The Friday Sex Blog [Divine Fire and Anal Sex Play for Men]

¡Hola! Everybody...
The Friday Sex Blog is an attempt at mature (and sometimes humorous) talk about sex mostly from my perspective as a hetero Latino male. I have always tried to be inclusive or pluralistic in my presentations. IOW, I have tried to include the cultural and social perspectives of others, as best I could. However, as with all human beings, my perspective is limited.

* * *

-=[ Semen Retention ]=-

Okay! Before I go into the meat (pun unintended) of today’s post, I would like to mention an interesting observation. In ancient China, emperors often called on sages, mostly Taoist sages, for sexual advice. However, before accepting any advice, the sage had to go through a test. The emperor required any prospective master to prove his sexual control. He did this by offering the would-be advisor a full glass of wine and demanding the sage insert his penis into it. If he was truly a master, the story goes, he could absorb the wine into his penis and then release it back into the wine glass. This was taken as absolute proof that the sage could absorb a woman’s yin essence and therefore know the secret to immortality.

Don’t laugh: the practice of absorbing fluid into the penis is quite real, and can still be witnessed on the streets of India today. One yogi in Bombay actually sucks up oil into his penis in private and then publicly lights it on fire as he urinates it out! He claims it as divine fire. Imagine that ladies! LMAOOO! Over the past two years, I’ve been engaged in the process of learning this technique, so I might just light your ass on fire if you request it…

Kidding!

This yogic suction technique is one that many people confuse with the true practice of semen retention. I will write more about from the perspective of my experiences. Eventually, imma need a partner. ::wink::

* * *

-=[ Anal Play for Men ]=-

Before reading on, please take a look at the following short skit. It’s from a show I really enjoyed, “Lucky Louie,” on HBO:

LMAOOO! Too funny! I love it!

Men are extremely anxious about anything going near their anus because stereotypes dictate that any man that admits to liking his anus stimulated is a “faggot.” The fact is that a sexual act does not constitute a sexual orientation. In fact, one study I read stated that not all gay couples engage in anal sex. In any case, enjoying a certain sex act does not make you gay. That’s just ignorant, close-minded thinking. Actually, homophobia has been shown to be a form of homoerotic wish fulfillment. That’s right, homophobic men (as quantified by psychological measures) were the ones most turned on by gay porn. These are the guys who like to make jokes about "taking it up the ass" and questioning the "masculinity" of other men. LOL!

Which is why I laugh when the sock puppets with fake-ass names come here and post responses detailing their elaborate fantasies about me being raped in prison… In any case, as in most things sexual, likes and dislikes are culturally conditioned. If you were raised in a society were “real mean” took it up the ass, men would be taking it up the ass and bragging about it, so stop your bullshit now. Shit, there would probably be a Super Bowl about it. LOL You doubt me? Well, apply some logic to this issue. If you’re inflexible in this cultural context, then you would most likely be as inflexible in another cultural context.

Hmmmmm…

There’s a biological premise for pleasurable anal play. There are two pleasurable spots in and around a man’s anus. The first location is the anus itself: it is very sensitive, surrounded by a dense mass of nerve bundles. The second is the prostate gland, located a few inches inside the anus towards the belly button, and often feels like a firm bulge.

As I mentioned earlier, some men are not very open to experimentation around this area, as enjoying it may make them question their sexuality. As stupid as this may sound, it is a result of the prejudice and lack of understanding in today’s society. In any case, make sure to communicate with your partner to avoid bad reactions. If your partner refuses, don’t force him, but try to open him up to the idea by exploring the area gently with your hands. He’ll slowly get used to being touched around there, and it won’t seem as big of a deal. And remember, by stimulating the prostate gland as he gets close to climaxing, you can give him a tremendously intense orgasm. Most men are unaware of the intense orgasms experienced via this technique and many who do, often like it though they're loathe to admit it outwardly.

As with all anal play, cleanliness is essential. A bath or a shower is a great way to start things off, setting the tone for the festivities. If your man is an anal virgin, you can celebrate his deflowering by making it a “special” occasion. Once your finger(s) or sex toy has been inside his anus, don't put them anywhere else until you wash them. Carelessness in this regard can cause infection. Make sure to have a good lubricant, and start as slowly as possible the first few times. Lubrication is extremely important and you can never use too much. Also, be sure to clip your fingernails quite short before doing any type of penetration, especially anal. The lining of the rectum is thin and can be easily torn by sharp objects.

Once you get him lubricated, you want to start by taking it really easy. Most people who have never had any anal play will instinctually tense their sphincter muscles. If they are tensing, do not try to push through, as it will cause pain and discomfort. Instead, make little circles around his anus and wait for him to relax. Once he starts relaxing, gently try moving your finger in and out a little. Start shallow and gradually move deeper, just make sure to watch his reactions and facial expressions to see if you are going too fast. Once you get inside, you can do a variety of things, including: twisting your hand, pulling in and out, moving in large circles following the wall of the cavity, or stimulate specific spots with little circles. The most effective use of anal play is definitely right at orgasm. If you have a finger inside stimulating his prostate when he reaches an orgasm, you will send him to another world of pleasure, one that he will most likely be asking you to help him revisit.

Analingus, licking the anal area, is another form of anal play. Perhaps this would be a better introduction into playing with your man’s anus. Before engaging in analingus, make sure to thoroughly wash the area. Once clean, licking this area of the body is virtually no different then licking any other, and can be very stimulating for your partner. Like other play in this area, don’t just jump right in, build up to it and allow for your partner to get comfortable. A great way to start performing analingus is to move into it when you are performing fellatio (aka smoking that cock). This area is very sensitive, so run your tongue around in circular motions, use your tongue to tickle, and when you are both ready for it, even to penetrate.

