Can't get physical (instead of the Olivia Newton-John anthem)

I may take heat for this post.  I have some qualms about writing it actually.  I know I'm going to come across poorly for one.  I like to be well thought of, who doesn't right?  Yet my experience typifies turn off for most women in regards to certain male behavior.  I gotta start by saying I like the fellow I'm going to write about.  He's a perfectly nice guy, smart and easy to talk to.  I met him  on an on-line dating site.  I wasn't wowed by his profile and definitely not by his one picture, but he was rather persistent and after several attempts and a dry spell I agreed to meet him. 

He looks a lot like Richard Dreyfus.  Not a bad looking man this date, he was much more attractive than his picture.  Yet, he has what I refer to as a preggo belly.  A hard looking, very round tummy.  His shirt did not quite cover the belleh and when he stood I could see skin, and it was NOT an attractive look.  I did not feel any physical attraction which was disappointing because I WANTED to like him in every way.   Great job, likes to travel, has good relationships with his family etc etc.  He thought I was beautiful and made sure he told me so.  I think we talked for a couple of hours.

He asked to see me again and I politely blew him off.  For a year.  Then another dry spell for me and he contacted me again.  I agreed to meet at the same place for coffee.  We enjoyed each others company once again and this time when we parted he kissed me.  A kiss says so much.  I could barely drive away before the back of my hand crept up to wipe off my mouth.  It wasn't that he was a wet kisser, it simply felt like I'd kissed my brother and it was creepy.  My heart sank.  I'd hoped I'd feel something.  Nada.

He emailed me to tell me how much he enjoyed our kiss.  How was I going to deal with this?  I replied and told him that I didn't believe we had a romantic attraction and although I liked him I didn't feel we were a match.  He was nice in reply. 

Then recently he contacted me again.  I agreed to do nachos, figuring I'd been clear that there were no romantic intentions on my part.  We once again enjoyed each other's company.  No kiss when he walked me to my jeep.

Then a call would I like to attend the symphony? Sure I said.  When we met at a parking lot and I got out of the car he was terribly appreciative of how I looked.  He said he wished he'd brought a camera.  As nice as that sounds for a woman to get that type of attention, it's not.   I know for him he simply feels 'lucky' a women he deems is hot and/or beautiful is with him, he wants picture proof.  Which as much as I hate to admit it, lowers his value in my eyes.  My hind brain is thinking I can do better if he thinks he's doing so great.  That's awful isn't it? 

We had a lovely time at the symphony.  We didn't hold hands or do anything that would lead him to believe we're a couple.  He did kiss me when we arrived at my vehicle - three quick pecks on the lips.  The next day I received a text asking me when he could see me again.  I waited a couple of hours thinking about my response.  What follows is an exchange over a few days.

Me: You ask the hard questions (in reply to his question of when he can see me again)

Him: Why is hard? Is it you would rather not see me?  Be honest.

I wait a little over 2 hours thinking about how to respond and I was busy

Me: Sorry wasn't trying to delay that answer.  I am preparing my house for some renovations. 

Me: I like you.  I know you know that.  I don't feel its a romantic like.  I very much enjoy spending time with you.  But I don't want you to be hurt if romantic feelings don't develop for me.

Him: Is that not a chance we take with any new relationship? But if you think it would not develop to more than friends thats ok but i wouldn't want to waste your time.  I like you alot as you could tell.  I would like to be a couple but I don't want you to feel like you have to see me.

Me: I'm interested in seeing you. Yes I believe that things always have a possibility of developing.  But I will be honest and tell you that I am not going to see only you.  If you are okay with that, and it doesn't hurt you them I'm okay.

Me (some more): I do NOT feel like I have to see you.  You do not waste my time.  I enjoy your company and that's the truth. 

Him: And I would see others as well.  Then there's no problem.  :)

Me: Excellent!

Me:  We ate copacetic.  (accidental spelling error)

Me: (trying to be funny) I've never eaten copacetic except Listerine

Him: Yes I would say so but please if you meet someone and take it to a higher level let me know that part of you.

Me: Will do and same for you

Him: You I wouldn't want to share

Him: Yes but I would hope it would be you  *wink

Me: lol

Him: Truth Sweetie

He texts back three days later 

Him: Hello how are you

Me: Sick as a doggie  :(   How are you?

Him: Omg babe what's wrong? Im doing good all my stuff got moved today it was so cold (he's got a brand new house to move in to)

Me: Bronchitis

Him: Omg babe do you need anything?

