The Friday Sex Blog [Masturbation]

¡Hola! Everybody...
I'm sick with a painful sore throat and fever.

Today, the online magazine I write for, Subversify, will be posting my reflection on 9/11. I experienced the events first hand and I think I offer an alternative perspective. Go there and leave a comment (click here).

Sex talk...

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-=[ Masturbation ]=-

The following is a true story. Not too long ago, I got a phone call from a distraught friend. Apparently, he was caught by his wife masturbating, which isn’t so strange. What was strange about my friend’s predicament and the cause for his anxiety was his wife’s response: she was outraged. LOL! According to my friend, his wife felt that his masturbating was an affront to her sexual capability. In other words, if he had to masturbate, then that was a reflection of her not “satisfying” her man.

To make matters worse, she confided the incident to her best friend, who happens to be the caller’s sister. I know my friend’s sister and she has the biggest mouth in the world! So, now everybody knows my friend was caught spanking the monkey by his wife. LMAO! Don’t laugh, he tells me, because the whole incident has brought up some issues that threaten the marriage, namely my friend’s wife’s notions of sex and sexuality.

I too find her response strange, but it is not the first time I hear this kind of attitude regarding masturbation. I remember a summer fling affair I had with an intelligent, highly sexual, college-educated Latina. We did practically everything that summer, but when I asked her if she ever masturbated (I wanted to watch/ participate), she looked at me as if I had grown a third eye and told me that she didn’t need to masturbate. Her whole perspective on masturbation was that it was for women who couldn’t get a man.

I was shocked.

I masturbate – all the time. Who knows, I may have masturbated to a fantasy fueled by one of your pics! LMAO! Kidding!

I masturbate all the time especially when I’m writing, or doing something creative. I read somewhere that writers are incorrigible masturbators. My exes all know about my predilection toward pleasuring myself and for the most part, it’s never been an issue. In fact, some were grateful for it because if they weren’t in the mood, I would just take matters into my own hands. However, I must warn you: making me do that too often would eventually lead to you sleeping alone. ::wink::

Masturbation has been taboo for a long, long time. Christianity actually considers it a sin of some type and I remember the kind nuns of my childhood telling me I would go blind and me thinking: Yeah right bitches. I'll believe that when I believe that single, homeless teen moms get preggers without sex and give birth to gods. Well, I didn’t phrase exactly that way, but it was what I felt.

Most religiously inflexible people will argue against masturbation from the point of view that it’s an unnatural act, hence a sin against God. But I beg to differ: if it were so unnatural, then why is there some preliminary research showing that fetuses masturbate? Yep, you heard that right! Fetuses masturbate! In 1996, two ob-gyns in Italy published a letter in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology in which they described observing a female fetus at 32 weeks of gestation touching the vulva in a caressing manner primarily in the region of the clitoris:

… Movements stopped after 30 tom 40 seconds and started again after a few minutes. Furthermore, these slight touches were repeated and were associated with short, rapid, movements of the pelvis and legs… In addition to this behavior, the fetus contracted the muscles of the trunk and limbs, and then clonicotonic [prolonged spasms] of the whole body followed. Finally, she relaxed and rested.

They also noted “evidence of male fetuses’ excitement reflex in utero,” such as “erection” and masturbatory movements.

In 1995, the British science series Equinox was the first to broadcast ultrasound footage of a male fetus playing with himself. One doctor, Dean Edell has gone so far as to write: “It is common during second trimester ultrasonography examinations to see the fetus touch itself repeatedly and rhythmically on the genitalia, offering proof that masturbation is rooted not in sin but in biology.” [emphasis added]

So much for the “it’s unnatural” argument. Masturbation is a normal, and (I would add) necessary, function of human sexuality.

So, if it’s natural, why all the beef about masturbation, you ask? Active disapproval of masturbation has largely been based around the widespread concept that the supply of semen is limited. In ancient Chinese culture, masturbation among men was forbidden, as causing irreparable loss of male essence. Similar ideas are the foundation for the majority of attacks on masturbation. Beginning in the 18^th century, descriptions by religious zealots of men gone mad through excessive masturbation led to generations of hysterical anti-masturbation texts. Gadgets inhibiting masturbation and even operations such as adolescent circumcision were done as a way to discourage masturbation. Some young girls were subjected to chastity belts, modified girdles, and in extreme cases, clitoridectomy. Even Freud agreed that habitual masturbators caused harm to their psychological well-being.

Paradoxically, societal attitudes to masturbation have probably varied more than any other sexual act. For example, masturbation is not mentioned in the catalogue of sins in the book of Spiritual Exercises (1548) of St. Ignatius Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits, but the hugely influential Catholic philosophizer and theologian St. Thomas Aquinas (1225-74) reviled masturbation as a sin worse than fornication. Aquinas dismissed female masturbation as “mere feminine lewdness,” probably because there was no spilling of seed.

However, nothing in the Bible directly condemns masturbation. The New Catholic Encyclopedia of 1967 calls it a “serious sin that will keep one from heaven,” but only quotes a verse stating that the “covetous” will never inherit the kingdom of God. From the looks of it, I wonder if I even want to inherit such a “Kingdom.” Sheesh!

Masturbation generally refers to bringing oneself to orgasm using manual stimulation. If this is accomplished with the help of a partner, it is called mutual masturbation, petting, or foreplay. Masturbation is a normal process of sexual development and maturity. Boys generally begin ejaculating between the ages of 10-13 years. One researcher has concluded that masturbation is like sexual rehearsal and if interfered with, can lead to sexual dysfunction in adult years.

As I noted previously, the late 17^th and early 18^th centuries marked the beginning of a two-hundred year period where masturbation came to be viewed as a form of unhealthy self-abuse by the morally degenerate or mentally ill. This led to widespread public phobias that resulted in many cases such as the one reported in the 1894-5 edition of the International Medical Magazine:

A doctor in Ohio decided to eliminate a girl’s desire to masturbate by cauterizing the clitoris. When this failed to bring the desired effect, he infibulated the area with a silver wire. These she tore loose and in a final effort, he cut out the clitoris. Adults have been castrated. As late as 1897 a man was documented to have had his penis amputated as a cure for masturbation.

As with anything else practiced to an extreme, masturbation can potentially have harmful side-effects, but this can be said about almost anything. One unintended consequence of experiencing orgasm primarily through masturbation is premature orgasm. I remember explaining to my son after I accidentally caught him jacking off that masturbation is ok (just don’t fuck up our bed sheets! LOL!), but over dependence on masturbation can lead to premature ejaculation. The hand is not a good substitute for a vagina, and clenching your cock with a tight-fisted king-fu grip can never be emulated by a vagina, I don’t care how many kegels a woman performs.

In addition, this can be a problem for women who rely primarily on masturbation toys and their hands to achieve orgasm. No man can ever hope to reproduce the vibrations created by sex toys and if that’s all you’re doing, it could lead to some dissatisfaction with sex. In other words ladies, go get some fuckin cock once in a while and learn how to ride that tiger in the quest for some old-fashioned mutual orgasm.

Some would say that regular masturbation helps one’s ability to orgasm by keeping the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle toned. This muscle covers the genital region from the mons pubis to the anus. We all know by now that a physician named Arnold Kegel developed an exercise that improves the PC’s muscle tone. How cool it is to have a vaginal exercise named after yourself, huh?!!

