The Sex Blog [Relationship Challenges]

¡Hola! Everybody,
Change is hard! LOL But it’s the only constant -- even the surest things change. Gotta love this ride we call “life”!

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-=[ The Challenge of Relationships ]=-

I am playing the game I suppose,
out of habits
learned long ago,
but I have been in these waters
far longer than
even my tired eyes could tell you.

Okay, so I’m going to start out by copping to the fact that I’m not all that great in the relationship arena. I don’t even have a pet… Therefore, take the rest with a grain of salt.

Something happens when I realize I’m feeling deeply for a woman and how painfully clear it is that considering a relationship is a lot like standing at the abyss and jumping. In other words, along with feelings, there comes the realization that I am also becoming vulnerable to that person I have feelings for. And that’s not a great revelation for me because, I have to admit, it’s scary.

There, I said it: relationships scare me.

It’s not a fear of commitment, that’s not it. I have and can commit to living with another person. The part that’s fearful is the part of being vulnerable. Believe me, there are plenty of people who are in committed relationships who choose not to be vulnerable. It’s not that hard. You can be in a long-term, committed relationship and not really share deep intimacy. I see it all the time. But because of the kind of person I am, when I open and give, it’s about going…

All.

The.

Way.

That’s why I’ve previously admitted that beginnings are extremely difficult at times with yours truly. If I’m seeing you and we both know there’s a surrender looming in the near future -- we’re both feeling these feelings and we know it’s headed somewhere -- then I’m not holding much of anything back. I’m not saying that I’m blabbing everything out by the third date, or that I immediately go overboard. LOL! That’s closer to codependency, not love. I am saying that I work at being transparent. I don’t play hide and seek. If I’m feeling something, I will look you in the eyes and let you know, “Sweetie, I don’t know how or why, but I’m starting to have these feelings… ” I won’t play The Game. The one thing you can always count on with me, is that you will always know where I stand (sometimes this is not such a good thing).

Sometimes I think that I’m too transparent or honest for my own good, but that’s how I roll: I put my cards on the table and lay it out as I see and feel it. I believe there are many people out there who see my stance as too idealistic. That people really can’t be totally open to one another. Worse, there are others who will use that. Those who would manipulate my transparency don’t last, because, shit, I’ve been veteran of the Love Wars for longer than even my tired eyes could tell you. I’m not going to let you use me that way. I’d rather go home, curl up in a fetal position, and ride that hurt -- that energy -- until I’m done with it.

Still, there’s a lot of anxiety around opening up to another in that way. Sometimes what helps me are basic reassurances. I’m like a kid in more ways than one. Something simple such as a “hello” or a passing show of affection goes a long way with me. It’s ironic because those things can be easily faked to some degree, but if I’m getting the attention and shows of affection, I’m not as anxious. Some women don’t like men like that, but it’s who I am. A kiss, a note, a surprise fuck, even just an unbidden and tender smile soothes me and lets me know that, though there aren’t any guarantees in life, you’re there and you’re somehow saying that we’re moving forward -- that you’re there with me, feeling me.

In other words, I need tons of affection! LOL!

You see, I’m really not all that complicated. If we were together, all it would take is that you throw some food at me, pay lots of attention and some sex here and there, and I’m straight.

I’m kidding. I guess what I’m saying is that relationships aren’t easy and when I resolve to engage in a relationship, I don’t take that lightly. Dearest, relationships, despite what you have been told, aren’t games. I’m also saying that a couple needs to reassure one another, especially in the beginning, when things are not so clear. Sometimes what makes the difference between having Mr./ Ms. Right as opposed to Mr./ Ms. Right (now), is how you open up to that person.

I’m just sayin’

Love,

Eddie

Sunday Sermon [Gettin' Naked]

¡Hola! Everybody...
Happy Sunday and all that! BTW, if you want to grow and be an Intellectual just like your Uncle Eddie, then the first rule goes as follows:

Eddie Rule #1 for Intellectual Wannabes

You cannot disagree with something you have failed to understand.

* * *

-=[ Gettin’ Naked ]=-

Fear is excitement without the breathing.

I just recently met someone (I call her the African Princess) and we were talking about creativity. She is an artist. Mostly, we spoke about how creating art and taking that out into the world for its judgment is often an act of courage. Or, better put, it is often very scary. Who among us doesn’t fear public exposure of our creative ideas because we then will feel naked and vulnerable in front of others, and believe we may end up rejected or laughed at in our vulnerability.

