such a project and are resistant. In fact, there are very few large-scale sexual studies these days.

There is a more important question with the claim that women reach their sexual peak at a later stage of the life cycle: a peak implies that something drops off after that milestone. The opposite seems to be true. Women tend to develop a greater ease and frequency of orgasm with more sexual experience. There is no evidence of a decline after the so-called peak.

Physiological changes in men are easier to predict than in women. Most forty year-olds ejaculate less than fifteen-year-olds, for example. However, the context in which the arousal takes place counts for much more here. How can one speak meaningfully about levels of sexual excitement without knowing who is on the other side of the bed?

More importantly, the idea that men have passed their sexual peak before their 20s should raise the question whether a state of a perpetual erection means someone is at their sexual “peak” in any real sense. The middle-aged man may win the race in terms of the sexual satisfaction he gives and receives. In fact, a study of healthy middle-aged to elderly men indicated that while sexual arousal and activity were lower for older men, sexual enjoyment and satisfaction did not show a decline with increasing age. Furthermore, masturbation accounts for the majority of the huge surge early in life. That led Kinsey to talk about men reaching their sexual peak in late adolescence. Is that the measure of the kind of sexual peak we’re really interested in?

This much is clear from my academic explorations and from personal experience: most men and women can enjoy sex at any time from puberty until death. Some researchers have found that some people don't reach their peak until they're in their late 80s! It would appear to me that there is no evidence suggesting that biology is dominant over social conditioning, psychological conditions, and individual situations. Which to me means there are no fixed sexual prime years or peak.

Yes, sometimes a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Love,

Eddie

The Friday Sex Blog [Sexual Peaks]

¡Hola! Everybody…
It’s Friday! Yaaay! Enjoy your birthday party, Marisol!

* * *

-=[ Sexual Peaks: Men and Women ]=-

Today’s post has to be a quickie (pun intended)!

I think that by now most of us have the heard the cliché that knowledge is power. Clichés are clichés because for the most part they are true. But I would like to add a qualifier to this particular cliché and add that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. What I mean by that is that incomplete knowledge is dangerous because it leads to erroneous assumptions.

The folk wisdom that women reach their sexual peak after age thirty; men in their teens is one of those assumptions.

Mind you, after extensively researching this area -- the published literature, reading through piles of “experts,” Masters and Johnson, etc. -- I can’t say I have come to a definitive conclusion. However, that doesn't mean that we shouldn’t question this assumption. In fact, there are more reasons than not to be suspicious about this often-cited “fact.”

I started where everyone should start: I asked myself the question where did this claim have its origin. I was able to trace it to the famous Kinsey surveys of more than a half century ago. Kinsey came about to his conclusion by simply polling people on the frequency of various sexual behaviors. Based on the number of times the interviewees said they had masturbated or had intercourse or erotic dreams, Kinsey’s crew figured that women reached their peaks in their mid-to-late thirties -- long after men.

Sexual peak is not a clear-cut term, however. For example, the number of sexual experiences per year may be different from how much one enjoys them, and this may be different from how often one thinks about sex or how much enjoyment one brings to one’s partner. Who’s to say which one these is most relevant to the idea of a sexual peak period?

Even if we were to decide to limit this discussion to one of mere frequency, the problem with using the Kinsey-style method is that it’s unclear whether women are said to peak later in life for physiological, psychological, or social reasons. One possible reason, according to one study on human sexuality, is that giving birth may help women to become more sexually responsive because they develop more capillaries in the genital area. However, the same researcher notes that a crying baby in the next room may do far more to cool sexual desire than a few more blood vessels could do to stoke it. In fact, a good number of women report a loss of sexual desire immediately after giving birth.

One of the better-known researchers into sexual hormones and their effect on behavior is John Money (and with whom I disagree with in other areas). He insists that how we are raised to think about sex is more relevant than how much estrogen or testosterone we secrete. He observes that while we need a little amount of hormone to get the system going, additional hormone doesn’t do anything. If women enjoy sex more, or simply do it more, at forty than at twenty, this is probably more a reflection of the time required to break free from early social conditioning about sexual desire. According to Money, much of what we see as biological in women is intertwined with the concepts of how girls are educated or socially conditioned sexually.

Women are conditioned to think that if they’re horny that they’re sluts. Women peaking later may be a consequence of the time it takes to get over the more than twenty years of socialization before they can learn sex can be fun. An even better case against a biological reason for a later sexual peak is that from an evolutionary point of view it makes no sense for women to become interested in sex just as they’re nearing the end of their childbearing years.

If the issue is socialization, then the gap between men's and women’s sexual peak should narrow (become more alike) as the sexual double standards disappear. Sure enough, studies since the Kinsey report are consistently showing that “women are reaching high levels of sexual arousal at earlier ages.” There seems to be a leveling out between the sexes these days in terms of enjoyability and frequency of sex. On the other hand, women are less likely to report a physical motive (“I was horny”) until they are in their late thirties. What all this means is that there is a great need for a large national study, but politicians are naturally nervous about such a project and are resistant. In fact, there are very few studies on human sexuality taking pace these days (a recent sex study was published recently and I will post on that soon enough).

There is a more important question with the claim that women reach their sexual peak at thirty-five or whenever: a peak implies that something drops off after that year. The opposite seems to be true. Women tend to develop a greater ease and frequency of orgasm with more sexual experience. There is no evidence of a decline after the so-called peak.

Physiological changes in men are easier to predict than in women. Most forty year-olds ejaculate less than fifteen-year-olds, for example. However, the context in which the arousal takes place counts for a lot here. How can one speak meaningfully about levels of sexual excitement without knowing who is on the other side of the bed?

More importantly, the idea that men have passed their sexual peak before their 20s should raise the question whether a state of a perpetual erection means someone is at their sexual “peak” in any real sense. The middle-aged man may win the race in terms of the sexual satisfaction he gives and receives. In fact, a study of healthy middle-aged to elderly men indicated that while sexual arousal and activity were lower for older men, sexual enjoyment and satisfaction did not show a decline with increasing age. Furthermore, masturbation accounts for the majority of the huge surge early in life. That led Kinsey to talk about men reaching their sexual peak in late adolescence. Is that the measure of the kind of peak we’re really interested in?