Me: No but thank you muchly. 

Him: Just thinking of you! Love you and miss you!

WTF!!!

I did not respond.  He loves me?! I thought I was pretty clear no?  Arghhhhh.

The next day

Him: Hi how you feeling? Hope my last message didn't make you mad.

I answer the following day

Me: I am NOT mad at you.  How can I be? Am I taken aback? Yes.  I worry that continuing a friendship will hurt you sooner rather than later.

Him: Well can I help it if you are so awesome.  :)  If you think there is no hope then I guess I should give up.  I do like you alot you know.

I wait a day

Me: I always enjoy the time I spend with you.  I can't make any promises or predictions about the future.  I know I don't want to lead you on.

Him: So what exactly are you saying? Do you want it keep it just as friends? I am sorry for coming on so strong.

So what am I exactly saying?  I haven't answered him. 

Grey Days and Threesomes

My life is not going as planned. Not that I had a hard and fast plan, but I had anticipated something different than what I've been experiencing.

In the midst of the chaos, maybe just a slight exaggeration I did begin a new relationship.  One I'd categorize as more mature than maybe I'm prone to.  I can't say I was sold out on the guy, but I did think he had some traits which could translate to long term partner.  He 'seemed' to be very in to me.  He could identify strengths I've always believed I had and could articulate them clearly.  He also said I look like Scarlett Johansson (shut up dear readers, let me have my delusion).  It seemed like a good thing. 

Sex happened, but not at the very beginning, it had a natural progression I felt.  He was, if not a skilled lover, a skilled dirty talker which I gotta admit I kinda like.  Early on he talked about seeing me with another women.  This is a common fantasy and because I knew it turned him on, I didn't change the subject, I just let him go with it.  We did not discuss this in any way as a potential reality.  Or at least I didn't think so.  To me it seemed like his other dirty talk for example saying he'd make me give him a blow job in a crowded restaurant, I mean we BOTH knew that wasn't going to happen.  Right?

We had a once a week dating life which with my busy schedule fit me fine.  He took me fine dining, movies, comedy clubs and even cooked for me once or twice.  He was intelligent and was closely connected with film and TV.  He remarked several times I'd make great television.  I think it's true, but I'm not flattered by it. In fact it disturbs me.  Must watch - rubber neck TV.

Then one day an email.  "I'm very excited by the news I have.  I'll call you tonight.", he writes. 

So he calls me.  And drops the bomb.  He has found a woman on-line who is willing to do a threesome. 

I can't even tell you how that news hit me.  I remember being speechless.  I remember feeling tears in the back of my throat.  It took me a few minutes to articulate the feelings I was experiencing.  I told him the call came as a shock and that it was the last kind of news I was anticipating.  He tried to blow it off as no big deal and was very dismissive when I tried to go deeper into his motivation.  I knew then we'd break up.  I just didn't know how it would happen.

We got together once more for a movie and when we went to his place for a glass of wine I knew I wanted to leave and quickly.  I brought up the subject of 'the call' and let him know that if that was what he was seeking I'd bow out and not hold any grudges.  He claimed he wasn't interested in having another woman, but I didn't buy it.  Whether he was truthful or not, I didn't find it believable. 

I took a chicken way out of a break up and sent him an email, a lovely one if I do say so myself.  I apologized for the method and said I was rather embarrassed I wasn't able to do it another way.  I didn't want the awkwardness.  I wasn't able to articulate clearly enough my dissatisfaction with the relationship and didn't want to have to stumble through it in person or on the phone. 

He wrote back.

"Do the world a favour, get a v-twin dildo, stay at home & fuck yourself and stay out of men's lives."

I had to look up what a v-twin dildo was.  It seems to me he has some lesbian fantasies going on.  

 I have to say he made it easy for me not to feel guilty. 

LIttle Jack Horny

 I've put this trout pout here to punctuate something that happened on a recent first 'meat'.  So called because let's be honest  you're sizing each other up for physical compatibility as much as anything else. 

He's a lout this particular dude - going down as an embarrassing online date.  I won't bore you with the details.  Okay fine,  here's one, he would frequently call the server over to tell her I was beautiful and sexy.  The fact the server was above me on the beauty scale only adds to the embarrassment. 

Then a friend of his joined us at the table.  He didn't know the friend lived in my community.  The friend was a peach.  NOT.  Here was the poem he regaled me with after telling me how beautiful my lips were over and over again.