For the devoted masturbators among us there are masturbation parties where people come together to meet and partake in mutual masturbation. Safe sex kits are supplied and some add to the festivities by wearing costumes.

One final note: there is no universally accepted theory as to how often one should masturbate. Some men regularly masturbate as often as six times a day with no apparent harm. However, as I mentioned above, men and women who masturbate excessively may risk becoming too accustomed to the stimulus of the hand, which often cannot be equaled by stimulus in intercourse. Abstaining from masturbation for a period of time can restore sensitivity. For my purposes, masturbation should be seen as a thermostat for our emotional well-being and should be used according to a person’s needs.

Sex is good for you…

Love,

Eddie

The Friday Sex Blog [Sex and Lies, pt. I]

¡Hola! Everybody...

Well, this weekend marks the official end of summer. Personally, I would like to extend my gratitude to all the women who, in the quest for attention, paraded their scantily and seductively clad teats and asses for my benefit. I want you all to know that your efforts are truly appreciated. Keep up the good work!

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-=[ Sex Lies, pt. I ]=-

Men aren’t looking for true intimacy and liberation; they’re just looking to get laid.

This myth is one of my pet peeves. I hear it all the time and it’s up there with the lie that women aren’t looking to get laid. Bullshit.

The fact of the matter is not many people of either sex are actually looking for liberation, at least not until a very long and weary trail of life-long disappointments. And those “declaring” a need for intimacy have a funny definition for the word because intimacy requires surrender and trust and how many people have you met that are truly willing to open up and not merely pay lip service to what amounts to a vague notion of intimacy?

Liberation and intimacy is not something that’s really at the top of people’s list of things to do, right up there with finding that job, or “The One.” Perhaps this is an indication of out of whack priorities or lack of concern for substance, but personal growth is not a top priority and that’s certainly not an attitude limited to men.

Of course, men are expected to be horny -- all the time. God forbid a man would tell his mate he has a headache. LOL! We’re supposed to be at the ready, rock-hard cock in hand, at a moment’s notice. We’re perceived as natural for wanting sex, but that desire is also viewed as weak because the “little head” will eventually lead the “big head” astray, as if our fantasies were our vulnerable spot, our inherent weakness. And don’t you ladies have a grand laugh when you view the results. The ambiguity is such that you grant men sexual feeling as if it were inevitable, but then ridicule us for what you believe is our unavoidable undoing.

But what is this desire after all? I’ll tell you what it is: it’s the wish to feel sexual ecstasy with another person, to feel yourself completely inside another person’s body, to feel your own body open and wanting. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a noble purpose to aspire to and it deserves respect.

“But Eddie,” you might say, “it’s not always like that! Some people are totally removed and distant when they’re having sex; it’s all about ego, a notch on the belt.” And my response to that is: And?

Sure, there are some cold motherfuckers out there, whipping it in and out and walking away. The true irony is that even their stunted efforts are a warped search for connection -- for that fleeting moment ego defenses disappear, tumbling down and opening -- however fleeting -- to a connection in which they feel something superior and more complete than at any other time.

Shit, If we men can’t express that longing to our lovers, openly and without fear of being stigmatized, it’s not because there’s something twisted about sexual desire that serves to get in the way; it’s that fuckin’ committee in the brain that shames us and shuts us up. Yet every time we get laid, that’s another opportunity for opening up, for a chance to discover true intimacy.

Face it: A man who wants to get laid, is a man who wants to stay in the human race. Instead of ridiculing or marginalizing that yearning, why don’t we as a society perceive it as a positive and look more carefully at the nature of his sexual motivations.

It often seems like a miracle when you first cross that erotic bridge and discover that someone wants you. Especially if you’re convinced that you will be forever alone and unloved in this cold world. And you get laid -- again and again -- and the confidence acquired leads to you to new questions and new answers about the value of sex, about a lover’s needs and companionship in our lives, about this embodied sense of adventure and mystery.

And you know what? At that point, some of us are experiencing sexual liberation, whether we’re giving it a name or not. Some men will begin to question accepted norms of what a man is supposed to do and act like and will no doubt find many things oppressive and unnecessary. Just in case you haven’t received the memo, ladies, most men don’t want to sacrifice their emotions and sexual expression to outdated, anxiety-provoking and harmful concepts of masculinity. This is the first stage of the sexual liberation: not buying into outdated models of manhood and masculinity. Refusing to buy into or questioning the way things are is a revolutionary attempt of liberation in itself. It is a subversive act.

You should be happy to meet such a man for he still harbors a hope that there’s something better out there.

And he’s right.

Love,

Eddie

The Friday Sex Blog [The Collazo Sisters]

¡Hola! Everybody...

Seeking work is more work than actual work. Just sayin’…

Summer reruns!

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-=[ Blame The Collazo Sisters ]=-

A woman’s behind -- an altar to be worshiped on one’s knees.

-- Me

Actually, the title is incorrect: we shouldn’t blame all the Collazo sisters, only Nellie Collazo’s big sister, Delilah. But there are all manner of connection in all this...

Nellie Collazo was in my eighth-grade class. She was a Taina princess -- long, straight dark brown hair that brushed the tops of the cheeks of her cute little ass. Her translucent skin was like cinnamon and when she smiled, it was like the sun coming out after days of cloudiness.

I am convinced to this day that Nellie descended from Taino royalty.

All year I entertained fantasies about Nellie, but I was too shy to ever say anything to her. My two friends would tease me about it all the time. Finally, about a month before the junior high school “prom,” I managed to muster up the courage to ask her.

Me: “Would you be my prom date?” Or something to that effect.

She: “No.”

I was heartbroken. I was very shy, a nerd, and girls always made me nervous. I had other options. There was the impossibly and prematurely developed Susana Susana (that was her name!). Susana looked like what I imagined a young (and dark brown) Mae West would like look and her sexuality -- even at 13 -- smoldered. To look at Susanna was to see the smoke-filled rooms and smell the rum I’m sure she ventured later in life. She had the habit of cornering me between classes and trying to cop a feel and kiss me. I hated it.

That summer, I was sent to a special program for gifted students and I would fall in love for the first time, but that’s another story. What happened that summer was that I made a conscious decision to transform myself. I did a fashion and personality make-over. I was too dammed shy and wearing a suit and tie everyday to school (thanks mom!) wasn’t cool. I discovered that I could be funny in an insightful way and that humor was a great way to approach women, so I honed my craft that summer and polished my image.

That September, I entered high school with my new cool make-over: I was known for my long, black cashmere coat, and my favorite ensemble (wardrobe makeover made possible with the financial help and fashion sense of my mother), was a black Italian knit (it had three barely noticeable electric blue stripes on each side of the buttons), and black sharkskin pants. And, of course, a pair black suede and leather “Playboys” (shoes).

You may laugh at this today, but back then, that was the shit. I cut my hair in a modified “Caesar” look all the bad boys wore, and -- voila! -- a new Eddie emerged. I was still intellectually inclined and at fourteen, I was in the process of reading “every great book ever written,” but I was also “cool.” I was also part of “College Bound” a program implemented by the City of New York. It was an effort to identify gifted students, what I would later jokingly call the “talented tenth,” and segregate us from the rest of the unwashed and stupid black, Latin@, and poor white masses. I attended a school that housed close to 3,000 students in a building that was meant to house half that number and the average class size was probably 35-40 students. Students in the College Bound program would attend classes that had, at most, 10-15 students. More often I took classes that had less than ten students. The idea being that smaller classes would allow teachers to give more specialized instruction to the students.