Access to his anus is a little more problematic than to his penis, but there are several positions that are ideal: lying on his back with a large pillow to arch his ass up, him bent over with legs spread, him standing with you kneeling, and him upside down with his legs spread.

Finally, there’s anal intercourse. Now, anal sex is quite a different ball of wax than using your finger. Oh boy! Man gotta really trust you for this one. Imagine if you separate and you blast it on Facebook or some other social media that he let you ream his asshole?!! LOL! Seriously, even if he enjoys and requests you to pleasure him there, he may be apprehensive about putting something so large as a dildo in there. The keys to success are copious amounts of lubrication, relaxation on his part, and a slow, gentle approach.

Let him tell you when he wants it harder or faster and don't be shy about playing with his penis at the same time.

There are women who enjoy anal play and some use butt plugs. A butt plug is a toy that is inserted in the rectum. Once inserted, you can leave it where it is or move it in and out. Many people enjoy the sense of fullness that butt plugs convey, much in the same way women enjoy the fullness experienced during vaginal sex. Others enjoy the sensation of inserting something in their anus.

Butt plugs come in many different shapes and sizes. Some of the sizes seem silly, but some people are obsessed with larger toys, so companies willingly accommodate. The most popular plugs are less than an inch in diameter, and roughly 4 inches long. Beads are some of the most popular anal toys. They range from soft to firm-textured, usually consist of four to ten balls connected with a piece of nylon cord or plastic/rubber, and there are a wide selection in ball sizes. Whichever type you are interested in, they are virtually the best toys to ease into and introduce anal play.

Climax beads are a very simple toy to use. After being covered by lubricant, they are inserted into the anus bead by bead. Most people then leave the beads where they are until near the point of orgasm, at which point the beads are pulled out one by one. This can greatly intensify an orgasm to the point that it is almost too intense to handle. It is suggested starting with smaller balls, and then moving up, as you get more experienced.

Again, like everything else involved with anal play, cleanliness is of the highest importance. Make sure to clean your toy thoroughly after using it, store it in a dry dust free place, and be very gentle when starting out.

So there you go! Now go out there girls and fuck your men good and hard! LOL!

Love,

Eddie

PS: SEX -- even anal sex -- is good for you!

The Friday Sex Blog [Anal Sex, pt. II]

¡Hola! Everybody…
As promised, The Big Taboo!

* * *

-=[ Do it in The Butt ]=-

Let me be your backdoor man!
-- Led Zeppelin, Whole Lotta Love

As I mentioned last week the amount of tension surrounding anal sex is probably directly proportionate to the amount of tension stored up in America’s collective butt hole muscles. Our culture has conditioned us since infancy not to play with our assholes and to clench them tight when we feel sensation in our nether regions. And we clench tighter and deeper when we are stressed. In fact, there’s a direct correlation between political conservatism and anal retentive personalities (e.g., tight asses). Ever run into conservatives who are adamant that the Bible or the Constitution can only be interpreted literally? Also children raised by strict conservative parents who favor physical beatings as a parenting tool, often develop anal-stage complexes.

Anyway, No wonder anal sex is difficult and no wonder it’s hard for some to think of the butt hole as sexy. However, more and more people are discovering that anal pleasure can be amazing, and are embracing it as part of their sexual ritual.

There are many advantages to anal sex. For one, there are a ton of nerve endings surrounding the anus -- far more than there are around the vagina. As one former mentor put it, “If the vaginal opening had as many nerve endings as the anus, no woman in her right mind would give birth.” What all those nerves signify is that there exists opportunities for sensational pure pleasure. In addition, if you learn how to work your anal muscles, there are some medical advantages:

• You can finally release that “tight-ass” tension (and perhaps free yourself politically in the process).
• You can tone the muscles and help fight constipation and hemorrhoids.
• You’ll get the ole sphincter muscles in top form, which helps prevent incontinence later. Contrary to the ignorant urban myth that anal sex will put you in danger of needing adult diapers, done correctly it actually makes your ass healthier.

Now let’s get down to the real nitty gritty of anal sex and that’s the issue of pain. First, anal sex shouldn’t hurt or feel uncomfortable. If it does, stop and start some other day. People assume that anal sex is painful, but the fact is, if you’re careful and patient, it shouldn’t be. Some people resign themselves to the inevitable pain and adopt the attitude they just need to numb the pain and endure anal sex. There are creams on the market for this but I would advise against them. Anal sex should be felt and enjoyed, not numbed and endured.

In addition, pain is the body’s natural response to trauma, so numbing the area can in some cases stop you from knowing something is wrong and before you know, Eddie done broke your ass (kidding!). Another thing about pain: anal sex can give you new and unusual experiences. Sometimes new or unusual experiences are initially registered as pain because you’re a little freaked out. When you’re exploring the pleasures of anal sex and some alarm bells are going off, try and ask yourself (before calling 911), “Does this hurt or just feel weird?” If the answer is “It just feels weird,” then keep going. Stop if it hurts.

If you’re contemplating anal sex with your partner, consider trying it alone first. In this way, you can gently address your fears, discover your boundaries, and get comfortable with the sensations. Afraid of a mess? While there’s no basis for this, sometimes perception trumps reality, you can ry it the bathtub. Do you think it’s dirty? Then put on a glove or condom on your hand. Here are some helpful tips for the newbie (I run anal sex workshops, if you’re interested -- women only! LOL):

Lube. Lube. And more lube!

Use a butt plug or other sex toy, make sure it has a flared base so you can always get it out (your ass will suck it otherwise -- see? It fits!).

Try some regular masturbation to help you get in an erotic mood.

