From my heart to yours, thank you.

I felt that my first post of the say should be hearty THANK YOU for all of you who donated money to my Pay Pal account yesterday.

As you know it was not my idea that Tuesday be a day to make donations to this blog, nor could I imagine ever asking.  But that does not mean it was not greatly appreciated.

Your generosity, and kind messages attached to the payments, were VERY kind, and it made me feel more than a little humble.

I would like you to know that I will not be spending the extra cash on loose women and fast cars. I will instead be spending the money on loose cars and fast women.

Obviously I am joking, mostly because my daughter can smell money for a thousand miles away and will undoubtedly come up with some emergency that can only be solved by emptying my bank account.

I know what you are thinking, "Can't you say no?'

Nope I cannot.

It turns out I love that little pain in the ass, who shoots me her mother's look when I am correcting her, and can NEVER SEEM TO GET HER DIRTY DISHES INTO THE DISHWASHER, too much to ever deny her anything.

Perhaps you would like to know that your generosity, and the money earned from Google ads, in the past have helped to:

• Purchase her a new transmission when her old one fell out of her motor-home on the way up here from Georgia.
• Purchase a ratty old couch that she could plop in the middle of my living room.
• Buy a truck for $500 that I thought would only last the summer, but which she is still driving a year later.
• Buy her a new Apple computer when her old one went belly up.
• Pay for her wisdom teeth to be pulled when she was in too much pain to even get out of bed.
• Purchase a Queen size bed because "I'm a grown woman Dad, I can't sleep in a twin bed anymore!"
• Buy her a new I-Pad for "her work."
• And pay for her gas when she was in between movie and TV gigs.

And believe me, even though I might complain all the time occasionally, I could not have thought of a better way to have spent any of that money. (Though I might have at least enjoyed SHOPPING for fast women.)

Anyhow I greatly appreciate that your generosity has allowed me to be the hero in my daughter's life when she desperately needed one. I don't think I could have managed it on just my salary.

Merry Christmas Angel!

So thank you again, and I hope I continue to provide entertainment, humor, and important factual information for many years to some.

Namaste my friends.

Left of Centre

I am a huge nerd who doesn't have the appearance of nerd until you get to know me.  I think this quintessential nerdiness throws people off and leaves people confused and off balance.  My brother and I are the nerds of the family but he looks the part. I hired him once summer while he was completing his after Ed. degree and the clients he worked with (teenagers) immediately bullied him because of how he looked.   I wish he hadn't shown up with tape on his glasses and too short pants.  True story.  He ended up quitting the job three weeks later because he was throwing up in the bathroom before work due to nerves.

I however look 'normal', I dress well and have enough confidence that people have no idea how introverted I am.  I studied to be an actress and I think a small ability to put on a persona has helped me pass for average person at the first glance or two.  I don't think until recently I realized I'm a nerd which is far more comforting than socially unacceptable which I have feared from time to time.  I don't mean pariah more like people once they get to know me say "she's weirder than I thought".

What makes me weird?  My blogging for one.  Do you know how few people do this?  At least who talk about it? I'm the only one I know of who's ever blogged.  I had a blog that friends could read and honestly no one told me "hey I blog too".   I like the computer. I like spending copious amounts of time reading and researching, in fact I almost prefer it to going out.  I love business and leadership books. I like talking about human behaviour and other things that take us beyond surface conversations - I'm not great at surface.    While my East Coast upbringing makes me friendly I hold myself back from becoming friends with the people who would friend me.   Many people confuse my warmth and personality with the bonds of friendship and attach.  I hold back because I feel they've missed the point of who I really am.  They like the girl who makes others feel comfortable and who can make a room laugh, they don't realize that I'm doing my 'job', they don't realize I find more comfort from my room and my laptop.  They don't know that I've lived in one place for 12 years and have never said more than hi to a neighbour because I'm painfully shy.  I thought they wouldn't like the truth, so it's easier to leave them with the idea of who they think I am.  When I do find someone interesting I pursue them.  Not stalker like, but I've seen something in them that attracts me to them on a deeper level.  99% of the time we become friends, I have a pretty good radar for the people who I'll connect with.  I seek them, that I rarely see the 'type', shows me that I'm a bit odd.  I could have a million surface friends, I know I could be surrounded.  I choose not to because it doesn't fill me.  My sister is the exact opposite.  She's warm, friendly and has friends of many varieties, she can handle them, I could not.

