The 12 Steps for Everyone [Step 1]

¡Hola! Everybody...
Life is change/ Growth is optional/ Choose wisely -- Karen Kaiser Clark

* * *

-=[ Stopping the War ]=-

We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
-- The First Step of Narcotics Anonymous

I was once told that my spiritual principles were as a bridge back to life. What I didn’t know then was that this bridge is built on the very bones of those who came before me. This series of posts is an attempt to honor that sacrifice.

I don’t know if this will work for you, but if you were to ask me, this is how I recovered my life. My story is a narrative of a life lived on the extreme edge and you might find it hard to identify with some of its elements. All I ask is that you try to identify with and not compare my story. Listen to the message and not the mess.

I believe all people, regardless of whether they are addicts or not, can benefit from an application of the 12 steps.

The First Step confronted me with two problematic words: powerless and unmanageable. I also didn’t notice at first that every step began with the word “We.” I was a loner; “we” wasn’t a word I used much. Everything was about me. They say an addict is an egomaniac with low self-esteem, and I believe that was how I felt.

Let me just say that 12-step recovery is about action. Every step involves growth, exploration, and action. I think people have huge misconceptions about 12-Step Fellowships. People in recovery like to say that the first step is the only step you have to get perfectly. I disagree, recovery is an ongoing process, and my understanding of the first step expands as I grow. However, there is a level of acceptance necessary for the integration of this step. But I get ahead of myself…

There are several powerful psycho-spiritual factors at work in the First Step. Primarily, there is an admission. Admitting to a problem has become a popular notion in our culture that first came to prominence in the recovery community. Admitting touches on the first spiritual principle of the first step: honesty. However, admitting means nothing without acceptance. For example, I had no problem admitting I was an addict; I could be honest about that. LOL! That and $2.50 got me on the train, which is another way of saying that admitting by itself it is worthless. It wasn’t until I embraced another core spiritual principle of the first step, acceptance, that I was then able to make changes in my life.

The more meetings I made, the more I heard my own story being told by others who were honest about themselves. I began to see that I had a lot in common with these people when it came to my to my addictive behaviors. It took me a long time to come to grips with powerlessness. I was raised to think of myself as powerful. I was taught that if I exerted my will on any issue, that I could overcome anything in the world. If I had enough cojones and worked hard enough, I could have power over anything.

Besides, it wasn’t my addiction that was the problem, it was everyone else. At least that was what I told myself. If only other people got their shit together and external situations in my life corrected themselves, I wouldn’t be in such a fix. The problem with my thinking was that it involved exerting willpower. The problem with my willpower was that it was warped. The more willpower I exerted, the more I fucked up. I tried everything: using only on the weekends, snorting instead of using needles, drinking instead of using other drugs, using only certain drugs in certain combinations, etc. No matter what I tried, I always ended up in the same place: all fucked up.

Imagine a machinery part that was made to perform only one action, or to move in only one direction. No matter how much you oil that part, no matter how much you try to fix it, it will still perform what is was meant to perform. Similarly, if the only tool you have is a hammer, then everything begins to look like a nail. simply put, if i wanted to change, I needed to develop new tools, to step out of confines of my comfort zone. For me to begin my journey, I first had to surrender. In fact, as I look back now, the whole process of recovery is one long, beautiful, liberating process of surrendering.

The First Step is like the beginning of a hero’s journey. In the archetype of the hero (or errant knight), most heroes begin reluctantly, clumsily, and then forces beyond their control propel them past their ordinary lives into a journey of personal change and renewal. Like most addicts, I was unaware of aspects of myself -- my feelings, for example, and the wreckage I was creating. The first step freed me to begin my quest for self-knowledge and transformation.

Admitting to powerlessness took me years; accepting that admission brought me to the gateway of healing and sanity. That was also about another core spiritual principle: willingness. instead of willfullness, what I needed was willingness. It’s part of what is often called the HOW (honesty, openness, and willingness) of recovery.

