Frustrated Republicans push for "Brokered Convention." Really? Sounds good to me!

Courtesy of the Daily Caller:

Several long-time Republicans dissatisfied with the crop of candidates running for president have developed an unorthodox plan to upend what they consider a flawed GOP nomination process.

The chaos envisioned by the anonymous drafters of the idea would be a brokered Republican National Convention that might even lead to the nomination of dream candidates like New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie or Florida Sen. Marco Rubio.

The Daily Caller obtained a copy of the plan—that relies on primary voters voting for none of the above at the ballot — on the condition that the names of the Republicans behind the effort not be named.

“The whole thing came from a couple people who have political experience,” said one person involved with the project, “who are highly anxious about the status quo, who would like to see a better process, one that is more likely to be inviting to any number of these supposed dream candidates.”

The project, the Republican said, grew out of conversations about the perceived weak field and the primary process that rewards good campaigners — and not necessarily able leaders.

Despite their insistence on anonymity, that person said the GOPers behind the idea are not acting on behalf of a particular candidate who would benefit from the idea.

“The primary process is the problem,” the report states. “It has become a process of division, not addition. It is more likely to produce a loser in November 2012 than it is to produce a conservative who can unite the country and win.”

For those who are unaware of what the term "brokered convention" means, here is the Wikipedia definition.

A brokered convention is a situation in United States politics in which there are not enough delegates 'won' during the presidential primary and caucus elections for a single candidate to have a pre-existing majority, during the first official vote for a political party's presidential-candidate at its nominating convention.

Once the first ballot, or vote, has occurred, and no candidate has a majority of the delegates' votes, the convention is then considered brokered; thereafter, the nomination is decided through a process of alternating political horse-trading, and additional re-votes. In this circumstance, all regular delegates (who, previously, were pledged to the candidate who had won their respective state's primary or caucus election) are "released," and are able to switch their allegiance to a different candidate before the next round of balloting. It is hoped that this 'freedom' will result in a re-vote resulting in a clear majority of delegates for one candidate.

So in other words the GOP candidate would NOT be chosen until the day of the convention, leaving fundraisers without any idea of where to spend their money, making it impossible to come up with a unifying theme, and leaving Republicans in a state of disarray until the very last minute?

 Okey dokey.


Can't you just imagine what the floor of that convention would look like?  I picture a cross between the arena scene in Gladiator and the rescue scene from Blackhawk Down. In other words not pretty, but the Pay-Per-View possibilities would be amazing!

Somehow I DOUBT that when the dust settled this process would ensure that the best Republican candidate would be the last one standing.

I think it is far more likely to see a Michele Bachmann, or a Sarah Palin, or even a Ron Paul emerging with the nomination.

So, like I said in my headline, I am all for it.

By the way, despite what the Republican might tell their constituents, this is yet another indication that their party may in fact be fractured beyond all repair.

Sunday Sermon [Anger as Ally]

¡Hola! Everybody…
I have to admit that I derive a measure (sadistic) pleasure from puncturing the over-inflated egos of the arrogant. LOL!

* * *

-=[ Anger ]=-

Anyone can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not within everyone's power and that is not easy.

-- Aristotle

I often warn people they shouldn’t fuck with my Changó. In the Yorùbá religion, Changó (also spelled Shango) is the god of thunder and lightning. I always associate the energy of this orisha (deity) with penetrating awareness. You don’t mess with him. He is a major symbol of the African Diaspora resistance against an enslaving European culture. Generally, he rules over male sexuality and human vitality. He is the owner of the Bata (3 double-headed drums), as well as the arts of music, dance and entertainment. In some ways, Changó can be said to be the product of logic and passion forged to achieve a strategic goal. This tension between cool reason and fiery passion forms the foundation of Changó's character and nature.

In the Puerto Rican vernacular, Changó is often associated with anger and impetuosity. To call someone un changó is to point out their unruliness, their brattiness, impetuosity, or something like that. LOL

Anger is probably the most misunderstood emotion. We spend an inordinate amount of psychic energy trying to avoid it: “venting it away,” suppressing it, indulging it, struggling with it, over-analyzing it, projecting the soap opera we attach to it unto others, blaming it for our problems. We rarely take the time to welcome it, and just be with it -- to actually feel our anger without the narrative. Anger, for many of us, is an unwelcome but powerful stranger in our lives. It’s there, just underneath the surface, lurking in the shadows, waiting to sabotage your ass, often bubbling to the surface at the most inopportune moments.

And please: I was there when you wished death on the driver that cut you off the other day. I was inside your head when you got angry at all those Mexicans coming here to destroy Western Civilization. In fact, I know you got pissed when I called you out on that bullshit about being for war though war mostly kills innocent children and women. You got pissed when I pointed out the weakness in your political analysis, or because I’m too mutherfuckin profane.

Yes you.

LOL!

Anger, or rather, mindless anger, is an occupational hazard for me. My work involves promoting social and economic justice and I am often thrust against really ugly shit. It’s a difficult realization not because it’s hard for me to own up to it, but because it lays bare how much work I have ahead of me.

My work, however, has also taught me how to make anger an ally, a tool. Anger, clearly felt, without the attendant recriminations and self-justification, leads to a clear, discriminating awareness. It can become the impetus for just action. When I first went about picking up the pieces of my life, I decided I wanted to get a formal education. Someone I love dearly told me not to waste my time, that I was too old, that I should drop immature fantasies and concentrate on gaining a skill and toiling somewhere for a living wage. I was so angry, so hurt that this person would tear apart my dream just like that. But I took that anger and I channeled it, used it to motivate me, not in the sense of “I’ll show him,” but as a way to focus my energies on what I had to do to make it from point A to point B. Drawing from anger, I was able to pinpoint my focus on what I needed to do, and that anger eventually morphed into my passion for knowledge.

Truth is a loving thought. Every thought based on love is a truth. Everything else is a desperate and sometimes dysfunctional cry for wholeness. And the question remains of how I should respond to anger. How can I be justified in responding in anger to an injustice? The answer here is clear: the only appropriate response is the willingness to give with an open heart.