Add some lube, deep breathing, and anal massage to your self-pleasuring. Just remember never to insert you fingers into your vagina after you have inserted them into your asshole. A good suggestion is to use two hands one for the chocha and one for the culo. Do this until you feel sexually aroused and relaxed.

Bring the pad of a finger or top of a small sex toy to the anal opening and rest it there while you inhale and bear down like you are trying to shit.

Exhale and let the toy or finger slide in. If it hurts (not just feels weird, but hurts), back it out a little. Or stop altogether until you feel like trying again.

If an object is inserted into your rectum but seems to hit a wall about four inches in, then gently pull the toy out and try angling up toward your belly. You have to honor and follow the curve of your rectum.

Wiggle, slowly thrust, or other wise play until you’ve had enough.

Call me, or blast your latest anal adventure on your Facebook page! (LMAOOO!).

Love,

Eddie

The Friday Sex Blog [Anal Sex/ Play 101]

¡Hola! Everybody…
Later today, go by the online magazine, Subversify, and check out my piece on liberation via education (click here and look for my by-line).

Right now? One of my fave topics ::grin::

* * *

-=[ A Woman’s Behind ]=-

Ladies… your anus is right down the block from your vagina, so it would be downright sacrilegious to ignore it. Besides, your ass is my object of worship -- my most unorthodox of altars. Allow me to introduce you to your ass.

Blood flow, nerves, and the “love muscle” (the pubococcygeus muscle) all connect the va-jay-jay hole to the asshole. So why not give it a little love? Self-knowledge, in this case understanding the parts, will help you understand how to make it feel good and thereby liberating your ass…

In our culture, we hold a great deal of tension in our ass muscles, including our sphincters. The term “tight ass” was coined for a reason. In fact, conservatives who vehemently believe in corporal punishment often grow up to be tight asses. They also often confuse obsessive clenching of their anal sphincters for critical thinking. LOL! Actually, there is some truth in that those who are raised by overly strict, punishing parents do have a tendency toward anal retentive personalities.

I happen to think the cheeks are one of the great architectural features of a woman’s anatomy. Those twin orbs sheltering that dark, sweet mysterious place... The cheeks are the muscular padding you sit on. The cheeks call for a different kind of touch than the genitals or anus. Kneading and massaging them results in a good feeling. This also helps get the blood flowing and relaxes the tender, more sensitive parts. A good smack on the lower ass (be sure to keep your hand pressed after the smack) resonates nicely all through the genitals.

The strip of skin between the vagina and the anus in women (or the balls and anus in men) is called the perineum. A friend used to call it the taint. It’s a very sensitive area and unfortunately often ignored. It’s a great spot to massage or tickle with a vibrator (I like to do it with my tongue).

Next is that divine gateway to heaven, the anus. The anus is the opening that leads to the rectum and then the colon. This area is densely packed with nerves and sensory receptors -- so licking and massaging in that areas feels great. When the anus is worshiped properly, excited and relaxed, blood flows to the area, and it even puckers out a bit. The outer sphincter muscle is a muscular ring mostly under your control. It lets you decide when and where to take a dump. In order to pass through this gate, it needs a lot of love (and lube!).

The internal sphincter muscle is a muscular ring that can open and close much like the drawstring of your laundry bag. Located about an inch inside the anus, it lets you know when the poop has arrived and is ready to be pinched off. The inner sphincter, unlike the outer sphincter, is not a voluntary muscle. It does its work automatically. In fact, its response to unwanted poking is to tighten up and even hurting. This ring really needs to be relaxed and happy (and lubed) in order for a toy/ finger/ my penis to get through.

The rectum is the chamber just inside the outer sphincters. It goes about eight inches in a shallow S-curve up to the colon. The wall between the rectum and the vagina is thin enough that you can feel through it. Many people like the feeling of being filled when the rectal walls are holding something like a finger, butt plug, dildo, or penis. Normally, the rectum is empty. The shit resides further up in the colon until its time fro release arrives. Yes, there can be traces of shit in the rectum, but nothing you can’t wash off with a little soap and water. Some people use a warm water anal douche in order to be extra clean. Usually, however, a shower beforehand is more than sufficient.

Anal play can go a long way in helping you release some of the tension that settles around your ass area. Anal play doesn’t have to be penetration -- a little lubed massage, for example, can be a great treat in itself. Think of a good shoulder rub after a particularly hard and stressful day. And please let go of the myth that anal sex causes incontinence -- that’s just plain bullshit. The fact of the matter is that the opposite is true. Gentle stimulation and exercise of the sphincters will result in keeping those muscles working longer and better toned, letting you bypass the Depends aisle in your later years.

Unfortunately, most men have no clue as to how to go about worshiping the ass, in the process traumatizing millions of women. This makes it harder for connoisseurs such as me to fully enjoy the female ass. Shame on you dumb motherfuckers! So, in the interest of helping you out, I’ll make a few important mentions here. First, the anus is a great place to play, but you can’t treat it like a vagina. Keep the following in mind these vital differences during anal play:

The anus does not create its own lubrication. Adding extra lube is a must. Don’t spit on your hand you stupid, stupid idiot! Saliva won’t do it, and spit dries up quickly.

The tissues of the anus and rectum are thinner and more harmed than those in the vagina. Even the slightest hangnail can leave a significant scratch, and scratches in that part of the body are more likely to bleed. STDs are easier to transmit through the anus as well.

Finally, using sex toys on your ass is great fun, but please be careful to use only toys with flared ends or strings for easy removal. The anus doesn’t have a back wall for safety like the vagina does -- it goes on and on, up into the rectum, which then leads to the colon.

Okay, this was an “Ass 101” post. Next, I will address anal sex/ play in more detail in the following sex blog, so stay tuned. And believe me: once I get through with you, even the most traumatized woman will at least consider some anal play.