Little Jack Horner
Sat in a Corner
Eating his sister Mary
He stuck in his thumb
and pulled out a plum
and said
"hey where's your cherry?"

I am NOT kidding you.  He'd never met me and this is the crass joke my date's old man friend brings out.

I was so rude to this guy/date.  Totally laying into him with semi-veiled insults.  He loved it, thought I was very sassy.  I'm not.  It was a meet from hell.  He of course would LOVE to see me again.

Sluttela DeVille vs. Betty Boop

Last Friday a dude from my dating site emailed me and then invited me to im-chat.  This guy either has natural game or has learned from the masters.    He negged me hard and fast.  I was putty in his hands.  At one point he called me a moron.  Nothing makes me hotter than a guy willing to talk to me like that.  Stanford MBA, Wall Street Financier, the brains was what he told me.  The talk turned sexual.  Now ordinarily (true story) I don't engage in this conversation right off the bat.  He went there.  Fast.  And just the way I like it.  At one point I confessed I felt a bit like Sluttela Deville which elicited a laugh.  He said he found it refreshing.  I chided him into giving me a call.  He did but blocked his number. My phone schtick was I was a stalker and he had better be careful what he revealed to me cuz I'd use it against him.  He was irreverent on the phone and I loved it.  I laughed and giggled whilst charming him with my wit and I could tell I was making him smile and sometimes down right laugh.

During our conversation he told me he liked Betty Boop and I told him I had a Betty Boob dress (love that store).  He asked me to lunch for Monday and I said I'd go and would wear said dress.  I put it on, curled my hair as tight as I could get it and donned four inch spike heels.  And...he couldn't make lunch.  But...he could meet me at 4:15 pm.  Weird.  But hey he really had my curiosity.  He told me he drives a black BMW and we'd meet in a parking lot at a local watering hole. 

Unfortunately I'd lost most of my curls ealier in the day whilst standing in a farmers field which happened to be full of thistles, but hey I was able to aerate sections of dirt with my four inch spikes.  A crisis had occurred and with no rubbers in tow I had to do what any high class executive does - enter the mud.  So with my curls droopy and no chance to freshen up beyond some toothpaste I headed to meet this dude.

I honestly believed it might be a fake profile and a guy who never really planned to meet me.  I went to meet him because of the adventure of it.  I got a message from him saying he was going to be late and I thought aha I knw it!  I would sit alone in a parking lot and then laugh at my foolishness. 

No he showed.  Black BMW too.  Except.  When I got out of my car which he'd just pulled up beside he says,  "I only have five minutes."  I'm thunderstruck.  Five minutes!  I'd left work early and okay I thought he was fictitious but he turned out to be real.  So I say the first thing that comes to mind, "are you disappointed?".  I ask this in a funny, jokey way because no way on earth am I going to give him the satisfaction of thinking I'm hurt.  He asks me to join him in his car.  I don't hesitate to get in.  One way or the other I'm going to have a story.  I pick up on an earlier theme and I told him it was a mistake to let me in the car because I was memorizing every detail.  I saw a key chain which had a cute little girl on it.  I asked if it was his daughter and he said it was his niece.  It had her name on it and I asked if it was the real name or decoy designed to throw me off his trail.  It was kind of fun and he went with it. 

After about 10 minutes of conversation I told him I was conscious of his time and would let him get on with his day.  I told him I'd only give him a minute more, but if he wanted me to leave earlier he'd have to be dominate and make me.  He said, "get the fuck out of my car".  I laughed and said if he was really tough he would have asked me to go through the glass ceiling.  Why I couldn't remember its called a sunroof is beyond me.  He laughed. 

I got out of the car in my four inch spikes and moved to my car.  He got out of his car.  I pouted and said he hadn't even got to see the Betty Boop dress.  He said I could show it to him there.  In my best open my coat button moves I have I did and spread it wide so he could get a good look.  Sometimes I have to remember there are more people than just me in the world...sigh.  Anywhoo I don't think there were gawking passers by or not that I remember.  He took a piece of hair off my dress and said he could do this for me, just follow me around and take off hair.  I asked if he curled hair too and when he said he didn't I pouted again.  He kissed me.  It was  a nice kiss. 

I got in my car and left.

I haven't heard from him.  I'm not sure I will.  If he contacted me I'd see him again.  Regardless it's another story for my book.

Numbers Game

First date last night and first date today.  I like both of em'.  They are very different from each other.   They're both fit though which is  a plus considering how active I am.  Both of them say they are interested in seeing me again.  Cool.  One other fellow I've met is in the running for title of exclusive. 