My brain has a difficult time with resting on one thing, it jumps all over the place, which is terribly exciting from a creative point of view but really challenging when it comes to disciplined focus.  I am probably the most scatterbrained, accident prone, embarrassing moment person you'll meet.  I am so used to me I don't get embarrassed easily. I'm just me.  My friends, the few I have, think I'm hilarious with my stories and the things that happen when I'm with them.  (I am the chick that lost her passport on the plane into NY last year).  Yesterday going to the zoo with a girlfriend and her baby I typed street instead of avenue into Google Maps and ended up 20 minutes away from my destination.  I arrived 30 minutes late due to traffic.  Okay fine.  Then we go to Starbucks where I get two lattes and proceed to spill mine into her upholstered vehicle because I didn't want the lid on mine so I could eat the cream.  Later I was holding her baby who threw up copious amounts of breast milk on my t-shirt because I'd moved him from one position to another a little too quickly.  I got us wildly lost just leaving the parking lot to find the zoo.  I realized walking on the highway was probably not the plan of zoo developers, a little dangerous for families I guessed a little later.  That I rushed home to do pictures like the attached prove a little of my strangeness.  I wish I could show you the ones I did of the baby!  I KNOW people in general don't do this stuff.

Basically I have to accept I'm a bit of an outlier, rather than adjust to the round hole know that square pegs have benefits too.  Rather than knock myself for being just a bit too creative in a non-creative circle embrace it and celebrate the way I was wired.  This I'm writing because my relationship is on its very last legs, it's just the formality that needs to come.  I'm wracked with feelings of being unacceptable and different which are exacerbated by the loss of my bff recently.  When I search my heart I know that my motives are acceptable and fit with my own moral compass.  I can't really be different than who I am in the deepest part of me, and I'm happy with her.  That others may struggle with me is more a product of my 'uniqueness' and my inability to find like minded people where I am.  I think this is why I love this blog so much.  I wonder if bloggers in general are outliers?  I've met likeminded bloggers who I connect to and who's writing resonates with my understanding of the world.  Or if not my understanding have opened my mind to think in other ways.  Thank you Internet!

This post is more of a ramble than usual...I find my lack of planning a post very cathartic...hope you got the gist.  I am not saying I'm a special snowflake.  I'm trying to reconcile my place in the world.  Something I've been trying to do for a very long time.  I don't think it's me being bad, or super good, it's just me being a little bit left of centre.  And that's ok...or at least I hope I will be.  

The other sister.

Sister 2, Sister 1 and Me.  

So regular readers know I have a sister who recently underwent brain surgery.  The outcome was good, she retained cognitive and mobile functions. She has a long recovery ahead of her, but her faculties remain and that's a huge relief.

I have another sister who is also facing possible death.  She's anorexic.  She is my height and weighs around 90 lbs.  She is an obsessive compulsive runner/swimmer and simply doesn't eat.  Her skin literally hangs off her body.  I saw her in June and I saw her last week when she flew in to see my sister before the operation.  She has lost at least five pounds in that time period.  Five pounds she couldn't afford to lose.  She is six years younger and looks ten years older than me.

June.  At least 5 pds down since then. 

The irony is I had a sister who suddenly was declared deathly ill, but I've had a sister facing death for much longer.  I haven't said anything.  I can no longer sit idly by thinking it's not my business.  My recent face to face with death allowed me to see I had no regrets with sister 1, we had a close relationship and had worked out relationship challenges over the years, we also live five minutes apart.  Sister 2 lives thousands of miles away and I see her maybe once every two years.  She'd stopped communicating with me a couple of years ago and I allowed my own busyness to intervene and didn't pursue why she'd stopped (it was on her end). Now I know it was self-induced isolation.  She has no friends left, she's pushed them all away.  Her husband is unwilling to look at her illness and when approached rebuffed attempts for an intervention.  Sister 2 is very upset with her husband for allowing her to get the way she has.  I get it though, she's the most disciplined, stubborn, intelligent person I know.  Hard to argue with a master wall builder.

