Science is Golden

Love

I'm sure your readers would be really interested to hear about how he ended up capturing your heart so strongly - you're a sharp, attractive, Game-aware woman, so it'd be rather intriguing to hear your insights on what worked and what didn't. I especially like how you pointed out the mix of alpha and beta qualities, and would like to hear more about how that impacts you.


Great questions, thanks Veskrashens journey.  For those of you haven't read my blog before here's a quick synopsis.  Was involved in a serious ltr for many years and met the man when I was 20.  After it ended I took time off from relationships to get better this was a lengthy process.  I've been dating and have had several relationships over the last three years.  No one serious.  Some have been serious about me and would have married me.  Others I could see I would have gotten serious for but they ended it prior to the Love word being shared.  Till now...


When we (current relationship) first met it was physical attraction/chemistry for me.  I don't know what it was but I wanted to keep touching him.  We had wine in a restaurant and he sat beside me in a booth. Ordinarily this would weird me out on a first date but I wanted him near me.  We did not sleep together this night. I don't have 'rules' per se, but I've never been a first nighter chick. Just gotta say I wanted to.  I went home, he went to a friends because he lives out of town.  The next day I asked him if he wanted to do a day trip to the mountains (about 3 hours away).  He answered if it meant more time with me, then great.  He was easy to be with and the chemistry was just as strong as the previous night.  I drove my jeep and he touched me frequently - soft yet knowing touches.  I was turned on.  He started teasing me about an impending storm (there wasn't one) and how it be unsafe to drive home the same day. I knew he wanted to stay overnight.  I went with the joke and said it would be terribly dangerous to drive, needless to say we booked a hotel.  I won't go into detail but honestly best sex ever.  Sexually we are well matched - impossibly high drives combined with open mindedness.  


When I say he's a mix of alpha and beta qualities I mean this.  Alpha - has looks, good job, experience both in life and sexually and could attract women (and has) of any age.  He's also quiet, which makes him a bit of an enigma.  He's distant without being cold/cool about it.  He knows what he wants and would't tolerate drama or bitchyness and yet says this in a way that's not demanding or controlling - just is.  Beta - seeks shared values, tender, looks beyond the physical, expects monogamy on both sides, desires to be passionately in love with the whole person, not just the package.  Allows himself to be vulnerable by being honest about his challenges.  


I wasn't sure at first if this guy was a player.  He seemed too fantasticly matched for me to be real, and reading at Roissy doesn't help honestly.  You get somewhat biased in regards to men's playboy desires and forget that men and women desire love and connection for realz.  Yet I think I've learned a lot from Roissy's blog about what men want.  I've learned not to shit test and to give men their space.  I've learned that my feminine nature is desired and that being good natured is not a bad thing.  I work harder at not over analyzing what's going on in his head and have learned that being patient has won his heart faster than any demands I could have made.  Even in a recent episode where I thought he wasn't interested I didn't go bat shit crazy.  Long story short he was dealing with some pretty crazy life crap unrelated to me and I've learned he withdraws to his man cave to deal with it rather than seek support. Once we were able to talk I told him I understood and I wouldn't pressure him to reveal anymore than he wanted to.  This true support has allowed him to relax and he says his shoulder were able to drop in relief knowing he could share if he chose.  


Today he said one of things he loves about me is I always laugh, even at the annoying things others bitch about.  This is true.  I am a very positive person and see the glass half full pretty much always.  I think this may be a personality trait and one I'm fortunate to have.  That said I've had men in my life who haven't enjoyed that at all.  I think they might have believed I was too easy to please and they wanted more chase than they had to do for me.  Chasing a woman means they have higher value because they've been able to capture the 'prey'.  I don't make men I'm interested in chase me.  I have been choosy, but when I'm interested I have no desire in playing hard to get.  I am the kind of girl who loves to be devoted and am rather service oriented to her man.  Believe it or not men don't always like that. 


