Sofia our Lesenjournal

Sofia has left her blog to concentrate on real life. Ferdinand has this note on his blog. She confirmed in twitter to me.

Sofia you had a great ability to draw people to you - vulnerability mixed with amazing intelligence. Do what you need to do. Don't forget to visit Roissy and the other satellite Roissyites. We'll miss your blog.

Mental 10

The mental ten pounds. Tell me you don't know what I'm taking about. You get control of your life, your eating, your exercise and suddenly those mental 10 are gone. You feel lighter. You walk taller. You even feel sexier.

The mental 10 is a stumbling block.

You feel so damned good you decide why not just have that little piece of cake I mean you're doing sooo good - you're soooo in control. Doesn't matter you're on day 2 of your new you - you're in control right??

Wrong.

I'm fighting the high of the mental 10. Day 3 (who the eff is counting) and I'm in the groove of self denial. But...this groove will bite me in the ass - oh baby it has before. I like a bite in the ass from time to time but this bite bites and feels more like a kick in the pants.

I was having all these thoughts as I sucked my liquid supper and giving myself a get a grip convo about don't feel so damned good you're only in the beginning yada yada yoo. I got in my jeep and realized my thumb ring was missing. My thumb ring is always on my thumb (self evident) so where the hell could it have gone! Then I realized...

My thumb had lost weight.

Crap how was I supposed to keep the mental high at bay when obviously I was seeing results on day 3? I looked everywhere outside the car for the ring. It was dark people. A man (cute one) even stopped to ask if I'd lost something. I answered in all seriousness "yes, I've lost my mind". Oh my I forgot women don't have senses of humoures, it's a lesson from Roissy I've yet to apply (crap). He looked at me like I might be serious and I smiled to assure him I was in fact sane. He looked with me for a bit while I talked in some high way about how much I loved my silver thumb ring. I know I sounded high because I was still fricken elated my thumb had lost weight. He left me saying it was good I hadn't lost my mind. I said I was saving that for another day. Why the hell didn't he want a number exchange people!! Frick.

So anyways I get back in my jeep and move my wallet and lo and behold there is the silver thumb ring. Yay - I didn't lose it. It's a silver ring from Fossil (I know who cares) but I got it on vacay last year and get a million compliments on it. It makes my thumb sexy. Now my skinny thumb is sexy again.

The picture is showing how unsexy a thumb can be without a thumb ring. ;)

Aging beautifully if not naturally

I'd mentioned in an earlier post that I was considering having a minor procedure done under my chin. This is an area that is a tell for a woman's age. I had the appointment last week and the doctor (a very reputable one - maybe even the best in my city) said he could make an improvement.

Would I be as interested in keeping youthfull-ish if I was with a man? I'm not sure. I think he'd help me determine whether it was important to him if I did or not.

There are a lot of misconceptions out there regarding cosmetic procedures. Many people seem to believe that you'll look unnatural, freakish even. If you have good mental health and a very good doctor I don't think this is the case. You'd have to work pretty hard to convince me that most of Hollywood hasn't had work of some kind or another. The invention of fillers for the face has stopped women and men from going under the knife perhaps, but they're still getting interventions.

I'd recommend staying out of the sun without sunscreen, eating healthy, drinking lots of water as fairly natural interventions.

I've begun to whiten my teeth as often the mouth is one of the areas that will give away age. I had molds made for my teeth, I fill those babies up with whitener and sleep through the night while my teeth get bright. I've been for IPL laser treatments for my face because I have the tendency to get tiny little red veins in my cheeks and around my nose (rosacea) and triggers like the sun can make them worse. They are permanent improvements as long as you don't do the things that caused them in the first place. I take a very strong medicine for my rosacea which has caused my skin to look quite clear - I'm not complaining.

All this work won't stop the natural descent of the face. I'm going to go ahead with the procedure and try to halt the sands of time. He's very booked and it looks like the Spring before I can go. Shitty. Hopefully the cancellation list will help me some.

The reality is I'm vain. I don't want to accept aging lying down if I don't have to. Keeping myself healthy and doing minor aging preventative measures is okay in my books. The good news is I'm not trying to attract younger men. I have a healthy reality when it comes to who I could or should attract and if I have any doubts I just need to visit Roissy.

The truth is I get turned on by objectification. If I can't at least look close to objectifiable then its not going to happen. By the way that's a big confession and it seems weird to admit it. I'm not the barbie type. I'm not skanky, slutty or trampy. I don't look particularly hot. So why the thrill of being a sex object if I don't seek the look? Can't answer that really. Hmmmm.. Food for my own thought.

