How women screw up online dating

I've met a lot of men. A lot. Ewww that sounds bad, doesn't it? I'm undatable or I'm too picky right? No it's been a matter of timing in my opinion. Some I've liked, aren't into me and vice versa. And then there's the one like the last guy who really like me, but because of his own personal life issues can't be involved romantically. I take breaks from online dating simply to recharge my positivity batteries. It can be disheartening at times, but mostly I find it an adventure. Like now. I have had two dates with two different men and tonight will be my third since my relationship ended (little over a week ago). I have two other men I'd like to meet too, which puts the number at five. Two out of two would like to see me again.

I've become much better at dating online and am still learning. I do have tips for the ladies though, some of which I learned the hard way and some I heard from other men.

In no particular order:

Have a recent picture and a full body shot. Don't think you can fool him into falling for you by putting a shot that's 10 years old or 30 pounds thinner. He'll feel let down and lied to when he meets you.

Women do it because intuitively they understand men are visual creatures, but they lie to themselves and think its just the hook. They feel that once men get to know them a bit, they'll love them for them, and accept their age and fat. NOT.

Put a recent picture up. If you don't have a good picture, get a good friend to come over and take shots until you get something realistic AND attractive. If you feel that no man would love you the way you really look, then get thee to a gym sister. Investigate primal eating and shed it. Men love you for your personality AND your looks.

The biggest compliment I get on a first date is you look like your pictures. It means he hasn't felt lied to and it means he isn't disappointed, after all he asked me out based on the picture (oh and my award winning profile).

Don't waste time in email and/or endless phone conversations prior to meeting. I know you want to build chemistry and get the guy to fall in love with you. Yes and you want to see if you like him too...blah blah blah. Usually the delay is just because you're chicken. You like the guy and you're worried he won't like you, so you put it off. You have social anxiety about meeting people. You like the feeling of being liked even if its in email, makes you feel special. A million reasons could be given why you'd delay it, but not one of them makes sense unless the guy lives a million miles away ( and then what the heck are you doing?).

The fact remains it's only in person can you tell if you're attracted. I've met great looking guys who put me off because they can't treat those around them respectfully. How can you tell that from an email or call? The way they hold their mouth, smile, engage with you are all tells. Don't waste his or your time and wait to meet. If he's putting you off on meeting - somethings up.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not about serial dating. I'm about serial meeting. Plan for the first week or two you're online to see 3 - 6 men. Make the meetings simple, like a glass of wine, coffee or a walk in the park. Don't act like its a romantic date and go out for dinner or fly to Mexico. Pressure builds when you feel he's expecting something in return for his out of pocket expense.

I like when I can compare. If you're hanging your hat on one guy, if you ended up disappointed you have nothing to look forward too. If you like them all (that never happens) you have to be discerning on what your liked most about which one. And hey you can always do the second date - you're not committed yet.

Celibate until monogamous. Do NOT sleep with men you're meeting. Do not. This lowers your value in men's eyes, but it really affects you the most and not in a pleasant, orgasmic way. We bond with men when we have sex, I think there's research to support this chemical bonding - we don't pull away and think ya that felt good but I didn't feel anything else. Nah - we get attached. If he's not that good for you or anyone else for that matter you're in trouble. I won't even talk about the sexual diseases you can get, or heck better yet pregnancy.

When you've made the decision this is the guy you want and you feel like their is a relationship budding AND when he's made you his sole object of genuine affection THEN and only then look at unlocking your zipper.

Be realistic. Don't think the first guy you're going to meet is coming to sweep you off your feet and ride off into the sunset. It could happen but statistically rare. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs....you know the rest. My first online date was terrible, I didn't like the anxiety feelings and I was sure this guy would be all about me and he'd take me off the market pronto. I was so naive. He made sexual comments all the way through the date and they went so far over my head it took me days to figure them out. He said he was average sized and he was for a Sumo wrestler. But I still would have gone out with him again, because I thought that's what you do, you give people a chance. He didn't call. When a guy who acts and looks like that doesn't call you back you blame yourself. I did and took myself off the market for six months to get my head realigned. What I realized later was I was too 'innocent' for the type he was looking for, I wasn't playing the flirt, sex game and I was simply too nice. He is still online and unless he times his breaks with mine I believe he's always online. Still single.

Like yourself. I have a positive chip planted deep in my brain that tells me I won't be alone forever and ever. I believe I have a lot to offer and I believe someone out there with a lot to offer is just going to love me! I think getting to this place in my head makes me more attractive. My looks issues are being dealt with and even if I have to put it on for awhile, I think acting 'hot' will one day translate into knowing it. I don't struggle with who I am as a person, I like this woman I've become, I also like that I'm still a girl - a girl a man will want.


My hope is this is useful as a tool. I'm not the be all and end all relationship guru, but I know what I know. just sayin'