I've written a letter which serves my own need to let her know how scared I am for her.  I don't want to regret that I never said anything.  I am of course hopeful that my harsh letter can shock her into reality and she'll seek professional support.  I need to have faith that she'll get it.  My mother plans on writing her own letter.  Having my mom willing to face the truth is a big step. My mom prefers slim and thinks I'm too fat.  She's part of the reason my sister is the way she is.  My mom weighed sister number 2 every night when she felt she was getting too fat as a teenager.   My mom now wants to vomit when she sees my sister because it's so alarming.

I've aired a lot of family stuff that last little while.  I normally keep that part very quiet.  I think it's good for me to write it out.  It's cathartic.  I also know I'm not alone with family dysfunction.  What is normal anyway?    I refuse to feel shame over having a somewhat broken family.  We carried on for too long as the perfect family.  The attractive girls, the beautiful surroundings, well rounded, classy people were the messages we sent to others.  Beneath the facade is a bubbling cauldron of insecurity, neurotic behaviour, and lies.

I've been called out on these pages for my own lack of self-worth, my need for attention and my vanity.  I'm a product of an environment.  These pages allow me to express in ways I can't with the people closest to me.  I'm very grateful I have this blog.  I think I'm healthier than I would be if I didn't have a chance to get this crap out.  I think I feel better about myself seeing my body in half naked pictures than I did before I posted them, because I have a very fat mental image of myself.   I suffer to a much lesser degree than my sister, but I get her on many levels.

I've recently started sister number 1 (brain surgery) on blogging her experience.  Perhaps I need to do the same with sister number 2.

Begging for action

What's a girl gotta do to get some action round' here!

I've been getting a ton of hits and lots of page views. Lots!

But...

duh duh duh

No comments.

I wonder if I'm not controversial enough for my audience.  I preach to the choir so to speak.  I don't rile anyone up.  90% of my hits are from sites that have views that are friendly to mine and for whatever reason feminists  can't be bothered.

I was wracking my brain to come up with controversial ideas and I realized I hate controversy.  I'm not good at it, I like being pleasant, therefore pleasing.  So that doesn't bode well for interesting commentary does it.

Potential Controversy or Heated Debate

Anonymous Commenter:
You are a doormat idiot.  You let men walk all over you in order for you to be accepted and liked.

Controversial Response by me:
You are a chicken shit by posting your name as anonymous, bitch.  And ya I know you're a girl because men like doormats.

(Ummmm yea.  Lost any sense of a true comeback by the end couldn't hold it together.)

In actuality I'd write:

Me: I think you get farther with sugar than you do with shit.


The end.

*got you with the title though didn't I?

Shailey Tripp, if I may borrow a phrase, gets her "Grrr" on.

Here is a portion of what Shailey posted yesterday:

I have talked to many members of the press since Jan. 2011 and I have been asked over and over again why is anything I have to say newsworthy because the National Enquirer didn't pick up the story and the Anchorage Police did issue their press release. Well I want to say to all the Media persona out there: When the police cover up, hide, mislead, lie, and issue press releases all the while violating someone's rights all due to a phone call by another person's lawyer.....UMMMM that is a story, all by itself that alone is merit for a great news story......... and the media not looking into the story and investigating and reproting the facts, THAT IS A PROBLEM. That is THE STORY. 

I can't understand, when did other news sources base their decision making on the word or actions of the National Enquirer? When did the press as a whole stop investigating stories just because of a press release? Just because you say it, doesn't make it true. At the very least the local news in Alaska should have looked into this. If this is now how the media operates, umm America wake up, we have a severe problem! 

But hey what do I know I am just Todd Palin's whore, and Sarah Palin's massage therapist.....

You know being Todd's "whore" and Sarah's massage therapist, would indicate to me that Shailey could know quite a lot actually.

Shailey and I spent yesterday texting back and forth and she is very fired up right now.