Speaking of food I'm on day two of my new regime. No sugars, no dairy, no excess salt. I am peeing a lot, which means my carb intake is down, carbs hold water. I plan on eating salmon, skinless chicken, eggs for my protein and have high fibre foods like brown rice for carbs. Salad consumption will round out the equation. I like that I have an eight week goal. Clio talked about perseverance on a post of hers and I'm concentrating on that word as a way to get me to the end date.

Feedback Time

Blogs are like interactive, live theater especially when you have interesting players. I'm enjoying very much the dialogue that takes place at my little piece of the world. Dear Diary is much better when you have someone to write you back. It's like imaginary friends only better!

I have received great responses to my post about Roissy's young women. I'm going to pick a few threads from the comments and do my best to give a thoughtful response tomorrow.

If you want to read the original post click here, in this spot, yes the kinda green spot. Missed it? Okay fine try again click HERE.

Hope said - What you read at Roissy are the "wants" of a particular breed of men. Note that they only talk about how a woman should be submissive, young and beautiful. No mention of emotional, spiritual or mental connection. Just pure biology.... Marrying young, short female fertility window and physical beauty are surely important. But the strongest unions are between self-actualized, self-aware and emotionally mature people

Rake replied: Yes, love is more than just our physical bodies, but having an understanding of biomechanics and the more primal urges that drive us is part of being self-actualized, self-aware, and emotionally mature

Bhetti weighed in : Perhaps a better chance at happiness, yes (in reference to young women being better prepared for relationship after reading Roissy). Also a much sharper awareness and motivation focused on that I really need to take care of my physical body, I suppose.

Firepower exploded : hot young women are a lost cause. They don't think - they don't have to. Then, predictably, like clockwork, those that do have half a brain hit the 29th Wall and suddenly - all find deep, clear, abiding - "introspection." Until age 25 they couldn't fucking spell the word unless a man did it for them.Young women don't need "opinions" - they're all vapid tarts with interchangeable vaginas.

Hope's opinion on Roissy men- It's sad though. Hiding behind the tough shell, not willing to give or receive love. The men on Roissy are mostly hiding behind those hardened shells.They don't even want love. They wouldn't know what to do with it if they got it. They'd be suspicious the woman wants something for them in return for her affections. Emotionally stunted and stuck in a dark place. It's really rather sad. I feel bad for them. Don't glorify that world view. Young and hot women, yadi yada. Whatever. They can have at them. They do not know true love, sharing of mutual love, only selfish greed and lust...Although I learned a lot at Roissy's, it was more of an education the way someone learns what NOT to look for in a man along with what to look for. Leadership and confidence? Sure. Negativity and asking for the hot young chicks? Pass

DA with his steadfast advice - Remember, David leaves four options for women:1) Marry an alpha2) Mistress to an alpha3) Single with optional motherhood or pets4) Go lesbian

Clio the wise said - ...It may be true that Game (the signals of male dominance) is always or nearly always attractive to women. On the whole I think it is true; certainly in reading Roissy I realised it was the common thread in the otherwise very diverse men to whom I was attracted over the years. But there are many other truths which Roissy overstates or exaggerates, partly in order to make up for the politically correct foolishness about men and women which appears in popular culture. For example, dominant men's preference for young women is strong but not absolute. Another example: R. usually plays down the value of personality in men's choice of women, but it does matter. Even he acknowledges that certain traits - lack of femininity in particular (including boasting, swearing, being too career-obsessed) - can be repellent in otherwise attractive women. And one thing R. *doesn't* mention, because it isn't in the interest of Gamers to admit it, is the fact that nearly all men are as much turned off as women by excessive neediness in a prospective mate. It devalues a woman in a man's eyes and makes her seem as if she wants a man, any man, rather than wanting him for himself. The tricky issue for women is how to allow themselves to be open and vulnerable, on the one hand, yet not become needy and clinging, on the other. It's difficult to do and you can only manage it if you force yourself to adopt a degree of detachment from every man you date. The only way to do that, for most women, is not to permit physical intimacies too soon. And to adopt Roissy's maxim-for-men of never allowing yourself to develop what Gamers call "oneitis": the notion that there is only one person in the world for you. In fact, the mental toughness that Roissy advocates for beta males ("learn Inner Game") can be, if appropriately feminized, a valuable skill for women too. But it requires that we learn never to fool ourselves about what we're really up to, or what a man is really like.