I'm a woman newly in love and feeling like shouting it from the mountain tops.  This relationship is only six months strong but he's darn convincing that it will go the distance.  Moving in will be a big step, but for whatever reason I feel it's the right decision.  I've waited a long time to meet the guy who makes me feel this way and I feel I've got enough discernment to judge character and intent.  I'm feeling very fortunate.  It's been worth the journey.  


Side Note:


He knows I write a blog.  He has no interest in reading it, in fact dealt with the news like "ah, cute, she's got a hobby."  I find this attractive too.  He's into me but not soooo into me he needs to know everything about me nor is he jealous others know about me.  He's not on Facebook and has seen mine with barely any attention paid to it. He doesn't care how many friends I have or if past boyfriends are on it.  He's a confident man who trusts in his ability to capture my attention.  He has it. 

Eye Examine my Game (get it picture of eye...I....no? never mind)

Forgive my somewhat disjointed prattle about my experience knowing (do I understand?) men's Game.  I'm still sick and wrote this over a couple days.  Fever may be responsible. 

I'm well versed in Game having spent over two years on men's Gaming sites.  I'm adept at spotting alpha men.  I'm not able to tell who's learned Game because the men I meet don't confess to studying it.  Maybe Canadian men are more conservative and don't feel the Dark Arts are needed, or we're a little behind the times.  Nah, more likely my small rural surroundings don't lend itself well to reading in the Big Leagues.  I have very few Canadian readers which tells me Roissy likely has less than other countries too. 

The men who attract me and who I'm interested in could well be players.  They have natural style it seems to me.  They can attract a number of women and often have.  I could point out areas they excel in at getting my interest because of what I've learned about Game.  Body Language, speaking confidence (not always bold , but firm in what positions they hold),  The problem is I try to counter with my own Game.  I try to figure out what will make me more attractive at keeping his interest.  I know the obvious - look hotter than his last girl friend (and his next).  I think I've been struggling though because I've played a bit at aloof game or maybe better described as super confidence game.  Aka , "I don't need you" Game.  This is not at all what I am experiencing internally.  I'm often hoping I'm capturing his interest for a longer term dealie.  The confidence game is me trying to increase my value.  But...I honestly believe looking at it that it would be better to be displaying more of my real desire.  When I'm into a guy I'm into him.  I like to be affirming and I love making him feel special (cuz he is).  I've subverted some of those acts because I don't want him to believe I can't be without him.  I think that's a critical error.  Looking at it I think men like feeling like King of the Castle and want to feel they're the next best thing since sliced bread. 

Another area I may be failing in is once I become sexual with my partner I will never say never.  I have a high drive and figured that having a girlfriend who is always ready to go would be a good thing.  I think however it may dilute the pleasure of getting 'it'.  If you can always get it, where's the fun in chasing it and hoping for it.  I could be wrong - looking for feedback here. I'm analytical and could really be over thinking things a bit much - this works in business but not always great in relationships. 

I avoid shit tests like the plague having read so many men's irritation with them.  I think this has been a benefit.  When I feel like laying one down - I count to 10 and redirect how I talk to him.  I am a girlie girl and recognize this is a benefit to many men.  I am polite and make sure I don't cause any social embarrassment.  I have learned these things are valued and I've seen that is true.  I have a soft spot for men's issues having become much more aware of the plight of men.  These things I think work in my favour, I've certainly been reinforced positively in the past. 

I'm pretty easy going and can be easily redirected if my partner has another idea.  Does my easy-goingness also go against me?  Do I lack challange to a man? 

Or

 It may be simply I haven't met the right guy...yet.  (delusion?)

Sluttela DeVille vs. Betty Boop

Last Friday a dude from my dating site emailed me and then invited me to im-chat.  This guy either has natural game or has learned from the masters.    He negged me hard and fast.  I was putty in his hands.  At one point he called me a moron.  Nothing makes me hotter than a guy willing to talk to me like that.  Stanford MBA, Wall Street Financier, the brains was what he told me.  The talk turned sexual.  Now ordinarily (true story) I don't engage in this conversation right off the bat.  He went there.  Fast.  And just the way I like it.  At one point I confessed I felt a bit like Sluttela Deville which elicited a laugh.  He said he found it refreshing.  I chided him into giving me a call.  He did but blocked his number. My phone schtick was I was a stalker and he had better be careful what he revealed to me cuz I'd use it against him.  He was irreverent on the phone and I loved it.  I laughed and giggled whilst charming him with my wit and I could tell I was making him smile and sometimes down right laugh.