She believes, and I agree, that with all of the media attention directed at Mercede right now the time is ripe to start getting HER story out to a wider audience as well.

So she will start posting some more very interesting information about her case, Todd and Sarah Palin, and the coverup orchestrated by the Anchorage Police Department.

She and I will also be teaming up on some posts and will hopefully start rattling some cages and waking up a slumbering media about a story that has it all, sex, corruption, bribery, and politics.

Stay tuned.

Bloggity, blog, blog - what a trip!

Today is the day I choose to blog read.  I have been too busy in recent years to actually do much surfing, but Mala Fide, who generously links to me, has fantastic links to explore every Sunday and today was the day I picked to do it.

Examples of topics:

Christianity
Slut Walks
That Norway Dude
Sex from men's persepctives
Sex from women's perspectives
Game

My head is spinning with thoughts and ideas for blog posts of my own.  One thing that caught my attention was the running theme of bloggers being convinced they had a great point when they wrote their post.  They had convictions about their stance.  This made me think.  What beliefs do I have, what's remained constant or what has changed since my introduction to other schools of thought.  I have a few things which I'm pretty convinced I'm on the right track about.  Some things I feel I've known for ever and some I've had an awakening to, such as Game and how men view women and how women really view men.    Here's a list which should help me formulate some thought generating posts in the next little while.

Things I know for sure:

Feminism is not drafted or supported by the majority of real women and it hurts women in general.

Slut walks are ridiculous and not supported by the majority of real women and it hurts women in general.

Organized religion is a business and a very profitable one.

Alpha males are real and women prefer them to others.

Beauty matters and fat is not beautiful.

What you eat is more important than how much you work out.

Men and women are not the same and shouldn't aim to be.

The only constant is change and people need to accept it as a root philosophy for living.

Humans are wired to feel love and to give it.

We are biologically driven but nurture effects us significantly.

That's good for now I suppose.  I'm glad I took a good look at what's happening in the bloggersphere, inspired me to ponder what I'm really sure of.  (today)

Sadie's newest post.

Mercede has the first of many posts up that she has been working on to answer the horrible allegations that Bristol made against Levi in her incredibly duplicitous book.

If you have not read it yet, I suggest that you do.  It took Sadie quite awhile to get over the shock of what Bristol said and to decide how to respond.

I have had numerous talks with her and I know how sensitive her feelings are about the topic and the level of her frustration.

Now let me clear up a few things.

For one this is only the first of the posts that Sadie is going to write about what Bristol has said about her brother. She has been having trouble writing down her thoughts because her computer is not working, and she is relying on her phone. That is the main reason why it seemed to take her so long to respond.

Also I should note that there was a problem with the comments, but I think that has been cleared up now. Currently I am moderating her comments until she gets her computer out of the shop.  So if you are going to be an asshole than don't expect to see your comment on the blog.

Speaking of assholes, somebody tried very hard to allege that Bristol slept with Sadie and Levi's older cousin.  I have to imagine that only somebody with severe brain damage, or a troll, would come to that conclusion. Clearly the cousin HEARD Bristol not being a virgin with Levi in his bedroom.

There have also been a few trollish remarks that since Sadie refers to Bristol waking up "that summer morning" that she is misremembering, or getting two different camping trips mixed up. If you were from Alaska you might know that a lot of people up here only identify TWO seasons, summer and winter. If there is snow on the ground, it is winter, but when it is mostly melted off, it is summer.

And just for clarification, Sadie is only aware of Bristol and Levi going on ONE overnight camping trip. They definitely spent a lot of time together, but not in a tent.

Anyhow I am not sure when Sadie's next post will be ready, but we are making sure that THIS one gets out to the various media outlets so that they will have the opportunity to question Bristol on the difference in the two accounts the next time that they interview her. I would very much like to hear her defend her version of events, especially since I am working to get a few other people on the record calling her out on her lies.

For too long the Palins have been telling lies and expecting never to be confronted on them by the media.  Hopefully this time we can do something about that.

P.S. By the way just in case you think that Mercede is the only one calling Bristol out on her lies, perhaps you need to read what Celeb Dirty Laundry recently had to say about the book.