The first step is not about defeat. It says powerlessness, not hopelessness. We have no power over many things. Take the weather, for example. You can’t stop the rain, but if you take the time to stop, look, and listen, you may come to realize that using an umbrella is a lot better that railing against the elements. We have no power over how others act or think yet we spend enormous amounts of time and energy trying to exert control over other people. oftentimes, we don’t even have power over our own emotions, but we can learn to relate to them differently.

The first step is really about admitting powerlessness over living in the extremes. Try fighting the rain, or better yet, a hurricane, and you’ll get a sense of what it is to fight addiction. You have to surrender.

As part of taking the first step, you take an inventory of the consequences of your addiction. For me this meant documenting the jobs I lost, the people I hurt, and most of all, the harm I did to myself. In this way, I could no longer deny the unmanageability of life as an active addict. This was a hard nut to crack because I never wanted to admit my life was unmanageable. I had it together, I liked to think, I just went a little overboard sometimes.

I also discovered the insanity of the obsession that led to the compulsion and how my fight would be fruitless until I surrendered. If you’re fighting an inner war, then someone has to lose. If you’re fighting an inner war, it follows, you will always lose.

Taking the first step clearly showed me that my thinking had little connection to reality. There were countless times, for example, that I would experience a blackout. With a blackout, you can sit down one minute and the next thing you know you missed an entire episode of your life -- while conscious. It’s similar to what I imagine a time jumper would feel. One minute you’re in one place and the next, you’re somewhere else and you don’t know what the fuck is going on. One time coming out of a blackout, I had a whole party-full of people wanting to kick my ass, and I had no clue why. It seems I propositioned the bride-to-be (it was an engagement party) and that kinda pissed a few people off. I once came out of a blackout in a different state and different year. Still I couldn’t admit my powerlessness. It wasn’t that something was wrong with me, I rationalized, it was those damned stuck up muthafuckas, and besides, I know that bitch at the engagement party wanted me. Perhaps you may have never this extreme form of powerlessness, but have you ever had a situation spiral out of control to the point that you were at a loss?

Most of all, the first step is the beginning of the undoing of the karmic consequences of denial. I had to be brought my knees -- from hopelessly addicted to institutions and even close to death -- and still I wouldn’t admit my powerlessness. There was definitely a lot of evidence of unmanageability in my life. Shit, I attempted suicide at least once. What “normal” person can say that? More than anything, I was addicted to insanity.

Oh, and yes, I’ve kicked more habits than I can remember. I just could never stay stopped. It was never really hard kicking a habit. But addiction, I soon learned, was not merely about substance abuse. I would get “clean” and chill for six-seven months, but when I started again, it was as if I never stopped. My last day as an active addict, I had spent $300 after having been released from an institution for exactly fourteen days. I went from clean to a $300-a-day habit at the drop of a hat. I would say that’s unmanageable...

However, there are other ways our powerlessness and unmanageability manifests in our lives. Whether it’s food or cigarettes, or relationships, I think we can all look where we’re slowly killing ourselves, suffering needlessly, or causing ourselves and our loved ones harm. I believe we all can identify with the need to exert control and the denial of powerlessness. I use my life as an example because the extreme manner in which I lived it makes it easier to illustrate my points, but we all have the dark places, the places that scare us.

Today, I apply the first step to many things in my life, especially in relationships and to certain behaviors. Addictions like to migrate. One might be able to kick the heroin or the alcohol, but then you see people acting out sexually or financially. If you don’t do the inner work, applying these principles in all your affairs, then you’ll continue to be in the grips of addictive behavior. The first step stipulated that I was powerless over my addiction. Addiction is not about a substance, but a way of thinking.

Eventually, I began to think of the first step as something similar to the concepts of Aikido or Wing Chun, two martial arts that stress the importance of never meeting force with force. In a sense, the first step is about learning to flow with the forces of life instead of fighting all the time. It’s learning to transform difficult emotions into opportunities for healing. It’s knowing that you can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

Love,

Eddie

Resources

Alcoholics Anonymous: Official website

Narcotics Anonymous: Official website

Recovery USA, llc: Recovery USA, llc is an online resource for those seeking recovery information, community connections, and high-quality 12 Step Recovery Supplies for Alcoholism and Drug Addiction.