This doesn’t mean, however, I passively allow an insecure bully to attack me, or to accept institutional injustices go unchallenged. On the contrary, living mindfully means I feel fully and act justifiably. It also means I don’t allow myself to be smeared by the mindless fears and ignorance of those that would champion injustices. It does mean that my motivation must be based on what’s loving and true. This is hard path to tread because the temptation for moral indignation is great. But this isn’t rocket science, we all know what’s fair and when people are being unfairly treated or scapegoated. Most of us who are willing to take a look know when the game is rigged and rigged in such a way that we benefit at the expense of others. The trick is not losing my heart when coming up against the mindless fear and ignorance of those that would deny it.

Love,

Eddie

Hate and Fear [Homophobia]

¡Hola! Everybody...
I haven’t any time to write these days... This is from a while back. I thought I’d repost this in light of the horrible murder and decapitation of a gay man in Puerto Rico.

* * *

-=[ Homophobia]=

If you feared no one you would hate no one.

Nothing has been more effective in uncovering the dark side of homophobia than the work of researchers. One researcher, who interviewed over 400 men incarcerated for gay-bashing noted that the gay bashers generally saw nothing wrong in what they did, and more often than not, stated that their religious leaders and traditions condoned their behavior. One particular adolescent stated that the pastor of his church had said, “Homosexuals represent the devil, Satan.”

Another study showed that homophobes were more prone to be aroused by gay porn than others. Somewhere, deep inside, those who bash gays are actually lashing out at something inside of themselves. As with other marginalized groups, gays become the object of hatred and scapegoating. On a societal level, we purposely encourage hate for those who are deemed different. Killing a gay person, in an unspeakable manner is often considered less heinous than killing an individual who is heterosexual. The same can be said for other marginalized groups, such as black and brown people, or women, for example. A rape victim "asked for it" by dressing provocatively, or a massacred black man was deemed as reaching for a weapon.

Societies in which gender roles are strictly defined and where a high patriarchal god is worshiped are violent societies. We see that example in the US, one of the most “religious” of advanced democracies. We scream in outrage if a breast is exposed on prime time TV, but say nothing to the fact that our children are exposed to thousands of violent images and messages daily. We teach our young boys to hate gays. How many times have you heard one young boy call another a fag or a queer in jest or anger? Boys are taught that emotions are weak, that demonstrating kindness or love is weak or effeminate. Not manly. I once witnessed a man slash another man, horribly disfiguring his face for life, because one called the other a “faggot” in jest.

I used to run a leadership development workshop and when asked to define leadership values, almost no one ever mentioned nurturing as a valuable leadership asset. Nurturing, relating, bonding, empathizing -- these are all womanly qualities, not qualities that strong leaders possess (of, course, this isn’t true at all). I’ve heard grown men tell their daughters that they would prefer a whore as a daughter than a lesbian.

Much of this physical and psychological violence and hatred is rooted in religious fundamentalism and the social construction of rigid gender roles. The man who allegedly confessed to the hate crime in Puerto Rico said he became enraged when he realized the individual he thought was a woman, was a man dressed in women’s clothing. He had picked him up at an area known for its prostitution and he freaked when he realized the object of his lust was a homosexual. As I heard this, I realized that this man was attacking something he couldn't face inside himself. The tragedy being that the gay man dressed in women’s clothing died simply because everything his killer feared was projected onto him. How else do you explain the decapitation if not as some warped, deep-seated, repressed sense of self-loathing?

Hatred is an extreme form of anger but also a form of deep connection. The teachings of the path I follow take anger very seriously, because anger causes so much suffering. I see hate as being rooted primarily in fear. Fear being a powerful core emotion.

When anger is acted out and results in violence, the damage is obvious. Some years ago, I came across the words of Cambodian monk, Maha Ghosananda, who observed “When this defilement of anger really gets strong, it has no sense of good or evil, right or wrong, of husbands, wives, children. It can even drink human blood.” This was a tragic comment upon a bloody civil war that had torn Cambodia apart and literally killed almost everyone he knew.

An angry mind is a suffering mind. An angry mind is agitated and unyielding, constricted and narrow in its thinking. Judgment and perspective vanish. All sense disappears. One feels restless and driven. Nothing is satisfying, everything is tense. What happens during anger is that as the sense of self increases, as does the sense of the other. A major reason anger is so very painful is that it instantly creates a sharp distinction between self and other. An imaginary line is drawn that cannot be passed. For example, if I make the statement, “A faggot is the devil,” I am drawing a line as well as dehumanizing the object of my fear/ wrath.

There is also an intoxicating effect to anger. There is a strong feeling of self-righteousness. Thoughts rooted in justification take over: “He was dressed as a woman. He was not a real man. He was a freak!” This, combined with feelings of defiance and rectitude (“I am right!”), creates the killing ground for mindless hate and fear. Underlying the delusional intoxication of anger is the pain of a mind so narrowly constricted that it closes itself off from human all connection.

Anger is like a poison in the mind. It generates an unhealthy cycle of cause and effect. Every thought, word, or act has an angry after-effect. Like throwing a pebble into a pond, an act or thought sets into motion a series of ripple effects irradiating out in every direction. We are stuck with what we have done, and with the effects that we have caused.

I believe that the majority of harmful patterns of behavior are rooted in unconscious anger/ hatred/ fear. On a more subtle level, angry people gossip about others, spread false accusations about others as a way of justifying their angry/ fearful state of mind. Existing in an environment of fear, hate, and anger, they lash out at others and create the necessary condition that maintain their bloated egos. I guess the answer is not to respond in anger, but to generate love instead. However, one can also choose to love from afar. We can choose to minimize our contact with harmful and negative influences.

Unfortunately, sometimes there isn’t a choice: you can become an object of hate and violence simply for being you... for being black, a woman, or gay. The judicial response to this crime in Puerto Rico was beyond pathetic. I hear the Feds will intervene and I hope they do.