This much is clear from my academic explorations and from personal experience: most men and women can enjoy sex at any time from puberty until death. Some researchers have found that some people don’t reach their peak until they’re in their late 80s! It would appear to me that there is no evidence suggesting that biology is dominant over social conditioning, psychological conditions, and individual situations. Which to me means there are no fixed sexual prime years or peak.

Yes, sometimes a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

SEX IS GOOD FOR YOU!

Love,

Eddie

The Friday Sex Blog [Resolution]

¡Hola! Everybody...
The weather is slowly changing and the days are getting shorter. Soon autumn, dressed to the teeth, will appear at that moment when you most need change.

Have a great weekend, people…

* * *

-=[ Resolution ]=-

Many of us search and search and some of us have stopprd trying. Whatever the case, a man cannot be fulfilled until he has ceased searching the fool’s gold of release. True sexual freedom is grounded in the relaxation of your true Self, moment to moment. Similarly, no woman can be fulfilled until she has stopped searching outside of herself for a way to fill herself and is grounded instead in the presence of radiant love.

When a man is grounded in his true Self, he no longer fears losing his woman, nor is he afraid to lose himself in relationship with a woman. Instead, he welcomes her gleaming enchantment and freely surrenders himself to her loving. He ravishes her, penetrates her with his presence, loves with no inhibitions, and she opens, surrendering to love and is fulfilled. Don’t be mistaken, she’s not filled by him; rather, she is fulfilled by grounding herself in her own fullness as love. She is fulfilled by the expression of the powerful love overflowing her heart.

Uninhibited loving is the fulfillment of her heart. The problem is that very few men are ready to dance with the dynamic presence of such love and deep surrender. Similarly, for a man, being grounded in the natural freedom of his true Self is the ultimate fulfillment of his quest. It is just that few women are ready to embrace a man who is already free -- who neither needs her, nor fears her.

We receive very little guidance or support needed to come to rest in our inherent freedoms and the radiating power of our natural loving. Instead, we are taught that we are supposed to be searching. This search is supposed to be the basis for our lives. Everyday, we’re supposed to go out on our quest for freedom -- whether it’s financial, creative, or psychological liberation. Everyday we are supposed to engage in relationships that promise love. Our quests and relationships are supposed to fulfill us, but do they?

Somewhere down the line, we have to come to the realization that no amount of money, sex, knowledge, or affection will satisfy us. No matter how much we experience all these things we are always seeking for more. When will realize that these feelings of insufficiency arise from the tension of the search itself, and if only we relaxed into our heart right now, we will feel complete?

As long as we doubt the validity of our true selves and hearts, we will continue veering off into the dead end streets of hope. And most of us end up in the same dead ends: food, family, money, work, sex, or intellectualization. Most of us also sense that, no matter how good our lives seem on the surface, underneath the façade we fill unfulfilled. We do not feel totally free or even ecstatic in love. Even in our intimacies, our deepest desires are often denied.

Our style of sexing reflects this tension, this anxious search, our unwillingness to sacrifice ourselves entirely in the giving of uninhibited, passionate love.

I want to surrender

I want to feel you surrender.

We must confess this to our lovers and to ourselves.

Love,

Eddie

PS: Sex is good for you.

The Friday Sex Blog [Sex and Spiritual Growth]

¡Hola! Everybody...
This summer has been somewhat of a downer me, as I have been working harder than usual. Vacation is out of the question, and I’ll be working this weekend as well. On the brighter side, my mother is in town, so I look forward to visiting with her at my sister’s house… Special thanks to my friend, the "Naughty She Devil" for today's blog photo.

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-=[ Sex as Spiritual Practice ]=-

In the first stage, people use sex for selfish reasons. In the second stage, people share sexuality as a means of loving one another. In the third stage, people use sexuality to open one another to the very recognition of oneness.
-- David Deida

Some of the most sexually repressed individuals I have ever met have been Christianized people of color…More on that some other time.

For some time now, I’ve been posting on Tantric and Taoist sexual/ spiritual practice. Using sex as a path for spiritual awakening is not for everyone. Many Westerners, socially conditioned by the sum of thousands of years of anti-sex propaganda, are at a loss when confronted with the notion that sex could be about anything other than physical pleasure, or that it should even have a place in a “spiritual” discussion. In order to elevate sex beyond the ego, beyond the conditioned habits, takes a conscious and sustained effort. At a basic level, we are hard-wired for pleasure. As humans, we are pleasure addicts, conditioned to contract it down into a small and egocentric agenda. In order to shift this circuitry takes time and commitment.

While there are many paths leading to awakening, sex is one of the most effective because it works through the body, as the bridge between spirit and matter, between our inner and outer life. If you learn how to use sex (instead of the other way around), you will have access to one of the most direct routes to spiritual realization and embodiment.

Margot Anand was one of the first Westerners to explore this sexual territory:

You begin to open up a channel to allow the orgasmic energy to move through your body, beyond the orgasmic explosion of release to an implosive orgasm of expansion of consciousness. You move from the genital orgasm to the belly, to the heart… You don’t fall in love anymore, you arise in love… When you have an orgasm of the heart, an orgasm of surrender, where you become the other and the other becomes you, it’s a tremendous heart-opening. When you have an orgasm of the third eye, you are in total spaciousness and total peace with each other. This is a wonderful art… you have to devote a lot of time to this.

Practices

While the following practices are very simple and easy to learn, they are also extremely powerful and need to be practiced precisely. I offer the following only as a very brief overview. If you feel attracted to redirecting sexual energy in this way, you will definitely need instructions that are more specific. In my personal opinion, I would go further and say that eventually you will need a teacher.

For a Man

The first step for a man is to open his body to allow energy to flow more easily. You can do this through yoga, with qi gong, or just by stretching and opening the whole body.

The next step is to begin to arouse and recirculate sexual energy. It is best to start this alone, before you practice with a partner. Begin with self stimulation until you begin to feel the first waves of sexual energy, and then use breath and intention to draw that energy up through the spine and through the rest of the body. Once you become accustomed to practicing in this way, you can send the sexual energy up the spine, over the top of the head and down the front of the body again.