Sober Recovery: The Alcoholism and Addictions Resource Guide. "Our Sober Community is always open 24 hours a day with helpful moderators in our message boards and Sober Forums."

Alano: "The Online Alano Club is a nonprofit association intended as a resource for Alcoholics Anonymous® members and groups, as well as any individual who has a desire to stop drinking. Members from other 12-Step programs, especially the Al-Anon Family Groups, also are welcome."

12 Step Radio: A great site for Recovery Music, Artist Interviews, Online Communities, Links and Resources, and more...

Note: The featured artwork is from an artist who sells the prints online. I happen to like them. His website features prints of all the 12 steps.

Honesty and Relationships

¡Hola! Everybody...
My friend Shellyhope posted a great little music video today. It’s called “Do You Want to Date my Avatar,” and aside from being catchy, it’s hilarious. I think I may have fallen “in love” with one or two avatars myself. LOL!

I'll be gone all day and most of the evening...

* * *

-=[ Honesty ]=-

Whenever we’re being phony, Machiavellian, manipulating other people by withholding… you end up cheating yourself of contact with that person. The reason for telling the truth is to have authentic contact or intimate experience in your life.

-- Brad Blanton

The root word for spirituality comes from a Latin word that means to breathe. This is interesting in that it can lend a basic definition of spirituality that goes beyond dogma and religion: what connects us all is our breath. We all need to breathe and we all share the same supply existing on this planet. If I were to come up with a broad definition of spirituality is that it is about connection. It is about connection to each other, to the Universal, to our ecology, to everything.

Modern physics has taught us lessons recently and one is that the basic way we see reality is flawed. Underlying our reality is an essential connection that should teach us that we are more integrated than we think and that our actions, even our thoughts, influence our surroundings, loved ones, and even strangers in ways that we’re only just beginning to grasp.

The ego-centered Mini Me, which is to feel everyone as separate, influences our normal habit of relating and because of this we’re compelled to speak and act strategically. This is as true for women as it is for men. As long as we operate from the perspective of the Mini Me, even when we’re trying to do the right thing, we are still doing it from an ego-centered perspective: how can I, or how can this person, fulfills my needs, what am I feeling, how can I express my truths.

This stance is, in fact, the cause of the underlying feeling of separation that causes us to suffer in relationships, more than who said or did what to whom. The Mini Me works behind the scenes, unconsciously trying to fit the other into our world and, without even trying, we become manipulative. Jeeez! The stakes are too fuckin’ high, the unmet needs and fears too great, to allow us to do otherwise. What often happens in relationships is that we create these unspoken agreements to support each other in this dramatic dance of need: “I’ll go along with your story, if you’ll go along with mine.” Let me be clear here: a relationship, any relationship based on need is called co-dependent. What’s happening in such relationships is that the participants are trying to fill a need that only exists as a false belief system (“I need to be completed”).

In mutual dependency, the tension gets so high that we become willing to lie or avoid talking (another form of lying) about a situation in order to keep the relationship “manageable.” If you doubt me, just pick up any one of the “The Rules” books (“time tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right) and tell me if that isn’t a blueprint for manipulation and dishonesty. In this way, our way of relating becomes a method for reinforcing our basic feeling of being apart, small, and lack. Secrets and lies are what we know.

The sense of feeling small and separate forces us to see every problem and feeling of discomfort as external. Shit, if I don’t feel good, it is because you made me feel that way! Think about that statement. I mean really think about it: is it a true statement, or a belief?

When we relate to each other from a place of separation, we act as if the other person exists on the far side of an abyss. We can shout and wave, feel empathy, and then call that skillful communication. But even then, that deep feeling of isolation has not been addressed.

Love,

Eddie

The 12 Steps for Everyone [Step 1]

¡Hola! Everybody...
So, I began this series last year and I think I stopped at Step Four. I’m going to revive this and see if I can finish it out.

