Naked Lady Monday

Oh, shit. It’s Monday again. But wait, naked ladies. There, all better. Sometimes, kittens, it’s just that simple. I mean, if our beautiful friend Freida Pinto above doesn’t improve your day exponentially, then I’m not sure anything will. But why am I still talking? Happy NSFWish Monday.

Emmanuelle BeartDid you know Emmanuelle is 47? French women apparently don’t age, either.

Eva GreenThough French women do, in the immortal words of Sir Mix-A-Lot, got back.

Anna FrielSeriously, I still miss “Pushing Daisies” so much.

Jenna FischerYou always have to look out for the nice ones.

Cobie Smulders

I don’t watch her show. Why don’t I watch her show?

Keira KnightleyWell, now I can see why the thought of never having Keira would drive that poor bloke with the flashcards to go fight zombies instead.

Sarah Shahi

I have never enjoyed a Monday more. Ever.

Naked Lady Monday: Black & White Edition

Admit it, things seem classier in black and white. So what might look like just a naked lady in color will look like an artistic naked lady in black and white. Such is the power of the monochrome. So then we feel a little better about ogling because, you know, the art and culture and stuff. Just look at Kristin Scott Thomas pulling her best Joan of Arc. That’s not just classy nakedness, it’s historical. Black and white can turn “nekkid” back to “naked.” Wait, is that a good thing? Regardless, a little black and white is exactly what is in order this Monday, to help turn make might otherwise be NSFW into a refined collection of semi-nude portraiture. Or, at least, that’s what you can tell your boss.

Deborah Ann WollI just finished watching season 3 of “True Blood” and Jessica was criminally, criminally underused. Criminally so.

Amber HeardHot. Gay. Hot some more.

Charlotte GainsbourgNo one wears scarves better than French women.

Penelope CruzThe curve of a woman’s back is one of the ways we know we live in a benevolent universe.

Olivia WildeThe round of a woman’s bum is another.

Charlotte RamplingLet’s make it a rule that all women named “Charlotte” need to get naked today.

Rosario DawsonRosario isn’t nude. But she’s not wearing pants either. Totally counts.

Heather MorrisYeah, so no wonder Santana is doing everything she can do to win Brittany back.

EDIT: Whoops, that should be Naked Lady Monday not Naked Lady Woman. Though there ain’t nothing wrong with a naked lady woman. Nothing at all.

Naked Lady Monday: Bees Knees

The knee gets so little credit in the human anatomy. They’re knobby or knocked, and occasionally we’ve been known to go weak at them. But what they really are, when placed correctly with its constant companion the thigh, is a mighty protector of a lady’s virtue. Or, looking at it from another angle, an obstacle to overcome when seeking to passionately plunder said virtue. Still, whether clutched or crossed, the humble knee should be appreciated for its ability to spark our interest and stoke the imagination. And, of course, a swift knee to almost any other part of the anatomy has the ability to render another person immediately immobile. So, bottom line, knees – respect.

Cate BlanchettJust in case her knees weren’t modest enough, she’s got a full-body hose backup.

Angelina JolieBed head is almost always an instant knee weakener.

Kate HudsonWhen the humble knee is not enough, a book will help in a pinch. But, just make sure it’s a hardcover. A trade paperback won’t cover squat.

Marion CotillardIt probably would have just been easier to button her coat. Easier, but not more enjoyable.

Anna FrielGod, I miss “Pushing Daisies.”

Serena WilliamsI’ve seen how she fills out her tennis uniforms; there’s no way one knee would have sufficed.

Naomi WattsWorks backwards, too.

Lea MicheleWhen the “Glee” kids are doing it, you know it’s a trend.

Olivia WildeOver the weekend I caught a “House” rerun and then rewatched “When Night is Falling.” Let me tell you, that made for some very, very acrobatic dreams involving the lovely Ms. Wilde. Hello, wobbly knees.

Naked Lady Monday

Hello, Monday. It seems every few days while checking my blog stats I’ll come across someone who found me by searching “Naked Lady Athletes.” First, I commend you smutty searchers. Second, here come 1,000 more search hits. The annual ESPN Body Issue is chock full of heavenly bodies, all ripped and ready to go. I can't really speak to the reasoning behind such a shoot other than as a shameless showcase of the most beautiful specimens of human perfection. Or, to be less verbal about it, UNF. It’s a Monday. Not everything has to be cerebral. Oh, before you shut off your brain entirely, NSFW.