Your penis will go through waves of being very charged with energy, as though you were close to ejaculating. As you move the energy with the breath, there will be less energetic focus on your penis. Each time you move the sexual energy, your penis becomes less charged with sexual energy, and the rest of the body becomes more energized.

Keep practicing until you can stay aroused without ejaculating for at least twenty minutes. Then you are ready to practice with your partner.

For a Woman

For the woman, the core of the practice is to open the heart, to use the heart energy to open the sexual energy, and then share that energetic alchemy with your partner.

Although the genitals will become fully aroused, the practice doesn’t involve direct stimulation, but rather the circulation of the energy from the heart downward.

First, massage your breasts in order to stimulate and open the heart center. When you begin to feel a warming and concentration of energy in the heart, use the breath to practice drawing energy up from the ovaries to the heart. As this continues, feel the energy in the lower part of the body being drawn up into the heart and flowing out of the heart, particularly from the breast, as a blessing and a prayer.

As you continue drawing energy up into your chest and out through the breasts, feel for your friends, your family. Expand your attention, feeling the whole world, the births, the joys, the wars, the pain -- all of it. Like a prayer, a meditation, you are giving yourself. It is as though you were saying with your body, with your breath, with your relaxation, “I am here, I am giving myself to you, to all of you.” Once the heart is awakened with the flame of loving compassion, let it flow downward and awaken the vagina, draw it all up into your heart, and keep pouring it out as if it were a river of blessing. Feel as big as the universe and beyond, just give everything away through your body.

There are practices for partners to do together, but I won’t post that here.

The whole practice is about balance. The reason why these practices were always guarded in secrecy was because of their potential to create power.

A good place for men to start is Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams Arava The Multiorgasmic Man. In addition, Chia’s Healing Love through the Tao (written with his wife) is good basic text for women. Chia also offers trainings throughout the world as well as tapes and DVDs. I personally stand by his teachings, having read his books, taken some of his courses, and having applied his teachings in my life. Margot Anand has written several good books that offer guidance in how to enter into sex with a deeper sacredness (click here to visit her website).

Finally, I will personally vouch for all of David Deida’s works. His Finding God through Sex was a revelation for me and has been a huge influence on my spiritual path. Before Deida, my spirituality was missing a coherent approach to sex. I have to say that he was a major influence in my way of thinking and spiritual path. I have attended several of his workshops and recommend him highly.

Love,

Eddie

PS: Sex is good for you!

The Friday Sex Blog [The Big Bang]

¡Hola! Everybody...
Some may find the first part of this post offensive. No apologies offered. I want to thank a dear friend and former lover for allowing me to use her photo and part of our story for today's blog. She read it in advance and actually enjoyed it (helped me edit some of it) -- thought it was important to share. She doesn't live in the US, but we had an intense, loving affair one summer a few years back...

* * *

-=[ The Big Show ]=-
... I feel like a storm, like the ocean, the waves... I want to fuck everything into my womb. A woman suffers not giving her love. To be fully satisfied, she must absolutely live in the depth of her love.
-- Jennifer Garcia

She’s beyond beautiful, she’s feminine sexuality itself, but throughout all our sexing, there’s always this holding back. Sure, she does everything to please me: she happily goes doggy-style and lets me penetrate her deeply and she revels in my deep thrusts, looking back over her shoulder and urging me on, thrusting back herself. She takes me into her mouth to the point of gagging and even swallowed my sperm -- all for my pleasure. But somewhere inside, this is all something dirty and she’s afraid to be a slut for me because some part of her is ashamed.

I want her to show me, to tell me what she wants. I want to know her -- the real her. I want her to grind her cunt against my face and take her pleasure. It’s a gradual process. Little by little we talk, communicating openly, talking about what we like and what we want and who we are and she begins to open. At first, it’s just a little bit -- like when she looks into my eyes while we’re fucking. Or when she squeezes the opening to my cock and smells it, or licks at my pre cum greedily -- all things she was ashamed of doing before.

She opens slowly and I wait patiently for the day when the floodgates open. She tells me she’s never met a man who was so curious and interested in her sex and at first it frightened her, but she enjoys the openness, the permission to be what we want.

One day, while I’m fucking her from behind, she pleads for me to stop. She throws me on my back and tells me, “It’s my turn,” and proceeds to ride my cock in the way that brings her most pleasure -- on top of me, facing me and all I ask is that she stays in the moment with me, looking into my eyes. I lay back, a passive tool to her aggressive grasp for pleasure, and she takes the reins of our sexing and rides me for all she’s worth, not caring, throwing caution to the wind. I feel her moistness. She scrapes her fingers against my chest. Eventually, she takes me on waves of bliss until she comes in violent bursts, her petite taut body trembling, pulsing, and I can feel the walls of her vagina vibrate, exquisitely wrapping my cock in a tender and tight moist cocoon...

All sex, in fact all life, is about the meeting of masculine and feminine energy -- the yin/ yang of life. I envision masculine energy as consciousness and feminine essence as light. This does not mean that men always embody the masculine, or that women only embody feminine energy. What it means is that sexual union is always about a conscious (masculine) presence penetrating a yielding, loving surrender. With some couples, one partner holds more masculine energy, and the other feminine. Some more sexually conscious couples will alternate who is the leading, masculine polarity and who is the yielding feminine polarity. This has very little to do with physical positions and more to do with attitude -- disposition.

As soon as a woman becomes more assertive, initiating, and penetrating with her presence, and as soon as a man relaxes, waits, becomes soft and vulnerable the sexual polarities have been reversed. This can be a great thing to practice intentionally, to experience more deeply the opposite sexual essence. For a couple that has learned to polarize and merge, sex changes from merely a personal act for intensifying pleasure into something quite different. Orgasm is a glorified sneeze when compared to the potential that arises once we step out of the box of rubbing genitals to release pressure or to connect.

When partners are willing to manipulate and cultivate sexual energy, they both arrive to a sexual meeting of fullness. In this scenario, the man has not only realized himself as empty consciousness, but he has also brought that realization down into his body. The woman has not only experienced love and connection, but she has also practiced opening so much that she radiates love itself, from her whole body. She actually becomes the body of the divine feminine: the supreme strength of absolute surrender.