With love,

Eddie

The Friday Sex Blog [The Happiness Cock]

¡Hola! Everybody...

I was going to write a full-fledged exploration in the rape-culture mindset of those defending the football players in the Ines Sainz incident, but --really, people -- if you’re excusing sexually predatory behavior, where does it stop? Are we going back to saying rape victims ‘asked for it”? For the men who fail to see this, I just don’t have any words... However, you definitely won’t be hanging with me anytime soon!

OK! Normally, I ignore most of what evolutionary psychology has to say because they are utter pan-adaptationists. Some have even used this proclivity to “rationalize” rape and other seriously fucked up behaviors. However, I couldn’t let this one go... you have my dear friend (genius cum hot cougar) Nina, to blame for this shit!

* * *

-=[ My Semen can Cure Your Depression ]=-

Or: Why Swallowers are Happier

Most of my female readers are probably familiar with the “McClintock effect,” also known as the “dormitory effect.” It’s the discovery of the phenomenon wherein the menstrual cycles of women living in close quarters tend to synchronize. This phenomenon has been observed in women living together. It has been found in roommates, close friends, and most strongly between mothers and daughters. It has also been noted in mice, hamsters, and rats. It as suggested that ovulation (process of releasing egg from ovary) is socially regulated and this leads to what is called menstrual synchronicity. In other words, women who live together will have their periods at the same time (there's even a FB page dedicated to this effect)..

It’s a remarkable finding. And this is where my post today starts. The story is connected to a whole chain of events, all of which I will not attempt to duplicate here. If you’re interested in a much more in-depth look at the research I cite in this post, take a look at this article (click here), or if you’re able, download the cited paper (click here).

A couple of researchers developed an interest in the psychological properties of semen as a result in their exploration of menstrual synchrony. Gordon Gallup and Rebecca Burch, evolutionary psychologists from the State University of New York, had stumbled onto data showing that, unlike heterosexually active women residing together, sexually involved lesbians failed to show evidence of the “McClintock effect.” Since olfactory signals (called pheromones) are known to mediate menstrual synchrony, the authors found this peculiar.

They wanted to know what it was about heterosexual females that promoted menstrual synchrony, or conversely what is it about lesbians that prevented menstrual synchrony. It occurred to them that one feature that distinguishes heterosexual women from lesbians is the presence or absence of semen in the female reproductive tract. Lesbians have semen-free sex.

Some of you know I have written about a phenomenon I call the Squeaky Vagina Syndrome. Of course, we all know vaginas don’t actually squeak, but my post, while an attempt at humor, was founded on the research showing that there is muscle atrophy in women who aren’t sexually active. It’s a riff off the old adage: if you don’t use it, you lose it (BTW, if your kitty is squeaking, run, don’t walk, to the nearest hospital!).

Back to my story... Gallup and Burch hypothesized that chemicals in human semen affect female biology in such a way that women who have condomless sex literally start to smell different from those women who do not -- or at least, their bodies emit the pheromones that neurologically imprint menstrual cycles among cohabitating women. Gallup and Burch quickly discovered that although much was known about basic semen chemistry, virtually nothing was known about how these chemicals might influence female biology, behavior, and psychology

It has been known for a very long time that the vagina is an ideal route for drug delivery. An impressive vascular network surrounds the vagina: arteries, blood vessels, and lymphatic vessels abound, and -- unlike some other routes of drug administration -- chemicals that are absorbed through the vaginal walls have an almost direct line to the body’s circulatory system. Taking this into consideration, Gallup and Burch surmised that, as with any artificially derived chemical substance, semen might also have certain chemical properties that affect female biology.

Bear in mind that although they are often erroneously mistaken in everyday language, “semen” is not the same thing as “sperm.” In fact, only about 1 to 5 percent of the average human ejaculate consists of sperm cells. The rest of the ejaculate is referred to as “seminal plasma.” So in discussing the chemical composition of semen, it is the plasma itself, not the spermatozoa, that is at issue. It turns out that, in fact, that semen has a very complicated chemical profile, containing over 50 different compounds (including hormones, neurotransmitters, endorphins, and immunosupressants) each with a special function and occurring in different concentrations within the seminal plasma. The most conspicuous of these compounds is the bundle of mood-enhancing chemicals in semen. There is much good in my jism, it seems. These include, but are by no means limited to, cortisol (known to increase affection), estrone (which elevates mood), prolactin (a natural antidepressant), oxytocin (also known as the “love chemical” which elevates mood), thyrotropin-releasing hormone (another antidepressant), melatonin (a sleep-inducing agent) and even serotonin (perhaps the most well-known antidepressant neurotransmitter).

Given the composition of semen, and this is just a small sample of the mind-altering drugs found in human semen, Gallup and Burch, along with psychologist Steven Platek, hypothesized that women having unprotected sex should be less depressed than suitable control participants. To investigate whether semen has antidepressant effects, the authors rounded up 293 college females from the SUNY-Albany campus, who agreed to fill out an anonymous, written questionnaire about various aspects of their sexual behavior. Recent sexual activity without condoms was used as an indirect measure of seminal plasma circulating in the woman’s body. Each participant also completed the Beck Depression Inventory, a commonly used clinical measure of depressive symptoms.

Now, I think you know where I’m going with this, right? LOL

The most significant findings from this 2002 study were that even after controlling for frequency of sexual intercourse, women who engaged in sex and “never” used condoms showed significantly fewer depressive symptoms than did those who “usually” or “always” used condoms. Significantly, sexually active (non-condom-using) women also showed fewer depressive symptoms than did those who abstained from sex altogether. By contrast, sexually active women, even really promiscuous ones, who used condoms were just as depressed as those practicing total abstinence. In other words, it’s not just that women who are having sex are simply happier, but instead happiness appears to be a function of the ambient seminal fluid pulsing through one’s veins.

