...and it deflates

So from a good day to a bad in hey...one day.

I saw alpha-ex at the gym today.

With...

His...

Hot...

New...

YOUNG...

chick.

Fuck.

(alpha-ex is not the ex-ltr - two different dudes)

Gym-bore-ex

Week 3 of working out. I took Sunday and Monday off for rest of my repairing muscles. I am feeling amazing - wondrous side effect.

Saw Alpha-A-hole-Ex tonight. Again. Third time. I looked good though. That's an improvement. When I look good I have confidence. You know how that is right? I wanted him to look over at me and feel devastated at what he lost. I'd disdainfully toss my blond hair over my shoulder and act like I'd never seen him before. Then I'd grab the hand of the nearest hunk and walk off into the...(no sunset) the steam room. Ya that's it, steam room.

Instead he acts like I'm invisible. I know he saw me because I was laughing with another gym patron and he looked over and then looked away. What's that about anyway? I waved at him the other day when he stuck his arm out making me have to turn. Okay maybe it was a half wave, weak smile sort of greeting, but heck I greeted him. Okay maybe I was with another guy, but I greeted him. Okay maybe I avoided passing by him again and he could see this avoidance by looking at his reflection in front of him, but I greeted him. Right?

He might be P.O.'d. Which makes me very happy if that's the case. It will mean I have gotten under his skin. If he really could care less, he'd say hi or at least acknowledge I'm there right?

Dudes what say you my friends?

Ignore the shitty poetry below. I'd erase it, but friends have commented and I hate removing someone else's words. I laugh reading it - it was crappy when I wrote it and it's crappy now. Go figure!

Alpha-ex briefly revisited

Those of you unfamiliar with my Alpha-ex story could read this link and get more of the story.

Why do I bring it up you ask? Why thank you for asking!

I saw him at the gym.

I knew I would eventually. I hadn't seen him the eight other times I went - but yep there he was tonight.

I knew him as soon as I saw him. I was like "oh crap".

I was like "oh crap", because I was having a dowdy day. Most women will know what I mean by a 'dowdy day'. I was wearing glasses for one thing! Yes they might be DKNY but they are still glasses. Secondly my hair was pulled back in a ponytail. I look cute with pigtails, I look dowdy with a pony. Crap.

I was at the gym with a male friend. I told my friend I had a personal question to ask him as we ran round the track. He wasn't expecting the question - we don't talk about my love life AT ALL or even much about me. I asked him if I looked really bad. I told him an ex-boyfriend who was a real jerk was at the gym and I felt I looked bad. He asked me what the other guy looked like - better or worse than I'd seen him before. Good question. I answered, "I think worse". He said all that matters is you look better than him. Then he reassured me I looked good.

We rounded the track and were going to have to pass in front of him. My friend asked me which dude and I said "the one in the yellow shirt.". He looked at me. "Really?". I'm like, "um..ya". He looked at me and said, "you have NOTHING to worry about." Then he asked if the guy wasn't waaaay older than I am. I said ya a bit. He just shook his head and said you need to peacock by him. I'm like, "no I'm going to pretend to talk to you."

So I did I turned my head to my friend and prepared to run by without noticing him.

But...

Alpha-ex extended his arm out making me have to look. I looked. He waved - grinned and I waved and wanly grinned. I ran past him.

I made a point of short circuiting my run so I didn't pass him from then on.

My friend for what it's worth thought my ex was terribly awkward and wondered what the sticking his arm out was for. He wondered if he wanted me to stop. I don't think so - he just wanted me to know he was there.

Gawd.

Roissy's Younger Women

I'm betting young women who read Roissy will be better able to secure happiness in relationship down the road.

Why you ask? Well let me tell you.

They will have had the opportunity to examine how the current climate which supposedly accepts sexual equality is damaging to them in their futures. They will have a chance to accept that men become more attractive as they age and will have a much longer shelf life in terms of marriageability and they become much less attractive as they age. They will understand that men are biologically wired to be attracted to youthful beauty as it's tied to fertility. They will accept the fact they will hit a wall of attractiveness in their mid-thirties at the latest and not put off relationship development in their 20's. They will understand the importance of seeking a mate who is a minimum of five years older than they are. They will understand their own innate need for a leader and not fight it. They will understand male sexuality and not be threatened by it, specifically his interest in other women.

After spending time at Roissy women will realize that men do in fact have soft, tender spots for women and that a lot of the bitterness witnessed has to do with frustrations with men not able to obtain a type of woman they could be proud of. Women, to be blunt, who ride the cock carousel are not the type men would settle down with. Men have a need to be The One and not One of Many. Understanding that men like pursuit or the hunt and place value in the 'kill' will help women. Looking deeper at what men and women REALLY want rather than what they say they want will be instrumental. Reading Roissy ensures blinders are ripped off. Examination of your own motivations and perceptions of your place in the dating pool although painful will be extremely beneficial. You will face reality and hopefully accept it for what it is.