I was on the Dean’s List -- a straight- A student -- but I was also cool, and I became very popular. My school was also a dangerous place. the hallways, bathrooms, locker rooms were all places where the “bad students” the one’s abandoned by the state and the city, would congregate and sell drugs, smoke cigarettes, engage in sex, and extort the more meek. I happened to be friends with some of the riff raff, many of them having grown up with me. So, I began then to travel the different worlds I would travel all of my life. I was as likely to appear on the Dean’s List as well as with the guy who would take your lunch money at the point of a knife.

One of my friends was Michael. Michael was an abandoned child who was raised by numerous different adults, related and not. He was also the one child no mother wanted you to hang out with. Michael was famous for sniffing glue, something popular in those days. He was also the only Puerto Rican I knew that wore his hair in the style of the Partridge Family’s David Cassidy. That was a huge fashion fuax pas in the black and Latin@ ‘hood we grew up in but though he looked nothing like the wildly popular pop star, he managed to carry it off and the girls loved it! LOL

One day we all decided to go to the movies and who was with Michael the Glue-Sniffer? None other than my Taina princess, Nellie Collazo! Not only that, he treated her like crap and she even paid for his entrance and bought him candy!

I was conflicted and Michael, who was in actuality an extremely intelligent young man, just laughed, said, “They’re all ho’s Eddie.”

I was stunned, but I learned an important lesson about the allure of a bad boy that day. More importantly, it was the first time I laid eyes on Nellie’s older sister. They didn’t look like sisters at all. Nellie’s older sister was light-skinned with curly light-brown hair and her eyes -- impossibly large --were a wicked shade of yellow.

It was winter and she had a coat on and Michael, noting my gaze, whispered, “She’s a stuck up bitch, you’ll never get that.”

At that point in time, I considered Michael a sexual genius (which speaks volumes as to how little I knew). After all, he had Nellie, she of the Taino royalty ancestry, smoking his cock in the balcony of the movie we went to that day.

A couple of years passed and I was walking up those notoriously dangerous Bushwick High School stairways in-between classes when I looked up.

And that’s when it happened.

I looked up and what I saw changed my life forever.

Right there, just a few steps above me was the most rounded, most deliciously curved ass I had ever seen in my life. Up until then, I never paid much attention to the female derriere. It was just something you fondled on your way to the flower of a woman’s vagina or the buds of her breasts. But this was no ordinary ass. It was perfection personified. It was rounded, just the right size, and the owner of that ass had the smallest waist I had ever seen on a woman. It seemed that if I tried, I could wrap my hands around her waist and my fingertips would touch. She was curvy, but lean and she moved like a sleek cat -- all stealth, sex, and grace.

I walked up those stairs in rapture.

I guess she sensed something, quickly turned around, demanded, “What are you doing?! Are you staring at my ass?”

Me, “I’m praying.”

She, “Praying? What are you praying about?”

I was debated if this was a good tact to take, decided it would be foolish, but blurted it out anyway, “Your glorious derrière.”

And she laughed -- a strange sound that sounded like a song. She was beautiful in every sense of the word. Her small, pert contemptuous breasts defied gravity. And those eyes! Those wickedly yellowish/ amber, impossibly large eyes framed by exquisitely formed cheekbones that came out to here. But most important, Nellie’s older sister had the Most Beautiful Ass in the World.

“Very funny,” she said, the hint of a smile on like a playful sprite above her coral lips destroying her attempt to affect an indignation she obviously didn’t feel.

Seeing an opportunity, I jumped on my chance, decided I needed to say something, but not knowing what else, I managed, “I’m also a genius.”

At that she laughed. "Really," she asked playfully.

Me, “Can I walk you to class?”

She, “No!”

Me, “You would rather I continue to stare?”

She ignored that last bit and turned around and continued with that divine ass of hers. I watched, and she knew I was watching, but didn’t complain or protest.

As she left to go on to her class, I asked, “Do you come by this way often?”

She, “Everyday! Wow, you are a genius,” and she laughed again. Her eyes were an open invitation I wasn't sure of.

Every day, I would wait for her and follow her up the stairs and everyday she would appear. She wouldn’t engage me in conversation except to inquire if I still prayed.

My answer was always, “Everyday at this time.”

And she would let out that musical laughter that so enraptured me.

One day I didn’t show, I was making out with Cinderella -- well, not that Cinderella, but Cynthia, who I called Cinderella for reasons I can’t get into at this juncture. And little by little, I would stop waiting for Nellie Collazo’s Big Sister's Ascencion. Besides, she had a parade of worshipers, I realized, that walked up the stairs with her. It was like a holy procession. Besides, Cinderella adored me and she would let me taste the fruit of her lips and her wondrously pale, puffy nipples.

One day, totally by accident, I looked up and again saw that wondrous ass and I swear the fuckin' the angels sang.

She turned around and asked, “Where have you been?”

I answered, “I haven’t been praying lately, my goddess refuses to answer my prayers.”

She laughed, the amber in her eyes sparkling, and teased, “And what would your prayer be asking?”

Me, “That I could walk you to your class, then take you out on a date, and someday taste the dew on your bottom lip.”

With that, she turned around without saying anything and looking over her shoulder (to make sure I was praying to her ass, I guess) said, “You can walk me to my class, and I would like to go out with you, but I want to know... ”

to be continued...

Love,

Eddie

The Friday Sex Blog [Sexual Peaks]

¡Hola! Everybody…
It's Friday! Yaaay!

Today marks my first day of unemployment. It’s been more than twenty years since I could say that…

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-=[ Sexual Peaks: Men and Women ]=-

Today's post has to be a quickie (pun intended!).

I think that by now most of us are familiar with the cliché that knowledge is power. Clichés are clichés because for the most part they are true. I would like to spin that cliché a little and add that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. What I mean by that is that incomplete knowledge is dangerous because it leads to erroneous conclusions and assumptions.

The folk wisdom that women reach their sexual peak after age thirty; men during adolescence is one of those assumptions.

Mind you, after extensively researching this area -- the published literature, reading through piles of “experts,” Masters and Johnson, etc. -- I can’t say I have come to a definitive conclusion. However, that doesn't mean that we shouldn't question this assumption. In fact, there are more reasons than not to be suspicious about this often-cited “fact.”

I started where everyone should start: I asked myself the question where did this claim have its origin. I was able to trace it to the famous Kinsey surveys of more than a half century ago. Kinsey came to this conclusion by simply polling people on the frequency of various sexual behaviors. Based on the number of times the interviewees said they had masturbated or had intercourse or erotic dreams, Kinsey's crew figured that women reached their peaks in their mid-to-late thirties -- long after men.

Sexual peak is not a clear-cut term, however. For example, the number of sexual experiences per year may be different from how much one enjoys them, and this may be different from how often one thinks about sex or how much enjoyment one brings to one's partner. Who's to say which one these is most relevant to the idea of a “sexual peak” period?