My cock, dear ladies, is a happiness drug dispenser! LOL I’m kidding! Let me add that similar studies looking into oral and anal sex (heterosexual and homosexual) resulted in similar findings. This lends credence to my assertion that “spitters are quitters.”

Sorry, I just can’t help myself.

So! What do we get from all this (aside from the realization that you can call me for some serotonin)? Well, that in addition to getting "squeaky” you might also experience some depressive episodes if you’re getting your fair measure of semen. Don’t you just love it?!!

Of course, much of this literature is rightfully framed from the perspective of safe sex practices. It doesn’t follow that just because Joe Knechbone’s cock might be an anti-depressant faucet, that you should engage in the exchange of bodily fluids within a non-monogamous relationship.

Well, that’s it for today, boys and girls! Remember: sex is good for you!

Love,

Eddie

References

Bering, J. (2010 September 22). An ode to the many evolved virtues of human semen. Scientific American, 31, 289-293.

Gallup, G. G., Jr., Burch, R. L., & Platek, S. M. (2002). Does Semen Have Antidepressant Properties? Archives of Sexual Behavior, 31(3), 289-293.

The TGIF Sex Blog [Sex Therapy]

¡Hola! Everybody...
I will be out in the field for most of the day. I didn’t have time to write anything new, but here’s an oldie but goodie... Have a great Dia de los Muertos!

* * *

-=[ The Sadistic Therapist ]=-

[As most of you who read me regularly know, I don’t tire of reminding all and anybody that I at one time seriously considered a career as a Sex therapist. While I didn’t follow through on this career path, along the way I learned much regarding sex from the POV of many different cultures and time periods. I offered to answer any sex questions and, as usual, my intrepid internet friends responded.]

Dear Mr. Eddie,

I would really like to know why men are so fascinated with their penises. It seems to me that this is really weird and I am at a loss at why men are constantly touching it, referring to it, etc. Isn’t this behavior based on some fear/ insecurity/ unhealthy obsession? Could you help me understand this?

-- Clueless in FLA.

Well, Clueless,

It seems to me this is an easy one, but it will take some willingness to indulge me for e a sec: imagine your g-spot hanging, swingin’ large away from your body. Still with me? Now, imagine even further that women think it’s funny to kick you around that area where your precious g-spot swings perilously. Considering all this, wouldn’t you also develop an inordinate fascination with your penis?

* * *

Fornicator! Sodomizer!

You will burn in hell for being a Sodomite. The Good Book explicitly states that anal sex is a sin. May God have mercy on your black soul!

In Love with Jaysus in Armpit, USA

Hmmmm...

OK! I’ll answer this one. First, I am of Puerto Rican descent and raised rubbing elbows with African Americans; my first kiss was stolen from a light-skinned lovely called Gail in the second grade. If I have any form of identification, it is with the “Black Urban Experience.” I’m like a house that’s painted white on the outside, but is black on the inside, so you’re correct in picking out my “Black” side. Secondly, while I don’t identify as a Christian (which will probably serve to further estrange me from your God), I was raised as a Catholic which means, like most Christians, I probably didn’t read the Bible. However, I have since then opened the good book and here is what I have found:

Anal sex is confusing to many Christians because of the attention paid to the Bible’s (supposed) condemnation of homosexual acts. However, nowhere does the Bible forbid anal sex between a male and female. On a tangential note, Jesus had nothing to say about homosexuality.

In fact, many Biblical passages allude to the act of anal sex between men and women. Lamentations 2:10 describes how “The virgins of Jerusalem have bowed their heads to the ground,” indicating how virginal maidens should position themselves to receive anal sex. The music group, The Dookers, put it more succinctly when they sang, “Face down/ ass up/ that’s the way we like to fuck!” Another suggestive scripture tells of a woman’s pride in her “valley” (a reference to her buttocks and the cleft between them) and entices her lover to ejaculate against her backside: “How boastful you are about the valleys! O backsliding daughter who trusts in her treasures, [saying,] 'Who will come against me?' (Jeremiah 49:4) And in the Song of Songs, the lover urges his mate to allow him to enter her from behind: “Draw me after you, let us make haste.” (Song of Solomon, 1:4)

Now, put that in your pipe (or ass) and smoke it!

* * *

Dearest Eddie,

If there were more men like you around in this world, women wouldn't need pussies -- they'd probably atrophy from non-use and become a vestige organ like a freakin' appendix. LOL! Quit hating the pussy, Eddie! She's a sweet, purring, loving part of us women.

A Sweet Black Cherry in Manhattan

Whoa Black Cherry!

Who said I hate the pussy?!! Anyone who knows me even a little knows that my favorite scent is the smell of a freshly washed pussy: that intoxicating mixture of soap and musk never fails to awaken my erectile attention and I have been known to graze on the furze of many a pussy. I do, however, suffer from an anal fetish and adore women’s buttocks: that most unorthodox of altars to be worshipped on ones knees. I think there is no sexier pose than that of a naked woman, her back turned to me while looking back at me, a lovely smile on her face. It is then that that I weigh the infinite possibilities between her ass and her smile. LOL

* * *

Dearest Eddie,

I often read your blog, though I think you’re just a nassy perve. Lately, I have become intrigued with the notion of anal sex, but every time I have tired it with my husband, it has been too painful and have had to stop. Is there anything wrong with me, or should we be doing something different? I would like to pleasure my man in this way, but won’t it always be painful and a one-way thing because the anus is not an erogenous zone?