DA responding to Clio - That was part of what I found so disconcerting about the blog (women's natural response to dominant males). It destroyed the pretty lie that as a non-dominant male, I could stumble upon a girl that could want me. Even though I never made the effort to go chase after women in direct contrast to most men of my age, I always wanted some hope that I'd stumble upon a girl in a manner aping a silly romantic comedy.

Bhetti talking about her own chance at love - Much more difficult at my age due to the psychology of men at this stage in their development and with my generation's brainwashing to find someone who's sufficiently dominant

Hope with interesting personal experience at Roissy- Honestly I say this as someone who has "been there," and been very much into that myself. We women tend to be more "agreeable" -- here's a bunch of guys who are all agreeing with each other, and we see that and almost can't help but agree as well. There's danger in that kind of conformity

Doug thoughtfully replied- I agree with most of clio's thoughtful post.However I think this parts at the end are terrible advice and destructive of love. This: "And to adopt Roissy's maxim-for-men of never allowing yourself to develop what Gamers call "oneitis": the notion that there is only one person in the world for you.In fact, the mental toughness that Roissy advocates for beta males ("learn Inner Game") can be, if appropriately feminized, a valuable skill for women too. But it requires that we learn never to fool ourselves about what we're really up to, or what a man is really like." Instead a woman should be careful about with whom she develops "oneitis".

Doug wades in again - It is certainly true that Roissy's scorn of women over 29 is not shared by most men in their late thirties and older. I firmly believe that a significant age gap usually works better, however.

I'll give a response tomorrow. I want readers to add their own thoughts to the discussion. Basically it centres around the usefulness of reading at Roissy - game, men, women etc etc.

Roissy's Younger Women

I'm betting young women who read Roissy will be better able to secure happiness in relationship down the road.

Why you ask? Well let me tell you.

They will have had the opportunity to examine how the current climate which supposedly accepts sexual equality is damaging to them in their futures. They will have a chance to accept that men become more attractive as they age and will have a much longer shelf life in terms of marriageability and they become much less attractive as they age. They will understand that men are biologically wired to be attracted to youthful beauty as it's tied to fertility. They will accept the fact they will hit a wall of attractiveness in their mid-thirties at the latest and not put off relationship development in their 20's. They will understand the importance of seeking a mate who is a minimum of five years older than they are. They will understand their own innate need for a leader and not fight it. They will understand male sexuality and not be threatened by it, specifically his interest in other women.

After spending time at Roissy women will realize that men do in fact have soft, tender spots for women and that a lot of the bitterness witnessed has to do with frustrations with men not able to obtain a type of woman they could be proud of. Women, to be blunt, who ride the cock carousel are not the type men would settle down with. Men have a need to be The One and not One of Many. Understanding that men like pursuit or the hunt and place value in the 'kill' will help women. Looking deeper at what men and women REALLY want rather than what they say they want will be instrumental. Reading Roissy ensures blinders are ripped off. Examination of your own motivations and perceptions of your place in the dating pool although painful will be extremely beneficial. You will face reality and hopefully accept it for what it is.

Using the information obtained simply for manipulation of a man is disingenuous. It will be obvious quickly. Men have a finely tuned barometer for quality. Women will realize that to be seen as quality she must be quality. Women reading Roissy will get a much better understanding of what quality is.

The only sad thing is I didn't have Roissy and I was in the dark.

Fat words

A great deal of conversation occurs at Roissy about women's weight. Obesity being a rampant North American problemo. The obesity epidemic has created the need to use words intended to make it more palatable. More palatable to the obese. We don't say fat anymore it's not pc. Words like pleasantly plump,Reubenesque,thick, voluptuous, zaftig, big boned have entered our lexicon.

Unfortunately these words are interpreted as fat, they have lost their original meaning.

For example we may assume curvy means blobby, gelatinous blubber. You see her softness and you assume she'll be unsightly. You can't really tell what a woman looks like out of her clothes until she's out of them. Thin girls can look like toothpicks once naked - hips bones ready to slice the first man who tries to mount them. Rib cages no longer soft and yielding. Bottoms so flat they look like a man's.

I'm a curvy girl. In poorly chosen clothes (picture) I may look chunky and overweight. If I don't emphasize my waist to hip ratio I could be missed in a sea of thinner girls.

A curvy girl can have a lovely body, soft in the right places and taut in others. My message is don't be too quick to turn your head the other way.

Don't forget curvy CAN mean just that.

Just sayin...

Country Dance!