Even if we were to decide to limit this discussion to one of mere frequency, the problem with using the Kinsey-style method is that it's unclear whether women are said to peak later in life for physiological, psychological, or social reasons. One possible reason, according to other studies on human sexuality, is that giving birth may help women to become more sexually responsive because they develop more capillaries (and therefore more “feeling”) around the genital area. However, one researcher notes that a crying baby in the next room may do far more to cool sexual desire than a few more blood vessels could do to stoke it. In fact, a good number of women report a loss of sexual desire immediately after giving birth.

One of the better-known researchers of sexual hormones and their effect on behavior is John Money (and with whom I disagree with in other areas). He insists that how we are raised to think about sex is more relevant than how much estrogen or testosterone we secrete. He observes that while we need a little amount of hormone to get the system going, additional hormone doesn't do anything. If women enjoy sex more, or simply do it more, at forty than at twenty, this is probably more a reflection of the time required to break free from early social conditioning about sexual desire. According to Money, much of what we see as biological in women is intertwined with the concepts of how girls are educated sexually (i.e., the “Madonna/ Whore” dichotomy).

Women are taught to repress their sexuality. They are conditioned to think that if they're horny that they're sluts. Women peaking later may be a consequence of the time it takes to get over the more than twenty years of socialization before they can learn sex can be fun. An even better case against a biological reason for a later sexual peak is that from an evolutionary point of view it makes no sense for women to become interested in sex just as they're nearing the end of their childbearing years.

If the issue is socialization, then the gap between men's and women's sexual peak should narrow (become more alike) as the impact of sexual double standards lessen. Sure enough, studies since the Kinsey Report are consistently showing that “women are reaching high levels of sexual arousal at earlier ages.” There seems to be a leveling out between the sexes these days in terms of enjoyability and frequency of sex. On the other hand, women are less likely to report a lusty motive (“I was horny”) until they are in their late thirties.

What all this points to is that there is a great need for a large national study, but politicians are naturally nervous about such a project and are resistant. In fact, there are very few large-scale sexual studies these days.

There is a more important question with the claim that women reach their sexual peak at a later stage of the life cycle: a peak implies that something drops off after that milestone. The opposite seems to be true. Women tend to develop a greater ease and frequency of orgasm with more sexual experience. There is no evidence of a decline after the so-called peak.

Physiological changes in men are easier to predict than in women. Most forty year-olds ejaculate less than fifteen-year-olds, for example. However, the context in which the arousal takes place counts for much more here. How can one speak meaningfully about levels of sexual excitement without knowing who is on the other side of the bed?

More importantly, the idea that men have passed their sexual peak before their 20s should raise the question whether a state of a perpetual erection means someone is at their sexual “peak” in any real sense. The middle-aged man may win the race in terms of the sexual satisfaction he gives and receives. In fact, a study of healthy middle-aged to elderly men indicated that while sexual arousal and activity were lower for older men, sexual enjoyment and satisfaction did not show a decline with increasing age. Furthermore, masturbation accounts for the majority of the huge surge early in life. That led Kinsey to talk about men reaching their sexual peak in late adolescence. Is that the measure of the kind of sexual peak we’re really interested in?

This much is clear from my academic explorations and from personal experience: most men and women can enjoy sex at any time from puberty until death. Some researchers have found that some people don't reach their peak until they're in their late 80s! It would appear to me that there is no evidence suggesting that biology is dominant over social conditioning, psychological conditions, and individual situations. Which to me means there are no fixed sexual prime years or peak.

Yes, sometimes a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Love,

Eddie

The Friday Sex Blog [Divine Fire and Anal Sex Play for Men]

¡Hola! Everybody...
The Friday Sex Blog is an attempt at mature (and sometimes humorous) talk about sex mostly from my perspective as a hetero Latino male. I have always tried to be inclusive or pluralistic in my presentations. IOW, I have tried to include the cultural and social perspectives of others, as best I could. However, as with all human beings, my perspective is limited.

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-=[ Semen Retention ]=-

Okay! Before I go into the meat (pun unintended) of today’s post, I would like to mention an interesting observation. In ancient China, emperors often called on sages, mostly Taoist sages, for sexual advice. However, before accepting any advice, the sage had to go through a test. The emperor required any prospective master to prove his sexual control. He did this by offering the would-be advisor a full glass of wine and demanding the sage insert his penis into it. If he was truly a master, the story goes, he could absorb the wine into his penis and then release it back into the wine glass. This was taken as absolute proof that the sage could absorb a woman’s yin essence and therefore know the secret to immortality.

Don’t laugh: the practice of absorbing fluid into the penis is quite real, and can still be witnessed on the streets of India today. One yogi in Bombay actually sucks up oil into his penis in private and then publicly lights it on fire as he urinates it out! He claims it as divine fire. Imagine that ladies! LMAOOO! Over the past two years, I’ve been engaged in the process of learning this technique, so I might just light your ass on fire if you request it…

Kidding!

This yogic suction technique is one that many people confuse with the true practice of semen retention. I will write more about from the perspective of my experiences. Eventually, imma need a partner. ::wink::

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-=[ Anal Play for Men ]=-

Before reading on, please take a look at the following short skit. It’s from a show I really enjoyed, “Lucky Louie,” on HBO:

LMAOOO! Too funny! I love it!

Men are extremely anxious about anything going near their anus because stereotypes dictate that any man that admits to liking his anus stimulated is a “faggot.” The fact is that a sexual act does not constitute a sexual orientation. In fact, one study I read stated that not all gay couples engage in anal sex. In any case, enjoying a certain sex act does not make you gay. That’s just ignorant, close-minded thinking. Actually, homophobia has been shown to be a form of homoerotic wish fulfillment. That’s right, homophobic men (as quantified by psychological measures) were the ones most turned on by gay porn. These are the guys who like to make jokes about "taking it up the ass" and questioning the "masculinity" of other men. LOL!

Which is why I laugh when the sock puppets with fake-ass names come here and post responses detailing their elaborate fantasies about me being raped in prison… In any case, as in most things sexual, likes and dislikes are culturally conditioned. If you were raised in a society were “real mean” took it up the ass, men would be taking it up the ass and bragging about it, so stop your bullshit now. Shit, there would probably be a Super Bowl about it. LOL You doubt me? Well, apply some logic to this issue. If you’re inflexible in this cultural context, then you would most likely be as inflexible in another cultural context.

Hmmmmm…

There’s a biological premise for pleasurable anal play. There are two pleasurable spots in and around a man’s anus. The first location is the anus itself: it is very sensitive, surrounded by a dense mass of nerve bundles. The second is the prostate gland, located a few inches inside the anus towards the belly button, and often feels like a firm bulge.

As I mentioned earlier, some men are not very open to experimentation around this area, as enjoying it may make them question their sexuality. As stupid as this may sound, it is a result of the prejudice and lack of understanding in today’s society. In any case, make sure to communicate with your partner to avoid bad reactions. If your partner refuses, don’t force him, but try to open him up to the idea by exploring the area gently with your hands. He’ll slowly get used to being touched around there, and it won’t seem as big of a deal. And remember, by stimulating the prostate gland as he gets close to climaxing, you can give him a tremendously intense orgasm. Most men are unaware of the intense orgasms experienced via this technique and many who do, often like it though they're loathe to admit it outwardly.

