And How does YOUR blog score?

Class, what I don't know could fill the bra of Pamela Anderson, and you know how big that is! However, I'm always learning, studying, and attempting to become a better blogger--just like you, right? There's not a day that goes by that I'm not either scratching my head in bafflement or tearing out my hair in frustration as I work at improving my blog(s)! When does the learning curve get any easier?

Yesterday I discovered a site titled Website Grader which is a really cool site because it grades your blog using SEO guidelines. I was shocked to see the score of Blog-Blond because as I have written from the very beginning of the blog--"I'm just a quark smarter than you." Then again, maybe not! Lately you've been showing how brilliant you are with your scores, and I suppose you're going to write in my comments how much better your score is than mine. I know you can't help yourselves because you want to show-off for your blondalicious teacher!

The Website Grader writes,"Ovewr 35,000 Websites Graded!", and thus out of all these websites, Blog-Blond didn't do so bad for she scored 64/100! What does this mean?

"A website grade of 64 for www.blog-blond.blogspot.com means that of the thousands of websites that have previously been submitted to the tool, our algorithm has calculated that this site scores higher than 64% of them in terms of its marketing effectiveness. This algorithm uses a proprietary blend of over a dozen different variables, including search engine data, website structure, approximate traffic, site performance, and others."

I scored ZERO on meta-data. Heck, I don't even know what meta-data is! They suggested adding them to the page. (note to myself--find out!) Grrrrr....

They said there was ZERO page description--didn't they read the banner? Grrrrr....

They said "Font Tags Found in HTML" and cautioned against this. Grrrr....

I need to add "alt" attributes to my images. Grrr....

The ONLY score I'm thrilled about is this one: the READABILITY level is 4th Grade! This is a good thing, ya know, because "the content should be made to be simple so that a majority of the target audience can understand it." I work very hard to make the Blond simple, easy, and readable. And they say I've succeeded!

Check out your score and let me know how you did! And if any one of you brilliant (yet still very naughty!) students want to step up and REVEAL your genius in a guest post, the offer is still on the table. My Uncle Vinnie won't knock on your door if you're not ALL THAT funny--I promise!

Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com", I betcha got a really high score!

And How does YOUR blog score?

Class, what I don't know could fill the bra of Pamela Anderson, and you know how big that is! However, I'm always learning, studying, and attempting to become a better blogger--just like you, right? There's not a day that goes by that I'm not either scratching my head in bafflement or tearing out my hair in frustration as I work at improving my blog(s)! When does the learning curve get any easier?

Yesterday I discovered a site titled Website Grader which is a really cool site because it grades your blog using SEO guidelines. I was shocked to see the score of Blog-Blond because as I have written from the very beginning of the blog--"I'm just a quark smarter than you." Then again, maybe not! Lately you've been showing how brilliant you are with your scores, and I suppose you're going to write in my comments how much better your score is than mine. I know you can't help yourselves because you want to show-off for your blondalicious teacher!

The Website Grader writes,"Ovewr 35,000 Websites Graded!", and thus out of all these websites, Blog-Blond didn't do so bad for she scored 64/100! What does this mean?

"A website grade of 64 for www.blog-blond.blogspot.com means that of the thousands of websites that have previously been submitted to the tool, our algorithm has calculated that this site scores higher than 64% of them in terms of its marketing effectiveness. This algorithm uses a proprietary blend of over a dozen different variables, including search engine data, website structure, approximate traffic, site performance, and others."

I scored ZERO on meta-data. Heck, I don't even know what meta-data is! They suggested adding them to the page. (note to myself--find out!) Grrrrr....

They said there was ZERO page description--didn't they read the banner? Grrrrr....

They said "Font Tags Found in HTML" and cautioned against this. Grrrr....

I need to add "alt" attributes to my images. Grrr....

The ONLY score I'm thrilled about is this one: the READABILITY level is 4th Grade! This is a good thing, ya know, because "the content should be made to be simple so that a majority of the target audience can understand it." I work very hard to make the Blond simple, easy, and readable. And they say I've succeeded!