Using the information obtained simply for manipulation of a man is disingenuous. It will be obvious quickly. Men have a finely tuned barometer for quality. Women will realize that to be seen as quality she must be quality. Women reading Roissy will get a much better understanding of what quality is.

The only sad thing is I didn't have Roissy and I was in the dark.

Movin on

Okay enough of alpha-ex. I suspect it will be a loooong time coming before I hear from that lad if ever. If my curiosity gets the best of me I may talk to him if he contacts me, but the way I feel now - ya not so much.

So I was building this great story about my older suitor. To catch people up he's 13years older, attractive, very intelligent (written, verbal), great story teller, great job and loves to travel. We've met and talked on the phone but the bulk of our conversations have been in email. I've been somewhat determined to see him again and he blocked me first for my age, then for the number of perceived suitors he thought I had. I was away on vacation when I last heard from him. Here is what he said:

Dearest Lady,
You have not been that naughty (he had threatened to spank me last email and I asked if I'd been that naughty)....however, I think I would still like to spank you. Why? Because I've never spanked a woman before and because it would give me an opportunity to view your bum (and I am a bum man).

The projected temp for Sat and Sun is 31 degrees. So I will need cooling off and a back massage (have a bad back)....and you are unavailable. Very sad and disappointing that you would desert me in a time of need (hehe).

I am annoyed with you....you are VERY DISTRACTING to me...and I need to address this problem. You are a Problem for me ....but not your fault....rather, my stupidity.

Can't wine you Wed night (the day I was getting back to town)....I'm gone all next week...won't be back until Sunday night (Aug 9).... I'll phone you Sun night if I get back early....otherwise I'll contact you on Monday.

Take Care Gorgeous Lady

I have not heard from him. Last Thursday the 13th I sent an email here is what I said:

So are you TRYING to make you chase you? Cuz I'm not wanting to particularly. It comes across as desperate or some such strategy that all the girl rules dating books advise against. Just sayin... ;)

So I got back last Wednesday, picked up my two dogs. And guess what?? I had, well not me, but my girl dog gave birth to EIGHT puppies less than 12 hours later. So you can guess what I've been doing? Watching puppies grow. Kind a cool, gotta admit.

So...ya that's all I gotz.

He hasn't read my email which is strange in and of itself. Soooo my man is MIA. Lovely just when I could use a real ego boost too.

Just when you thought the scary story ends...

I sent mr. alpha-ex a text this am. I sent it to shut the door firmly to future correspondence. Here is what it said:

"Hey one last thing. It was great seeing you. It's good to know neither one of us is attracted to each other anymore, isn't closure a thing of beauty? Now we can move on into our next relationships without any question. Good luck alpha-ex. :) "

I didn't expect I'd hear from him again and didn't care if I did.

Tonight more than 12 hours after the text was sent a call came into my cell from him. I answered: "hey you". Nothing dead air. I could hear sounds in the background and said hello a couple more times and the signal went dead.

I called his cell back. It rang to voice. I hung up. I waited a couple minutes and called again. Honestly my worst trait in this business is curiosity. I'm driven to know what the story is. It goes to voice mail again. I leave a message saying something like "hey did your ass just call me? Cuz my phone rang and I figure you might be sitting on your phone."

Five minutes later he calls again.

I pick up... I say again "hey you".

Him: "did you just call me?"

Me" "yep, you called me."

Him: "I called you?"

Me: "Ya, you called me and I called you back. I said hey, you and I heard noise in the background."

Him: "Hey you?" he repeats the words I'd said in greeting and when he says this I hear the sound of dread in his voice and I know.

Me: "She called me."

Him: "ya"

Her: screaming something I can't make out but it's at him and it's not happy noise

Him: "tell her how I haven't been talking to you"

Me: "what!"

Him realizing I'm not going to cover his fool ass says the following to her.

Him: "I haven't seen her and haven't talked to her since the winter!" (We weren't even dating in the winter which makes me think he was likely seeing the both of us in the spring and he can't say that cuz she'll know he cheated on her back then too.)

Me: I hang up.

I text him within two minutes

Me: wtf

I didn't send that to get a reply back. I sent it to confirm to her that this guy is a loser with a capital L. I really know how to pick em...

Indifference can be a good thing.

Teeny update from my meeting with alpha-ex last night.