As with all anal play, cleanliness is essential. A bath or a shower is a great way to start things off, setting the tone for the festivities. If your man is an anal virgin, you can celebrate his deflowering by making it a “special” occasion. Once your finger(s) or sex toy has been inside his anus, don't put them anywhere else until you wash them. Carelessness in this regard can cause infection. Make sure to have a good lubricant, and start as slowly as possible the first few times. Lubrication is extremely important and you can never use too much. Also, be sure to clip your fingernails quite short before doing any type of penetration, especially anal. The lining of the rectum is thin and can be easily torn by sharp objects.

Once you get him lubricated, you want to start by taking it really easy. Most people who have never had any anal play will instinctually tense their sphincter muscles. If they are tensing, do not try to push through, as it will cause pain and discomfort. Instead, make little circles around his anus and wait for him to relax. Once he starts relaxing, gently try moving your finger in and out a little. Start shallow and gradually move deeper, just make sure to watch his reactions and facial expressions to see if you are going too fast. Once you get inside, you can do a variety of things, including: twisting your hand, pulling in and out, moving in large circles following the wall of the cavity, or stimulate specific spots with little circles. The most effective use of anal play is definitely right at orgasm. If you have a finger inside stimulating his prostate when he reaches an orgasm, you will send him to another world of pleasure, one that he will most likely be asking you to help him revisit.

Analingus, licking the anal area, is another form of anal play. Perhaps this would be a better introduction into playing with your man’s anus. Before engaging in analingus, make sure to thoroughly wash the area. Once clean, licking this area of the body is virtually no different then licking any other, and can be very stimulating for your partner. Like other play in this area, don’t just jump right in, build up to it and allow for your partner to get comfortable. A great way to start performing analingus is to move into it when you are performing fellatio (aka smoking that cock). This area is very sensitive, so run your tongue around in circular motions, use your tongue to tickle, and when you are both ready for it, even to penetrate.

Access to his anus is a little more problematic than to his penis, but there are several positions that are ideal: lying on his back with a large pillow to arch his ass up, him bent over with legs spread, him standing with you kneeling, and him upside down with his legs spread.

Finally, there’s anal intercourse. Now, anal sex is quite a different ball of wax than using your finger. Oh boy! Man gotta really trust you for this one. Imagine if you separate and you blast it on Facebook or some other social media that he let you ream his asshole?!! LOL! Seriously, even if he enjoys and requests you to pleasure him there, he may be apprehensive about putting something so large as a dildo in there. The keys to success are copious amounts of lubrication, relaxation on his part, and a slow, gentle approach.

Let him tell you when he wants it harder or faster and don't be shy about playing with his penis at the same time.

There are women who enjoy anal play and some use butt plugs. A butt plug is a toy that is inserted in the rectum. Once inserted, you can leave it where it is or move it in and out. Many people enjoy the sense of fullness that butt plugs convey, much in the same way women enjoy the fullness experienced during vaginal sex. Others enjoy the sensation of inserting something in their anus.

Butt plugs come in many different shapes and sizes. Some of the sizes seem silly, but some people are obsessed with larger toys, so companies willingly accommodate. The most popular plugs are less than an inch in diameter, and roughly 4 inches long. Beads are some of the most popular anal toys. They range from soft to firm-textured, usually consist of four to ten balls connected with a piece of nylon cord or plastic/rubber, and there are a wide selection in ball sizes. Whichever type you are interested in, they are virtually the best toys to ease into and introduce anal play.

Climax beads are a very simple toy to use. After being covered by lubricant, they are inserted into the anus bead by bead. Most people then leave the beads where they are until near the point of orgasm, at which point the beads are pulled out one by one. This can greatly intensify an orgasm to the point that it is almost too intense to handle. It is suggested starting with smaller balls, and then moving up, as you get more experienced.

Again, like everything else involved with anal play, cleanliness is of the highest importance. Make sure to clean your toy thoroughly after using it, store it in a dry dust free place, and be very gentle when starting out.

So there you go! Now go out there girls and fuck your men good and hard! LOL!

Love,

Eddie

PS: SEX -- even anal sex -- is good for you!

The Friday Sex Blog [Sexual Peaks]

¡Hola! Everybody…
It’s Friday! Yaaay! Enjoy your birthday party, Marisol!

* * *

-=[ Sexual Peaks: Men and Women ]=-

Today’s post has to be a quickie (pun intended)!

I think that by now most of us have the heard the cliché that knowledge is power. Clichés are clichés because for the most part they are true. But I would like to add a qualifier to this particular cliché and add that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. What I mean by that is that incomplete knowledge is dangerous because it leads to erroneous assumptions.

The folk wisdom that women reach their sexual peak after age thirty; men in their teens is one of those assumptions.

Mind you, after extensively researching this area -- the published literature, reading through piles of “experts,” Masters and Johnson, etc. -- I can’t say I have come to a definitive conclusion. However, that doesn't mean that we shouldn’t question this assumption. In fact, there are more reasons than not to be suspicious about this often-cited “fact.”

I started where everyone should start: I asked myself the question where did this claim have its origin. I was able to trace it to the famous Kinsey surveys of more than a half century ago. Kinsey came about to his conclusion by simply polling people on the frequency of various sexual behaviors. Based on the number of times the interviewees said they had masturbated or had intercourse or erotic dreams, Kinsey’s crew figured that women reached their peaks in their mid-to-late thirties -- long after men.

Sexual peak is not a clear-cut term, however. For example, the number of sexual experiences per year may be different from how much one enjoys them, and this may be different from how often one thinks about sex or how much enjoyment one brings to one’s partner. Who’s to say which one these is most relevant to the idea of a sexual peak period?

Even if we were to decide to limit this discussion to one of mere frequency, the problem with using the Kinsey-style method is that it’s unclear whether women are said to peak later in life for physiological, psychological, or social reasons. One possible reason, according to one study on human sexuality, is that giving birth may help women to become more sexually responsive because they develop more capillaries in the genital area. However, the same researcher notes that a crying baby in the next room may do far more to cool sexual desire than a few more blood vessels could do to stoke it. In fact, a good number of women report a loss of sexual desire immediately after giving birth.

One of the better-known researchers into sexual hormones and their effect on behavior is John Money (and with whom I disagree with in other areas). He insists that how we are raised to think about sex is more relevant than how much estrogen or testosterone we secrete. He observes that while we need a little amount of hormone to get the system going, additional hormone doesn’t do anything. If women enjoy sex more, or simply do it more, at forty than at twenty, this is probably more a reflection of the time required to break free from early social conditioning about sexual desire. According to Money, much of what we see as biological in women is intertwined with the concepts of how girls are educated or socially conditioned sexually.

Women are conditioned to think that if they’re horny that they’re sluts. Women peaking later may be a consequence of the time it takes to get over the more than twenty years of socialization before they can learn sex can be fun. An even better case against a biological reason for a later sexual peak is that from an evolutionary point of view it makes no sense for women to become interested in sex just as they’re nearing the end of their childbearing years.

If the issue is socialization, then the gap between men's and women’s sexual peak should narrow (become more alike) as the sexual double standards disappear. Sure enough, studies since the Kinsey report are consistently showing that “women are reaching high levels of sexual arousal at earlier ages.” There seems to be a leveling out between the sexes these days in terms of enjoyability and frequency of sex. On the other hand, women are less likely to report a physical motive (“I was horny”) until they are in their late thirties. What all this means is that there is a great need for a large national study, but politicians are naturally nervous about such a project and are resistant. In fact, there are very few studies on human sexuality taking pace these days (a recent sex study was published recently and I will post on that soon enough).