Eddie

The TGIF Sex Blog [Angry Sex]

¡Hola! Everybody...
News is a business and it often resembles the business of pornography when it comes to national tragedies. Yesterday’s shooting is a prime example of the obscenity of news beholden to the almighty dollar. By now, they have trotted out every so-called “expert” from a wide range of fields and the real bottom line is that it is too early in this tragic story to say with certainty. How many times did we have to see those Towers fall? How many hours must we be subjected to yesterday’s senseless murders? Why? The answer is simple: It’s the mad rush to sell commercials, not report on the news. If it bleeds, it leads...

* * *

-=[ Loving Anger ]=-

... we took each other
rudely,
like animals of
the jungle.
-- Edward-Yemíl Rosario, Irakere

I recently saw where film stars Natalie Portman & Mila Kunis are set to do an “Ecstasy-Induced, Hungry, Aggressive, Angry Sex” scene in an upcoming art film, “Black Swan.” Of course, that got me to thinking (always a dangerous thing... )

Most people still believe in the age-old fairy tale that to love means to be sweet and peaceful. But anyone who has had angry sex knows differently. And I don’t mean “make-up” sex; I mean exactly what I wrote: angry sex.

Have you ever channeled your anger into an act of love? Have you ever taken your lover by the hair and thrust into her with everything you have -- out of anger? Have you ever scratched and bit your lover while shouting all forms of profanity at him, expressing your anger and using your hands, legs, teeth and hips as you met his angry thrusts with your own? Have you ever walked away for a fucking session, scratched and bleeding, your body tingling all over?

If you haven’t, or if you aren’t, perhaps you need to look at that...

I’m just sayin’.

Imagine that you witness or become aware of a terrible injustice. Better yet, imagine your child is about to unknowingly drink bleach or drain cleaner. What would your reaction be? Most likely, without thinking, you might shout, “No, no, no!” and you would grab the poison away from your child. You might even shout, “No! Don’t play with this, it’s dangerous!” You might even shake her a little. Then you would hold your child tightly to you because you love her so much.

If your anger truly comes from love, your body will soften, your child will stop crying, because they feel you care. They feel your love, but they also feel the anger of your demand: Danger! Your anger works to cut through the casualness of the moment. This is a serious moment and a quiet and gentle voice will not convey your love with the urgency that’s called for.

Being love is to grow in your capacity to stay open under many different circumstances. As you develop this capacity, your emotions become stronger not weaker. If your lover is wasting away his or her life, watching too much “reality” TV, for example, or becoming distracted, your heart might shout in love, Don’t waste your talent, I want to feel all your gifts!” The urgency of your demand for her fullest potential is unmistakable. However, this post isn’t really about communication in relationships, I’m attempting to use examples of how anger, when rooted in love, can be a positive force for change and genuine intimacy.

When you’re open to love -- when love flows through you with little or no distortion -- you’re expressing uninhibited love. Some of us are not ready for this type of love. This is especially true if your lover has been abused or similarly traumatized in the past. They may first need a firm grounding in boundaries in order to grow into the capacity to accept boundless love. Boundaries provide a certain amount of safety, which some people need in order to practice staying open and avoiding paralyzing fear.

Everybody closes up shop every occasionally. Everybody has his or her moments of laziness and mediocrity. Therefore, it follows that patience and kindness is the framework of a healthy intimate relationship. Still, there times that require the full thrust of passion’s intervention. As in the example of the child about to drink a poison, your love won’t allow your intimate relationship to wither away and die. If your lover is being less than open, then your loving heart may need to roar.

The fairy tales we are told as young children stunt us emotionally. Yes, love can be gentle and nurturing, but love can also be angry, if you are open. Angry love evaporates almost as soon as its message is expressed. If your anger comes from love, it serves to deepen love’s expression, and then dissolves almost instantly. In loving, spontaneous anger there is no lingering trace of guilt, resentment, or stress.

What I have found is that many of us have suppressed our anger to the point that when unleashed, it becomes damaging. Please know that I’m not talking about venting. Venting isn’t about love, it’s actually what I like to refer as practicing to hate. Venting might give you the illusion of release, but it’s very damaging. It also serves to condition your emotional responses. In other words, venting reinforces unskillful responses to situations. The only way you can turn anger into an ally is when it is rooted in love and compassion. Suppressed anger and anger mindlessly expressed through venting are the two sides of the same coin of toxic anger. They are often harmful and hurtful. But anger borne of love and care and alive with love can act as a passionate thunderbolt of heart awakening, shocking lovers into opening to the core essence of their hearts.

Practice

You can practice opening as anger with your lover. At first, without touching, sit or stand in front of each other gazing into each other’s eyes (I like doing this naked, but that’s just me). Allow your breath to feel your lover’s breath. You don’t have to breathe in the same way, just feel your lover’s rhythm and quality of breath. Don’t let your eyes wander, but continue gazing deeply into your lover’s eyes. Feel into your lover’s heart, work through any tension or contraction. Do this until you can actually feel a palpable connection -- heart to heart -- of openness and love.

Then take turns practicing anger as love. Begin yelling at your lover. Even if it’s only pretend anger, yell loud and with forceful feeling. While you are shouting, continuing gazing into your lover’s yes, feeling your lover’s heart, and maintaining that deep connection of feeling/trust. In other words, stay open and feel each other feeling the other, in the moment, even while the rage of anger’s storm flows.

If your lover shuts down, or closes her eyes, or turns away, stop for a moment until you both can come back to that deep connection, and then begin yelling again. Take turns doing this...

Eventually, you will be able to do this under all circumstances. Or, even better, eventually you might even be able to have a good, old-fashioned, angry fuck.

Love,

Eddie

Sunday Sermon [F.E.A.R.]

¡Hola! Everybody...
It’s Sunday and off in the distance a little, I can hear the church bells... I am not a Ken Burns fan but I am looking forward to viewing his series on the history our national parks (The National Parks: America’s Best Idea). For the first time in history of humankind, land was set aside for the pleasure of the common folk, and not just the aristocracy. Manifested in our parks is the vision of a society guided by the values we like to say we hold dear. For those of us who despise our government (We the People... ), perhaps it would worthwhile to watch this...