During our conversation he told me he liked Betty Boop and I told him I had a Betty Boob dress (love that store).  He asked me to lunch for Monday and I said I'd go and would wear said dress.  I put it on, curled my hair as tight as I could get it and donned four inch spike heels.  And...he couldn't make lunch.  But...he could meet me at 4:15 pm.  Weird.  But hey he really had my curiosity.  He told me he drives a black BMW and we'd meet in a parking lot at a local watering hole. 

Unfortunately I'd lost most of my curls ealier in the day whilst standing in a farmers field which happened to be full of thistles, but hey I was able to aerate sections of dirt with my four inch spikes.  A crisis had occurred and with no rubbers in tow I had to do what any high class executive does - enter the mud.  So with my curls droopy and no chance to freshen up beyond some toothpaste I headed to meet this dude.

I honestly believed it might be a fake profile and a guy who never really planned to meet me.  I went to meet him because of the adventure of it.  I got a message from him saying he was going to be late and I thought aha I knw it!  I would sit alone in a parking lot and then laugh at my foolishness. 

No he showed.  Black BMW too.  Except.  When I got out of my car which he'd just pulled up beside he says,  "I only have five minutes."  I'm thunderstruck.  Five minutes!  I'd left work early and okay I thought he was fictitious but he turned out to be real.  So I say the first thing that comes to mind, "are you disappointed?".  I ask this in a funny, jokey way because no way on earth am I going to give him the satisfaction of thinking I'm hurt.  He asks me to join him in his car.  I don't hesitate to get in.  One way or the other I'm going to have a story.  I pick up on an earlier theme and I told him it was a mistake to let me in the car because I was memorizing every detail.  I saw a key chain which had a cute little girl on it.  I asked if it was his daughter and he said it was his niece.  It had her name on it and I asked if it was the real name or decoy designed to throw me off his trail.  It was kind of fun and he went with it. 

After about 10 minutes of conversation I told him I was conscious of his time and would let him get on with his day.  I told him I'd only give him a minute more, but if he wanted me to leave earlier he'd have to be dominate and make me.  He said, "get the fuck out of my car".  I laughed and said if he was really tough he would have asked me to go through the glass ceiling.  Why I couldn't remember its called a sunroof is beyond me.  He laughed. 

I got out of the car in my four inch spikes and moved to my car.  He got out of his car.  I pouted and said he hadn't even got to see the Betty Boop dress.  He said I could show it to him there.  In my best open my coat button moves I have I did and spread it wide so he could get a good look.  Sometimes I have to remember there are more people than just me in the world...sigh.  Anywhoo I don't think there were gawking passers by or not that I remember.  He took a piece of hair off my dress and said he could do this for me, just follow me around and take off hair.  I asked if he curled hair too and when he said he didn't I pouted again.  He kissed me.  It was  a nice kiss. 

I got in my car and left.

I haven't heard from him.  I'm not sure I will.  If he contacted me I'd see him again.  Regardless it's another story for my book.

How to bang a 9 - 101

There are a select few of you who will know exactly what to do when it comes to banging women no matter what they rate on the beauty scale.  This post is a refresher not a primer for you.  Others, and you know who you are, need some instructions. 

First, it's all in the head... and no I don't mean your penis size.  Penis size is something men deal with and really I can't help you there.  If you have a rinky dinky minuscule member you're going to have to be very creative when it comes to pleasuring your female partner, because yes size matters to women.  I'm assuming you have hands and a mouth?  There's a whole industry which caters to 'tools of the trade', so no need to get your knickers in a knot about how big you're not.  That said I also think men have a distorted views of what normal is.  If you're watching porn most of you won't measure up.  (pun!)