This is not a matter of imitating or acting out in a certain way, rather it is relaxing into your natural essence -- to your genuine essence. This takes no effort at all, only conscious practice. In this form of sexing, the couple isn’t meeting in order to get something from each other. They are not meeting to get off on waves of physical pleasure. They are not even meeting to love each other in the sense that we normally think of love. Sex in this context is being offered at the altar of spirituality itself.

This is why I pray... LOL

This form of sexual union is the “human replication of the union of consciousness and light.” This union can occur within an individual and in our hypermasculine world, this was as good as it got. People became unified within themselves and presented themselves to the world. But the sexing I’m speaking to here is quite different. When we consciously choose to embody the union of consciousness and light, both partners are releasing a gift that is universal, rather than personal. When a man and a woman sex in this way, the two offerings become a full circle, and there is a unification of consciousness and light, of yin and yang, something much greater than could ever occur within an individual. The masculine gives the feminine a deep trustworthy consciousness presence, through one’s body, and the feminine essence gives the masculine deep love and light. In that way, ego boundaries finally break and they pour into one another.

Man, freed by the realizations that, no matter what, he can still fully give of himself is no longer afraid to open into life and finds the union of consciousness and form. Woman, finally freed of her longing to be fully penetrated by God, allows a fuller love to move through her. She realizes, in the unconditional giving, that her world is already fully penetrated by divine consciousness all the time, and always has been. In a way, she becomes the Divine Goddess, the feminine principle itself, open in radiant love. By consciously surrendering to the masculine principle, she is transported beyond her longing to be loved into being love itself.

Love,

Eddie

PS: Sex is good for you.

The Friday Sex Blog [Dick Kung Fu, pt. I]

¡Hola! Everybody...
I have a hypothesis. It’s a hypothesis that has yet to be disproved in all these years. Simply put, the hypothesis holds that a woman’s nipples point in the same direction that her nose points.

To further illustrate: if a woman has an upturned nose, her nipples point up. Now please note I’m not referring to sagging or drooping breasts. Nipples normally maintain their orientation even after the effects of gravity has taken their toll, and pert breasts have nipples that orient down. I know this because I have seen examples of this. *grin*

So, using my theory, we can go down my friends’ list and speculate about nipple orientation. ______, for example, most likely has nipples that point slightly upwards, or straight out (as if they were accusing me of some crime or lustful desire).

That’s my hypothesis, and I have yet to meet a woman who has disproved it. Go ahead, look (I know you’re dying to. LMAO!) Now, there are several implications stemming from this hypothesis the most problematic being that a perve like me knows which way your nipples point. That’s fucked up!

BTW, if you disagree with my hypothesis, please feel free to submit relevant documentation (i.e., photos) to yours truly for inspection.

* * *

-=[ Cultivating Male Sexual Energy, pt. I ]=-

You know? Sometimes guys get together and spend their time talking about strengthening their biceps and quads and other muscles to look sexy (“curls for the girls”). I find such conversations beyond boring and usually this is the point in time that I take out my cock, soak up a glass of oil, and then light it up when I expel it through my urethra. LOL!

I’m kidding, of course (I soak up water), but there is one unseen muscle far more important when it comes to matters sexual. This “sex muscle” is actually called the pubococcygeus, or PC, muscle. This group of muscles running from your pubic bone (“pubo”) in the front of your body to the tailbone, or coccyx (“coccygeus”), in the back are essential for optimal sexual health.

In fact, two or three inches of your penis are rooted in this PC muscle, and strengthening it leads to harder erections, more intense, multiple, and more enjoyable orgasms, and better control of your ejaculations. This last benefit is why the PC muscle is essential to becoming a multi-orgasmic man. Yes, fellas, you too can be multi-orgasmic, why let only the ladies have all the fun, huh? Simply put, you can use the PC muscle to put the brakes when you feel you’re gonna shoot that load. And please, stop the bullshit! We all know, as the comedian Kat Williams says, that the “first nut has a mind of its own.” Now, I don’t care how young you are, or how good you think you are, there’s nothing as good as that first nut. In addition, most of us indulge in the second nut mostly because we don’t want some outraged woman blasting our sexual shortcomings (pun intended) on the internet. LOL! Yeah, I’ve seen those “Quick-Draw McGraw” blasts son... Shame on you!

Now, you all know I don’t normally do New Years resolutions, but if I did do them, mine would be to develop my PC muscle to superhuman strength. So far, I’ve gotten pretty good at it. Not to the point where I can suck up a glass of oil and spit it out with my cock, but I’m getting there. ::grin::

Not too long ago, I wrote about the PC muscle and women. Most of my female readers think they know all the exercises for the “love muscle,” but believe me ya’ll don’t. I’ll be sharing some of that in the coming weeks. Today, I’m going to share basic PC Muscle 101 for men -- or Dick Kung Fu. I’m not going to give away all my secrets, muthafuckas. I might share more in the coming months.

The simplest exercise for strengthening your PC muscle is called “Stopping the Stream” and it involves stopping the flow of urine ht next time you use the bathroom. If you can’t stop the flow, your PC muscle is weak. That’s OK, cuz Uncle Eddie is gonna help with your “quickness” problem. The PC muscle is what causes the rhythmic contractions in your pelvis and anus during orgasm. The Taoists discovered that these contractions involved a man’s prostate gland. By learning to contract your PC muscle around your prostate, you can learn to stop yourself from ejaculating which in turn will deepen your orgasmic contractions. As I wrote previously, ejaculation is separate from orgasm. Many men (and women) aren’t aware of this physiological fact. When you contract the prostate, you might begin to feel a shaking or chill through your body. In the following exercise, you will learn to stop the stream of urine and strengthen your PC muscle.

Exercise 1: Stopping the Stream

Inhale: as you get ready to urinate, inhale deeply.

Exhale: Exhale slowly and forcefully push out the urine. [Note: clenching the teeth will intensify the practice.]

Inhale and Contract Your PC: Inhale and contract your PC muscle to stop the flow of urine midstream.