* * *

-=[ Surrender ]=-

“We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.”

-- The First Step of Narcotics Anonymous

This is for all those who still suffer needlessly, not knowing there is a way out. To you I offer my gratitude and love...

Every month, I will post my strengths, hopes, and experiences on one of the 12 steps of Narcotics Anonymous. What follows is a narrative of my journey toward healing. I don’t know if this will work for you, but if you were to ask me, this is how I recovered my life. My story is a narrative of a life lived on the edge -- extreme -- and you might find it hard to identify with some of its elements. All I ask is that you try to identify with and not compare my story. Listen to the message and not the mess.

I believe all people can benefit from a rigorous application of the 12 steps and I offer this in the spirit of hope.

The First Step confronted me with two problematic words: powerless and unmanageable. I also didn’t notice at first that every step began with the word “We.” I was a loner; “we” wasn’t a word I used much. Everything was about me. They say an addict is an egomaniac with low self-esteem, and I believe that was how I felt.

Let me just say that 12-step recovery is about action. Every step involves growth, exploration, and action. I think people have huge misconceptions about 12-Step Fellowships. People in recovery like to say that the first step is the only step you have to get perfectly. I disagree, recovery is an ongoing process, and my understanding of the first step expands as I grow. However, there is a level of acceptance necessary for the integration of this step. But I get ahead of myself…

There are several powerful psycho-spiritual factors at work in the first step. Primarily, there is an admission. Admitting to a problem has become a popular notion in our culture that first came to prominence in the recovery community. Admitting touches on the first spiritual principle of the first step: honesty. However, admitting means nothing without acceptance. For example, I had no problem admitting I was an addict; I could be honest about that. LOL! That and $2 got me on the train, which is another way of saying that admitting by itself it was worthless. It wasn’t until I embraced another core spiritual principle of the first step, acceptance, that I was then able to make changes in my life.

The more meetings I made, the more I heard my own story from the lips of others who were honest about themselves. I began to see that I had a lot in common with these people when it came to my relationship to addiction. It took me a long time to come to grips with powerlessness. I was raised to think of myself as powerful. I was taught that if I exerted my will on any issue, that I could overcome anything in the world. If I had enough cojones and worked hard enough, I could have power over anything.

Besides, it wasn’t my addiction that was the problem, it was everyone else. If only other people got their shit together and external situations in my life mended themselves, I wouldn’t be in such a fix. The problem with my thinking was that it involved exerting willpower. The problem with my willpower was that it was warped. The more willpower I exerted, the more I fucked up. I tried everything: using only on the weekends, snorting instead of using needles, drinking instead of using other drugs, using only certain drugs in certain combinations, etc. No matter what I tried, I always ended up in the same place: all fucked up.

If the only tool you have is a hammer, then everything begins to look like a nail. For me to begin my journey, I first had to surrender. In fact, as I look back now, the whole process of recovery is one long, beautiful, liberating process of surrendering.

For me, the first step is like the beginning of a hero’s journey. In the archetype of the hero, most heroes begin reluctantly, and then forces beyond their control propel them past their everyday lives into a journey of personal change and renewal. Like most addicts, I was unaware of aspects of myself -- my feelings, for example, and the wreckage I was creating. The first step was a tool I could use in my quest for self-knowledge.

Admitting to powerlessness took me years; accepting that admission brought me to the gateway of healing and sanity. That was also about another core spiritual principle: willingness. It’s often called the HOW (honesty, openness, and willingness) of recovery.

The first step is not about defeat. It says powerlessness, not hopelessness. We have no power over many things. Take the weather, for example. You can’t stop the rain, but if you take the time to stop, look, and listen, you may come to realize that using an umbrella is a lot better that railing against the elements. We have no power over how others act or think yet we spend enormous amounts of time and energy trying to exert control over other people. We don’t even have power over our own emotions, but we can learn to relate to them differently.

The first step is really about admitting powerlessness over living in the extremes. Try fighting the rain, or better yet, a hurricane, and you’ll get a sense of what it is to fight addiction. You have to surrender.