I put a flag counter on my site Sept 1. (bottom of page if you scroll down). All my traffic originates from Roissy or Roissy contributors. And in 10 days I've had visitors from 34 countries. Can you IMAGINE the traffic Roissy gets?? Where in the world is Roissy? I can see the game now. Little naked chicks scattered all over pages of cartoons depicting various debaucherous (is that a word?) acts .

Shout out to countries who've visited below. Hello countries!!

Slovenia is the latest to visit. Hi Slovenia! Here is a little known fact about Slovenia:

It is a little known fact that Slovenia is one of the most densely forested countries in Europe and is probably the only European country whose forests have actually grown in the last half century.Half of the country or a good million hectares is covered with forest.The extensive forests of Pohorje alone, produce enough clean air for three countries the size of Slovenia-wonderful for athletes, for cross-country skiing,bicycling,for hiking,for health and relaxation!

Country Visitors
Last New Visitor
1. United States
2. United Kingdom
3. Canada
4. Australia
5. Finland
6. Spain
7. New Zealand
8. Germany
9. Romania
10.South Africa
11.Israel
12.Thailand
13.Sweden
14.Ireland
15.Slovenia
16.India
17.France
18.Cambodia
19.Sri Lanka
20.Norway
21.Argentina
22.Poland
23.Korea, Republic of
24.Unknown - European Union
25.United Arab Emirates
26.Netherlands
27.Switzerland
28.Turkey
29.Czech Republic
30.Mexico
31.Netherlands Antilles
32.Pakistan
33.Portugal
34.Unknown - Anonymous Proxy

Bhetti's little known fact about her city London, England -

"Hi right back atcha!

Did you know that apparently the water mains below this city are from the Victorian era? [London's constantly getting plastic surgery i.e. construction work. The world's oldest yet most hopelessly delapitated woman may possibly be the city of London.]

That's over 100 years according to the notice the construction workers so decoratively put up. That's definitely older than the UAE which was formed in 1971."

Please check out my country dance video in the post below in honour of your visits. No REALLY men (and ladies) check out the video. It's MY gift to you. If you didn't like me before the video I promise you'll like me more after. Just sayin...

I can't believe I'm still single

I have a tendency to be overly analytical. Okay I should amend that to read at least in my little corner of the real world I'm judged as overly analytical. At Roissy I barely skim the surface of the trait. So let me analyze my singleness shall we? (Oh it's a long one - you might want to break it down to smaller segments just to stay awake - just sayin...)

I'll compartmentalize myself in a few categories below and I'll rate either positive or negative.

Number one reason for a dude to be attracted to a female is looks.
I'm attractive enough. Default says this about women on his blog, "While every man wants the hottest girl he can, the male attraction response is mostly thresholded. If a woman is hot enough he will be attracted. A man going home with least beautiful woman from a room full of beauties will not be unhappy. A nine is a nine, even if the rest were tens." I'm not saying I'm a nine, I'm just saying I measure up alright with women in most ways. Roissy says it's look first for men and Default says its relative. I believe them both. So that criteria for date ability is taken care of.
Attractive enough - check.

I'm friendly. No really, I'm friendly. Comment_Whatever has described me as sharp at times, but you have to REALLY push my buttons or shock me to get me there. I'm down home Maritimer friendly. We're bred to be that way, hospitable and willing to greet anyone we pass. We'll smile at you not look past you like most places I've been since. I could be intimidating if I didn't have this nature. I don't mean because I'm super hot either. I have poise and class which my dad, a military officer, instilled in all of his children. This can be off putting to those without it. I compensate with warmth not chill. Not saying class is a bad thing, but it can give an air of aloofness if not combined with something else. My style of communication is very charismatic in person which I sometimes forget about - I can lead people easily but then forget or become confused when they also want to be my best friend. Charisma in professional settings for me does NOT translate to personal relationships and it hurts some people. In situations where I'm seeking a personal relationship I'm less charismatic and more friendly.
Friendly - check.

I'm funny for a female. I know its been said that women can't be funny and I agree mostly. I am hit or miss - thankfully I am fully aware of when I hit - oh and when I bomb. My funniness is in quick, witty replies unfortunately it doesn't extend to my writing, although it would be cool if it did. I'm sharp enough to banter wits with the best, but not cutting enough to slice and shred them. I don't need to win the battle I'm content just to play. Men either really like this trait or they don't. I wouldn't say my sense of humour has stopped a relationship from going forward. though.
Humour - check.

