Break up complete

I broke up with him by text. That said I knew he was calling me to break up. He started to do it himself by text earlier in the day and I let him know I felt that was a phone conversation and he agreed. The hours ticked and tocked.

During the day I text this:

Me: I want the best for you. No matter what. Just want you to know that.

Dana was less than thrilled with this decision and she said this, "being super giving and nice to a guy who's treating you poorly in the non "I'm a generally decent guy who doesn't let women take advantage of me" way is not self preserving". She's right. I wasn't getting stellar treatment from this guy, I wasn't preserving my own self-respect.

So before I could get the call no one wants I sent the following text:

Me: I know what's coming. I don't want THE call. I've been hurt. I continue to be hurt. I learned stuff about me. Hopefully you learned stuff about you. Bye."

His immediate response: Serious??? That's it?

His last text: Okay aoefe I'm real sorry about all this

I have not replied. I will not reply. I've removed him from Facebook*. According to him his last girlfriend stalked his page to look at his pictures. I'm not giving him the satisfaction of thinking I'd do that.

*note to self - NEVER ever put a guy on your Facebook page as your relationship. It's embarrasing to have to go back to single for ALL your co-workers and friends to know. I'm too private for that (I know irony huh?).

I know this break-up is for the best. He wasn't the guy for me it turns out. Does this suck? Big time. It was the promise that I'll miss - not so much him.



SD commented that she didn't know what the issues were that made me think he was dumping me. I've cut and pasted my response here for those of you who won't open the comments section:


Yes I agree my details are confusing. I might write a bit more in a post. Here's a rough sketch. He worked away from me, about 6.5 hours. We hadn't seen each other in a month. He had when I was in Vegas text me saying I was cold and distant. Yes distant, cold no. I had been texting him and talking to him on the phone every day. I'd bought him gifts and was telling him this. I was anything but cold. His text came on my last night there and I insisted he call me, I knew my time would be ruined if we left it like that. He thought it was no big deal he'd said that. I apologized for making him feel like that. My nature, but trust me I hadn't felt like that. Then this last weekend he asked me to fly to a community near his so we could drive back a portion of the way. I was thrilled he asked, even though he didn't offer to pay. Our phone calls had become more difficult and stilted over the last month and I thought this proved he was interested. I flew up, waited four hour and then drove the hours back with him. I was excited to see him. We didn't have any great conversations, more of the same from phone calls. I chalked this up to him being tired. We got to my place. We fell asleep. The next morning he got up, brushed his teeth and came back to bed with a ball cap on. He said he needed a hair cut. I put a floppy hat on and said I'd join him. He was barely amused. He did not make a move to touch me, when I snuggled in to him and kissed him he said he didn't like kissing in the morning. My teeth were clean, so were his. I did make a move - because heck it had been a month. He was not interested. That hurt. I knew that something was up. He left my house to get coffees, when he returned I was sitting on my front step. I told him I was feeling hurt because I'd been rejected. He said he was feeling smothered. This shocked me. Honestly even now don't believe I did one thing to make him feel that way. And? How can you say I'm cold and distant and then smothered? It doesn't make sense. I realized he wasn't ready for a relationship. I asked him if all he was dealing with (divorce) was too much to add in a relationship. He said he'd have to think about it and would call me later. He left 15 minutes after that. I should add he'd asked me to fly to a community near his work, I had on my own dime, driven back with him to keep him company and he left within two hours of waking up. No affection. This is strange behaviour for anyone. He barely text me that day and then said he'd acted in the beginning like it was long term which explained his change in behavior. If he acted like it was long term in the beginning and then his behaviour changed then obviously he was thinking short term. I knew the break up was coming. He didn't call me that night. He didn't call me the next night and he text me yesterday saying what I said on the front step made sense. i.e. He wasn't ready for me. So I KNEW it was coming.

Does it make more sense now? I may not be explaining it well.