I'm enjoying getting out there. It's always interesting meeting new people.  It's interesting sizing up the person.  I can tell within a minute or two if I'm physically attracted.  Both new guys are attractive to me.  One looked much better in person than his pictures -- much much better.  I actually agreed to meet him because I liked his approach.  It was a pleasant surprise. 

Today's guy said right off the bat I look just like my pictures, I'm always relieved when I'm told this, considering how many men complain about being 'fooled'. 

I think dating online is a numbers game. You have to meet several and pick who seems most compatible and interesting.  I'm not a serial dater however, I'm not going just to sample wares, I'm going with the idea of picking someone and getting off the dating site. 

Dating up a Storm

I think I've found the holy grail of online dating. Meet multiple men. This en masse meeting allows you not to get too caught up in wondering if he'll like you. The difference in my current experience is quite remarkable. Plus I followed the suggestions Virgle Kent made and had a positive experience.

I think I'm a fairly typical female in that I worry I didn't make enough of an impression and start to wonder if he liked me enough. In the past I've been known to send a thank you email after the date, perhaps a shit test, but more like a a way to gauge his feelings of me. I realize now this reeks of neediness. Now I don't contact after the date. At All. If he's interested he'll get back to me.

Date number two last week, The Teacher, said he'd like to see me the following weekend. I said, "sure, give me a call." He called Friday evening and said he had friends arriving in town but would be interested in a Sunday evening movie. I said great but I had dinner plans and would run it by my hosts to see what time they were planning dinner. I left a voice mail with The Teacher and said I'd be able to do the late movie after finding out the dinner was later, didn't want to eat and run. I didn't hear back from him. No call. In the past this would have made me pick up the phone and leave another message. "Did you get my earlier message?" I didn't figuring if he'd lost interest over a change in time then he wasn't for me anyway.

Yesterday he called me and I was my normal friendly self and didn't even bring up his lack of response to my message. The message I'm sending him, is I'm not terribly caught up in our getting together or not. Sure enough he asked me to a movie on Thursday. I'll go.

I think I can remain somewhat detached from it all because I also met Inspector Guy on the weekend and had a second date with The Cop. I have options. I don't have to limit myself, I'm not in a committed relationship and am not cheating. I feel a little like the bachelorette!

On the list:
Nice Guy (perhaps too nice)
The Teacher
The Inspector

Removed:
The Cop (took him off myself)

Upcoming:
Oil Man
Fitness Man


I'm conscious of feeling entitled, a complaint many men make about women who think they're all that. I don't think I'm all that and can be quite hard on myself, I do however think I deserve a positive, healthy relationship and meeting a number of men with the idea of meeting that goal is okay.

Killing me softly with his words....

I had a second date with the guy who wanted my pictures. After our first date he asked if I could email him pictures I had on the dating site, I felt it was a weird request, but complied. The pictures are on my Facebook too and anyone could save them, not a risque one in the bunch. Although this again reconfirmed he's about my appearance.

He wanted me to go to his house and watch a movie for our second meeting which I declined. He lives almost an hour away and I didn't want to be driving back late at night. I told him this and he offered to let me sleep over. I declined. He tried to push it, but I stuck to my guns. It was 9pm before he asked me to drive to a place on the highway about 30 minutes away and park my car, he said he'd pick me up and take me to a restaurant. As I was driving I thought about this crazy plan. He said he was a cop, but I didn't really know he was a cop did I? I'm thinking I'm leaving my car in a farmers field to be picked up by a guy I've met once and then what? Murdered, raped? I was questioning my mental health. I text a girl friend and told her his name and what he drove and said if you don't hear from me, know at least this much. Long story short he picked me up AND dropped me off appropriately. I'm alive never to repeat that dumb move again.

But...

If I could have killed myself by sticking a pin in my eye during the second meeting I would have been thrilled. Honestly up there with one of the worst meetings I've had. The guy was non-stop about himself. He's ranked 1,400 in Hockey for online games doncha know. He was almost an NHL hockey player..uh huh. He's friends with an NHL hockey player... He's liked by everyone (who says that?). He did not ask me once about what I do, what I like to do, what I'm looking for. Nada. Not one question directed my way.

I tried to start a conversation about movies.

Me: I've seen Salt, Angelina Jolie, have you?

Him: I don't like Angelina. I don't like Brad either.