Check out your score and let me know how you did! And if any one of you brilliant (yet still very naughty!) students want to step up and REVEAL your genius in a guest post, the offer is still on the table. My Uncle Vinnie won't knock on your door if you're not ALL THAT funny--I promise!

Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com", I betcha got a really high score!

Take Three Tests To Check Your Links

Class, I have YET another homework assignment for you! I want you to plug in your blog(s) address to the following three websites and see if they match up for you. The stats certainly don't match up for me at all!

Are the so-called crawling 'spiders' who fetch the information hooked on different drugs? Is something rigged with the stats? Which site is right, and which site is wrong? Why don't the stats match? If you have a SIMPLE explanation for your blondalicious teacher, I want to know through your comments.

Here are the three websites to check your blog stats:

Popuri

Blog Juice Calculator

Socialmeter

So how do these stats work out for you, Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com"?

That's all for today! Ta-ta! Class dismissed!

Take Three Tests To Check Your Links

Class, I have YET another homework assignment for you! I want you to plug in your blog(s) address to the following three websites and see if they match up for you. The stats certainly don't match up for me at all!

Are the so-called crawling 'spiders' who fetch the information hooked on different drugs? Is something rigged with the stats? Which site is right, and which site is wrong? Why don't the stats match? If you have a SIMPLE explanation for your blondalicious teacher, I want to know through your comments.

Here are the three websites to check your blog stats:

Popuri

Blog Juice Calculator

Socialmeter

So how do these stats work out for you, Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com"?

That's all for today! Ta-ta! Class dismissed!

Blog Tips: Does Your Blog Have The Snooze Factor?

You're shocked that I'm posting so early, aren't you class? I had such a powerful dream I slid my Blondalicious Body from my ivory silk sheets and ran to my desktop computer just so I could share the dream with you before it slipped away! In my dream I was told to post about The Snooze Factor, to define it, and then offer examples of posts by others which DO NOT HAVE the Snooze Factor. Perhaps you will re-think your posts and keep them from reeking of the dreaded Snooze Factor!

What is the Snooze Factor?

Have you ever read a blog with posts so boring you couldn't remember what you read if someone offered to pay you a gadzillion dollars? I'll let you in on a little secret--there are lots of blogs which impact me this way! Tedious, ho-hum, blah!, same-o, same-o blogs which offer me no new insights, have a zero 'edge', and are total cookie-cutter. In other words, they put me to sleep--thus, the term the Snooze Factor! These kind of posts and blogs are abundant in the blogosphere. Statistics reveal that more people become exceedingly drowsy reading blogs than they do the news or looking at images of attractive people or cute animals.

Why are these posts and blogs so abundant?

It's simple-- the author hasn't found his "blog voice", the authentic truth he/she wishes to communicate. Because of this, the post/blog could be interchanged with millions of others, and no one would know any difference for the content is nearly identical. These blogs are generic blogs originating from the infamous Blog Cloning Device, a technology so devious I don't even wish to say more.

How does one discover their Blog Voice?

Use your imagination for a moment and ask yourself these questions: What is the purpose for your blog? What is it you wish to convey? Have a good sit-down talk-it-out with your blog-- are you writing for your audience or for yourself? What is your blog niche? Is your blog in the right niche? Does your personality shine through in your posts? Do your posts offer something which other blogs don't? What sets your blog apart from the rest? Finding your blog voice is most often a process of experimentation. As you go through the trials and errors (tribulations) of experimentation, one fine day you will experience being In The Zone. Goose bumps or shivers may run up your spine, and you will have the absolute knowing. You will have discovered Your Blog Voice. It's the Big O of Blogging. You have arrived. You can now speak back to the Big Dog! Oh yeh!

Can one always remain In The Zone?

Tricky...but very possible! Certain blogs are always on the money, and others consistently hit their mark 90 % of the time. Practice, polishing your prose, and paying attention to the blog zeitgeist is necessary.