* * *

-=[ Feeding the Demon ]=-

Fear: Fuck Everything And Run

The following is based on a true event, but it reminds of a story I read about a long time ago...

I took the train last night and, as is often the case on weekends, the NYC transit system is a complicated mess. Most of the construction and structural upgrades occur during the weekends, so trains are re-routed, stations by-passed and it’s almost impossible to keep track. As a result, there are usually mobs of clueless tourists moving about aimlessly in our transit system. Part of being a New Yorker is often adopting the duty of a de facto tour guide.

And so it was last night, when a rather attractive woman approached me for assistance. I assured her the oncoming train would take her to her destination (she and I were getting off on the same stop) and, as she struck up small talk, we got on.

As we entered, I felt immediately sensed something weird in the car. Everyone seemed tense and, sure enough, there was a person talking very loud, using profanity, and it had everyone ill-at-ease. As a New Yorker you learn to ignore such outbursts. Paying too much mind often serves to encourage unwanted behavior, so being able to ignore unusual behavior becomes second nature to most New Yorkers. Unfortunately, Tourist Lady wasn’t a New Yorker and she committed infraction no.1: she made eye contact with the individual, who seemed especially belligerent. I took her by the elbow, guiding her to a transit map with the outward intention of showing her where she should get off, Inwardly, I was also trying to deflect the unwanted attention she was eliciting. I hoped that this would help sever the connection between Belligerent Subway Dude and Pretty Tourist Lady would be broken.

No dice...

She was pretty and Belligerent Dude, who was apparently drunk, asks Pretty Tourist Lady if she needs some assistance with directions. Pretty Tourist Lady (who’s not drunk, merely naïve), answers, in what could have been construed as a snobby dismissal, that no, she didn’t need help (and I believe she showed a little eye-roll to boot).

This, of course, sets Belligerent off who starts in on her, making comments about her that weren’t too nice. Naïve Tourist Lady, sidles over closer to me and realizes that she probably shouldn’t have paid any mind to Belligerent Dude because he’ drunk. Belligerent Dude thinks she is a snobby bitch.

Belligerent responds by talking about Pretty Tourist Lady's tits, her legs, I mean, he’s just going off on her, and I know she’s embarrassed. Out of the blue, from the other end of the car, a man yells out, “Shut the fuck up, already!” and Belligerent, as if on cue, goes off on that individual. In fact, he threatens the individual, who I shall call Capt. Save-a-Ho, with a severe “beat down.” Once Capt. Save-a-Ho realizes that he will have to exert more than bravado in order to handle Belligerent, he calms down a little, but Belligerent, who’s also a big dude, gets right in Capt. Save-a-Ho’s face and challenges him. Actually calls him a “fuckin pussy,” adding that he will “kick his motherfuckin ass” for good measure.

Capt. Save-a-Ho suddenly remembers the next stop is his and gets off. Of course, I’m sitting there hoping Belligerent finds something else to do, but fuckin Tourist Lady is still staring at him. So, Belligerent sits right across from us and continues his running commentary on Tourist Lady’s physical attributes. And I’m sitting there thinking that reading my book is all I want to do. And now, he’s starting to get on my nerves.

Finally, I tell Belligerent, “Listen man, why you gotta disrespect me like that? Can’t you see she’s with me? I mean, how would you like it if someone talked about your woman like that right in front of you? That shit ain’t right... ” I added a few choice words of my own and stared right into his eyes, hoping that my once vaunted “psycho” I-don't-give-a-fuck look hadn’t softened from lack of use, but it wasn’t working. Tourist Lady also chose this point in time to move away from me a little, apparently undecided whether to bail out or not.

Belligerent responded by informing that he was, in fact, on his way to meet his woman, and if anybody spoke to his woman in the manner that he was speaking to Tourist Lady (now my woman), he would kick that motherfucker’s ass. It was an obvious challenge, but one I was going to ignore.

I looked at him as if I was tired and before I could say anything more, an older man sat next to Belligerent and, in a soothing voice, began talking to him. At first Belligerent was hostile to the old man, but because the old man was non-threatening and seemed genuinely interested in him -- asking him about his girlfriend and how she was -- Belligerent took his focus from me and started talking to the old man.

In a loud voice, Belligerent began talking about his “woman” enumerating all her great qualities, and how he couldn’t wait to see her. The old man continued in this vein, asking more questions, generally communicating the feeling that he was interested in Belligerent’s story -- in him as an individual. Eventually, as Belligerent continued to vent and he disclosed more and more, he revealed that he hadn’t seen his woman in a long time, and that he wasn’t sure that she would see him, and with the old man’s prompting, Belligerent's cracked a little as he continued to talk.

He had just come out of jail, he told the old man, and he didn’t really have anyone. All he had, he said, was that he was headed to the last known address of the woman he loved, but he was afraid that she wouldn’t be there, or if she was, if she would even accept him.

As the train arrived at my stop and I got off (with Tourist Lady), the last thing I saw was the old man comforting Belligerent, who had completely broken down sobbing like a child...

Love,

Eddie

Bitches and Hate

¡Hola! Everybody...
Remember when the color black (if not the race) was the it color? I know people who still wear black in spring and summer! Ewwwww...

So: how come no one sent me the memo telling me being a bitch is not out of style?!! I mean, c’mon, it might have been cool for a hot minute to channel devastatingly cruel childhood development issues as a personality disorder, but since when did being a biotch or a nasty old fart become the new black?

I’m just askin’! LOL

* * *

-=[ Hatred ]=-

Hatred has never conquered hatred. Hatred merely leads to revenge, and revenge leads to more hate. Hence, a cycle of suffering is set in motion that can go on and on. We only need to look at the world around us to see the sad evidence of this truth.

Hatred is an extreme form of anger. The teachings of the path I follow take anger very seriously, because anger causes so much suffering. I see hate as being rooted in fear. Fear being a powerful core emotion.