Me: Oh are you a Jennifer Anniston fan?

Him: I'd be so good to her.

Him: I saw Jen's house. Ya she was home too, her dog was out.

(I'm nodding)

Him: Jen lives across the street from Cage's house. You can see much more of Nick's house than you can of Jen's.

Him: Leo's on the same street.

Honestly it sounded like he was best friends with them. The casual use of their first names was off putting. He also got into a lengthy story about Sandra and Jesse and how they were trying to work it out. I am a beotch and started to act like I knew and cared and said, "nah Sandra's done, she's fast tracking the divorce." He looked horrified, as if Sandra hadn't contacted him first. Kinda funny.

We sat in his car for a few minutes before I got into my own, I wondered if he'd try to kiss me. I wanted to know if he was a good kisser only because he's quite attractive and I wanted to know if he had 'it'. I made no move (no duh) and neither did he. I left.

Five minutes later text:

Him: No goodnight kiss. Boo Hoo

Me: You didn't try

Him: You know I like you.

Me: No I didn't and even if I did I'm not going to make the first move.

Me: Why do you like me? (I was curious..he hadn't learned one thing about me)

Him: You're swell. You are easy to be with and ur pretty.

I'm thinking, "duh, I didn't say more than 10 words, ya that's easy to be with for a narcissist".

Then he started whining about how I didn't come over. I was blunt. I told him I wouldn't do that so quickly and I would have to get to know him better. Even today I got a message asking me to come over tonight. I was frank this time and said we are on different wave lengths about these things and we'd have to move on.

He just didn't get it. And he won't.

I met fourth guy today, but that's a story for another day.

Date Dressing

I had my third date/meeting of the week this evening. Second Cup coffee shop and a meeting that could only last an hour and a half because he had to referee a hockey game (yes I live in the Great White North). I like meetings with time limits, it makes it less obvious that you're trying to get out. My Wednesday night guy meeting was scheduled at a restaurant that closed at nine and in this case we closed er' down. We talked a bit in the parking lot too, but if we didn't feel a spark it would have been okay to end it without feeling uncomfortable, "ooops restaurants closing, I guess we gotta go...".

The guy I saw tonight was more influenced by my pictures than my write up. I'm not even sure he read it, truth be told. He kept referencing his favorite pic during our first phone call and even asked if we could go on MSN so I could send him more. I got a teensy red flag at that request. For the record I didn't go on MSN.

I dressed casually this evening. He's a sports guy who loves his custom designed chopper, so I knew the dress code would be cajh. I wore a pair of well-fitting Roots sweats in black (dressier), a V-neck T-shirt in white and a pink and silver scarf (see pic). My shoes? Sketcher sandals with a wedge heel and some tiny diamonds. The kicker was my Lulu Lemon over coat. It's big. It's big enough to disguise my figure. I wore it so I could take it off and he could see what was underneath. I'm soooo tricky. Plus I knew I'd disappoint him on first impression, it makes the real reveal that much better.

It worked pretty much like I thought it would. He saw me and although his face didn't betray disappointment, his eyes did. He wanted a hotter babe. We went into the store and ordered our drinks. He'd asked me out to this particular spot and it was a thirty minute drive from my home so honestly I didn't make a move to pay for my medium ice coffee. I spotted the chairs I wanted, two leather seats on either side of a fireplace. Perfect. While he was paying for coffee I removed my coat, but made sure I didn't sit down until he turned around. When I knew he was coming over I casually draped my coat over the seat so he could see the rear view and then turned around to give him the front. To his credit he didn't grin lasciviously but his smile did get bigger. Bingo. I gotta add though that I did straighten my hair for him, it was his favorite picture of the bunch, so I am accommodating if nothing else. (heh)

Our meeting went well and we have tentative plans to go on a long walk tomorrow. I'm not sure we're a great match though, so I'm considering if I'll go or not. I'd like to, if only to see if our conversations can be more energized. We shall see, the last Saturday and the Wednesday guy want to see me tomorrow too. What's a girl to do? *wink

Update:
Just got a text from tonight's guy

Him: U looked really good tonight


Nice.

How women screw up online dating

I've met a lot of men. A lot. Ewww that sounds bad, doesn't it? I'm undatable or I'm too picky right? No it's been a matter of timing in my opinion. Some I've liked, aren't into me and vice versa. And then there's the one like the last guy who really like me, but because of his own personal life issues can't be involved romantically. I take breaks from online dating simply to recharge my positivity batteries. It can be disheartening at times, but mostly I find it an adventure. Like now. I have had two dates with two different men and tonight will be my third since my relationship ended (little over a week ago). I have two other men I'd like to meet too, which puts the number at five. Two out of two would like to see me again.