Head means head space.  Roissy teaches head space and he does this by knocking females down a peg or two - taking us off the pedestal.  Many men wrongly interpret this to mean women are filthy dirty, gold digging, cheating skanks.  Wrong head space dudes.  You want to bang a 9 not choke her (okay fine but not with your hands).  You want to acknowledge her beauty but not be intimidated or pissed off by it.  You want her beauty to enhance the experience and this happens when you're in the right frame of mind.  Frame of mind?  Horny. 

How do you get this head space?  Know that she's a human being and has faults whether openly visible or not.  Know that she has issues with her body because girls are taught to from an early age. Know that she desires to be an object of your lust because every girl wants that, not because she expects it (even if she does). 

Have confidence with her.  Don't be tentative.  Don't ask permission, unless it's part of your seduction.  i.e. unbutton her shirt and ask permission, don't ask and wait for her response.  She may want to stop you, but she's wanting to be taken if you're that far along.  If she blows her rape whistle...ya, you've gone to far.  If a wanna be rapist is reading this - then you're socially clueless and a criminal and this is not meant to give you permission, moron.    For the rest of you sane people who've established rapport with the beauty make sure you have the upper hand.  Upper hand?  Direct the action.  If she starts to tear your clothes off (hey it happens), stop her.  Make her wait.  Hold her wrists and her sides perhaps.  Hold them there long enough for you to feel the tension leave her body and know she's listening.  Give her permission to undo a button at a time.  If you're wearing a t-shirt let her know when she can remove it.  Act like she's getting the goods, if she feels in any way you're shy about what's under your shirt it ruins it.  Even round men can get away with this, women are used to men thinking they're all that when they're not.  Besides it's all in your head remember?  You have to believe you're all that to even accomplish the deed satisfactorily with her. 

Head space accomplished.  Be creative.  Mix. Things. Up.  Don't stick to one position or pace.  Frequent changes make it last longer and gives you a 'feel' for what works best for arousal.  Prolong her pleasure.  Once a woman has been satisfied it's less interesting to her at least for the short term - she can be brought around - but there is a refraction period (even for multi-orgasmic women...just sayin').  So prolong it for her.  I know some of you are thinking but it TAKES FOREVER!  I think that's a failure on the foreplay part - your job is to get in her head.  A woman can be aroused much easier than you think.  Suggestive conversation, hints of debauchery ahead all can play with her mind.  Roissy suggests scaring her, I'm not a fan of the approach but hey give it a whirl. 

Some of you will have a chance to get with a 9 and not care if she enjoys it or not.  Chances are with a bit of that attitude she just might, meaning if it's ALL about her she won't be comfortable.  Mind you if your total pleasure means jumping on and riding her like a race horse, you might get off but your chances of riding her in the Kentucky Derby is  gone.  She's a thoroughbred treat her well.  (Bad analogy - eww)

(Don't I look smart in glasses!)

Banging 9's not all it's cracked up to be

I took myself off on a little tangent in a comment response and thought I'd flesh it out more here.

My comment was that if every man on Roissy got the chance to 'bang' a 9 many would be disappointed.  I'm not saying 9's are bad in bed nor am I saying a 5 would be better. Mind you, I do find it quite funny when men talk about how much better a lower number is than a higher number in bed and I have a theory for this.  Men are more comfortable directing the plainer women than the true beauties.  This is because they are more comfortable themselves which allows them to 'demand'  pleasure rather than concentrate on hers.  Face it if a man had a 9 in bed with him, his performance anxiety is going to go up.  He's going to want to thrill her and create the most orgasmic experience she's ever had.  Talk about pressure.  His brain is going to take over and he'll second guess his moves.  Will she be okay with doggy he wonders.  He begins to question the moves he has and wishes he'd added more to his repertoire.  He starts imaging porn scenes and starts awkwardly moving her around trying to imitate; changing pace in ways that are not conducive to the flow of the experience.  He starts to lose his erection as his increasing anxiety starts affecting his performance.  Her beautiful mouth turns down as her big eyes look at him questioningly, her perfectly arched left eyebrow shooting up.  No orgasms for the 9 today.  