Exhale and Push Out Again: Exhale and start urinating again.

Repeat Until Finished: Repeat steps 3 and 4 (urinating as you exhale and stopping the stream as you inhale) three to six times or until you have finished urinating.

This practice may sting a little at first, but it should quickly disappear within a couple of weeks. However, if it continues, it may indicate you have an infection, in which case you should go to a doctor and have that cleared up before continuing. In addition, to begin, push out your urine as if you are in a hurry and trying to finish quickly. Standing on your toes and clenching your teeth will help intensify the practice, but the most important part of the exercise is simply to start and stop urinating as many times as possible.

Finally, sexual strength is only half the practice. Sexing is like an art, like learning to play the piano or any other instrument. Sensitivity -- to your partner’s arousal and to your own -- is equally if not more important. Unlike the old bullshit techniques of desensitization (lessening feeling) in order to delay ejaculation, becoming multi-orgasmic requires that you increase your sexual sensitivity and bring more mindfulness to your sexual arousal.

Love,

Eddie

Resources

Michael Winn: The Taoist Art of Cultivating Male Sexual Energy

Mantak Chia: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy

The TGIF Sex Blog [Sexuality]

¡Hola! Everybody…
Like most people (I guess) I abhor moving. If everything goes as planned, I will be moving to my new apartment tomorrow. I can’t wait until it’s all over. I’m still packing. This is stressful… LOL

* * *

-=[ Sexuality ]=-

Every once in a while, I’ll get an email from someone who admits to reading my blog more often than not, they usually have something nice to say, or an interesting question to ask. One common question regards my motivation for the Friday “Sex Blog.” So, here goes…

Some of my sex blogs are meant to be comedic. But the sex posts started off with a few posts I did on Christianity and anti-sex values and the consequences of that history, so part of my blog is somewhat serious. My sex blog is also full of a lot of information. But…

Sex is everywhere. We are deluged by advice columns, celebrities, talk shows, TV evangelists, therapists, women’s and men’s magazines, and self-help books all of which attempt to tell us how to conduct our intimate relationships. Sexual images are used to sell us everything such as cars and clothes, or to sell sex itself, while sex aids, porn, and potential sex partners -- real or virtual -- are just a click away on the internet. Our postmodern world is populated by people who define themselves as gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, bi-curious, exhibitionists, submissives, dominatrixes, swingers, polyamorous, switchers, traders, born-again virgins, acrotomophiliacs, furverts, or feeders. The important point here is that we use these categories in order to make sense of who we are: we define ourselves in through our sexuality.

My interest is exploring the reasons behind how we have come to believe that sex is so important to who we are. This connective sexuality -- which I understand as the ways in which people experience their bodies, pleasures, and desires -- with sexual identity is in fact a fairly recent development. This is not to say that people didn’t engage in sexual activities before (obviously). Rather, the way in which people made sense of their erotic experiences was completely different from the way we understand sexuality today.

Sex is a cultural construct. What I mean by that is that sex is created by the cultural values of a given society or group. Just as the differences between men and women cannot be reduced to biology alone, but are more adequately understood in terms of gender which considers the social meanings that different societies attach to “masculinity” and “femininity,” sexuality is not a natural, biological, universal experience. The ways in which different cultures during different time periods have made sense of their erotic experiences very widely.

Sexuality is shaped by social and political forces and connects in very important ways to relations of power around class, race, and most importantly, gender. In fact, there are some of the issues I try to explore -- showing how sex, gender, and sexuality are closely related. Cultural understandings of sexuality have been based by ideas of what is “normal” about masculinity and femininity. In other words, sexuality is defined by what a culture considers the “proper” ways men and women behave.

In this way, I try to explore the social and political meanings and struggles of what it means to be sexual in a postmodern world. Besides, it’s fun.

Love,

Eddie

The TGIF Sex Blog (Psycho Lovers)

¡Hola! Everybody...
What is it with Joe Biden and feet?!! It seems every time he opens his mouth a foot gets stuck in it! LOL! Joe: one person died in the US. A miniscule fraction of the Mexican population died. It’s not a pandemic! LOL!

BTW, now that we know the beauty queen from Cali criticized women with fake boobs, but yet has fake boobs, should we all reconsider her sincerity regarding her beliefs? Well, get ready to hear more from her because her vapid response to Perez Hilton will be coming to a local TV machine near you. She's now the poster twat for KKKristians with a vengeance (or some shit like that). Neocons are often undercover sexual perverts; I used to sodomize one like her all the time. She’d read passages from the bible during these challenging, but infinitely enjoyable sessions ("Oh GAWD!" "Oh SWEET JAY-SUS!" "The lard, Eddie! Get the lard!").

I know, I know, I just managed to offend several different demographics. And you know what? Today I’m going to take a train, travel, and quite possibly sneeze. I’m just a regular insurgent! LOL I’ll be gone all day, I have to meet with some politicians in Albany, all part of whoring for cash.

* * *

-=[ The Psycho Magnet Chronicles ]=-

“Never fuck anyone crazier than you... ”

When my father offered the above advice, I was initially overjoyed. After all, there aren’t too many people crazier than yours truly, I thought.

I was wrong.

Really, I was dead wrong.

I’m only half joking when I kid around that I’m a certified psycho magnet. I seem to attract the crazies in a way that makes me doubt my own tenuous grasp of sanity. I have even written a poem for the psychos of my past, it starts like so…

A case of Bacardi for the crazy ladies
in the corner of my past,
the hectic horny days of yesterday.

They beckon me back
to my forgotten madnesses
The chest pounding blackouts,
that have grown into storytime delights...

Well, it’s a poetic attempt on those “forgotten madnesses.” I’ve had a really great collection of psychos in my life. There was the spoiled rich girl who wanted me to cut her during sex and who was genuinely proud of the fact that she managed to total three cars in the six-month period we were together.

I had another who actually paid someone to kill me. Or at least hurt me really bad. The problem with her plan was that her hired “killer” was no killer. And everyone thought I was connected with what was a Columbian cartel. I caught him peering into my bedroom window and managed to sneak up behind him. We got high with the money she paid him. LOL!