As part of taking the first step, you take an inventory of the consequences of your addiction. For me this meant documenting the jobs I lost, the people I hurt, and most of all, the harm I did to myself. In this way, I could no longer deny the unmanageability of life as an active addict. This was a hard nut to crack because I never wanted to admit my life was unmanageable. I had it together, I liked to think, I just went a little overboard sometimes.

I also discovered the insanity of the obsession that led to the compulsion and how my fight would be fruitless until I surrendered. If you’re fighting an inner war, then someone has to lose. If you’re fighting an inner war, it follows, you will always lose.

Taking the first step clearly showed me that my thinking had little connection to reality. There were countless times, for example, that I would experience a blackout. With a blackout, you can sit down one minute and the next thing you know you missed an entire episode of your life -- while conscious. It’s like what a time jumper would feel. One minute you’re in one place and the next, you’re somewhere else and you don’t know what the fuck is going on. One time I came out of a blackout, I had a whole party-full of people wanting to kick my ass, and I had no clue why. It seems I propositioned the bride-to-be (it was an engagement party) and that kinda pissed a few people off. I once came out of a blackout in a different state and different year! LOL! Still I couldn’t admit my powerlessness. It wasn’t that something was wrong with me, it was those damned stuck up muthafuckas, and besides, I know that bitch wanted me.

Most of all, the first step is the beginning of the undoing of the karmic consequences of denial. I had to be brought my knees -- from hopelessly addicted to institutions and even close to death -- and still I wouldn’t admit my powerlessness. There was definitely a lot of evidence of unmanageability in my life. Shit, I attempted suicide at least once. What “normal” person can say that? More than anything, I was addicted to insanity.

Oh, and yes, I’ve kicked more habits than I can remember. I just could never stay stopped. Addiction, I soon learned, was not about using. I would get “clean” and chill for six-seven months, but when I started again, it was as if I never stopped. My last day as an active addict, I had spent $300 and I was on the street (released from an institution) exactly fourteen days. I went from clean to a $300-a-day habit at the drop of a hat. I would say that’s unmanageable...

However, there are other ways our powerlessness and unmanageability can manifest itself. Whether it’s food or cigarettes, or relationships, I think we can all look where we’re slowly killing ourselves, or causing ourselves and our loved ones harm. I believe we all can identify with the need to exert control and the denial of powerlessness. I use my life as an example because the extreme manner in which I lived makes it easier to illustrate my points, but we all have the dark places where we butt our heads.

Today, I apply the first step to many things in my life, especially in relationships and to certain behaviors. Addictions like to migrate. You might be able to kick the heroin or the alcohol, but then you see people acting out sexually or financially. If you don’t do the work, then you’ll continue to be in the grips of addictive behavior. The first step stipulated that I was powerless over my addiction. Addiction is not about a substance, but about a way of thinking.

Eventually, I began to think of the first step as something similar to the concepts of Aikido or Wing Chun, two martial arts that stress the importance of never meeting force with force. In a sense, the first step is about learning to flow with the forces of life instead of fighting all the time. It’s learning to transform difficult emotions into opportunities for healing. It’s knowing that you can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

Love,

Eddie

Resources

Alcoholics Anonymous: Official website

Narcotics Anonymous: Official website

Recovery USA, llc: Recovery USA, llc is an online resource for those seeking recovery information, community connections, and high-quality 12 Step Recovery Supplies for Alcoholism and Drug Addiction.

Sober Recovery: The Alcoholism and Addictions Resource Guide. "Our Sober Community is always open 24 hours a day with helpful moderators in our message boards and Sober Forums."

Alano: "The Online Alano Club is a nonprofit association intended as a resource for Alcoholics Anonymous® members and groups, as well as any individual who has a desire to stop drinking. Members from other 12-Step programs, especially the Al-Anon Family Groups, also are welcome."

12 Step Radio: A great site for Recovery Music, Artist Interviews, Online Communities, Links and Resources, and more...

Note: The featured artwork is from an artist who sells the prints online. I happen to like them. His website features prints of all the 12 steps.