Even when anger is not acted out and seems controlled, a person who is inwardly angry can instantly change the atmosphere of a room she enters. There is an invisible, but palpable chill and anyone nearby becomes more guarded and less spontaneous. This happens without conscious effort. It seems to be a response at a very deep (cellular?) level to the quality of energy that anger gives out. You see this happen often in relationships…

When anger is acted out and results in violence, the damage is obvious. Some years ago, I read the words by the Cambodian monk, Maha Ghosananda, who observed “When this defilement of anger really gets strong, it has no sense of good or evil, right or wrong, of husbands, wives, children. It can even drink human blood.” This was a tragic comment upon a bloody civil war that had torn Cambodia apart and killed almost everyone he knew.

What is often not understood about anger is the harm it does to oneself. The first person hurt is always the one who is angry. An angry mind is a suffering mind. An angry mind is agitated and tight, constricted and narrow in its thinking. Judgment and perspective vanish. All good sense disappears. One feels restless and driven. Nothing is satisfying, everything is tense.

What happens during anger is that the sense of self becomes very large, and so the sense of the other. A major reason anger is so very painful is that it instantly creates a sharp distinction between self and other. An imaginary line is drawn that cannot be passed. For example, if I make the statement, “any friend of those assholes, is not a friend of mine,” I am drawing a line.

There is also an intoxicating effect to anger. There is a strong feeling of self-righteousness. Thoughts rooted in justification take over: “She abused me!” “Look at what he did to me!” This is combined with feelings of defiance and rectitude: “I am right!” However, underlying the intoxication of anger is the pain of a mind so narrowly constricted that it closes itself off from human connection.

The results of anger can be devastating. Anger is like a poison in the mind. It generates an unhealthy cycle of cause and effect. Every thought, word, or act has an angry after-effect. Like throwing a pebble into a pond, an act or thought sets into motion a series of ripple effects irradiating out in every direction. We are stuck with what we have done, and with the effects that w have caused.

I believe that the majority of harmful patterns of behavior are rooted in unconscious anger/ hatred. People will gossip about others, spread false accusations about others as a way of maintaining this angry state of mind. Existing in an environment of fear (lack of faith), hate, and anger, they lash out at others and create cliques in order to maintain their bloated egos. I guess the answer is not to respond in anger, but to generate love instead. However, one can choose to love from afar. We can choose to minimize our contact with harmful and negative influences.

And so it is with our decisions about whom we choose to surround us. I think what makes decisions skillful or not has a lot to do with intent. If one has an angry or hateful intent, then, like the ripples in the pond, you suffer the consequences. However, if the intent is based on compassion and an attempt to find serenity in life, then we can live knowing that we’re walking our path to the best of our ability.

Love,

Eddie

Shame and Violence

¡Hola! Everybody... Imagine having me as a student in your classroom. LOL! I went to university at a later age and I got my money’s worth. I challenged, and was often challenged in return, all my professors. If you didn’t have your shit together, I was mos’ def going to ream you a new asshole. Most

professors enjoyed my participation. Most professors were dedicated individuals deeply invested in intellectual development. Most...

::arches eyebrow::

In fact, I remember one professor catching me in conversation with one of her colleagues and she stopped and asked him, pointing to me, “Is this guy in your class?” When the professor affirmed that I was, she added, in these exact words, “Well, you better have your shit together because Eddie doesn’t play around!”

LMAO!

I loved that woman and she helped me tremendously.

I’ll be in prison all day, running my women’s prison workshop and running my men’s group at night. Make it a great day, it may be your last...

* * *

-=[ Shame, Guilt and Violence ]=-

“’How do you know so much about everything?’ was asked of a very wise and intelligent man; and the answer was ‘By never being afraid or ashamed to ask questions as to anything of which I was ignorant.’”

-- John Abbott (1821–1893) Prime minister of Canada

Some of you know that I work in the area of criminal justice. More specifically, for the last eight years, I’ve participated in the creation of a community-based model for supporting the men and women returning from incarceration. One of areas of interest is whether pure punishment, without regard to rehabilitation -- or in many cases, habilitation -- is an effective means of social justice. Of course, it isn’t. In fact, there’s an empirically strong case for shame as a major factor in violence and violent crime. I tend to agree with this, generally speaking. I actually see it all the time. Psychiatrist James Gilligan, who has worked in prisons for 35 years, describes an interesting experience. He was called in to resolve a running battle with a prisoner in which he would assault corrections officers and they would punish him. The more they punished him the more violent he became, and the more violent he became the more they punished him. Nothing they did (at least legally) could stop this man from assaulting the officers.

When Gilligan went to see this man he asked him what he thought was an obvious question, “What do you want so badly that you are willing to give up everything else in order to get it?” His answer astonished the doctor. Usually inarticulate to the point that it was difficult to get a clear answer to any question, he stood up, and with perfect clarity he stated: “Pride. Dignity. Self-esteem.” And then he added, “And I’ll kill every motherfucker in that cell block if I have to in order to get it.” He went on to describe how the officers were attempting to strip away his last shred of dignity and self-esteem by disrespecting him, and said, “I still have my pride and I won’t let them take that away from me. If you ain’t got pride, you got nothin'.” He made it clear that he would die before he would humble himself to the officers by submitting to their demands.

According to Gilligan, this wasn’t true of just this man. In fact, several hundred violent criminals in this country provoke their own deaths at the hands of the police in exactly that way every year. Indeed, this phenomenon is so common that police forces (and this is not counting the clear cases of police misconduct) around the country have given it a nickname: “suicide by cop.” In World War II, Japan’s kamikaze pilots behaved in a way that had much the same result, as do contemporary suicide bombers in the Middle East and elsewhere. In the prisons and on the streets of the United States, such behavior appears to be committed by people who are so tormented by feelings of being shamed and disrespected by their perceived enemies that they are willing to sacrifice their bodies and their lives to replace those intolerable feelings with the opposite feelings of pride and self-respect, and of being honored and admired by their friends and families and at least respected by their enemies. Such people experience the fear that they provoke in their victims as a kind of artificial form of respect, the only type they are capable of achieving.