Here are TWO examples of posts by excellent bloggers which have ZERO Snooze Factor. These two men have discovered their Blog Voice, and their blogs offer great content and have personality plus which is the winning package.

Read this post by Brian Clark of Copyblogger.

Read this post by Blog Bloke of InstaBloke.

Does this post work for you, Mr. "Humor-blogs.com"? My darling fans: Remember to link and subscribe to me because I'm full of fun & surprises! Zero Snooze Factor going on here!

Blog Tips: Does Your Blog Have The Snooze Factor?

You're shocked that I'm posting so early, aren't you class? I had such a powerful dream I slid my Blondalicious Body from my ivory silk sheets and ran to my desktop computer just so I could share the dream with you before it slipped away! In my dream I was told to post about The Snooze Factor, to define it, and then offer examples of posts by others which DO NOT HAVE the Snooze Factor. Perhaps you will re-think your posts and keep them from reeking of the dreaded Snooze Factor!

What is the Snooze Factor?

Have you ever read a blog with posts so boring you couldn't remember what you read if someone offered to pay you a gadzillion dollars? I'll let you in on a little secret--there are lots of blogs which impact me this way! Tedious, ho-hum, blah!, same-o, same-o blogs which offer me no new insights, have a zero 'edge', and are total cookie-cutter. In other words, they put me to sleep--thus, the term the Snooze Factor! These kind of posts and blogs are abundant in the blogosphere. Statistics reveal that more people become exceedingly drowsy reading blogs than they do the news or looking at images of attractive people or cute animals.

Why are these posts and blogs so abundant?

It's simple-- the author hasn't found his "blog voice", the authentic truth he/she wishes to communicate. Because of this, the post/blog could be interchanged with millions of others, and no one would know any difference for the content is nearly identical. These blogs are generic blogs originating from the infamous Blog Cloning Device, a technology so devious I don't even wish to say more.

How does one discover their Blog Voice?

Use your imagination for a moment and ask yourself these questions: What is the purpose for your blog? What is it you wish to convey? Have a good sit-down talk-it-out with your blog-- are you writing for your audience or for yourself? What is your blog niche? Is your blog in the right niche? Does your personality shine through in your posts? Do your posts offer something which other blogs don't? What sets your blog apart from the rest? Finding your blog voice is most often a process of experimentation. As you go through the trials and errors (tribulations) of experimentation, one fine day you will experience being In The Zone. Goose bumps or shivers may run up your spine, and you will have the absolute knowing. You will have discovered Your Blog Voice. It's the Big O of Blogging. You have arrived. You can now speak back to the Big Dog! Oh yeh!

Can one always remain In The Zone?

Tricky...but very possible! Certain blogs are always on the money, and others consistently hit their mark 90 % of the time. Practice, polishing your prose, and paying attention to the blog zeitgeist is necessary.

Here are TWO examples of posts by excellent bloggers which have ZERO Snooze Factor. These two men have discovered their Blog Voice, and their blogs offer great content and have personality plus which is the winning package.

Read this post by Brian Clark of Copyblogger.

Read this post by Blog Bloke of InstaBloke.

Does this post work for you, Mr. "Humor-blogs.com"? My darling fans: Remember to link and subscribe to me because I'm full of fun & surprises! Zero Snooze Factor going on here!

Galactic Blogger Origins

Class, I'm often asked by my love slaves from whence I hail in the galaxy because of my oddball, goofy nature mixed with my insightful wisdom and packaged in a delectable body . So I thought I would share a bit of personal information here with you in reference to my galactic origins. But before getting into this juicy stuff, I am listing the types of bloggers and their galactic origins. You can easily identify them by the way they blog.

Serious Bloggers (tech bloggers, political bloggers, nerd/geek bloggers) mostly hail from Sirius. I'm serious! Some are from Saturn--the really depressing, dour bloggers.

Whiny Bloggers (despairing, sad bloggers, longing/aching bloggers and those with the pale pink blog sites where you can barely read the print and the color makes you want to puke!) come from the Far Side of the Moon. They are infant souls who were recently planted on Earth and are beginning to understand their long-prison sentence....err, life learning curve.