I am confident. It's only since visiting Roissy that I've realized this isn't necessarily an attractive or needed quality in a woman. An eight is still an eight whether she has confidence or not. In fact over-confidence can be off putting. I'm far more likely however to be over confident in a room full of females than a room full of men. That said I have falsely put on confidence thinking it was attractive and I no longer do that. It's kind of comforting to know that lack of confidence will not be a deterrent in men's attraction to me.
Confidence - neutral

I'm not a 20 something any longer. I wasted my young adulthood on the wrong guy. I can't get the years back of course, but I don't believe it will stop me from having happiness in my future. I am seeking an older partner in large part because I think I'll be valued more by him than I would by a younger or my own age man. Often alpha men my age or younger are looking for me as a sexual partner. I have value in their eyes in the bedroom arena, but they have options in the younger age categories for ltr's. When young men approach me and it happens more than I'm comfortable with I always tell them "I WANT to be the hot, young thing, not the other way round". They laugh and try to convince me age is relative yada yada yada. I don't sway.
Youth - Negative

I am the girliest of girls. I love to dress up and be pretty. I will rarely venture outside my own front door if I don't feel good about myself. I prefer dresses and skirts to pants and high heels are always on my feet. I'm not the tallest chick at 5'5" so it's not threatening to most men to be wearing them. I like to do my hair and make-up and know how to flatter my best features. The downside of this of course is vanity. You get used to compliments and struggle when they aren't forthcoming. I've never been a nine, but have been considered in my own limited gene pool as hot. A.J. Travis refers to girls who are hot as having a tendency to be very insecure. A.J give this interesting description on his blog which I think is very accurate, "...Even if they are smart, funny, rich, whatever... all of that is second to their appearance. And when your perfect looks determine your worth, you will be constantly on guard for flaws. That means endless hours in front of the mirror, at the gym, in the tanning booth, having your teeth whitened, etc. And still they cannot stop every 'imperfection,' so they will inevitably end up sobbing over every zit, bump, wrinkle and misplaced hair. They never enjoy their beauty, and after a while, neither will you anymore."
I have to admit I'm more like that than I'd care to admit. I mean who's the chic having chin lipo? Ya...uh huh.
Feminine - check
Insecure about looks- negative

I have a fantastic job. I work long hours but am rewarded emotionally as well as in my pocket book. I have the luxury of travel, housekeepers, a huge wardrobe and who could forget the future cosmetic surgery budget. I don't spend too much time talking about this with potential partners. I realize men aren't as interested in what I do as I am in what they do. My need to have a partner match or exceed my status poses some difficulties. Call me shallow if you will (and some will), but hypergamy is a real folks like it or not. Wiki says this: " Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as marrying up) is the act or practice of seeking a spouse of equal or higher socio-economic status, or caste status than oneself.[1] The term is often used more specifically in reference to a widespread tendency amongst human cultures for females to seek or be encouraged to pursue male suitors that are comparatively older, wealthier or otherwise more privileged than themselves" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy
Hypergamy - negative due to my place on the socio-ecomomic ladder

Myers-Brigg's results are very popular on Roissy. In my own world I can honestly say the references are very infrequently made. I didn't know my own type until recently. I have done strength based tests and found that positivity, strategic thinking and communication have figured prominently in my top three. Tom Rath's Strength Finder 2.0 is interesting. I had my entire team of managers take it to better understand ourselves and then work from our own areas of strengths. Anywhoo I took the Myers-Briggs test and determined fairly easily that I was an ENFJ.

Interestingly ENFJ's are found in only 5% of the population. Everything I read on an ENFJ rings true to me and it's kind of eerie to see yourself so well represented by a simple test. In the love/home realm I found this:

ENFJ's are socially adept and make excellent companions and mates. They also are deeply devoted yet tend not to be domineering to their mate (In fact I prefer a domineering man). In fact, the ENFJ is so even-tempered that he or she can be victimized by a mate who might have become more and more demanding (been there done that got the hat).

ENFJ mates always try to please and feel personally responsible when home life does not go smoothly. They are tireless in their efforts to see that it does, providing generously from available income, time, and energy. This dedication often exists, however, side by side with an ENFJ's dream of the perfect relationship-a characteristic of all NF's, but one which is particularly strong in an ENFJ. Thus an ENFJ has that longing for the ideal that results in a vague dissatisfaction with whatever is in the way of relationships, mating as well as friendships.

Looking back at my ltr the above rings true. I baffled friends with the efforts I put in to make our life perfect. I was the perfect girl friend not because I wanted to have that label but because I really wanted to be perfect for him. I did try to change him to make him match the view I had of a perfect relationship, bad move.