I believe a large part of this phenomenon had to do with the fact that at one time I wasn’t very selective about who I went to bed with. I mean, who cares? If she’s gotta nice ass and the “chemistry” is there, we’ll cross that insanity issue when we get to it, right? LMAO! Another part of it is that I’m very accepting of people. I tend to see past the “quirks” (such as cutting behavior, suicidal tendencies, and boundary issues, for example) and see the natural radiance of people. Finally, I think people who have “issues” gravitate to my ability to listen at a deeper level. I can’t help it, it’s what I do and empathy is for zanies what blood is for vampires – it’s irresistible. :;grin::

My last psycho “episode” happened with a lovely lady who was my tailor. When I was married, my wife would laugh at me anytime we went to her because, this woman had the most glorious obscenely beautiful ass. She was Russian and a natural blonde. Her face was a bit too blunt, but she had great cheekbones.

My ex-wife would tell me that she liked me, but I never paid her any mind, thinking it was playful jealousy her part. Once I was divorced, my tailor noticed the wifey was no longer in tow and, short story short, we began seeing each other. At first, it was fantastic. She was like a tigress in bed, eager and quick to satisfy all my desires. When she finally propped that delicious-looking ass up in the air and begged me to ream her I was in heaven! I was soooo happy!

Well, you know the deal. At first, she became very clingy, especially after our first anal session. Clingy is a particularly unattractive character trait. I mean, it can be cute up to a point, but normally, clingy tends to repel people. I know, I can be a little clingy myself, but I keep it in check. The clingier she became, the more I distanced myself. The more I distanced myself, the more her clinginess turned to anger. The angrier she became, the uglier the situation became. She transformed from this beautiful sex kitten into a shrew, calling me all kinds of names and questioning my manhood and sexual prowess and then calling me on the phone asking to forgive her.

Eventually the anger turned into full-blown psychosis. I was getting calls at my job, at home and she was turning up in person unannounced at all the wrong times. When I wouldn’t answer her calls, she would leave really ugly messages, like, “Who you’re fuckin in the ass now, you fucking faggot.” LOL! Shit like that. A friend told me I should watch my back.

Finally, I was coming home one day at 5am with a close female friend of mine. Now mind you, this friend is married to a friend and our relationship is purely platonic. I know her for about sixteen years and she’s one of my closest friends. Anyway, she had driven me home after a night of clubbing and she wanted to use my bathroom before she headed home, a good hour’s drive from my palace.

Well, you know who was waiting in the lobby of my building, right? At fuckin 5am in the morning! She started a huge stink, insulting my friend and getting totally out of hand, until my friend offered to fuck her up for me. Of course, none of that happened and I ended up calling the police. My friend still teases me about that night.

She left me alone after that, except for the occasional phone call and I went on with my life. Then one day without thinking, I answered my cellphone and it was her. There was this psycho edge to the tone of her voice as she informed me how she had found a real man and not faggot like me, all the while I’m mouthing the words, “Thank You!!!” I refrained from saying anything lest I encouraged her to rethink her romance and then she hanged up.

Whew!

Any other stories for the “Psycho Magnet Chronicles”? LMAOOO!

Love,

Eddie

PS: Sex is good for you.

The Sex Blog (Orgies)

¡Hola! Everybody...
I had an early 8:00 AM meeting today and forgot to post a piece I wrote on Al Goldstein, Deep Throat, and the rise of pornography in the US Bible Belt. I’m not home, so this repost will have to suffice. The recent documentary, American Swing, makes this post rather timely

* * *

-=[ Swingers, Orgies, & Thank You Darlene ]=-

No too long ago, I was addressing a group of adolescents on sex, drugs, and whatever you can think of. At one point, a young man raised his hand and asked a question that was really deep. He asked, “Is it true the there was a time that you could have sex and not worry about dying?” It was profound to me in that there is a whole generation that was raised living under the specter of AIDS. What follows is my coming of age in the pre-AIDS era...

Orgy is an outdated term for group sex. Orgies have their origin in religious festivals, which were preceded by overflowing food and drink. To this day, in fact, group sex houses still begin by the serving of dinner in which people become acquainted.

Many straight people have no clue whatsoever about group sex. Contrary to naïve notions of “anything goes” stereotype of nut jobs fucking one another helter skelter, group sex practices, which encompass swinging and wife swapping, have their own set of rules or etiquette.

The first time I was exposed to group sex was when I was in my early 20s. It was my birthday and my sister Darlene insisted that I go out with her. I was bummed because the last thing I wanted to do was hang out with my sister for my birthday. In my 20s, I was a consummate poosie hound and I wanted to fuck all the time. However, my sister insisted and I come from a dysfunctional, but extremely close-knit family. This was during the mid 70s, a decade marked by free sex and letting it all hang out. There was even a popular swingers club, Plato’s Retreat, that had a top ten hit named after it! This was during the hey-day of Studio 54, disco and all that shit. I was actually never into the disco scene itself, but it was where the girls were.

Well, I get dressed and go meet my sister and she’s laughing because she can see right through me and the fact that I didn’t want to hang out with her on my birthday. She tells me not to worry that she has a special treat for me. So we go to this club in the Chelsea section of NY’s lower Manhattan, very nondescript, no lines, and no fuckin women! And we walk in…

Nightmoves! Oh my God! We walk in and all I see are some of the most beautiful women on the dance floor in various stages of undress! I’m shocked! I turn to my sister and she goes, “Have a great birthday Big Brother.”

LMAO! Fuckin Darlene, she’s too much. Well, that was my initiation into sex outside the parameters of the vanilla world. It was a different time, to be sure, but man what a time! Darlene too k me there more as a novelty. She was happily married and was not into swinging at all, but we come from a background in which education and self-awareness were stressed and sexuality was a forum for open discussion. I would go back to Nightmoves, many, many times. The house rules were that no unaccompanied men were allowed, only couples. There was one room that was one giant mattress and that’s where most people went to have sex.

Anyway, as I was saying, orgies have their roots in sacred festivals. Since the beginning of time, humankind has been keenly aware of the power of the sex drive. Not all religions were as hung up about sex as Christianity, which has been responsible for much of the distortion and twisting of sex in the west, and elsewhere, as Christianity became the forward troops of savage, unchecked colonialism.