Our creative output usually holds special significance for us. They express something that we have been quietly nurturing in our inner life, away from the eyes and ears of others. It is risky, or seems so, to go public with them. All of sudden, we’re out there, and despite being clothed, we feel a profound nakedness.

Yet we must find a balance between the need to expose our creations to possible public criticism with the fear that our offerings may be somehow cheapened or ridiculed -- maybe even stolen.

People say I am an excellent public speaker, but I suffer from an almost debilitating fear from being on a stage, or in front of a crowd. Add to the fact that I often am presenting controversial views in front of other professionals who often disagree with me, and public speaking for me can be both a fearsome and exhilarating process. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that being in front of others can be rewarding, and that a part of me thrives on the attention and the adrenaline rush. Perhaps there is a healthy exhibitionism beneath the courage to go naked -- but we had better have something to back it up! LOL

On the other hand, after a while, there can be the realization that was once an experience that produced trepidation and excitement now has become humdrum. What for some can be an experience of a lifetime can become routine for others. We need the courage to go naked, but it is much more than simply overcoming fear. Perhaps stage fright is not just a fear of being out there naked, but a desire to be out there and really naked. Perhaps along with presenting our creativity to others, we also need to know that we are pushing our own boundaries, along with those of our audience. We are naked to ourselves as well as to others.

This all involves a degree of risk-taking, to be sure, if only because we have invested so much of ourselves in our product that we do not want to see it flop. We have risked everything -- our hopes and dreams -- on our creative ideas, and we desire some measure of recognition and reward, whether the rewards are social or financial.

I guess the moral of today’s “sermon” is to get out there and do it! Take it off -- take it all off! As in love, in the realization of the dream resides self-realization; in its impact is its proof, in our creations we complete ourselves.

Love,

Eddie

[un]Common Sex Blog [Opening in Sex]

¡Hola! Everybody,
Unfortunately, I got some bad personal news last night as I was returning home. Today, I will be busy attending to that issue. I do hope you all have a great weekend. I’m looking forward to continuing my decorating projects and making this space my home. Last week, I was reading in my space in the backyard and what a pleasure that was. There are wild roses springing up everywhere!

Sex and the City opens here this weekend and I’m sure all my girl friends will be flocking to see it. I hated the series. Lemme see: professional, supposedly “independent,” successful, and highly educated women who nonetheless still measure their lives by the men they have/ don’t have? BLAH! I believe the film will be wildly successful because 1) A film (written and directed by a man) on relationships is catnip for women, 2) You can’t beat NYC as a supporting character, and 3) shoes.

* * *

-=[ Opening in Sex ]=-

[Note: Yeah, yeah, yeah – I know some of you are sick and tired of me writing about “opening your heart.” Yet, the fact remains that so many of you constantly complain about your man/ woman not opening, or your inability to find someone to “open up.” What I find is that what many women call “opening up” is not really about opening up, but rather me conforming to what they perceive as opening up.

Two different things.

The latter is about control, not opening up in a mutually honest and respectful manner. My other observation is that even if I were to conform to a woman’s idea of opening up, she will eventually lose respect for me, because her concept of opening up is fundamentally flawed.]

Below is one way to practice opening up and living your life as a gift of opening and giving…

I fucked up and said something stupid that hurt her emotionally. I apologized and tried talking to her, but it made no difference. So there we were in bed, together and at the same time miles apart, emotionally. She was hiding behind an icy wall of protection, her body, tense, unmoving. Her face is a frozen reflection of tension, anger, and hurt.

I love her. So I tenderly touch her with my hand. No response. I take her hand in mine and I softly caress her cheek, run my hand over her shoulder and lightly caress and massage her. I try to give her as much love as I can. And she relaxes just a little. I touch her, caress her, I try to feel her emotions and responses. After a while, she turns and faces me, and with a sad smile, she pulls me closer.

I roll on top of her, pinning her beneath me. I am relaxed, my belly soft against hers, my breath full and deep. All the while, I am looking into her eyes, trying to give her love through my eyes, my stomach, my body, my breath.