Standing Up and Being Counted

¡Hola! Everybody...
the good weather is here and that means I spend less time at home. Had dinner in the city with some friends last night. This week there are two free concerts I will be attending (weather permitting). This weekend, I’m headed back to Boston for a visit.

* * *

-=[ Accountability ]=-

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes. I had one thousand sixty.

-- Imelda Marcos

Mistakes were made...

-- Standard Issue PR Evasive Measure

Accountability! Now there's a concept that's hard to find in use these days. LOL! For those that are too young to remember, Imelda Marcos was the wife of a Philippine dictator who was eventually ousted from power. In the ensuing mess, it was discovered that as the nation's people suffered abject poverty, this couple lived a life of luxury hard to imagine. One of the themes of this story arose from the discovery of the many shoes Imelda Marcos possessed.

As human beings, we all share the impulse to justify ourselves and avoid responsibility for any actions that turn out to be harmful, immoral, or just plain stupid. While we all like to point fingers at others and public figures, most of us will never be in the public spotlight when we lay our own eggs or the skeletons in our closet rattle. Our decisions will most likely not affect the lives of millions of people, but whether on a grand scale or our personal canvas, most of us find it difficult, if not impossible, to say, “I was wrong, I made a terrible mistake.” The higher the emotional, financial, moral stakes -- the harder it is.

Recently, Dick Cheney actually said mistakes were made with regard to the response to the 9/11 attacks. Check out the language: Mistakes were made.

What mistakes and by whom? Shred the constitution, commit war crimes, and lie deliberately to go to war and all you can say is Mistakes were made... ? Where is the accountability and leadership in language oozing with passivity?

I differentiate between responsibility and accountability -- I think they are two different things. To be accountable for something means that one may not be responsible for a situation, but has decided to be accountable for it. An example might be deciding not to add one’s own litter to an already littered street. That was an example taught to me by my mother when I was a little boy. She saw me dropping a candy wrapper onto the pavement and when I protested that the street was already dirty (we lived in the ghetto, duh!), her answer has stayed with me: It’s dirty because everybody thinks as you do! To this day, I don’t litter. LOL!

Another example would be understanding not being responsible for a disease but being accountable for maintaining a lifestyle that helps to arrest that disease. That understanding right there is a major part of my life. I try to apply it to all my affairs: accountability versus responsibility.

Imelda never got it right: it wasn’t the number of shoes she possessed (though stealing from the masses and then throwing it away on trivial matters while many died from starvation is an unsettling moral issue). The point wasn’t the number of shoes but the utter lack of accountability for her actions -- that was the issue.

I have witnessed many people get stuck on the responsibility side of things to the point that they never get past that. Even when you are responsible for an action, it is not enough to just admit to the responsibility, one has to own the issue and become accountable for it.

Accountability demands that our commitment compels us to stand up and be “counted” -- to take action. This is an integral part of change and growth. By releasing the purely moral issue, one then gains power to become a moral agent in changing actions/ behaviors/ situations. Imelda took responsibility for the one thousand sixty shoes she owned; she just never became accountable for them. LOL!

Love,

Eddie

Sunday Sermon [Defensiveness]

¡Hola! Everybody…
I liked the way it was in high school when you just simply asked someone to be yours. It was either a “yes” or a “no,” and that was that. No ambiguity, there it was in stark black and white:

Boyfriend/ Girlfriend

“She’s my girlfriend.”

“He’s my boyfriend.”

LOL!

She called to tell me she was coming and that was that. I have to love her tenacity. As I begin to write this, she’s sleeping, but I’m up, so, like, who’s yo daddy, now?!! LOL

I thought it was Monday…

* * *

-=[ Defensiveness ]=-

I learned a valuable lesson when I took to heart (and integrated) the following advice:

If it bothers you that much, then there’s something there you need to look at more honestly.

I wanted to defend against that advice because (goddammit!) there are exceptions to the rule!

I have since learned that even when you feel justified, it is always best to look honestly at whatever issue is renting space in your head. It could be that there’s nothing there. On the other hand, it could be that perhaps you’re annoyed because there’s an element of truth.