I've become much better at dating online and am still learning. I do have tips for the ladies though, some of which I learned the hard way and some I heard from other men.

In no particular order:

Have a recent picture and a full body shot. Don't think you can fool him into falling for you by putting a shot that's 10 years old or 30 pounds thinner. He'll feel let down and lied to when he meets you.

Women do it because intuitively they understand men are visual creatures, but they lie to themselves and think its just the hook. They feel that once men get to know them a bit, they'll love them for them, and accept their age and fat. NOT.

Put a recent picture up. If you don't have a good picture, get a good friend to come over and take shots until you get something realistic AND attractive. If you feel that no man would love you the way you really look, then get thee to a gym sister. Investigate primal eating and shed it. Men love you for your personality AND your looks.

The biggest compliment I get on a first date is you look like your pictures. It means he hasn't felt lied to and it means he isn't disappointed, after all he asked me out based on the picture (oh and my award winning profile).

Don't waste time in email and/or endless phone conversations prior to meeting. I know you want to build chemistry and get the guy to fall in love with you. Yes and you want to see if you like him too...blah blah blah. Usually the delay is just because you're chicken. You like the guy and you're worried he won't like you, so you put it off. You have social anxiety about meeting people. You like the feeling of being liked even if its in email, makes you feel special. A million reasons could be given why you'd delay it, but not one of them makes sense unless the guy lives a million miles away ( and then what the heck are you doing?).

The fact remains it's only in person can you tell if you're attracted. I've met great looking guys who put me off because they can't treat those around them respectfully. How can you tell that from an email or call? The way they hold their mouth, smile, engage with you are all tells. Don't waste his or your time and wait to meet. If he's putting you off on meeting - somethings up.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not about serial dating. I'm about serial meeting. Plan for the first week or two you're online to see 3 - 6 men. Make the meetings simple, like a glass of wine, coffee or a walk in the park. Don't act like its a romantic date and go out for dinner or fly to Mexico. Pressure builds when you feel he's expecting something in return for his out of pocket expense.

I like when I can compare. If you're hanging your hat on one guy, if you ended up disappointed you have nothing to look forward too. If you like them all (that never happens) you have to be discerning on what your liked most about which one. And hey you can always do the second date - you're not committed yet.

Celibate until monogamous. Do NOT sleep with men you're meeting. Do not. This lowers your value in men's eyes, but it really affects you the most and not in a pleasant, orgasmic way. We bond with men when we have sex, I think there's research to support this chemical bonding - we don't pull away and think ya that felt good but I didn't feel anything else. Nah - we get attached. If he's not that good for you or anyone else for that matter you're in trouble. I won't even talk about the sexual diseases you can get, or heck better yet pregnancy.

When you've made the decision this is the guy you want and you feel like their is a relationship budding AND when he's made you his sole object of genuine affection THEN and only then look at unlocking your zipper.

Be realistic. Don't think the first guy you're going to meet is coming to sweep you off your feet and ride off into the sunset. It could happen but statistically rare. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs....you know the rest. My first online date was terrible, I didn't like the anxiety feelings and I was sure this guy would be all about me and he'd take me off the market pronto. I was so naive. He made sexual comments all the way through the date and they went so far over my head it took me days to figure them out. He said he was average sized and he was for a Sumo wrestler. But I still would have gone out with him again, because I thought that's what you do, you give people a chance. He didn't call. When a guy who acts and looks like that doesn't call you back you blame yourself. I did and took myself off the market for six months to get my head realigned. What I realized later was I was too 'innocent' for the type he was looking for, I wasn't playing the flirt, sex game and I was simply too nice. He is still online and unless he times his breaks with mine I believe he's always online. Still single.

Like yourself. I have a positive chip planted deep in my brain that tells me I won't be alone forever and ever. I believe I have a lot to offer and I believe someone out there with a lot to offer is just going to love me! I think getting to this place in my head makes me more attractive. My looks issues are being dealt with and even if I have to put it on for awhile, I think acting 'hot' will one day translate into knowing it. I don't struggle with who I am as a person, I like this woman I've become, I also like that I'm still a girl - a girl a man will want.


My hope is this is useful as a tool. I'm not the be all and end all relationship guru, but I know what I know. just sayin'