I'm fortunate that I've had both had and given great sex.  I've also had (and maybe given, but unlikely) bad sex.  For me the best sex I've had is when my partner is willing to take charge and direct.  My 'job' is to be a very willing subject and follow direction where given.  I'm not talking strictly verbal, I'm talking position changes and pace.  Sure I've been the ride em' cowgirl too and that has it's own set of thrills but I'd rather be asked to take that lead than start it myself.  

Personally I think the only guys who can handle 9s are the super duper studly sexpert men.  They can direct and not pedestalize the beauty lying beneath them, they can flip her over and spank the pretty ass and not worry she'll freak out.  Roissy is awesome in bed.  Roissy can bang a 9 and get bored with 6's cuz he can appreciate the visual while giving her a facial. 

But...

For most men the sight of a 9, all rosy pink from her fragrant bath, her pert nipples peaking out of her babydoll negligee will freak the shit right out of him.

Just sayin'

Score one for the Best Team!

I don't often write about my work and even in this post I'll be fairly generic. I don't want anyone to recognize my work from this site, it would be damaging and not only to me.

I run a company, I think that's been said before. Revenues are in the millions per year and there is a sizable staffing budget. Enough said, you get the picture.

There was a recent attempt at a power play by a 'star' player, the hope was not that I'd be replaced but that I'd be redundant to the team. Here's the history:

Last November a senior manager I recruited tried to stage a coup while I was away on work related business. I don't believe he wanted my job, however he did want to establish his dominance with the entire team of managers. He wasn't very strategic in his attempt and I prevailed with respect from my team intact. I thought about firing him then. In hindsight the only thing I should have done but the manager had over 30 years of experience behind him and a great deal of strengths.

He grossly underestimated me. This does happen unless you work closely with me, I'm very relational, warm, friendly and even on occasion bubbly. I don't fit the mold for powerful executive. Even my clothes are very feminine, not a three piece suit anywhere in my closet. I wear four inch heels on a regular basis and my hair is always done but not a bun to be seen. I don't look severe, bitchy, or come across as strident is what I'm trying to say.

I'm very strategic in business, I'm capable of playing chess with my work place and most often make moves when I'm absolutely sure I'll win the game. If a risk move is required I'll have examined the alternatives prior to and know the move is now. I don't react in a knee jerk fashion. Stress is something I handle well and never behave like a chicken with my head off. I can execute a plan even in the midst of chaos. A skill I've had since I began my management career in my early 20's. I've always been recognized by the upper ups as an asset and I've never wasted time in companies that don't 'get it'.

The issue I'm dealing with at present is the manager became quieter in his quest for dominance but I never lost sight of the potential yet the addition of two new team members has revealed some of the hairline cracks in his public persona. The new have aligned very well with our company values and have felt very supported in their roles and my Right Hand, a super star, has gained their confidence. One new manager revealed a text message to my Right Hand that clearly identified the senior manager toxicity and I knew I had to make a move.

I should point out prior to our conversation, which follows, he'd made a point in a management meeting to act like he was being worked to death. His compensation package for this overwork is significant and he was receiving many perks that others were unaware of, plus he'd accepted the deal in our negotiations for his position. Only two weeks earlier he told me he felt he had a dream position. This public display to the other managers painted a picture of a man being abused with nothing in return and was pure b.s. I left the meeting for other business and while out of the room he implied to the entire team that we were doing something untoward in reporting to outside stakeholders. An issue I found extremely offensive, if not risky to us, because of the value we place on transparency.

When I called him in I used a forceful tone. A strategic move because it was time to put away the niceties. (and he often used one himself in meetings to emphasis how strongly he felt about things - I wanted to mirror him).

Me: Are you for me or against me? Because I'm believing right now you're against me. (me means company)

Him: (bristles) Why do you say that?