Professor Brad Scharlott and Laura Novak continue their fascinating conversation over on Laura's blog.

Courtesy of Laura's blog:

LN: But let’s get back to the question of harm. What is the harm, Palin supporters ask, even if she did fake the birth of Trig?

BS: I would say that a pathology of fear has enveloped much of Alaska, especially the Wasilla area, over this issue. You have to remember that Sarah Palin is demonstrably ruthless, unethical, and vengeful – it’s good to keep in mind her campaign to destroy the career of Mike Wooten, her former brother-in-law. Plus, in the space of four weeks in late 2008 and early 2009, fires in Wasilla damaged Palin’s church and caused the death of a former neonatal nurse, Dar Miller. The church fire was due to arson; the cause of the fire at Miller’s home was not determined. Some people speculated that adoption records perished in the church fire, but I can find no confirmation of that.

There’s no evidence linking the Palins to those fires. But several Alaskans have told me that Wasilla residents fear they may suffer similar fates if they cross the Palins. Certainly Alaskans have good reason to fear they may lose their jobs if they anger Sarah Palin, as safety commissioner Walter Monaghan did when he refused to fire Mike Wooten. She may not be in power now, but many of her loyal appointees are.

LN: And I might add here that I know first hand about people who talk, and then clam up, because they know that people are whispering about them. I know about people in government putting pressure on reporters not to report. About newspaper reporters who were talking to me one day, and then shutting down the conversation the next.

BS: And then there are stories of people who know too much or said the wrong thing about the Palins, who then suffered vandalism or worse, such as the documented case of a car window being shot out while children were inside – the apparent reason: an anti-Palin personalized license place.

I would further argue, Laura, that this pathology of fear has spawned a pathology of deceit. You recently noted how all the reporters, editors and columnists at the Alaska Daily News have seemingly been told to sing from the same hymnal concerning the fake birth question – contradicting earlier actions by ADN staff – even though the newspaper provides no documentary evidence to support the claim that Palin birthed Trig. And as I’ve noted before, former ADN reporter Wes Loy, who famously wrote that Palin “simply does not look pregnant,” for some reason decided to recant, despite evidence I provided that directly contradicts his alleged change of heart.

I am reminded of the fall of Saddam Hussein. After the liberation of Iraq, Iraqis came forward to say how terrible it had been to live in a society where saying anything negative about Saddam could have fatal consequences, and that therefore they were careful, even before their own children, to never to speak too freely. Alaska is not Iraq, of course, but I am sure there are people in Alaska who likewise are afraid to say what they know about the Palins and who dissemble in front of their children, lest loose lips lead to horrible consequences.

Considering what I know about Sarah Palin I have NO problem with the Professor comparing her to Saddam Hussein, if we are talking about the heavy handed way they treat their subordinates and the fear that Palin was instilled in a handful of people living in Wasilla. But I must reiterate that I have NO evidence that either Todd or Sarah did anybody any physical harm.

Cause them to be fired, or damage their reputations? Yes. Cause them to lose their lives or suffer significant injury? No.

Having made that one point, I direct you to click the link and read the rest of this interesting back and forth conversation.  You might even see a name or two that you recognize.

Dave Rudin

Long time friend of this blog, Dave Rudin recently migrated his blog "Figures of Grace" over to the Wordpress platform. So for those of you looking to follow his ongoing adventures, update your bookmarks!

Figures of Grace | The weblog of fine art photographer Dave Rudin

Bill Ballard

Figure photographer and long time Art Nudes reader Bill Ballard has abandoned his old blog and started up a new one at Wordpress.

Check it out and update your book marks.

Bill Ballard Photography | A Weblog of Fine Art Photography

Blog dreams are not as good as wet ones

I have never dreamt of my blog...until last night.

I dreamt I was at a car dealership and I got recognized.  Apparently I'd hit 1,500,000 viewers and I was a teensy bit famous.  Dana (from Roissy) was a car salesman at the dealership and offered me a contract which gave me a discount on a new car.  Another  salesman  (flaming homosexual) who rerecognized me said I needed to watch what I ate, I was getting fat. 