Group sex involves sex between more than two people. Humans like other species, can experience a high level of sexual energy when immersed in an environment where they hear, touch, see, and smell others engaged in copulation. In addition, the opportunity to engage in sex without the usual commitment or intimacy (what I call the “breeder” mentality) serves to relieve the pressure for many people.

Many ancient religions used orgies in the worship of fertility gods. This ritual also served to give widows, homely virgins, as well as spouses of infertile mates the chance to conceive. So, you see? If we still practiced these rituals, some of you hard up, repressed, unattractive ma’fuccas would be getting some instead of running around 360 actin' da fool! LOL!

Today, the North American Swing Club estimates the number of active swingers in the US to be at five million. There are a wide range of institutions, individuals, and organizations that support this activity. On my blog roll, there are two listed, I believe. One of them is called, “Swing Black.” they range from sex houses, special group sex cruise excursions, hot tub parties, S/M clubs, fetish clubs, some nudist colonies (not all!), and intimacy workshops. Interestingly enough, a couple who open their home as a group sex house once or twice a week usually runs the most common group sex establishment. There’s an area for socialization where people can congregate and get to know one another. Food is usually served. Hot tubs are a common feature and usually one’s first invitation to undress is to soak in the tub. The progression of events depends entirely on the individual. As in other social events, the decision to have sex or not is always an option. In fact, it has been my experience that group sex events are lot more enjoyable in the sense of common courtesy, than the singles scene, where the sex is implied and where men and sometimes women) act out their sexual frustrations through the trespassing of personal boundaries (groping, physical and psychological manipulation, and sometimes violence).

Normally, the rules for group sex vary but usually involves that people can only join a couple or group with their permission. There’s a distinct difference between invitation and permission. The former requires the couple to ask another to join and the latter allows the couple to be interrupted with requests of others. Communication at this point is much more subtle. Often being touched or caressed by others by others can be substituted for a verbal request. Once the request has been made, it’s up to the individual to say no, or gently push them away.

People who refuse to take no for an answer, or who are too aggressive will be asked to leave and not invited back. In my experience, I have rarely run into situations where people acted aggressively in group sex situations. In fact, it has been my experience that aggressive and even violent sexual behavior occurs more regularly in the singles scene. Some houses have rules on which sexual acts are allowed on the premises.

When I first visited Nightmoves I was surprised to see the wide range of sexual expression. there were a few who were interested only in masturbating, couples engaging in oral/ genital sex, and varying groups of three or more satisfying one another with a variety of oral, genital, anal, and over all bodily tactile stimuli.

The various forms of groups are too numerous to post here, but they range from daisy chain-like connections to Mongolian Clusters, the Rainbow and Row Boat, among others.

While I’m sure most of my readers would disagree, group sex offers many advantages for women. For one, they are able to engage in casual sex in an environment where this is little need to be concerned about rape or physical abuse. Participants are not restricted to depending on one partner for sexual gratification. Casual sex, people, can help relieve the frustration and tension experienced by those who don’t have a regular sex partner. I would submit that, contrary to other theories, the world would be less drama-filled if people had more sex.

PERIOD

It is a way of accepting responsibility for one’s own physical needs rather than blindly following the dictates of some outdated socio-religious system preaching sexual deprivation. Establishing control of one’s own life results in a feeling of empowerment and keeps y’all crabby ma’fuccas from directing frustration towards others, or internalizing these feelings and suffering from clinical depression and low self-esteem.

Love,

Eddie

The TGIF Sex Blog (Sex Lies)

¡Hola! Everybody...
I’m on my way to a conference on evidenced-based practices with the re-entry population. Most would find this extremely boring. I’ll be gone all day... The following is a repost...

It’s Friday and you know the drill: sex is good for you! Sexual fantasies are normal! Being horny in a totally wanton and slutty manner and is okay!

* * *

-=[ Sex Lies ]=-

“Men aren’t looking for true intimacy and liberation; they’re just looking to get laid.”

This myth is one of my pet peeves. I hear it all the time and it’s up there with the lie that women aren’t looking to get laid.

Bullshit!

The fact of the matter is not many people of either sex are actually looking for liberation, at least not until a very long and weary trail of life-long disappointments. And those “declaring” a need for intimacy have a funny definition for the word because intimacy requires surrender and trust and how many people have you met that are truly willing to open up and not merely pay lip service to what amounts to a vague notion of intimacy?

Liberation and intimacy is not something that’s really at the top of people’s list of things to do, right up there with finding that job, or “The One.” Perhaps this is an indication of out of whack priorities or lack of concern for substance, but personal growth is not a top priority and that’s certainly not an attitude limited to men.

Of course, men are expected to be horny – all the time. God forbid a man would tell his mate he has a headache. LOL! We’re supposed to be at the ready, cock in hand, in a moment’s notice. We’re perceived as natural for wanting sex, but that desire is also viewed as weak because the “little head” will eventually lead the “big head” astray, as if our fantasies were our vulnerable spot – our inherent weakness. And don’t you ladies have a grand laugh as you comment on the results? The ambiguity is such that you grant men sexual feeling as if it were inevitable, but then ridicule us for what you believe is our unavoidable undoing.

But what is this desire after all? I’ll tell you what it is: it’s the wish to feel sexual ecstasy with another person, to feel yourself completely inside another person’s body, to feel your own body open and wanting. As far as I’m concerned, that’s an intense experience worthy of our yearning and it deserves respect.

But Eddie, you might say, it’s not always like that! Some people are totally removed and distant when they’re having sex; it’s all about ego, a notch on the belt.

And?!!

Sure, there are some cold ma’fuccas out there, licking, sticking and cumming and then walking away. The true irony is that even their stunted efforts are a search for connection – for that fleeting moment when the ego defenses disappear and they feel something bigger and more complete than anyone of their “heads.”

Shit! If we men can’t express that longing to our lovers, openly and without fear of being stigmatized, it’s not because there’s something twisted about sexual desire that serves to get in the way; it’s that fuckin’ committee in the brain that shames us and shuts us up. Yet every time we get laid, that’s another opportunity for opening up, for a chance to discover true intimacy.