Articulating a powerful insight, Gilligan adds, “In the prisons and on the streets of the United States, such behavior appears to be committed by people who are so tormented by feelings of being shamed and disrespected by their enemies that they are willing to sacrifice their bodies and their physical existence to replace those intolerable feelings with the opposite feelings of pride and self-respect, and of being honored and admired by their allies and at least respected by their enemies. Such people experience the fear that they provoke in their victims as a kind of ersatz form of respect, the only type they are capable of achieving.”

Here’s the travesty: we recreate environments, at an enormous social and economic expense, that exacerbate these feelings of impotent rage. Our prisons are filled with people whop have become part of a human experiment in how to further destroy destroyed lives. In other words, we take individuals who probably weren’t functioning well to begin with (addiction, abuse, illiteracy, etc.) and make them worse. The icing on the cake is that we do this at an enormous economic expense and that money gets taken out of, yes, you guessed it, luxuries such as education.

There has to be a better way. In fact, there are better ways. Gilligan has run an extremely successful prison restorative justice program utilizing his insights, for example. It is also known that education and supportive services (vocational training, employment assistance, family reunification, etc.) cost a fraction of what prisons cost and are extremely more effective. I believe social justice needs to be brought back to the community, but that’s a fuckin’ crazy idea, huh?

Not too long ago, while reviewing some literature, a colleague sent me the following snippet:

In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he is placed at the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and everyone in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused. Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused, one at a time, recalling the good things the person has done in his life. Every experience that can be recalled with detail and accuracy is recounted. All his positive attributes, good deeds, strengths, and kindnesses are recited carefully. This ceremony often lasts for several days. At the end, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe.”

* * *

Love,

Eddie

Certainty

¡Hola! Everybody...
I am with scholar Michael Eric Dyson when he says that Martin Luther King’s “I have a Dream” speech should be put on moratorium. The speech has been used (and abused) so much, it has lost its power. King has been co-opted by neocons in ways that would tempt even the normally nonviolent King.

So, I will offer no King cut-and-pastes today. Today I offer only my commitment to live the values he espoused -- to walk the walk.

* * *

-=[ Self-Righteous Indignation ]=-

“An eye for an eye will make the whole world go blind.”

-- “Mahatma” Mohandas Gandhi (1869–1948)

Gandhi practiced ahimsa, a belief in nonviolence as a way of life. He was assassinated, but not before he was able to liberate 600 million from British dominion -- without firing one shot. A teacher once told me a story that at the moment when he came face to face with his murderer, Gandhi’s first instinct was to bow to him in the spirit of forgiveness. Even when faced with his enemy -- his killer -- his last gesture was an act of forgiveness.

Amazing...

As my thoughts turned to King this morning, I thought of Gandhi’s power of example. Gandhi was a huge influence on King’s own philosophy. Both men were able to reconcile conflicting energies into sustained movements that changed the world. Both men met their demise at the hands of murderous violence.

How seemingly opposite ideologies sometimes share the same ethical/ spiritual concerns are captured brilliantly in Graham Greene’s masterpiece, The Power and the Glory. Greene captures it in what is essentially a parable. The novel revolves around a revolutionary Marxist soldier who believes that he must kill a Catholic priest., even though the priest is a harmless drunk -- a “whiskey priest” -- because the priest represents a corrupt institution that has been complicit in his, and his people’s, exploitation.

The priest is a fugitive from this revolutionary, making his way among the peasants he once served, sleeping in their barns and fields. The revolutionary is so thoroughly convinced of the necessity of the murder of the priest, in this exercise of revolutionary self-righteousness, that he is even willing to kill his “own people,” the peasants, as hostages in order to get at the priest.

But in the end, the drunken priest, representative of a corrupt Church, and the idealistic revolutionary, who murders in the name of self-righteousness, share the same spiritual; values. The priest says to the revolutionary just before the lieutenant empties his gun into his head, “You’re a good man.” This is not merely a pitiful gesture of moral generosity. It is a simple statement of recognition: I see what is in your heart, and it is good. Tragically, in the fallen world in which they must act, neither can do anything but work against his own deepest and most passionate beliefs. The irony being that they conspire together in their different ways to defeat a shared spiritual and ethical vision. Both the Church and the revolution are corrupt, destructive, and murderous, but the desire for loving and just human relations is nonetheless embedded deeply beneath their failed institutions.

We are at our most dangerous when we are fully convinced that our positions are absolutely morally superior. Our biggest challenge is that we are most uncomfortable with the hard questions and in our rush to be certain, we kill one another.

Love,

Eddie

Resentment

¡Hola! Everybody... I am tired today... the following is a repost.

* * *

-=[ Resentment ]=-

“Sadly, some folks want others to feel their pain, to hurt as much as they do -- or more. My grandmother once told me to avoid colds and angry people whenever I could. It's sound advice.” -- Walter Anderson

“Resentment is a lot like pissing on yourself: no one feels it but you and you end up stinking up the place.”

-- Eddie

Our problems with anger and our relationship issues go hand in hand. In my work, I have found anger to be a highly misunderstood emotion. Because of this misunderstanding some of us cope with anger by holding it in, eventually leading to resentment. Others turn to venting their anger and becoming abusive. Many others are so frightened of anger that they end up closing off the dialogue in their relationships when angry feelings come out.

Anger can be a form of violence and it often has its roots in shame. No matter how I present this idea, no matter how much I use people’s own experiences to help them understand this important dynamic, they don’t get it. On a physical level, responses to anger release stress hormones that were initially developed to help us survive. Sometimes it leads to the fight or flight syndrome -- a state of high alert. After a lifetime of constantly being in flight or fight mode, is it any wonder that we literally destroy our hearts? Stress kills -- really.

Anybody here remember the scene in the Jerry Maguire film where Tom Cruise’s character bursts into his love interest’s living room determined to confess his love (with the vomit-inducing line “You complete me...”) only to be confronted by a divorced women’s group? In the film, that group is little more than an excuse for bitching sessions. Bitching -- or better put -- resentment -- is merely a form of frozen anger.

Many people believe that if you don’t vent your anger that something bad will happen to you, but closer inspection of venting reveals that it’s just as bad as holding it in. Venting is practicing to be angry, does nothing for your peace of mind, and reinforces unhealthy responses to anger. Yet people believe you will explode or disintegrate or some such nonsense if you don’t vent.