Sometimes…

U believe what’s important is that energy that raises the need to be defensive about anything. As soon as we go there, we’ve aligned ourselves with delusion. We’re grasping at castles in the air. In Buddhism, attachment to this notion of “me” is considered the most profound of all suffering. And it is this attachment that often causes us to defend. We will fight to the bitter end to defend who “we” are.

But who are you, really?

::blank stare::

Fear compels us to put up our defenses. It gives us the illusion that we are safe, hidden here behind all the armor. But genuine safety occurs only when you lay your defenses down. Living openly is to know true peace and safety. This is joy… Christians call this state of mind grace, and spiritual traditions from many cultures throughout history have called this by many names.

To defend your self must be frightening, isn’t it? I mean, what if you’re… wrong!

OMIGAWD!

Defense comes from fear, and every time you increase your defenses, you increase your fear. You walk around thinking it offers safety and all it does is it makes you more anxious, and more depressed. It’s like Microsoft always having to pull out patches because it refuses to open up its source language. Yet, all open-source software is light years ahead of Microsoft in terms of security!

I just thought of that analogy! Dang! LOL

Defenses are the fool’s gold of those mad with the need to defend themselves. In actuality, if you want safety, peace of mind, and boundless joy, all you have to do is drop the bullshit defenses. Think of how much more energy you will be able to spend on creative shit when you stop defending your bullshit.

Moreover, believe me: most of the shit you’re defending is bullshit, but you will defend it to the very end. Or maybe not. Perhaps when you’re old and wrinkly, you’ll finally get it. I hope you get it before then.

If you want truth and certainty, as well as a sense of purpose al that is required is that you drop the defenses. Perhaps there is some truth that you’re spoiled, self-centered, and a terrible and inconsiderate lover!

So what?!! Welcome to the real world, Brainiac, we’re all imperfect up in here, though we spend a lot of time and energy denying it.

I like the way put it down south: you can put lipstick on a pig but… LOL!

You create the world you live in through your mental grasping. We create all these stories to defend our sense of self, but that’s all a lie, and you must know this somewhere deep inside. Want to know why people create fantasy lives on the internet? One of the major reasons is that their defending themselves from some irrational fear. They are mad with fear.

The good thing is that your defenses will not work… ever. You will be exposed… always. But you’re not in danger, sweetie, you never were. You have need for the defenses. When you truly recognize that you are safe, the obstacles to your happiness – your defenses – will disappear.

Now, I have to pay attention to the Kitten and go to the beach…

Love,

Eddie

Wanted to Hire: Blog Commenters

Class, this post title is conceivably a possibility in the future! The job description would read like this: "Comment on blogs for $15 an hour. Keep the comments simple, polite, and to the point." Has your Blondalicious Teacher lost her marbles?

I'm glad you're concerned, but not to worry. I've simply had an amazing vision of the future. Yesterday I happened to look down to the sidebar of Blog-Blond, and my eye saw a catchy post title on "The Good Blogs" list of titles. I clicked on it, and I found myself on the blog of Kent Newsome reading his post titled, "Narcissism, Honesty and the Technorati Top 100".

While reading his post about why Guy Kawasaki doesn't have time to read other blogs other than his own, this part of Newsome's post jumped out at me like a fierce tiger: "He has a "virtual assistant" (whatever that is) who will sometimes thank those who write about him."

That's when the lights went off for me! And I saw the future for employment possibilities. Take in account how much time you spend commenting on other's blogs! Is it an hour a day or two or maybe more? Commenting is time-consuming. I personally like commenting because I enjoy reading blogs, but obviously a lot of people don't have the time to comment! I view my Stat Counter and Sitemeter records and see how many people read my blogs, and out of the vast numbers who drop by, the commenters are rare birds!

Thus, a lot of people might like to employ an excellent, skilled commenter to keep their blog-ball rolling along, dontcha think?