Everytime.

Face it: a man who wants to get laid, is a man who wants to stay in the human race. Instead of ridiculing or marginalizing that, why don’t you treat it as a positive sign and look more carefully at the nature of his sexual motivations.

It often seems like a miracle when you first cross that erotic bridge and discover that someone wants you. Especially if you’re convinced that you will be forever alone and unloved in this cold world.

And you get laid – again and again – and the confidence acquired leads to you to new questions and new answers about the value of sex, about a lover’s needs and companionship in our lives, about this sense of adventure and mystery in our bodies.

And you know what?!! At that point, we’re experiencing sexual liberation, whether we’re giving it a name or not. Some men will begin to question what a male is supposed to do and act like and will no doubt find many things oppressive and unnecessary. Ladies? Most men don’t want to sacrifice their emotions and sexual expression to outdated and harmful notions of masculinity. This is the first stage of the sexual revolution: not buying into the outmoded models of manhood and masculinity/ womanhood and feminity. Refusing to buy into the bullshit is a revolution in itself.

You should be happy to meet such a man: he still harbors a hope that there’s something better out there.

And you know what? He’s right.

Love,

Eddie

The TGIF Sex Blog (Your Sexuality)

¡Hola! Everybody...
I’m thinking of adding the following qualification to all my posts: “I’m not here to convince you, nor to change your mind. I’m here to tell the truth as I see it and being “nice” about it -- in the face of all the cruelty and injustice -- is not at the top of my priorities. Please note, that I most likely did not invite you here. Whatever the case, if you don’t like me or what I write --leave!”

I think I’ve been clear about this sentiment in the past, why do I have to hit people over the head with it?

* * *

-=[ Sensuality/ Sexuality ]=-

"Yes, there was a primal attraction, that’s true enough. But there was also a wild beast-like hunger for every inch of your body, every secret niche and shameful part of it, every smell. It yearned to throw you under me on your taut belly and fuck you from behind, riding you mercilessly, relishing in the smell and sweat arising from your ass, glorifying in penetrating your offering, your reddened cheeks, your helpless cries and tangled hair... ”

You are a sexual person since before the day you are born -- from the time in the womb, until you leave this planet. Part of a healthy sexual attitude includes seeing sex as a positive aspect of life. Maintaining a positive sexuality and expressing sexuality in a manner that improves your life is necessary for developing the capacity for intimacy.

This perspective is vastly different from the traditional double-standard of most adults. Anti-sex conditioning and negative attitudes regarding sexuality, especially that sex is “dirty,” and that men and women are different sexually, creates dysfunction and separates us from our inherent sexuality. Sexuality is a normal way for you to express your human need for touching, sharing, and pleasuring. This need is equally valid for men and women.

The good news is that you can undo the conditioning and increase your awareness and comfort with sexuality. This does not mean that you have to feel sexual and perform at any time, in any situation, with any partner. That is the sexual pressure placed by tradition on the shoulders of men. It is a dehumanizing perspective of male sexuality. Equally dehumanizing is the traditional imperative that women not to be sexual at any time, in any situation, or with any person other than her husband -- and even then not be carried away with passion. I am amazed at the vast numbers of women going without sex these days.

Yes, you can learn to be comfortable with your sexuality and more accepting of yourself as a sexual person. The wonderful truth of the matter is that you have the choice to be sexual at a time and in a manner where you can truthfully celebrate healthy sexual expression.

There are many ways we learn about sexuality, but the most primal one is through touch. The touching you received from your mother and father as a child is important; and your own exploration of your body. Before the age of six months, children discover the positive sensations of touching their genitals. Was playing with your penis or vulva accepted by the parent as normal and healthy, or were your hands slapped while being told: “No! That’s dirty!”?

My point here is not to get into a blame game for sexual dysfunction; your parents were acting out according to what they knew. It has only recently emerged that childhood sexual curiosity and exploration are healthy part of development. However, it is my belief that as adults we can learn to undo negative conditioning and build a healthy sexual awareness and sexual self-esteem.

There’s a lesson for all of us in a child touching herself that we need to heed. The child is experiencing positive, pleasurable feelings, not genitally focused sexual arousal.

Sensuality is the basis for sexuality.

The child feels she’s entitled to the warm, comfortable feelings of sensual touch. Genital exploration and stimulation are a natural extension of sensuous touch.

That’s the gist of it all. No one, or no book, can teach you nor force a sexual response. No one can teach you how to become sexually aroused and have an orgasm. The potential for sexual response is natural. What you can learn is awareness of sensual and sexual stimuli, how to nurture and cultivate sexual desire, the importance of clear and direct communication, and active involvement in giving and receiving pleasure. You have to be open to your sexuality, not inhibited by the obstacles that interfere with healthy sexual expression.

The most common obstacle is goal-oriented sex. That’s not sensuality, but a fast food version of sexuality. Call it Mickey Dee sex. No wonder so many women pack it up! LOL! (Use it or lose it!). Goal-oriented sex -- sex in which the ends (orgasm) supersede the process (sensuality) -- leads to a lot of bullshit. The list is exhausting: performance anxiety, peer pressure, forced sexual response, use of sex as a weapon in an argument or power struggle, use of sex for manipulation – and on and on the list goes.

Sex is not a performance to prove something to yourself or you partner, it’s not a spectator sport in the sense that it’s not a competition to see who can have the best orgasm, or last the longest, or anything like that. You hear people talking about sex in the most degrading manner: “I did that bitch,” “Girl, I did that ma’fucca good and he can’t get enough.”

That’s not sex, it’s rutting. It’s not even good rutting.

Sexual awareness is about being open and receptive to affectionate, playful, erotic, and intercourse touch. The essence of sexuality is giving and receiving pleasurable touch.

Sensuality is not something you either have or do not. It’s a range of attitudes, behaviors, and feelings which reflect you as a sexual person. Remember, sex is a good thing

::Martha Stewart smile::

Sexuality is a major part of who you are as a human being and your personality. You are responsible for your sexuality; express it so that it enhances your life and intimate relationships.

Love,

Eddie