More information: ENFJ's would do well to follow their hunches, for their intuition tends to be well developed. Decisions made purely on the basis of logic may not be so sound, and checking with a person who has a strong T preference might be at times advisable for the ENFJ. In the framework of values, however, the ENFJ is on certain ground. Generally, they know what they prefer and can read other people with outstanding accuracy. Seldom is an ENFJ wrong about the motivations or intent of another, hidden or not.

That is very true. I've often said my best skill is in picking people and trust me I'm very picky. I have a fantastic leadership team virtually hand picked by me. This however has always translated to extreme pickiness when it comes to men. I know almost immediately if I want to have anything more to do with the dude. It's a vibe I get either good or bad. Like it says above not always logical - tru dat - but I do know/feel like minded values. This makes for a low number of men I've had sex with. I'm not saying I've had little sex however, there IS a difference.
Choosy- negative (I won't change this)


So to recap:
negatives
Choosy
Lack of Youth
Insecure about Looks ie. vain
Hypergamy

Positives:
Attractive
Friendly
Humorous
Feminine

Neutral:
Confidence
ENFJ

I think I'm dateable after all is said and done. My choosiness is an issue to be sure. So readers who live near me (which is no one) if you're one of the following types contact me. Otherwise I'm going to be doing this post a year from now. Sigh

So here is what I need for my ENFJ type:

The opposite on the S side is ISTP, the "artisan." It is not difficult to see how the teacher inherent in the ENFJ would want to "bring out" the craftsman in the ISTP. The artisan, however, has another side to his nature that pops up occasionally and in some cases is a life theme: adventure and exploration. The ISTP can, so to speak, be wayward, take off for parts unknown. It is difficult to imagine a similar desire on the part of the ENFJ to bring out adventuresomeness.

The ENFJ, on the intuitive side, finds the INTP attractive. Now here is a splendid target for our catalyst, for beneath the cool, collected, detached, and doubting exterior lies an architect of buildings, machines, tools, operations, tactics, languages, mathematics, or whatever can be designed. If, that is, this latently capable designer can be "activated" or "brought out".

I'm equal in positives and negatives so I guess this explains a little bit more to me why I'm still single. My choosiness is of my own making, just the barometer which is part of my being. Hypergamy is a cultural thing and I can consciously try to work against this. Vanity and its resultant insecurity will be a hard one to overcome, it's deep rooted and goes back to my mother (lots of issues there trust me). I can't change the fact I'm not young any more. I can work hard at maintaining the attributes associated with it though. Without being childish I can retain a youthful attitude, I can keep my skin healthy, my weight down and when things like double chins arrive I'll do what I can. I like to look good and I think my future man will appreciate it.

So I guess I can believe I'm still single but I also believe I won't be forever. Nursing home hook-ups happen you know!


I used http://www.geocities.com/lifexplore/enfj.htm for the info above.
The picture was a result of a suggestion from Comment_Whatever regarding stamping my forhead with ENFJ. I liked the idea, but the tatoo artist refused - something about insane women something or other.

Chinny chin chin

I've mentioned at Chez Roissy that I believe it's a woman's obligation to stay looking as good as she can. I honestly believe that - no bull. Currently single and desiring a serious relationship I'm very aware of the passing minutes. How they affect my marketability. How every month makes a difference on an aging body. Hitting the wall is real for women in the case of beauty. I'm fortunate not to have damaged my body prematurely by smoking, tanning or drinking. My white skin has remained smooth when others my age have started to wrinkle or look dull.

As evidenced in my pics I have a nice jawline. What I don't like is the start of a double chin. This is not fat related but age related. Angling my head in the right position can minimize it, but a profile shot taken with me unaware and I'm at the beginning stages of horrified.

I like that we're living in an age of plastic surgery. Sorry but I do. I have no bones about doing what it takes to hold on to my attractiveness. To this end I have booked an appointment with a cosmetic surgeon of some renown (chief of plastic surgery at big hospital). I want liposuction under my chin. He may turn me away because its minimal, but I'm hopeful he won't. If I can get this before it turns into a waterfall of flesh I'll do the happy dance.

I'm being bold by being honest about what I plan to do. I'm opening myself up to criticism and judgment I realize. Honestly I don't care. I'm young enough to stop the ravages of time not reverse them so why shouldn't I? There is a double standard out there which says you must be beautiful, but you must be beautiful naturally. Anything manufactured means you're not beautiful. To this I say BS. Symmetry, bone structure, size and placement of various features all contribute to what we consider attractive. How we get those features is moot. Beauty is beauty.