Willing in Wisconsin

Dearest Willing,

First, allow me to commend you on your willingness to go the extra mile for your husband. You obviously are a considerate and generous lover. First, let me just say that the anus is an erogenous zone and if approached knowledgeably, gently and with forethought, anal sex can become a staple of monogamous sex, setting the tone for further exploration and moving away from sex as a duty.

The first thing to consider is communication: that your ass is like a delicate flower and should be treated as such. Before anal sex, there should be a discussion and a development of trust and agreed upon boundaries. Being with a trusting lover goes a long in helping you relax and making the experience the enjoyable experience it should be.

I would suggest beginning by using fingers or a small butt plug, as a way of familiarizing yourself to the feeling of being penetrated from behind. The anus has a bundle of nerve endings and if stimulated correctly, can induce pleasure. I have known more than a few women who have told me they have orgasm through anal sex. After initial exploration with smaller objects, a gradual introduction of the penis should begin. The man should be careful to be loving and gentle, kissing you while initially resting his cock head at the entrance of your ass. Most women find the “spoon” position best for accommodating a penis in their ass.

The best way, or how I would do it, would be to position my cock at your ass and allow you to be in control of the penetration process. Sufficient lubrication should be applied beforehand, of course. Once he has his cock at the entrance, let him nudge the head a little while you push back. If you’re uncomfortable, or feel too much discomfort, let him know and just stay at a level that’s comfortable for you. You may not achieve full anal penetration the first few times, but eventually you will become more comfortable with the act. I have yet to meet a woman who wasn’t able to take the full length of my cock in her ass. My penis is not huge, it’s probably about seven inches, but with practice, learning to relax your anal sphincter, you should be able to accommodate your husband in this way.

Here are some general rules:

• Communicate with your partner, no “surprising” them (no “Oooops!”).
• Lubricate well with a water-based lubricant and use a condom (especially in non-monogamous relationships).
• For the woman, relaxing and pushing out with the muscles of the anus helps with some women finding lying on their side as the most comfortable position for entry.
• Objects should not be poked into the partner, but rather held in place as the partner slowly pushes back onto them.
• Finally, use sexual exploration as a form of intimate communion with your partner. What matters most is that you both commit to conscious loving in an adventurous spirit that leads to intimacy that is more genuine.

If, after all this, he still doesn’t get it, call me, I’ll show you how to do it the right way! Lol

“Face down, Ass up!/ That’s the way/ We like to fuck!”

This is your [un]Common Sense Sex Therapist signing off until next week. Remember, if you have any questions, please feel free to email them to me and I’ll try my best to answer them.

Love,

Dr. Eddie

The TGIF Sex Blog [Anal Play]

¡Hola! Everybody...
Didn’t have time to write anything new, but I thought you all would appreciate the following...

* * *

-=[ Semen Retention ]=-

Okay! Before I go into the meat of today’s post, I would like to mention an interesting observation. In ancient China, emperors often called on sages, mostly Taoist sages, for sexual advice. However, before accepting any advice, the sage had to go through a test. The emperor required any prospective master to prove his sexual control. He did this by offering the would-be advisor a full glass of wine and demanding the sage insert his penis into it. If he was truly a master, the story goes, he could absorb the wine into his penis and then release it back into the wine glass. This was taken as absolute proof that the sage could absorb a woman’s yin essence and therefore know the secret to immortality.

Don’t laugh: the practice of absorbing fluid into the penis is quite real, and can still be seen on the streets of India today. One yogi in Bombay actually sucks up oil into his penis in private and then publicly lights it on fire as he urinates it out! He claims it as divine fire. Imagine that girls! LMAOOO! I’m in the process of learning this technique, so I might just light your ass on fire if you request it…

Kidding!

This yogic suction technique is one that many people confuse with the true practice of semen retention. I will write more about this as I learn more experientially. Eventually, imma need a partner. ::wink::

* * *

-=[ Anal Play ]=-

A woman's behind: an altar to be worshiped on one's knees...

Before reading on, please take a look at the following short skit. It’s from a show I truly enjoy, “Lucky Louie,” on HBO:

LMAOOO! Too funny! I love it!

Men are extremely leery of anything going near their anus because stereotypes dictate that any man that admits to liking his anus stimulated is a “faggot.” The fact is that a sexual act does not make a sexual orientation. In fact, one study I read stated that not all gay couples engage in anal sex. In any case, enjoying a certain sex act does not make you gay. That’s just ignorant, close-minded thinking. Actually, it’s homophobia and homophobia has been shown to be a form of homoerotic wish fulfillment. That’s right, homophobic men (as measured by psychological scales) were the ones who were most turned on by gay porn! LOL!

In any case, as in most things sexual, likes and dislikes are culturally conditioned. If you were raised in a society were “real mean” took it up the ass, you would be taking it up the ass and bragging about it, so stop your bullshit now. You doubt me? Well, apply some logic to this issue. If you’re inflexible in this cultural context, then you would most likely be inflexible in another cultural context.

Hmmmmm….

There’s a biological premise for pleasurable anal play. There are two pleasurable spots in and around a man’s anus. The first location is the anus itself: is very sensitive and is surrounded by a large number of nerve bundles. The second is the prostate gland, located a few inches inside the anus towards the belly button, and often feels like a firm bulge.

As I mentioned earlier, some men are not very open to experimentation around this area, as enjoying it may make them question their sexuality. As stupid as this may sound, it is a result of the prejudice and lack of understanding in today’s society. In any case, make sure to communicate with your partner to avoid bad reactions. If your partner refuses, don’t force him (LOL!), but try to open him up to the idea by exploring the area gently with your hands. He’ll slowly get used to being touched around there, and it won’t seem as big of a deal. And remember, by stimulating the prostate gland as he gets close to climaxing, you can give him a tremendously intense orgasm.