There is a more important question with the claim that women reach their sexual peak at thirty-five or whenever: a peak implies that something drops off after that year. The opposite seems to be true. Women tend to develop a greater ease and frequency of orgasm with more sexual experience. There is no evidence of a decline after the so-called peak.

Physiological changes in men are easier to predict than in women. Most forty year-olds ejaculate less than fifteen-year-olds, for example. However, the context in which the arousal takes place counts for a lot here. How can one speak meaningfully about levels of sexual excitement without knowing who is on the other side of the bed?

More importantly, the idea that men have passed their sexual peak before their 20s should raise the question whether a state of a perpetual erection means someone is at their sexual “peak” in any real sense. The middle-aged man may win the race in terms of the sexual satisfaction he gives and receives. In fact, a study of healthy middle-aged to elderly men indicated that while sexual arousal and activity were lower for older men, sexual enjoyment and satisfaction did not show a decline with increasing age. Furthermore, masturbation accounts for the majority of the huge surge early in life. That led Kinsey to talk about men reaching their sexual peak in late adolescence. Is that the measure of the kind of peak we’re really interested in?

This much is clear from my academic explorations and from personal experience: most men and women can enjoy sex at any time from puberty until death. Some researchers have found that some people don’t reach their peak until they’re in their late 80s! It would appear to me that there is no evidence suggesting that biology is dominant over social conditioning, psychological conditions, and individual situations. Which to me means there are no fixed sexual prime years or peak.

Yes, sometimes a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

SEX IS GOOD FOR YOU!

Love,

Eddie

The Friday Sex Blog [Goal-Oriented Sex]

¡Hola! Everybody...
I am looking forward to a relaxing weekend…

* * *

-=[ The Futility of Goal-Oriented Sex ]=-

Too often sex resembles a contest. If there ever was a metaphor we need to do away with it has to be the “war” of the sexes. In a zero-sum society, where the mentality of “winner takes all” rules, it's no wonder that sex resembles a race or competition: who can have the most intense orgasm, who can “do” who, who can suck dick better, who can last longer, etc.

It’s absolutely mind-boggling...

What happens, in my view, is that sex becomes something people do mindlessly, often in the darkened corridors of their shame.

What would happen to the simple of act of touching, for example, if we took the goal-oriented mindset away from it?

What if a man or woman simply touched you?

What would it feel like if your lover simply bathed you with no expectation of sex? Imagine being caressed for a long period of time, being bathed , towel-dried, massaged, pampered, touched, looked at, explored sensuously, lovingly, intimately -- without sex being the endgame.

What would that do to your comfortability with intimacy, touch, and nudity -- to have your lover drink in your body with his or her eyes like that? Just for the sake of looking?

The first casualty of long-term relationships is often the loss of sexual expression in the form of excitement, playfulness, spontaneity, and seductive touching. Perhaps we all need a re-orienting toward pleasurable sensual feelings. Without sensuality there is no real sex, and without sex, there's no genuine intimacy. Emphasizing a creative-type exploration, in a relaxed, non-goal oriented manner, the sensual pleasure you can derive from touching and being touched, is a sure-fire path to sexual healing or re-awakening.

Lovers develop assumptions (often based on misperceptions) and fall into ruts, creating awkwardness toward asking for a different type of touching.

Try the following exercise

Exercise: Non- Genital Exploration/ Pleasuring

For this exercise, one partner should be the giver and the other the recipient. Interestingly enough, many men feel less comfortable as a receiver.

It’s important before beginning to sit down and talk for a little while -- perhaps over coffee or a small meal. Some might prefer a drink, but keep in mind that alcohol is a sexual suppressant. Recall an experience when you felt close and intimate. Express this feeling.

Gradually, allow your partner to caress your hands. Notice the differences in size and texture. Hands can communicate a lot.

If you choose to shower, experiment with different types of sprays and temperature. If bathing, try a new bath oil or soap.

Soap your partner’s back, caressing it as you do so. Trace the contours of the muscles with your fingers, gently massaging. Do the same with the front of your partner’s body. Soap his or her neck; skip the breasts and genital area. Soap your own body. Take in your lover’s body as if you were looking at a new person.

Slowly, gently towel your partner and then move to the bedroom. The room should be comfortable and slightly dimmed. You should, however be able to see your lover’s body. Have some soft music playing on the CD player.

Have the receiver lay face down. The recipient has three tasks. The first is to be passive and receive pleasure. The second is to keep their eyes closed throughout the exercise so as to be able to concentrate on the physical feelings and sensations. The third is to be aware of what parts of your body and what types of touch are sensuous.

The giver’s tasks are to provide the recipient with a variety of experiences so s/he can increase awareness of sensual feelings. The giver can enjoy exploring various types of touching and experience their body in a new way. The emphasis here is on exploring rather than attempting to arouse the partner or prove anything sexual. It’s important to feel comfortable and enjoy the experience.

Beginning with your partner’s feet, caress and hold your partner’s body. Notice the length of the toes, of the legs, the texture of the skin. Place your palms on the many curves and arches of your partner’ body, use your fingertips to follow the contours of your partner’s body. Slowly move up the leg, take time to explore the soft area behind the knees. Examine and explore the thighs and gently massage. Move to the buttocks and massage both simultaneously. Many people feel negative about this area because of the association with defecation and social taboos. The buttocks and anal area can be one of the most sensuous parts of the body; they comprise an erogenous zone with a multitude of nerve endings. Remember to touch in a manner that is enjoyable and sensuous.

When you have finished providing non-demand sensuous exploration, switch roles and repeat the exercise. Remember, this isn’t a tit for tat game. The focus is on exploring, enjoying, touching, learning, comfort and safety, and sensuality. Throw away the “agenda” and just be yourself.

After, sit together and over a drink or coffee, discuss the experience and share your feelings. It’s best not to talk while doing the exercise, because talking tends to take you away from your body, from your felt sense. Encourage sharing with one another in an open and joyful way. I guarantee you that if you incorporate this type of intimacy in your relationship on a regular basis you will be rewarded in ways you’d never imagine.

Love,

Eddie

The Friday Sex Blog [Women Who Gotta Have It]

¡Hola! Everybody…
I’ve been writing about sex, moral panics, and the harm they cause children, but I haven’t been able to finish … It will probably have to chopped down to tow or three posts. I should have the first part up next Friday.

* * *

-=[ She’s Gotta Have It ]=-

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.
-- Mae West

I’ve been reading literature on women’s sexuality and I’ve come across some interesting findings. For too long, mainstream research has dealt almost exclusively with how often and how successfully young (but not too young), white, middle class, able-bodied, heterosexual couples complete the act of sexual intercourse. Following a male bias, the literature almost exclusively isolates sex as physical and intimacy as emotional. It focuses exclusively on a few inches of mucous membrane in which achieving orgasm is described in terms as if it were mountain climbing, complete with ropes and hammers.

What this leaves out is what newer research is uncovering and what women have been telling us for too long: what’s most important about sex, I have heard woman say countless times, is a sense of connectedness.