Resentment is anger that has been stuck in your spiritual GI tract, causing spiritual constipation. I think both men and women do this: we get stuck with our anger and lash out at the “losers” who have made us unhappy. Bitching/ venting/ resentment is the language of “woundology” at its best.

S/he hurt me! Waaaaahhh! Look at my wounds!

When you hold on to resentment for another person, you are binding yourself to that person by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. That’s why I feel many forms of psychodynamic approaches to therapy fail: they get stuck in revisiting the past, creating stronger linkages to trauma as a result. ‘Sides, insight doesn't matter -- you will find countless ways to justify and rationalize your resentment until it eats your core.

Still others have wasted energy by focusing anger on people who weren’t really important to them. The question that stands out in my mind is do we truly want them to become so important. An individual spent a lot of time saying bad things about me -- to the point of character assassination. Someone asked me one day what I thought of the person and my answer was that I didn’t. On the other hand, perhaps our important relationships became frozen because we weren’t open and respectful with our anger.

The fact of the matter is that it isn’t possible to be close to someone without being angry at times. We invite and allow our loved ones to be part of our lives by feeling our anger when it is there and expressing it openly, directly, and respectfully to them -- or by hearing them when they are angry. The only way to transform anger -- which is only an energy transfer -- is to feel it. Venting or suppressing our anger are ways to deny the experience of anger. It’s an avoidance strategy. Actually experiencing our anger helps us create the necessary space in which to create a dialogue that will help us to let it go.

Love,

Eddie

Sunday Sermon (Anger)

¡Hola! Everybody,
I haven’t commented on the Sean Bell miscarriage of justice. I’m actually at a loss for words right now regarding this incident. Tomorrow at work, we will be strategizing in order to organize the city’s youth.

Today: a poem and a rant.

* * *

I want to stay by you and surround you with gifts.

Books of Neruda’s poetry.
Balloons from the park.
Sunny days and skinny-dipping.

I want to stay by you
so I can give you --
my vigilance when you’re home.

Tokens that tell you
you are missed.

Silent solitary parades
to celebrate your returns.

And all you will ever owe me
is a soft look
that says
you will miss me
when my gifts and I
have gone away.

-- Eddie, Nows [no. 11]
(All rights reserved ©)

* * *

-=[ Anger ]=-

“Every loving thought is true.
Everything else is an appeal for healing and help,
regardless of the form it takes.”
-- A Course in Miracles

This is a difficult post for me because lately I’ve been struggling with the issue. I find myself lashing at a loved one and if I lay down the defenses, I realize it’s just plain wrong. When I take the focus off the perceived wrong and put it on me, I see that my reactions are off.

It’s a difficult realization not because it’s hard for me to own up to it, but because it lays bare how much work I have ahead of me.

Deep down inside anger is based on fear.

Truth is a loving thought. Every thought based on love is a truth. Everything else is a desperate and sometimes dysfunctional cry for wholeness. And the question remains of how I should respond to anger. How can I be justified in responding in anger to my loved one’s anger? The answer here is clear: the only appropriate response is the willingness to give with an open heart.

What if I were to propose that all anger is nothing more than attempt to make someone feel guilty. As long as I value guilt I will create a world in which attack is justified. As long as I can keep in mind that guilt is meaningless, I will understand that no attack can be justified.

When I attack, I lose sight of the fact that I am blessed. I attack because I feel deprived and am reacting from fear-based thinking. If instead I choose to love, I create abundance. If I choose to harden myself and contract, I embody the illusion that there is scarcity.

In attacking, whether I’m wrong or right, I hurt myself and I lose the chance to know my lover because essentially I fear what I attack.

I do know anger is never justified. Attack has foundation only in fear and escape from fear begins with this realization.

This is where I will be made whole.

If I don’t defend the anger then I enter a real world of possibilities and love instead inhabiting a dream world of terror.

Love,

Eddie

Anger Myths: Venting

Hola Everybody,

Whew!

* * *

-=[ Practicing Hate ]=-

I wrote last week, listing five myths about anger. The first one, the belief that venting anger (“letting off steam”), is one of the most destructive. The idea that venting is necessary and helpful has become a cultural assumption. I believe it stems from a misconception from theories expressed by Freud and his followers.

The way the myth goes is that frustration can build up over time and that it must be released one way or another. Bottled up, unexpressed anger supposedly festers in your mind and body, creating both physical and emotional disease and poisoning relationships at work, play, and romance (Bry, 1976). The basic cure, then, is to express your anger, “letting it all out,” in order to cleanse and purify your mind and body (Janov, 1970). This so-called cleansing is sometimes called catharsis, which literally means “purging.” The assumption being that clearing the air results in healthier and happier communication and increases self-esteem.

If that were the case, then my family should be the healthiest family in the known universe. LOL!

After many years of research, the venting idea has been finally put to rest. Dead.

Blowing off steam is not beneficial. One of the most renowned researchers on anger, Carol Tavris, discovered that people most likely to vent their rage simply get more rather than less angry when they do so (Tavris, 1989). In addition, those on the receiving end of their outbursts get angry too. Perhaps you have noticed this in your own interactions. An angry outburst is followed by more anger and shouting, maybe even crying or violence, reaching a climax. Eventually this is followed by exhaustion and withdrawal and/ or an apology. I used to experience the aftermath of an anger event like an alcohol hangover: physical and emotional wreckage and remorse. Have you noticed how this cycle can be replayed repeatedly with no catharsis or decrease in the level of your anger?

Let anger out and it is met with more anger -- the simple law of cause and effect. It is also the exact definition of karma. Negative energy breeds more negative energy. Behavior such as yelling or even talking out an emotion doesn’t reduce anger, it is literally rehearsal for more of the same. Punching a pillow or a punching bag while thinking of someone you dislike or are angry with is rehearsing punching the person. By doing that you are creating more anger, more justification for your hate. There have been numerous studies showing that venting anger actually serves to “freeze” hostility. In other words, it serves to keep you stuck in the anger mindset or attitude (Tavris, 1989).