As with all anal play, cleanliness is essential. A bath or a shower is a great way to start things off, setting the tone for the festivities. If your man is an anal virgin, you can celebrate his deflowering by making it a “special” occasion. Once your finger(s) or sex toy has been inside his anus, don't put them anywhere else until you wash them. Carelessness in this regard can cause a very serious infection. Make sure to have a good lubricant, and start as slowly as possible the first few times. Lubrication is extremely important and you can never use too much.

Be sure to clip your fingernails quite short before doing any type of penetration, especially anal. The lining of the rectum is thin and can be easily torn by sharp objects.

Once you get him lubricated, you want to start by taking it really easy. Most people who have never had any anal play will tense their sphincter muscles. If they are tensing, do not try to push through, as it will cause a lot of pain and discomfort. Instead, make little circles around his anus and wait for him to relax. Once he starts relaxing, gently try moving your finger in and out a little. Start shallow and slowly move deeper, just make sure to watch his reactions and facial expressions to see if you are going too fast. Once you get inside, you can do a variety of things, including: twisting your hand, pulling in and out, moving in large circles following the wall of the cavity, or stimulate specific spots with little circles. The most effective use of anal play is definitely right at orgasm. If you have a finger inside stimulating his prostate when he reaches an orgasm, you will send him to another world of pleasure, one that he will most likely be asking you to help him revisit.

Analingus, licking the anal area, is another form of anal play. Perhaps this would be a better introduction into playing with your man’s anus. Before engaging in analingus, make sure to thoroughly wash the area. Once clean, licking this area of the body is virtually no different then licking any other, and can be very stimulating for your partner. Like other play in this area, don’t just jump right in, build up to it and allow for your partner to get comfortable. A great way to start performing analingus is to move into it when you are performing fellatio. This area is very sensitive, so run your tongue around in circular motions, use your tongue to tickle, and when you are both ready for it, even to penetrate.

Access to his anus is a little tougher than to his penis, but there are several positions that are ideal; lying on his back with a large pillow to arch his bum up, him bent over with legs spread, him standing with you kneeling, and him upside down with his legs spread.

Finally, there’s anal intercourse. Now, anal sex is quite a different ball of wax than using your finger. Oh boy! Man gotta really trust you for this one. Imagine if you separate and you blast that he let you ream his asshole?!! LOL! Seriously, even if he enjoys and requests you to pleasure him there, he may be apprehensive about putting something so large as a dildo in there. The keys to success are copious amounts of lubrication, relaxation on his part, and a slow, gentle approach.

Let him tell you when he wants it harder or faster and don't be shy about playing with his penis at the same time.

There are women who enjoy anal play and some use butt plugs. A butt plug is a toy that is inserted in the rectum. Once inserted, you can leave it where it is or move it in and out. Many people enjoy the sense of fullness that butt plugs bring, much in the same way women enjoy the fullness experienced during vaginal sex. Others enjoy the sensation of inserting something in their anus.

Butt plugs come in many different shapes and sizes. Some of the sizes seem silly, but some people are obsessed with larger toys, so the companies willingly accommodate. The most popular plugs are less than an inch in diameter, and roughly 4 inches long. Beads are some of the most popular anal toys. They range from soft to firm-textured, usually consist of four to ten balls connected with a piece of nylon cord or plastic/rubber, and there are a wide selection in ball sizes. Whichever type you are interested in, they are virtually the best toys to ease into anal play.

Climax beads are a very simple toy to use. After being covered by lubricant, they are inserted into the anus bead by bead. Most people then leave the beads where they are until near the point of orgasm, at which point the beads are pulled out one by one. This can greatly intensify an orgasm to the point that it is almost too intense to handle. We at the [un]common sense sex Blog editorial Board suggest starting with smaller balls, and then moving up, as you get more experienced.

Again, like everything else involved with anal play, cleanliness is of the highest importance. Make sure to clean your toy thoroughly after using it, store it in a dry dust free place, and be very gentle when starting out.

So there you go! Now go out there girls and fuck your men good and hard!

LOL!

Love,

Eddie

PS: SEX -- all sex -- is good for you!

The TGIF Sex Blog [Sex Therapy]

¡Hola! Everybody...
[Note: I am on a blog hiatus until next week. The following is a repost. Starting Monday, I will lobbing major bombs, so make sure you come back]

* * *

-=[ Free Sex Therapy ]=-

A woman’s behind: an altar to be worshiped on ones knees...

-- Eddie

Well, it’s Friday and you know what that means. Yeppers, it’s time for the [un]Common Sense Sex Blog!

As most of you who read me regularly know, I don’t tire of reminding all and anybody that I at one time seriously considered a career as a sex therapist. While I didn’t follow through on this career path, along the way I learned much regarding sex from the POV of many different cultures and time periods. I offered to answer any sex questions and, as usual, my intrepid friends/ readers have responded.

[The following are real answers to real letters. I promised to respect anonymity]

Dear Mr. Eddie,

I would really like to know why men are so fascinated with their penises. It seems to me that this is really weird and I am at a loss at why men are constantly touching it, referring to it, etc. Isn’t this behavior based on some fear/ insecurity/ unhealthy obsession? Could you help me understand this?

-- Clueless in FLA.

Well, clueless,

It seems to me this is an easy one, but it will take some willingness to indulge me for e a sec: imagine your g-spot hanging, swingin’ large away from your body. Still with me? Now, imagine even further that women think it’s funny to kick you around that area where your precious g-spot swings perilously. Considering all this, wouldn’t you also develop an inordinate fascination with your penis?

::blank stare::

* * *

Fornicator! Sodomizer!

You will burn in hell for being a Sodomite. The Good Book explicitly states that anal sex is a sin. May God have mercy on your black soul!