Bully Bloggers (macho bloggers, foul language bloggers, ranting bloggers, bragging bloggers, mean-spirited, critical bloggers) are the ones that were kicked off Mars long ago and exiled to Earth. They are slow learners! Sad to say. Their blogs easily identify their origins. The well-mannered Martians remain living underground on Mars and don't even want to know their blood-relatives! Long time no-see, and that's the way they prefer it.

Inspirational Bloggers (spiritual-subject bloggers, photobloggers, art bloggers, music bloggers, etc.) mostly come from Neptune with a smattering of them coming from the Blue Star.

Elite Bloggers (the good- ol boys -club bloggers, the misogynist bloggers, the egotistic all- about- me bloggers, some (but not all) of the Big Boy Bloggers) incarnate from Nibiru (if you want to be picky, some call it Hibiru), and specifically the Enlil branch.

Humor Bloggers (such as your Blondalicious Teacher, for one!) are a mixed-breed, and we come from all over the galaxy. Many of our parents were from different star systems who rebelled against their own parents wishes and intermarried, and thus we are strange hybrids who are very difficult bloggers to pin down to a specific group. We are the outsiders, and we prefer to remain this way --the better to thumb our noses and jest. However, under close inspection, you can see the overlay hovering in the aura of our blogs.

Crappy Bloggers (the blogs which are impossible to navigate, with jarring music, too much going on with their blogs, and they feel like seriously bad acid trips) are also infant souls who have yet to get their bearings and achieve organization and balance. Many of these bloggers congregate in MySpace. Most of them hail from Mercury with some Martians.

Beautiful Bloggers (the blogs which take your breath away with their design, images, words, insights, wisdom and generosity to link to others) naturally come from Venus.

Hungry Bloggers (those who post about food, recipes, restaurants, and such) come from the Earth. Yes, there are Earthlings who love their home planet and love to write about it's abundance and harvests.

Mommy Bloggers (those who blog about their families, children, pets and personal home life) are also a mixed bag. They come from all over, but are currently doing the 'mommy' gig and need the blogging outlet. This group is NOT to be messed with for they are a powerful force in the blogosphere. Oh yeh!

So if you've read this far and haven't skipped down to read the Juicy Part about my galactic origins, you're obviously a Pretty Da**** Smart Blogger! (Kiss-Kiss), and here is my brief lineage to make a very long story short and to eliminate all the dramatic twists and turns and 180's across time and space:

Lyran, Pleiadean, Arcturian, Venusian, Blue Star, and The Secret Super Nova which no one can talk about or else as it's totally off limits. So there you have it, Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com". Can you recognize yourself?

Galactic Blogger Origins

Class, I'm often asked by my love slaves from whence I hail in the galaxy because of my oddball, goofy nature mixed with my insightful wisdom and packaged in a delectable body . So I thought I would share a bit of personal information here with you in reference to my galactic origins. But before getting into this juicy stuff, I am listing the types of bloggers and their galactic origins. You can easily identify them by the way they blog.

Serious Bloggers (tech bloggers, political bloggers, nerd/geek bloggers) mostly hail from Sirius. I'm serious! Some are from Saturn--the really depressing, dour bloggers.

Whiny Bloggers (despairing, sad bloggers, longing/aching bloggers and those with the pale pink blog sites where you can barely read the print and the color makes you want to puke!) come from the Far Side of the Moon. They are infant souls who were recently planted on Earth and are beginning to understand their long-prison sentence....err, life learning curve.

Bully Bloggers (macho bloggers, foul language bloggers, ranting bloggers, bragging bloggers, mean-spirited, critical bloggers) are the ones that were kicked off Mars long ago and exiled to Earth. They are slow learners! Sad to say. Their blogs easily identify their origins. The well-mannered Martians remain living underground on Mars and don't even want to know their blood-relatives! Long time no-see, and that's the way they prefer it.