I felt no attraction. When he came walking in the door and we hugged I felt nothing. I admit I felt hurt when he talked about his gf's hotness cuz it implied I wasn't, but I wasn't jealous. I was shameless in talking about our sexual past, nothing reserved about it. In fact he commented that I "wasn't shy". I laughed. Truthfully I wasn't trying to entice him nor was I feeling wistful about it. I felt nothing for him. I was amping up charm and attractiveness more as a game to see if he'd take the hook. He didn't. He wasn't interested either.

I've had a good nights sleep and my temperature hasn't changed towards him, if I never hear from his again it won't matter. I've reached indifference.

Closure - gotta love it!

The end of the Alpha Story

So...it's been quite a day. I feel on the verge of tears, but just the verge. Believe me the tears aren't for him, but for me and how...well I'll tell you that when I wrap up the story.

I did text him back. I texted after three hours, a real record if you know me at all.

Me: "Hey u were over here? Sorry I wasn't home."

Him: "Yes I was at my house. i wanted to talk to someone so i came by to see if you were around..."

Me: "Someone huh? lol...how flattering."

Him: "Well no i wanted to talk to you, that was the reason for my visit to town...i rented my house to a friend, now i am looking to buy a new one in town"

This confused me. He owns a house in town what the heck was he visiting the town for in the first place. So I being sick of texting picked up the phone and called him at work.

Long story short. He was in a pickle in his life. He'd moved in with a chick and it wasn't going well. He'd broken up with her four times in the last three months. And hey...he was thinking of me. And he wasn't and his quote "calling me to ask me to knit him a sweater." I said something pissed off like "what are you doing? You dump me to find yourself and you find yourself living with someone and then you call me when its not going well?". He told me he had to look me in the eyes and tell me the mistakes he'd made with me, yada yada yada. I said I was really busy. He responded by saying he couldn't break it off with the chick this weekend cuz its her birthday and he's not cruel. (WTF!!) I said I'm not interested in being your girl friend. He said he'd like to see me at some point. I reiterated my busyness.

He came over tonight unannounced.

We hugged like old friends. We talked for an hour and a half. He hadn't come to woo me back that was for sure.

He told me how beautiful and hot this new chick is. How she's nine years younger than he is (I'm the same age as he is). Mind you she's needy he says. (hotness over rides needy don't we know)

Everything he told me confirmed the alpha male hypothesis. In fact I launched into a discussion of his alphaness. How his "type" would like never be able to settle down because he couldn't help his quest for fresh pussy as it was so available to him. He admitted he could talk women out of their clothes in hours not days. I told him I believed him. He then got quite sad at imagining his life alone. I told him he'd never be alone, his type would always be able to secure women for short term exclusive relationships. I advised him to accept himself.

What does he see in me? Truthfully I think he sees me as a free psychologist. I work in the field enough so that I can sound plausible when I'm talking this crap. I told him my relationship with him had been ultimately good in the end because I'd been forced to look at what men want and learned about myself in the process.

I told him I'd never contact him, that I had no interest in being another complication in his confusing life. I meant it too.

My verging tears have more to do with the fact with the fact that my lack of relative hotness caused him to reject me. I'm simply not hot enough for this guy, that my friends is never a pleasent realization.

Good news is I'm not unlovable or even close to ugly so I have future chances. Yay!

More Alpha

The alpha ex showed up at my house tonight. The dude who drove me to figure out men. The natural who dumped me by text after I told him I didn't like the jealous feelings I was experiencing as I noticed his female list grow higher on Facebook. Ya...I'm a beta female...shit. I wrote him a very good email telling him how assholey his behaviour was for dumping me the way he did and he called me. He apologized and asked me over. We had fantastic sex. He informed me when it was over that his behaviour was not acceptable and he was dumping me because he obviously wasn't ready for a relationship. Whaaaat! I'd just thought we had make-up sex. So we did it twice more. Sigh... Then we parted. Two days later he asked me to go to Nickleback and said we'd just be friends. We went to the concert and I was relegated to the back seat of his vehicle, his brother took the passenger seat. Ya...I know. I decided to go right back to dating with a vengeance to get over him quickly. Unbenownst to me, he set me up with a friend of his. This friend treated me so poorly on the date I walked out. I then talked to the alpha about it a week later...he didn't confess what he'd done. I found out through my ex-ltr whose new girfriend heard about it at her workplace. Ya...nice.

So.... he's texted randomly over the last few months. We've talked once on the phone. Tonight he shows up at my house. I'm not home. He leaves a note on my door, spells my name wrong and leaves his number.

Do I call it?

I wait...

I wait some more...

I call!! Jeeze.

He doesn't answer.

I don't leave a message.

Gawd Roissy is sooo right about women.

Big Effen Sigh....

The picture was taken the last evening we spent together - Nickleback.