Weird huh. 

Caught off guard

A reader who I'd shared brief private correspondence with has asked me to delete his number and never email him because of his disgust of my last post.  I can't describe how shocked and hurt I was by this. 

That said I've removed the post.  I'm horrified to be viewed as disgusting, but if one reader was willing to say it out loud there have to be others who are thinking it.  It's kind of how it goes. 

I am going to take a break from blogging while I figure this out.  If I'm crossing the line just to titillate readers and not being true to who I am, then I'm losing site of the purpose of writing. 

I will be back.  I just need to lick my wounds.

New Look

Regular readers will notice a slight design change. To report any glitches please contact me. If you'd like to critique the design, please go here.

Cheers,

Michael B

THE RAW FILES

Photo by Mac Swift

I recently had the chance to chat with Mac Swift & Rob of the RAW Files while they were visiting my neck of the woods and looking for locations. It's not often I get to actually speak with Art Nudes readers, so this seemed like to perfect occasion to post a link to their excellent and informative blog.

THE RAW FILES

Guerrilla Glamour

I'm excited to announce that one of the photography bloggers I admire most, Jimmy D. of Pretty Girl Shooter has published his first e-book, entitled Guerrilla Glamour

For those of you that don't know him, Jimmy's a long time professional glamour photographer who's forgotten more about photography than most of us will ever know.

In his book he shares 101 pages of lighting set ups, information of finding and interacting with models, post production, and gear selection, all described in his own inimitable style. Specifically it is focused on making great pictures without overly complicating your shoots or bankrupting yourself with expensive gear.

For $9.95, it's a terrific deal, and whether you're a glamour or fine art shooter, you will certainly pick up some valuable information from this book.

By way of full disclosure, if you buy his book using the links I've provided, Art Nudes gets a little piece of the profit. However, I swear to you, I would have posted the same enthusiastic review even if Jimmy hadn't gracefully offered to share the proceeds. So, buy his book, increase your knowledge and support two fine photographic blogs!

Guerrilla Glamour

Camera Obscura

Camera Obscura is an excellent and informative blog of photographic criticism, discussion and exposition. What makes this one different is that blog owner, Italian photographer Fabiano Busdraghi invites other photographers to contribute their own essays on any photographic subject accompanying by representative work. Well worth a look for the photographic intelligentsia amongst you.

Camera Obscura - A blog dedicated to photography and contemporary art

Carrie Leigh's NUDE Magazine

OK, the truth can now be told...

Not only am I a fan of Carrie Leigh's Nude magazine for the good work they do promoting fine art nude photographers in the print world, I'm also proud to announce that they recently interviewed me for their Winter 2010 issue. The article is entitled "The Power Bloggers" and features interviews with myself and three others. I'm also very pleased that they will be including one or two of my photographs with the article.

The issue hits the news stands February 15th, but you can pre-order from their website now and save a good percentage off the shelf price.

Carrie Leigh's NUDE Magazine

Spain Special

Last week I mentioned my recent trip to Barcelona and asked for your suggestions for Spanish (and/or Catalan) photographers. Readers, Phillipe at photofloue.net and Chris Triance-Martin answered the call with some great links, so today we have our first nation specific "theme" day of posting here at Art Nudes.

Welcome to our Special Spain Saturday!

Bill Ballard

Photographer and long time friend of this blog, Bill Ballard wrote in this week to let me know about his own blog where he posts not only his new images, but his thoughts on photography and art making in general. So if you like a bit more substance than the terse one or two line descriptions I normally dole out, be sure and check out Bill's blog.

Bill Ballard Fine Art Photography Blog

Blog Note:

Hi Folks: I'm sorry to report that I had to remove the "Follow This Blog" widget due to abuse by one very sick person. To date, I've blocked 43 different blogger identities this person was using to flood my Followers box. All of these profile contained the same links of a highly unsavory and creepy nature. So, after more than a month of battling this I've decided I simply need to take the opportunity away from him. I apologize to the hundreds of legitimate users of that widget. I did what I could, but I can not tolerate being even remotely associated with the type of content this person was posting.