My neck isn't as bad as the one in the picture but I can see it going that way sooner or later.

Cheeky

I enjoy commenting at Roissy's. Although when I first started I'd get this big pit in my stomach prior to hitting submit and worry I was going to look like an idiot. I put on my best confidence panties and just went for it. I received positive responses from Default, Doug and Maurice which offered me enough courage to continue. I was attacked by Welmer but looking back I can see how that happened and hold no grudges.

I've become a semi-regular and no longer have the anxiety I once did. I flew under radar from Roissy's wandering gaze for a long time before I was chastised for using the forum as an IM chat room rather than a commententary salon. He was right.

Yesterday Comment_Whatever said this:

Aoefe, I think you should wear a name-tag or something. It could tell people your current mental state.

Hello! My name is Aoefe!

Today I am:

Happy!

Sad.

Sexy and Silly

Profound

Agitated and going to verbally eviscerate the next person who ticks me off.

Maybe Anon deserved it, but girl do you have a sharp tongue.


That comment gave me pause for thought. I should mention Tupac agreed with him. I was surprised I suppose because I harboured no ill intent or will for the commenter anon. I could see myself in her in some ways. We just took different approaches in how we responded to the board. I'll admit I was flattered she'd read my blog and liked it and far be it from me to attack a reader in any venomous way.

The thing is I believe many readers assign tones to the writer they are reading. CW is telling me in the comment above that my tone changes and it's difficult to know who I'm going to be from comment to comment or maybe more from day to day. Interesting.

I'm a cheeky girl - many times when I'm writing I'm simply being a tongue in cheeky chick. I love to laugh and humour should be infused into almost every situation in my opinion. Guess this isn't translating to everyone at Roissy huh.

Of course I do have different moods and I am able to write with the mood I'm in. I'm genuinely the person I present at Roissy, no need for character/persona, so in truth it thrills me that CW has picked up on the different me's. Thanks CW. *cheeky grin

Old fashioned

I have been born into the wrong era. I love glamour. Not the glitzy Hollywood glamour of today but old Hollywood glamour. My look is one of days gone by, classy, feminine no trace of tramp or in today's world 'hot'. In more recent times I'd be the dynasty woman (I don't like 80's shoulder pads - ya uh uh). My friends call me Jackie-O. This look is intimidating to some (okay many) where I'm from. I work in a rural town, population under 2000. There is an invisible fashion line I cross when I go to work and once past it 90% of women don't shop. I am stared at. Admired too I suppose. Once a bank manager from my town informed me she looks forward to seeing me, just to see what I'll be wearing. I was flattered. Course another time a woman who works in another business gave me the once over and declared me insensible in regards to my high heels. Okay they were four inch ones but they looked tres amazing paired with my simple wrap dress. I never wear flats.

I would be nothing in a large city and don't have any high falutin ideas of where I fit in the grand scheme of things there. Even last week in the business/fashion district of the Big City (in town for business)I wore one of my few designer dress outfits and felt less than glam. Mind you that could be because my shoe broke and I had to ask our server for scissors to cut off the strap. That will put you in your place quickly. Head turns weren't coming my way anywhere near as frequent, I blended in.

I march to my own drum in regards to fashion. I'm not edgy, I'm not cool, I'm old-fashioned I'll stick with that.

I like the picture above it reminds me of the look of back-then actesses. I'm not hot and it shows but I do have a rather sensual vibe and that kind of vibe is more a throw back to the days of yore. It's not so in your face with a hammer stuff. Sex appeal is inside out stuff. You can be rather plain but know you're sexy and it translates, I believe it can raise you a point on the beauty scale. So get in touch with your sexy vibe ladies which is quite different than a man getting in touch with his feminine side which just sayin...YUCK.

Firepower mentions a resemblence to Irene Dunne - I can see it. I think in most of her pics she has a more masculine face than I have but this one is similar. Good eye Firepower!

Passion Un-dercover Project

Saw a great movie last night. Julia and Julie. Two things I want to address from the movie - passion and aging. First up passion. Julia Child was passionate about french cooking having developed it from living in France with her government employed hubby. She spent over eight years writing and revising her first cook book. As a person who easily passes from one interest to another I can't imagine the passion it would take to keep me on track for that length of time.