I would like to summarize some of what I’ve been reading, but that will have to wait. For today, I want to elaborate on some findings via a personal experience.

Perhaps some of my readers remember an incident I reported regarding a former lover’s difficulty with sex. I had written that she had developed a tension in the body that was centered around her genital area and which made sexual penetration extremely painful for her. Eventually, working together, we were able to ease that tension, resulting in a sexual opening or awakening for both of us. For her, it was liberation from strict and repressive morals, for me it was the dawning of an awareness to the range of women’s sexual responses.

My friend, who I will call Pandora, was raised in a strict, conservative, and religious home. At the time, she was 30 years-old and recently divorced. Her only lover was her former husband, part of a marriage of nine years.

I was in my mid-twenties, during the height of an era of sexual liberation and exploration. I discovered early on, that women would be more open to me if I were honest about my intentions and open to my emotional life. Pandora, though conflicted, took me as a lover, though she had mixed feelings.

Looking back, I can better understand how we were able to open to one another and reduce the tension that made sex so painful for her. The first time I attempted to enter her, it was almost impossible. She was very tight, tight the point that sexual penetration was almost impossible. She cried the first time -- partly because of the physical pain, partly because of shame.

As we got to know one another, she related a sexual history that made it easy for me to understand her sexual unease. She grew up in a family in which sexual pleasure was considered sinful. As a result, she was a virgin when she married her husband. Her husband controlled almost all the aspects of their sexing. She would wear what he told her to wear. The lights were turned to the level that he liked. Their sexual lives resembled a rigidity -- clockwork at a certain day of the week at a certain time. For Pandora, sex meant only one thing: a mad rush to orgasm (for her husband).

Because of my penchant for exploration and my curiosity, sex was a little different with me. I wanted (as I have always wanted) her to “open” to me -- to be fully present, surrendering the deepest recesses of her sexuality to me.

Yes, I have issues.

My desire to be engulfed by her cunt compelled me to talk to her, hold her, and kiss her in places she had never been kissed before. Oftentimes, in the beginning, we talked more than we fucked. When I told her that many women don’t respond to sexual penetration alone, she was shocked. She didn’t believe me. All her life, she was taught sex from a male point o view that caused her confusion when she didn’t respond in the way her husband wanted her to respond.

And it wasn’t that he didn’t kiss her, or didn’t perform cunnilingus on her -- he did. The thing with Pandora was that it seemed that everything about the sex act was geared toward achieving the big “O.” She needed to be related to, not just merely fucked. My willingness to talk to her openly about sex (I used to love to tease her by using “vulgar” terms, such as pussy, cunt, cock, etc.) served to open her up. And her sexual exploration became the erotic ground on which we built our sexing. We would visit sex shops and browse through the different toys. I would explore her body, and slowly, she came to trust me enough to tell me what she liked and didn’t like.

Eventually, Pandora took charge of her own sexual awakening and once she opened (mostly to herself), there was no holding back. I still remember the moment her pussy yawned open for me, hot with sexual desire, slippery with her want. I think she yelled something out, I don’t remember what, but we laughed about it later. I would often tease her that we had created a monster. LOL

Pandora would explain that all her life, she was trying to conform to a male model of sexual pleasure and when she “failed” to conform or live up to that model, she was told there was something wrong with her, that she was frigid, or sexually defected. What she discovered, she told me, was that what was she was missing from her sexual life was a sense of connectedness. When she eventually took control of our sexual exploration, she became of my guide for the map of her body. This was a form of liberation for both of us.

Anyway, that’s all I can write today. I have a busy day ahead.

Love,

Eddie

The Friday Sex Blog [Dick Kung Fu, pt. II]

¡Hola! Everybody...
Lebron wouldn't have been able to hack it in The Big City anyway... And they better win it all in Miami, no excuses this time, Lebron.

* * *

-=[ Dick Kung Fu ]=-

Popular mainstream depictions of intercourse are almost always of the mattress spring-squeaking, in-and-out variety that leads to fast ejaculation and little satisfaction for either partner. One has to realize that proper thrusting is essential for a truly pleasurable lovemaking experience. Ejaculatory control, and overall sexual healing, and health are enhanced when the art of thrusting is properly mastered.

First, one should wait until the woman is highly aroused before intercourse. In the colorful language of the Taoists, a couple needs to wait until the woman’s pot is boiling before the man puts his carrot and peas in. Otherwise, they will have soggy sex and his carrot will quickly go limp. LOL

When most people think of intercourse, they think in terms of being “in” or “out.” for Taoists and Tantric practitioners, who mapped out the pleasure and reflexology points of the penis and the vagina, there are many different depths and directions for the man to thrust and pleasure himself and his partner. These crucial reflexology points correspond with the organs and glands of the body, which are energized and healed by rubbing on these points.

You should experiment with various depths and directions. In the interest of making today’s post simpler, think in terms of three basic thrusts: shallow thrusts, long deep thrusts, and short deep thrusts.

Taoists recommended that men (or women, when they are on top) vary the type of thrusts they use. When used synergistically, the deep thrusts push the air out of the woman’s vagina and create a vacuum that can be intensified by using shallow thrusts. As long as the penis does not come out completely, this very pleasurable vacuum effect is maintained.

The recommended thrust combination was nine shallow thrusts and one long deep thrust as a basic rhythm or nine short deep thrusts and one long deep thrust. The long deep thrusts are highly pleasurable, but also make it hard for a man to control his ejaculation. The short deep thrusts are deeply satisfying to the woman while not being overly stimulating to the man. As a man learns to control his ejaculation, he becomes multi-orgasmic and the thrusting ratio can be lessened to six or even three shallow or short deep and then one long deep. The most important thing is to find a regular rhythm that you enjoy and the experiment with depth, direction, and speed. Think of the fun you'll have with your partner exploring thrusts in an open and conscious manner.

The Thrusts

· Shallow Thrusts: These serve to stimulate the highly sensitive first two inches of the woman’s vagina, and depending on her position, her G-spot.

· Long Deep Thrusts: These are deep thrusts in which the man pulls back almost to the entrance of the woman’s vagina between thrusts. These are the thrusts usually depicted in the media and pornography. They can be highly stimulating for both partners, as the man pushes and pulls the head of his cock along the whole length of his partner’s vagina.

· Short Deep Thrusts: These are thrusts in which the man stays deep in the woman and stokes back and forth. This stimulates her clitoris (with pressure from his pubic bone) and the back of her vagina while not stimulating the head of the penis as much.

If the man is experiencing difficulty maintaining an erection, of course the long deep thrusts are good for resolving this problem. And the fact remains that at some time or another every man experiences difficulty having an erection when he wants one. This is what sexual therapists call “situational impotence.” In these situations, it is essential for men to be knowledgeable with the Soft Entry technique (which I won’t get into at this point). In ordinary (often-mediocre) sex, men enter hard and exit soft. In Tantric and Taoist practices, a man can enter hard or soft and exit hard.

I have found the short deep thrusts extremely useful in ejaculatory control and very effective when a woman is reaching orgasm and wants my cock deep inside of her. Using this thrust, I can pleasure my lover without risking losing my ejaculatory control.