Inspirational Bloggers (spiritual-subject bloggers, photobloggers, art bloggers, music bloggers, etc.) mostly come from Neptune with a smattering of them coming from the Blue Star.

Elite Bloggers (the good- ol boys -club bloggers, the misogynist bloggers, the egotistic all- about- me bloggers, some (but not all) of the Big Boy Bloggers) incarnate from Nibiru (if you want to be picky, some call it Hibiru), and specifically the Enlil branch.

Humor Bloggers (such as your Blondalicious Teacher, for one!) are a mixed-breed, and we come from all over the galaxy. Many of our parents were from different star systems who rebelled against their own parents wishes and intermarried, and thus we are strange hybrids who are very difficult bloggers to pin down to a specific group. We are the outsiders, and we prefer to remain this way --the better to thumb our noses and jest. However, under close inspection, you can see the overlay hovering in the aura of our blogs.

Crappy Bloggers (the blogs which are impossible to navigate, with jarring music, too much going on with their blogs, and they feel like seriously bad acid trips) are also infant souls who have yet to get their bearings and achieve organization and balance. Many of these bloggers congregate in MySpace. Most of them hail from Mercury with some Martians.

Beautiful Bloggers (the blogs which take your breath away with their design, images, words, insights, wisdom and generosity to link to others) naturally come from Venus.

Hungry Bloggers (those who post about food, recipes, restaurants, and such) come from the Earth. Yes, there are Earthlings who love their home planet and love to write about it's abundance and harvests.

Mommy Bloggers (those who blog about their families, children, pets and personal home life) are also a mixed bag. They come from all over, but are currently doing the 'mommy' gig and need the blogging outlet. This group is NOT to be messed with for they are a powerful force in the blogosphere. Oh yeh!

So if you've read this far and haven't skipped down to read the Juicy Part about my galactic origins, you're obviously a Pretty Da**** Smart Blogger! (Kiss-Kiss), and here is my brief lineage to make a very long story short and to eliminate all the dramatic twists and turns and 180's across time and space:

Lyran, Pleiadean, Arcturian, Venusian, Blue Star, and The Secret Super Nova which no one can talk about or else as it's totally off limits. So there you have it, Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com". Can you recognize yourself?

How To Write A Bad Blog In Seconds

Here's how you do it Class! Remember the principle: KISS? Keep.It.Simple. Sweetie.

Here's the deal. I've just been informed of a contest on Problogger, and I'm possibly (maybe or probably already too late) to enter. But since I follow the advice of His Holiness The Dalai Lama who writes, "Never Give Up!", I'm gonna enter anyway, and KISS.

So here's How To Write A Bad Blog In The Last Second in Five Easy Steps:

1. Make spelling mis-stakes.
2. Insert artwork which doesn't apply to your post.
3. Imbibe alcohol and slur your wurrds.
4. Impune another A-List blogger.
5. Stroke your own ego in words.

Oh...and of course, I need to add this for Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com"! Or Else!

PS This contest ended in 2006! Guess I've been drinking too many glasses of Cristal! Or I'm having a deja vu, or time traveling, or....

How To Write A Bad Blog In Seconds

Here's how you do it Class! Remember the principle: KISS? Keep.It.Simple. Sweetie.

Here's the deal. I've just been informed of a contest on Problogger, and I'm possibly (maybe or probably already too late) to enter. But since I follow the advice of His Holiness The Dalai Lama who writes, "Never Give Up!", I'm gonna enter anyway, and KISS.

So here's How To Write A Bad Blog In The Last Second in Five Easy Steps:

1. Make spelling mis-stakes.
2. Insert artwork which doesn't apply to your post.
3. Imbibe alcohol and slur your wurrds.
4. Impune another A-List blogger.
5. Stroke your own ego in words.

Oh...and of course, I need to add this for Mr. "Humor-Blogs.com"! Or Else!

PS This contest ended in 2006! Guess I've been drinking too many glasses of Cristal! Or I'm having a deja vu, or time traveling, or....