The other part Julie's character lacks passion at the start of the movie and is drifting much might I add like me. She's a writer and has completed only half a book which has been rejected by a publisher. She has left the dream and now works in a cubicle. A friend of hers begins a blog and it inspires her to write her own. She decides to cook herself through Julia Child's cook book in 1 year over 500 recipes. She becomes passionate about Julia Child herself. Her blog takes off and sitting in the movie theater watching a movie based on a book that followed her blog's success was pretty cool.

Of course it has to cross your mind the 'what ifs'. What could I blog about which would capture the attention of the masses, would cause a super agent to contact me and allow me to quit my job while I pursued writing full time? I laugh at my wild imagination. First I have nothing to talk about which is that fascinating and second I'm not a great writer. Sigh. I do however need a passion. That will be my project for the next while (until I get bored). I am going to seek with a passion a passion. This will take some strategic thought. How does a person investigate passions? Do you just try something you have an interest in and see if makes you crazy for it? Food for thought - no pun intended after watching Julia Child for two hours. heh

I'm off to a couple plays tonight. Yay me. Maybe theater could be a new passion revived from days past. Hmmmm

Only the shadow knows what lurks behind my un-passionate exterior.

gotta run my thoughts on aging to follow later (oh can't you just wait? pause pause pause NOT)

Just Do It

Cleaning House

I'd like to get off the topic of men at least for today.

I'm tucked up in my bed, laptop in its rightful place and hoping sleep hits me harder than a semi barreling down the highway. My home is tidy and shiny. I work long hours and hate (should I say it out loud?) housework. I like to cook for people I don't like to clean. I have hired help for that. My girl comes once a week and does my floors, bathrooms, kitchen and bedroom. I don't make a big mess and I never use my kitchen yet its still nice to come home on Tuesdays and see the black walnut floors gleam. It's a luxury and I'm grateful.

My vice is shopping. I have a small addiction to clothes. My girlfriends love to marvel at how many dresses, shoes and coats I have. If I wanted to I could go a month without doing laundry and still have clean clothes. Speaking of laundry I have a washer and dryer at home but I'd rather go to the Laundromat. I like doing three loads at once and getting it washed and folded all at once. I like the smell too.

I'm planning on taking a fall class. I'm not sure if I'll look into photography or writing. I enjoy both. I feel the air is changing in my life, I'm not sure if that's wishful thinking or precognition. I'd go for a bit of both.

I'm getting sleepy and I have to give my puppies their antibiotics. They're almost two weeks old - pictures to arrive soon. I'm falling in love with a couple of them. Eyes are opening. What is it like to look at the world for the first time? I'm glad they're in a safe, warm and loving place. Not all puppies, well let's face it not all people are this lucky. Trust me I know - I work in the psych field - it's a mess what people do to people.

Enough of my random stream of consciousness.

Tipsy Turvey

I shouldn't be writing. I'm a leeetle beet drunk. I don't drink often. I had a girl friend over and we were talking relationship between each other. We've been friends for years and her boyfriend now works for me. So you can imagine what that might do huh? So we've repaired the damage which wasn't big and moved on. She's terrific and I would have been devastated to lose her. She brought the wine. I'm drunk. Did I say that already? Can't remember and I'm too lazy to read up. I will spell check, I'm a little paranoid about my spelling. I'm a good speller and have pride in it. Gawd how boring am I anyway? Spelling. Jeesh.

So the golf dude. Did he call? Yes he did. I like his manly, deep voice. He ended the phone call at an appropriate time. I like that he did. Small things please small minds I guess.

We've talked since in emails. He wants to spank me. I don't know how that came up. I didn't start the convo. I asked him if only really naughty girls get spanked. He said he likes bums and has never spanked one and he thinks mine would be good to spank. How can I argue with that really?

So ya I guess that answers the question of whether he called or not huh? I left town and now am back. Has he contacted me? Has he promised to?

To be continued...

The picture looks as drunk as I feel - cool huh?

Maxi...mum Impact

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It's late and I'm tired and yet too lazy to get to bed. I used Roissy tonight although I'm sure he doesn't feel used...yet. I had a writing assignment to do for a book that's being published and I was pushing against the deadline. It's only a small piece about my boss on what makes a successful business man. I stole the Maxim idea from Roissy. I understand maxim's aren't Roissy's per se, however the idea of making maxims for my boss's philosophies was straight from his blog. I read the big boss the piece over the phone and I could tell he was very pleased as well as impressed. Thanks Roissy!

Blind

I'm blind to my future.

The only constant in life is change.

I am sure of only one thing.

I feel a change coming on.