US Women’s Water Polo TeamWater, water everywhere and not a drop to drink.

Diana Taurasi, WNBA Phoenix MercuryIs it weird that I’m wondering if that ball is regulation?

Rachel Yurkovich, JavelinPeople usually mean men when they refer to Greek gods. They’re really missing out.

Jeanette Lee, BilliardsPeople call her “The Black Widow.” I do not have a joke to go along with that because I am totally scared of spiders.

Kim Glass, VolleyballBump and set sound a lot dirtier when looking at this picture.

Esther Vergeer, TennisThis picture explains why they score tennis with “aces” & “love.”

Julia Mancuso, Alpine skiingWinter weather gear is, clearly, a sin.

US Women’s Water PoloGratuitous, in the very best sense of the word.

Naked Lady Monday: Velveteen Edition

Everyone goes through a lesbian movie phase. That time when you devour every lesbian movie ever made in a mad frenzy of curiosity, anthropological discovery and how-to guide practicality. It’s that time of your life when you actually watched “Claire of the Moon” and “Bar Girls” from start to finish. That time of your life when you’d watch an entire movie just to see Jennifer Connelly and Kristy Swanson kiss for like a half second, and was excited for that half second.

Of course, almost more fun that recalling your lesbian movie phase if comparing notes on your lesbian movie phase with other lesbians. The only thing that can redeem the irreplaceable 95 minutes of your life you spent on “Bar Girls” is to share your pain with others who also spent those 95 minutes wondering if perhaps lesbianism wasn’t such a good idea after all. But the really great thing about comparing notes on one’s LMP is to introduce someone to an entirely new lesbian movie genre. Hence this weekend I introduced some friends to the sublime British smut that is “Tipping the Velvet.”

Now, the first time I saw the BBC adaptation of Sarah Waters’ lesbo suit-and-bodice ripper was on BBC America. And the problem with watching the BBC in America is our Puritan roots start to show and you miss all the good bits. Having read the book as well, it was a far cry from the sweaty, thrusting romp through Victorian England that I remembered. But then I watched the British version. Oh, BBC, you so naughty.

So, naturally, I showed my friends the good version. And darn it if we didn’t stay up until 5 a.m. watching the adventures of Nan and her magic fingers (and other add-ons). I’m fairly certain I’ve created a new customer for “Fingersmith” as well. So in case, by some fluke, “Tipping the Velvet” has escaped your LMP as well or if you just want to relive the naughtiest of the naughty bits with me, here is an entirely NFSW trip down memory lane. I can’t believe they played this on regular old TV in the UK. Oh, to be British.

[REMINDER: Totally, completely, really not kidding NSFW]

As I told my friends when it was all over: “You’re welcome.”

Naked Lady (Holiday) Monday

Today is a holiday in the United States – something about a bunch of dead presidents. So what better day to bring you the Not Safe for Work deliciousness that is Anna Torv as nature – and Esquire magazine – intended. (My apologies non-US folks, perhaps you can sneak a peek while the boss’ back is turned.) I’ve long enjoyed the capable, matter-of-fact, natural beauty that defines Anna. But I must sheepishly admit that I stopped watching Fringe this season. While I enjoy a good unexplained phenomena as much as the next gal, I let the show go because Thursday night is just too insane for me to handle. There are six other nights of the week, TV executives, stop putting all the good shows on one of them. But now, now I feel like I’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake. I also feel like I’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake by living in a climate that never requires the use of long johns. In short, these photos fill me with regret, among several other emotions that are considerably more NSFW. Ahem.

What can I say? Thank heavens for dead presidents.

(Belated) Naked Lady Monday

Oh, kittens. My apologies for falling asleep last night before finishing my post. I blame all the cheese food products I consumed during my Super Bowl football game eating extravaganza. But, I want to make my absence this morning up to you. How, you ask? Anne Hathaway, I say. Not only is the delightful, pale-skinned, doe-eyed actress endlessly likable, she is steadfastly gay-friendly. In fact, in her cover story for the new British GQ magazine, she reveals that her entire family converted from the Catholic to the Episcopalian church after her brother came out in protest of the former’s anti-gay stance.

She told the magazine:

“The whole family converted to Episcopalianism after my elder brother came out. Why should I support an organization that has a limited view of my beloved brother?”

See, endlessly likable. Also, the lingerie doesn’t hurt.

So, am I forgiven?