I bring up the issues that had occurred in the earlier meeting and don't bring up the text message. I choose not to bring out the text message because I feel it might damage trust amongst my team besides I had enough to go on with the behavior at the meeting. The text was simply proof to me I was right. I mention his rant about his job made me want to blurt out his compensation package to the team, but it wasn't their business. I told him that I could easily sit in that room with a list of how difficult my job was and how nobody appreciated me, but it wasn't the place, time or the people who should hear it. My point being, if you're unhappy you have that meeting with me not with a group present. It was manipulation and I knew it.

He then goes down the complaint road of how difficult his job is on his family and time and I concur. I point out that he's being significantly compensated for his time and he fires back that he earns it. I again agree and say he earns every penny. I said the issue seems to be the lack of work life balance he's experiencing and it's something we can fix. I point out the compensation package would need to change based on a reduction of demands on his time and we'd be able to use that to fund another position. I point out we would not be able to double the budget, that we weren't adding another full time position to our staffing model. I was very conscious of my approach - I did not want him seeing this move as a threat to him or as me trying to manipulate him to keeping the position as is - I was just being upfront about what his request for reduced commitment would mean.

Him: What do you want from me?

Me: I want you to have my back.

Me: Want to you want from me?

Him: A vacation.

I laughed as he was leaving the next day for two weeks and I said, "done". We ended on a seemingly positive note.

I want to add that he owed the company money. He borrowed time and time again and the company owner was generous in floating the movable loan. The company is nothing if not understanding and generous.

And...

He quit.

And...

He informed the entire team prior to quitting.

And...

He asked for an advance before quitting...and was paid.

Sure he's stirred up the team.

But...

With a couple of exceptions the team is solidly behind me/the agency. The 'exceptions' were known to me prior and plans had been underway to 'redistribute'. (I feel like I'm using mafia terms).

I feel like he used weak sauce in his latest attempt to get the team behind him. I called him on his attitude and agency support, or lack of, and when he tried to trumpet this injustice to my team they already had seen the evidence of it. i.e. texts and verbal conversations. He underestimated me AND them. Poor sod.

Truthfully I believe he wanted to be asked back and thought this was a gauranteed power play move that would have me at his feet begging him to come back. He didn't know I knew about the text which backed up my claim, nor did he know the team he thought he had solidly behind him wasn't. I've had managers since talk to me and tell me they feel I was right on what I called him on. I will not, nor haven't shared our conversation with anyone, but they knew from what the Senior Manager told them. He claimed he was hurt beyond that I'd suggest he was unsupportive of me/company. Dude, what are you thinkging crying this to a team who'd heard you make disparaging comments about me/company. Jeesh. The attempt at a power play fizzled while he thought he had us in the penalty box. He thought he was the captain and had the team behind him NOT. Score one for the Best Team!

The way I see it this 'star' recruit of mine resented my position. I'm not only female, but decades younger than he is and have no field experience...but suck it up buttercup because this is an amazing place to be (and I created it) and the benefits outweigh the idea you're behind me in command. You lose.

(I find business and game closely related which is why I post it)

Break up complete

I broke up with him by text. That said I knew he was calling me to break up. He started to do it himself by text earlier in the day and I let him know I felt that was a phone conversation and he agreed. The hours ticked and tocked.

During the day I text this:

Me: I want the best for you. No matter what. Just want you to know that.

Dana was less than thrilled with this decision and she said this, "being super giving and nice to a guy who's treating you poorly in the non "I'm a generally decent guy who doesn't let women take advantage of me" way is not self preserving". She's right. I wasn't getting stellar treatment from this guy, I wasn't preserving my own self-respect.

So before I could get the call no one wants I sent the following text:

Me: I know what's coming. I don't want THE call. I've been hurt. I continue to be hurt. I learned stuff about me. Hopefully you learned stuff about you. Bye."

His immediate response: Serious??? That's it?

His last text: Okay aoefe I'm real sorry about all this

I have not replied. I will not reply. I've removed him from Facebook*. According to him his last girlfriend stalked his page to look at his pictures. I'm not giving him the satisfaction of thinking I'd do that.