If you have the awareness, you would know from your own experiences that venting does not make hostile feelings go away. Instead, they tend to stick around longer and haunt you. The fact is that the popular assumption about the way to deal with anger, venting it by letting it all out, is worse than useless. Expressing anger does not reduce anger. It actually makes you angrier. Venting also serves to solidify an angry state of mind, escalates anger and aggression, and does nothing to help you resolve the situation. Furthermore, buying into the idea that letting it all out somehow purifies you is dangerous because it becomes a rationale to hurt others. You may have even done this yourself.

I know what you’re saying right now. You’re probably thinking back to the times where you felt relief after venting your anger. The kicker is that numerous studies have shown that such relief is not a function of venting your anger, but a learned reaction (Hokanson, 1970). Some people have learned to feel relief following the expression of anger just as others have learned to feel shame or increased compassion after venting. This learning involves making the mistake of falsely connecting acting out our anger and the calm that follows after the anger has passed. This is a false connection because the fact is that people would have felt calmer and better anyway after a while, even without acting out their anger.

::blank stare::

Yesterday, as I was heading toward the subway an older man brushed against me, gave me a dirty look, and told me to watch where I was walking. I wanted to tell that muthafucka to go fuck himself and a few other choice ideas, but what I said really threw him off his game. While he was in the process of shooting me the bird, I calmly, but firmly, suggested he seek therapy or sex and even offered to help him pay for it. It made everyone (including me) laugh and he actually looked foolish.

The good news is that you can learn new responses and change how you respond to angry feelings. From this perspective, responding to feelings of anger with angry actions becomes a choice rather than an inevitable self-fulfilling prophesy. Reacting impulsively (acting out) as a response to anger is not inevitable or something you need to keep doing.

Love,

Eddie

References

Bry, A. (1976). How to get angry without feeling guilty. New York: New American Library.

Hokanson, J. E. (1970). Psychophysiological evaluation of the catharsis hypothesis. In E. I. Megargee & J. E. Hokanson (Eds.), The dynamics of aggression New York: Harper & Row.

Janov, A. (1970). The primal scream. New York: Dell.

Tavris, C. (1989). Anger: The least understood emotion. New York: Touchstone.

The Transformation of Anger

Hola Everybody,

There's a phrase in Spanish, comer con los ojos, that roughly translates to "eating with one's eyes," and it refers to the tendency to eat from desire rather than the degree of hunger. Have you ever gone out to eat and order all this stuff only to realize it was way too much? That's eating with one's eyes.

My date last night was a lot like that. Not that I ordered too much food, but that the object of my romantic intention was based on a desire.

We have very little in common, and other than cheekbones to die for and an exquisitely shaped derriere, there's not that much that interests me. But hey, in my religion an ass, any ass, is a potential altar, right? LOL

Well, I think my date was doomed from the get go. To put it mildly, I was bored to death. At one point, I considered blurting out, "Let's fuck," as a viable sexual strategy, but I don't think that would've gone over too well. LOL

* * *

-=[ Confusion and the Transformation of Anger, pt. I ]=-

About 17 years ago, when I was picking up the pieces of my shattered life, I decided to face a challenge I had avoided and enter school. Someone I considered close told me that going to school was a waste of time, that I had waited too long and I should instead consider going to a trade school, get a skill and a job. He wasn't being mean, it was his honest appraisal of my situation. Still, I thought his advice was insensitive and short-sighted.

And I was pissed...

At that point, I had many options to responses to that statement. I could've told him off, for example, or stay quiet and allow my resentment to seethe inside of me. But because I was determined to live a new life, I decided to use different strategy. I made the conscious decision to use the energy of the anger and channel it to my school studies. A few years later, I graduated with honors from a top flight university and was accepted to an Ivy League school for my graduate studies.

It was a turning point in my life not only because education is the road to freedom, but because I had also taken an enemy -- anger -- and turned it into an ally. It was the beginning of the transformation of anger.

For much of my life, I had been a very angry person. Much of that anger was turned inward and I'm only half-joking when I say that if I had done to another person, what I had done to myself, I would be in prison for a long time.

Some time ago, I wrote a little about anger and I mentioned that anger is not one thing, but many things cobbled together by language and thought. I also mentioned that there are myths about anger that serve to confuse us and make us suffer needlessly. My own exploration into anger has taught me that confusion and anger (what it is and what it does to us) abound.

So, what is anger? Anger is many things across many cultures. This is why anger can be confusing. For example, Western psychologists tell us it is best to work through our anger without expressing it outwardly, while others tell us that expressing anger is a must, for both emotional and physical health. Similarly, some of us have raised in cultures in which the direct expression of anger was considered unacceptable or disrespectful, while others grew up in atmospheres where anger was readily expressed.

As if that isn't enough, the teachings of Jesus and many centuries of Christian theology seem to offer contradictory ways of understanding anger. Jesus seemed to question the appropriateness of anger under any circumstances in his teaching of turning the other cheek. Yet, he seems to embody anger itself when he brandishes the whip and throws out the money changers in the temple.

Later, early Christian theologians such as Augustine stressed the negative side of anger, seeing it solely as sinful and unwholesome. This reflection later led to the classification of anger, starting in the 5^th century, as one of the Seven Deadly Sins.

When one looks at modern social movements for freedom and liberation, however, one finds claims that there should be a righteous anger or indignation toward injustice and oppression. Martin Luther King, jr. pointed out the way anger could be the starting point for social movements rather than hatred when he said, "The supreme task is to organize and unite people so that their anger becomes a transforming force." Similarly, Cornel West speaks of Malcolm X as connecting anger, love, and work for justice, seeing him as "the prophet of black rage primarily because of his great love for black people."

What I am suggesting is that the general Western ambivalence toward anger can cause considerable confusion. So how do we make sense of anger in order to work with and transform anger? The first step is to look intimately at the nature of anger, to explore anger in one's own experience, free from any prejudgment about anger. Next week, I will offer two tools, Buddhist mindfulness and Western science that can help us in this exploration.

Love,

Eddie