Depth, Direction, Speed

It’s important to vary the direction and speed of the thrust in addition to varying depth. While the following is addressed to the man, it can also be adapted by the woman when she is on top. Please remember that the most important part of lovemaking is to be in your body, not inside you head. Don’t get lost with over concern about thrust and lose the pleasure of the thrust itself.

It’s interesting that in English we sometimes describe intercourse as screwing, but in actuality many couples don’t actually “screw” each other. In other words, they don’t rotate their bodies in circles. While most people consider the term vulgar, when it is actually done it can be sublime in its pleasure. Instead of simply thrusting forward and pulling back, you can instead “screw” your hips or, even better, your sacrum in half circles, first on side and then on the other.

Experienced lovers the world over have discovered the importance of using one’s pelvis during lovemaking. The hips are good, but according to the Taoists, it is the sacrum that really controls the penis for the man. To find your sacrum, place the palm of your hand at the base of your spine with the tip of your longest finger in the valley of your buttocks. Underneath your palm is your sacrum (now: please wash your hands. LOL!). This form of screwing has the potential to keep you connected in pleasure for an extended period of time. To use the language of the Tao, a nail (going in straight) comes out easily, but a screw (circling) stays for a long time.

Okay, that’s enough for today. I’m giving away too many secrets!

Love,

Eddie

PS: sex is good for you!

The Friday Sex Blog [The Sense of Smell]

¡Hola! Everybody…
I wear cologne everyday. Recently, I’ve taken to wearing Verbena by L'Occitane . As with almost all of my favorite scents, this one is very much within the ctirus family. It has a fresh, clean quality to it and lasts longer than most citrus scents I used in the past. I also strengthen it by adding a few drops of the essential oils of lime and lemongrass.
Go to your nearest Sephora today and smell it while thinking of me and anal sex. LOL

For a while I was using Hesperides by Fresh. I favor citrus scents and my favorite for a while was Jo Malone's Lime Basil & Mandarin. I also loved their Verbenas of Provence . The drawback with the Malone line (and as with all citrus-based scents) is that it doesn’t last. In fact, it doesn’t last at all. The Fresh line (I also use their Sugar Lychee) lasts only slightly longer, but I love fresh, subtle scents. Over the years, I have made several different scents my scent, and women always comment.

There’s a method to my madness… LOL

* * *

-=[ Sex & the Sense of Smell ]=-

Nothing is more memorable than a smell. One scent can be unexpected, momentary, and fleeting, yet conjure up a childhood summer beside a lake in the mountains.
-- Diane Ackerman

The best smell in the world is that man that you love.”-- Jennifer Aniston

I’ll never forget the time I received a panicked telephone call from a former lover. I hadn’t heard from her for years. In fact, I had heard she married and was out of the singles game. We had an affair totally based on sex and she was almost as much of a freak as I was. I always remember her fondly because though ours wasn't a "love story" popularized by chick porn (i.e., romance novels and chick flicks), we shared many tender moments. Anyway, when she calmed down enough to explain, I discovered the source of her anxiety. Apparently, her husband (who, she assured me, she loved, like, forever) went out and bought a cologne that was my signature scent. The scent (by Paco Rabbanne) evoked images and memories of yours truly at the most inappropriate time and it freaked her out. Why she then called me is beyond my understanding, so… LOL! There’s more to this story, but this part is the relevant part.

The sense of smell is probably the oldest of our senses. It is the only sense directly connected to the brain. The reason why my ex-lover was thinking of me after so many years is because the sense of smell is highly involved in sexual function, pleasure, and irritation. It’s also closely related to memory. Scientists speak of the concept of “smell print” in which memories are associated with certain smells. As with my anxious ex-lover (who feared she was having marital doubts), a certain scent will vividly cause a person to recall a memory associated with it. Smells are like fingerprints, highly individualized.

To illustrate further, the sense of smell is involved with the deeply embedded limbic brain – what neuroscientists call the “emotional brain” or what has been identified as the emotional center of the brain. The limbic brain and the sense of smell go hand in hand when it comes to sex. For me there is no more erotic smell than the scent of a freshly washed pussy. There’s no greater aphrodisiac, at least for me, than the unmistakable and intoxicating mixture of soap and musk of a freshly washed chocha. It literally makes me drool.

On the flip side, an artificially scented vagina is a huge turn-off. It communicates to me that the woman is not comfortable with her own scent. There’s a huge problem if I have to wade through the artificiality of something Proctor &Gamble produced to get at your pussy. According to recent research, the part of the brain that is responsive to sexual-interest hormones is more than two times larger in men than women. Other research shows that the smell of cooked cinnamon is a natural aphrodisiac for men.

Certain smells are associated with sexual interest in both men and women, but since the brain works through association and within a cultural context, there is no immutable "sex smell." In the U.S., for example, the inordinate obsession with sterilization causes an aversion to natural smells. We spend a tremendous amount of money and exert a lot of energy and time in masking natural smells, and sterilizing surfaces (those soaps, BTW, actually increase bacteria ladies). I still remember my post on hair and vaginas and how so many women fiercely defended the practice of shaving their pussy bald. The major reason? Hygiene!

::blank stare::

Whatever, I love a little hair on the pussy I’m eating -- something to graze on while I’m down there. In addition, some women shouldn’t ever shave their pussy. If your pussy doesn’t resemble something virginal -- something that has never been sucked or fucked -- then go ahead shave that ass, but don't think you're gonna be able to pull off that virginal thing too well. For some, a shaved pussy is kinda like a sexual fashion fuax pas. At least a mustache or something to hide dem unvirginal-looking labia. For me, the hair adds a little flavor, a little “spice” to the pussy, something I enjoy.

Since ancient times, humankind has searched for the scent that elicited sexual desire. Many ancient societies believed perfumes were aphrodisiacs and some new research suggests they may have been right. The Romans and Egyptians used copious amounts of musk. The musk used was derived from the anal glands of the Ethiopian civet cat. Research suggests that the scent of musk closely resembles that of testosterone, the hormone responsible for enhancing the sex drive in both men and women.

Other studies have demonstrated the impact of floral and herbal essential oils on the nervous system. Sexual arousal and response is controlled by the two parts of the nervous system: the sympathetic nervous system (SNS), which is responsible for preparing us for physical action and emergencies (the fight or flight system); and the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which stimulates relaxation. For those who need to relax in order to get in the mood for sex, the PNS should be used, while those who need to be physicallystimulated would do better by enhancing the SNS. According to the research, sandalwood, marjoram, lemon, chamomile, and bergamot stimulated the PNS. The SNS was stimulated by the scents of jasmine, ylang-ylang, rose, patchouli, peppermint, clove, and bois de rose.

I guess the take away from this is that sensory stimulation is integral to the sexual experience and you should exploit this fact so as to make your sexing more pleasurable and meaningful. Go out and find the scents that are appealing to you. Scents (as with other aphrodisiacs) need to be tailored to individuals, not large groups. Experiment with different essential oils and use them in carrier oils to prepare massage oils (as a prelude to sex), for example.

I often smell my women as a way of committing them to memory. It’s almost a primal relic – something passed down by my hunter/ warrior ancestors. LOL Of course, I do it in a way that they don’t notice, but it’s one of the first things I do when I meet a woman. What an individual smells like tells you a lot about that individual. I may not remember your birthday, but I will always remember what yo ass smells like! LOL

Love,

Eddie

PS: Sex is good for you.