Why should Guy be the only blogger to have a virtual assistant?! Whoops! I started thinking even more which is sometimes a dangerous thing for me--maybe he's not the ONLY blogger to have one. Maybe some of the comments which have been made on my blogs weren't even written by humans--maybe these comments were done by borg "virtual" assistants. How MANY bloggers are already using these hired borgs? The more I thought about this, the more I realized that borgs shouldn't be making all the money! What about humans? They have some rights! Or at least they should have!

There are probably lots of humans who'd like to make $15 an hour leaving comments on blogs and signing their name as Guy Kawasaki! Think about it: the job's a pretty easy one. You're sitting, not standing! You're sitting on your a$$ typing comments. How hard could this be? If I put an ad in the paper for this job, lots of folks would be lined up to audition.

Why did I pick the hourly salary of $15? Here's the way I look at it--even though the gig's an easy one with very little mental, emotional, or physical stress, you want someone who can type without making mistakes. After all, you wouldn't want other bloggers thinking you're a total dolt who can't even spell. Thus, you would need to hire someone with skills. And if you hired someone with good skills , you can't pay slave wages.

Slave wages are what most of us bloggers earn, except for the very few who game the system and happen to have lots of contacts. It's embarrassing enough to be earning nothing/zilch/zero/nada from your blog. The very least we could do is to pay our hired commenters a decent wage.

What do you think about this concept, Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com"?

Wanted to Hire: Blog Commenters

Class, this post title is conceivably a possibility in the future! The job description would read like this: "Comment on blogs for $15 an hour. Keep the comments simple, polite, and to the point." Has your Blondalicious Teacher lost her marbles?

I'm glad you're concerned, but not to worry. I've simply had an amazing vision of the future. Yesterday I happened to look down to the sidebar of Blog-Blond, and my eye saw a catchy post title on "The Good Blogs" list of titles. I clicked on it, and I found myself on the blog of Kent Newsome reading his post titled, "Narcissism, Honesty and the Technorati Top 100".

While reading his post about why Guy Kawasaki doesn't have time to read other blogs other than his own, this part of Newsome's post jumped out at me like a fierce tiger: "He has a "virtual assistant" (whatever that is) who will sometimes thank those who write about him."

That's when the lights went off for me! And I saw the future for employment possibilities. Take in account how much time you spend commenting on other's blogs! Is it an hour a day or two or maybe more? Commenting is time-consuming. I personally like commenting because I enjoy reading blogs, but obviously a lot of people don't have the time to comment! I view my Stat Counter and Sitemeter records and see how many people read my blogs, and out of the vast numbers who drop by, the commenters are rare birds!

Thus, a lot of people might like to employ an excellent, skilled commenter to keep their blog-ball rolling along, dontcha think?

Why should Guy be the only blogger to have a virtual assistant?! Whoops! I started thinking even more which is sometimes a dangerous thing for me--maybe he's not the ONLY blogger to have one. Maybe some of the comments which have been made on my blogs weren't even written by humans--maybe these comments were done by borg "virtual" assistants. How MANY bloggers are already using these hired borgs? The more I thought about this, the more I realized that borgs shouldn't be making all the money! What about humans? They have some rights! Or at least they should have!

There are probably lots of humans who'd like to make $15 an hour leaving comments on blogs and signing their name as Guy Kawasaki! Think about it: the job's a pretty easy one. You're sitting, not standing! You're sitting on your a$$ typing comments. How hard could this be? If I put an ad in the paper for this job, lots of folks would be lined up to audition.

Why did I pick the hourly salary of $15? Here's the way I look at it--even though the gig's an easy one with very little mental, emotional, or physical stress, you want someone who can type without making mistakes. After all, you wouldn't want other bloggers thinking you're a total dolt who can't even spell. Thus, you would need to hire someone with skills. And if you hired someone with good skills , you can't pay slave wages.

Slave wages are what most of us bloggers earn, except for the very few who game the system and happen to have lots of contacts. It's embarrassing enough to be earning nothing/zilch/zero/nada from your blog. The very least we could do is to pay our hired commenters a decent wage.

What do you think about this concept, Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com"?