*note to self - NEVER ever put a guy on your Facebook page as your relationship. It's embarrasing to have to go back to single for ALL your co-workers and friends to know. I'm too private for that (I know irony huh?).

I know this break-up is for the best. He wasn't the guy for me it turns out. Does this suck? Big time. It was the promise that I'll miss - not so much him.



SD commented that she didn't know what the issues were that made me think he was dumping me. I've cut and pasted my response here for those of you who won't open the comments section:


Yes I agree my details are confusing. I might write a bit more in a post. Here's a rough sketch. He worked away from me, about 6.5 hours. We hadn't seen each other in a month. He had when I was in Vegas text me saying I was cold and distant. Yes distant, cold no. I had been texting him and talking to him on the phone every day. I'd bought him gifts and was telling him this. I was anything but cold. His text came on my last night there and I insisted he call me, I knew my time would be ruined if we left it like that. He thought it was no big deal he'd said that. I apologized for making him feel like that. My nature, but trust me I hadn't felt like that. Then this last weekend he asked me to fly to a community near his so we could drive back a portion of the way. I was thrilled he asked, even though he didn't offer to pay. Our phone calls had become more difficult and stilted over the last month and I thought this proved he was interested. I flew up, waited four hour and then drove the hours back with him. I was excited to see him. We didn't have any great conversations, more of the same from phone calls. I chalked this up to him being tired. We got to my place. We fell asleep. The next morning he got up, brushed his teeth and came back to bed with a ball cap on. He said he needed a hair cut. I put a floppy hat on and said I'd join him. He was barely amused. He did not make a move to touch me, when I snuggled in to him and kissed him he said he didn't like kissing in the morning. My teeth were clean, so were his. I did make a move - because heck it had been a month. He was not interested. That hurt. I knew that something was up. He left my house to get coffees, when he returned I was sitting on my front step. I told him I was feeling hurt because I'd been rejected. He said he was feeling smothered. This shocked me. Honestly even now don't believe I did one thing to make him feel that way. And? How can you say I'm cold and distant and then smothered? It doesn't make sense. I realized he wasn't ready for a relationship. I asked him if all he was dealing with (divorce) was too much to add in a relationship. He said he'd have to think about it and would call me later. He left 15 minutes after that. I should add he'd asked me to fly to a community near his work, I had on my own dime, driven back with him to keep him company and he left within two hours of waking up. No affection. This is strange behaviour for anyone. He barely text me that day and then said he'd acted in the beginning like it was long term which explained his change in behavior. If he acted like it was long term in the beginning and then his behaviour changed then obviously he was thinking short term. I knew the break up was coming. He didn't call me that night. He didn't call me the next night and he text me yesterday saying what I said on the front step made sense. i.e. He wasn't ready for me. So I KNEW it was coming.

Does it make more sense now? I may not be explaining it well.

A-Game

Game.

The Game.

How to Game.

Being Gamed.

Gaming others.

All I have to say is if I'm being Gamed or Gaming him I'm having one of the best times of my life.

It will be four weeks on Friday since we met, which is relatively recent in the grand scheme, however in my extensive(!!)dating experience I've never felt like this. Honestly feel like I'm either living in a Hallmark Card (although not this one Michael) or in a chick flick like Love Actually.

My man thinks I'm amazing and perfect. His sold-out-ness on me is truly something I haven't experienced before. If he's gaming me he's a master. His sincerity, honesty and depth is the best cover he could have possibly put on to win my heart and he's won it.

I remind you I've dated A LOT! And I haven't met anyone like him and I think if I could have put together a list of must haves (okay maybe I did do that) I would have designed him. Awwww that sounds so corny, but heck, gosh darn it's true.

We haven't let a day pass we're not in contact, and not just brief encounters, but deep, long, impassioned discussion (discussion throws you off huh). I could also tell you in detail how he kisses but that just seems too personal.