In Love with Jaysus in Armpit, USA

Hmmmm…

OK! I’ll answer this one. First, I am of Puerto Rican descent and raised rubbing elbows with African Americans; my first kiss was stolen from a light-skinned lovely called Gail in the second grade. If I have any form of identification, it is with the “Black Urban Experience.” I’m like a house that’s painted white on the outside, but is black on the inside, so you’re correct in picking out my “Black” side. Secondly, while I don’t identify as a Christian (which will probably serve to further estrange me from your God), I was raised as a Catholic which means, like most Christians, I probably didn’t read the Bible. However, I have since then opened the Good Book and here is what I have found:

Anal sex is confusing to many Christians because of the attention paid to the Bible’s (supposed) condemnation of homosexual acts. However, nowhere does the Bible forbid anal sex between a male and female. (On a tangential note, Jesus had nothing to say about homosexuality.)

In fact, many Biblical passages allude to the act of anal sex between men and women. Lamentations 2:10 describes how “The virgins of Jerusalem have bowed their heads to the ground,” indicating how virginal maidens should position themselves to receive anal sex. The music group, The Dookers, put it more succinctly when they sang, “Face down/ ass up/ that’s the way we like to fuck!” Another suggestive scripture tells of a woman’s pride in her “valley” (a reference to her buttocks and the cleft between them) and entices her lover to ejaculate against her backside: “How boastful you are about the valleys! O backsliding daughter who trusts in her treasures, [saying,] ‘Who will come against me?’ (Jeremiah 49:4) And in the Song of Songs, the lover urges his mate to allow him to enter her from behind: “Draw me after you, let us make haste.” (Song of Solomon, 1:4)

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, muthafucka!

***

Dearest Eddie,

If there were more men like you around in this world, women wouldn't need pussies -- they'd probably atrophy from non-use and become a vestige organ like a freakin' appendix. LOL! Quit hating the pussy, Eddie! She's a sweet, purring, loving part of us women.

Whoa!

Who said I hate the pussy?!? Anyone who knows me even a little knows that my favorite scent is the smell of a freshly washed pussy: that intoxicating mixture of soap and musk never fails to awaken my erectile attention and I have been known to graze on the furze of many a pussy. I do, however, enjoy an anal fetish and adore women’s buttocks: that most unorthodox of altars to be worshiped on ones knees. I think there is no sexier pose than that of a naked woman, her back turned to me while looking back at me, a lovely smile on her face. It is then that that I often weigh the infinite possibilities between her ass and her smile.

But if you’re not into anal sex, please know I will try to burn your pussy away with my cock, no question.

* * *

Dearest Eddie,

I often read your blog, though I think you’re just a nassy perve. Lately, I have become intrigued with the notion of anal sex, but every time I have tried it with my husband, it has been too painful and have had to stop. Is there anything wrong with me, or should we be doing something different? I would like to pleasure my man in this way, but won’t it always be painful and a one-way thing because the anus is not an erogenous zone

-- Willing in Wisconsin

Dearest Willing,

First, allow me to commend you on your willingness to go the extra mile for your husband. You obviously are a considerate and generous lover. Let me start by pointing out that the anus is an erogenous zone and if approached knowledgeably, gently and with forethought, anal sex can become a staple of monogamous sex, setting the tone for further exploration and moving away from sex as a dry set of rituals.

The first thing to consider is communication: your anus is like a delicate flower (rosebud?) and should be treated as such. Before anal sex, there should be a discussion and a development of trust and agreed upon boundaries. Being with a trusting lover goes a long in helping you relax and making the experience the enjoyable experience it should be.

I would suggest beginning by using fingers or a small butt plug, as a way of familiarizing yourself to the feeling of being penetrated from behind. The anus has a bundle of nerve endings and if stimulated correctly, can induce pleasure. I have known more than a few women who have told me they have orgasmed through anal sex. After initial exploration with smaller objects, a gradual introduction of the penis should begin. The man should be careful to be loving and gentle, kissing you while initially resting his cock head at the entrance of your anus. Most women find the “spoon” position best for accommodating a penis during anal sex.

The best way, or rather, how I would do it, would be to position my cock at the entrance of your ass and allow you to be in control of the penetration process. Sufficient lubrication should be applied beforehand, of course. Once the cock is at the entrance, let him nudge the head a little while you push back. If you’re uncomfortable, or feel too much discomfort, let him know and just stay at a level that’s comfortable for you. You may not achieve full anal penetration the first few times, but eventually you will become more comfortable with the act. I have yet to meet a woman who wasn’t able to take the full length of my cock in her ass. My penis is not huge, it’s probably about seven inches, but with practice, learning to relax your anal sphincter, you should be able to accommodate your husband in this way.

Here are some fast rules:

Communicate with your partner, guys, no “surprising” them (“Oooops!” is unethical! LOL).

Lubricate well with a water-based lubricant and use a condom (especially in non-monogamous relationships).

For the woman, relaxing and pushing out with the muscles of the anus helps; some women finding lying on their side as the most comfortable position for entry.

Objects should not be poked into the partner, but rather held in place as the woman slowly pushes back onto them.

Finally, use sexual exploration as a form of intimate communion with your partner. What matters most is that you both commit to conscious loving in an adventurous spirit that leads to an intimacy that is more genuine.

If, after all this, he still doesn’t get it, call me, I’ll show you how to do it the right way! lol

“Face down/ Ass up!/ That’s the way/ We like to fuck!”

This is your [un]Common Sense Sex Therapist signing off until next week. Remember, if you have any questions, please feel free to email them to me and I’ll try my best to answer them.

Love,

Dr. Eddie

PS: Remember: Practiced in a conscious manner, sex is good for you.