Is he an alpha male? I can't determine this definitively but my educated guess is yes. Very attractive, success with women, income earner, leader, yep all the markers are there. Yet...he has depth of character, integrity and a deep commitment to honesty... Some would say alpha's don't have those qualities. I've always felt differently as seen her in this much earlier Girl Game post, Alpha Male as defined by a girl.

I can't determine the future, but if I have even a shred of psychic ability I'd say this guy is a long term love. Just sayin'.

Frame

I've been thinking about how to frame my new relationship in ways that will tie into Girl Game and Roissy. There's always the alpha-beta connection, or Game or long term relationship status angles. I've decided I'll approach it in regards to what's working for me - what does he do or not do that makes him so interesting to me. What am I doing that makes me so interesting to him. Now that I've found the approach I feel comfortable in writing this new story.

I'm unfortunately at work so can't dial into it now, but have no fear (as if), I will.

Later my gaters.

When Harry met Aoefe AND Sally (text game)

This is the setup for the following text messages. I'm in pursuit. Pursuit of a woman in fact. This woman I've known barely for years - we cross paths infrequently. A pretty, tall, slender blond with great, naturally curly hair. She's hot. What I like about her is her joy - she's always smiling and seems to have a wry smile as if there's something she knows that you don't. I like it - mischievous. We saw each other at the gym awhile back and discovered we'd been to the same place in Mexico exactly one week apart. We decided to go for a beer and discuss our respective trips. Our first one-on-one time. We met and I liked her as much as I thought I would. She confessed she had no women friends and had never had them. She said I interested her but she wasn't sure she wanted to go any further into friendship. That's like placing a package of licorice Nibs in front of me and asking me not to eat them. I decided right then and there she would be my friend and I would pursue. (I guess I should have been a guy). For the record I'm not sexually attracted to her - so don't be getting your hopes up.

After we met I sent her the following text.

Me: Thanks for dinner and beers, looking forward to working it off Sunday. ;) We had agreed to meet and work out.

She didn't reply. I called her twice more - once on the Sunday to confirm times and then later in the week to ask her to workout again. I being not the beta type of women pursuer left it.

12 days later this is the exchange:

Her: Sorry have not called. Back has been too sore.

Me: Non issue. Was dropping you as a friend anyway. (added smiley face - I'm a chick I can do that). Just let me know when you're better and we can workout. Hope you're not down and out for too long for your sake.

Her: New to texting thing. Back too sore to workout

Her: I can still drink beer. Did we make it into the friendship stage already?

Me: Perfect! Beer drinking it is. Great sport anyways.

Me: Ya. I'm forcing you to have a woman friend.

Her: Good memory not sure I like that. Later

Me: My memory is known as Sometimers - early Alzheimer's. So you're lucky. Later.

Two hours later.

Her: Beers at BP with a boy that is a friend if interested.

Me: Nice but can't. Plans. Thanks for the invite.

Her: Harry says you're missing out. Have fun tonight

Me: Tell Harry he's missing out.

Her: Now you've piqued his interest.

Me: My plan Stan.

Her: Time to text but not to have a drink what's that?

Me: Being bad and driving.

Me: Hope he's not a cop.

Her: You are too funny and no he is not

Me: So we've established he's not dirty Harry.

Her: Harry's words " I am dirty oh so dirty."

Me: Come to think of it with a name like Harry how could he not be.

Me: Well have a beer or three for me. I am off and running! (i was going to the gym)

Her: Harry's words "Well I could be a magician."

Me: Does he pull his rabbit out of his...Hat?

Her: Rabbits rabbits that's old hat I can show you

Me: Insert a work text to the wrong person which I sent to her

Her: Who What Where Hospital!!

Me: Lol. Ooops. Wrong person. Boring work stuff but tell Harry it's top secret espionage.

Her: Guess you'll have to kill him now.

Me: He'll like it.

Her: Do you mean he'll die liking it?

Me: Ya that too.


So that my friends is guy game text as performed by a chick. I have her interest and apparently the guy she was with too. I'm good.

Title given to me by inspired Bhetti the Bright.