She closes down again, my actions perhaps violating her momentary battle lines/ boundaries. I am not forcing myself, I’m persisting as love. I’m slowly, softly pressing my love into her, my warmth penetrating her skin reaching her heart.

She begins to respond, opening more. I can feel her belly softening as I sin more deeply into her. As her tension releases, tears well in her eyes and roll down her cheeks. I kiss her tears and she holds me tightly against her. From the depths of my heart I feel her, as if my heart could find her in the depths of the ocean of her very being.

Her opening is so inviting, so pure and so attractive. I sink more deeply into her and it is then I feel the tension around my own heart. It is the tension of being in charge, of still trying to serve her instead of being in loving communion with her. So I relax the subtle tension in my heart and stop trying to “fix” her or myself and with that, I begin to do away with the obstruction to our pure loving. Her guard is down, her hear open and mine follows. There is no me to help, no her to save and I find we are completely surrendered to an open, unguarded unfolding of love.

We can learn to have sex (yes, I said have sex, not make love) with a completely vulnerable and open heart. Actually, it’s probably one of the most powerful ways to open. Of course, many women will say that they can’t do that with just anyone and that’s mostly because they can’t open up.

Period.

And it’s not just women, it’s men too, but I mention women specifically because there’s this whole stereotype of the innate receptiveness of women. Women are just as, if not more, closed than men.

If you’re worried about being hurt, you’re closed. No one can hurt you if you don’t allow them to, it’s that simple.

Whatever… I digress.

We can learn to have completely open sex, but the heart may be closed. So it follows that you can use sexual practice as a way for opening the heart and dismantling its defenses.

There are two types of heart closure. One is long-term closure. If you have lived for years with a closed and protected heart, it will takes months of practice to untie the knots of fear and tension that have become stored in your body. (squeak! LOL)

The other form of closure is short term and acute – intense. Something happens – your partner says something to hurt you as in the example above – and you close down. You’ve been hurt and you don’t want to hurt anymore. And you’re certainly in no mood to fuck (“give love”). So you guard your heart to protect yourself and withhold love to hurt back.

Both of these closures can be dissolved through sexual practice. You can actually use sex to melt away the frozen tundra of your heart. You can use the heat of sex to melt away the rigid (and false) protection of fear. You can use the love of sex to become receptive to your partner, inviting him or her to abandon their battle lines. You can use the humor of sex to bring laughter into every wounded inch.

All kinds of emotions may rise to the top through this process. In unguarding your heart, the stress that was being used to maintain the barricade is released and emotional expressions of rage, laughter, tears, striking out, and unadulterated hate come out. And that’s how it should be. You’re releasing toxins from your mind/ body so take precautions in order to ensure a safe environment, but expect long-repressed emotions to boil off as the walls of your heart melt away.

And trauma and hurt is not excuse: no matter how hurt to the core, you must eventually learn to practice loving with an unguarded heart if you’re to throw away the emotional crutches.

The other option is to continue guarding your heart by closing down and separating from the one you love (or could love). Sometimes we’re not ready and it’s necessary to guard. You may feel you will lose yourself if you open into your partner. And this is fuckin’ true! With practice, you will lose yourself – into love.

Into shredded, pure, unadulterated love.

Love,

Eddie

Get your own playlist at snapdrive.net!

Relationship Thursdays [Relationship Challenges]

¡Hola! Everybody,
There seems to be a nasty rumor going around that I’m white! LOL Seems that many people don’t understand what it means to be a Puerto Rican, so I may have to repost that blog.

* * *

The Challenge of Relationships

Okay, so many of you know that I repeatedly stated that I’m not all that great in the relationship arena. Something happens when I realize I’m feeling deeply for a woman and how painfully clear it is that considering a relationship is a lot like standing at the abyss and jumping. In other words, along with feelings, there comes the realization that I am also becoming vulnerable to that person I have feelings for. And that’s not a great revelation for me because, I have to admit, it’s scary.

There, I said it: relationships scare me.

It’s not a fear of commitment, that’s not it. I have and can commit to living with another person. The part that’s fearful is the part of being vulnerable. Believe me, there are plenty of people who are in committed relationships who choose not to be vulnerable. It’s not that hard. You can be in a long-term, committed relationship and not really share deep intimacy. I see it all the time. But because of the kind of person I am, when I open and give, it’s about going…

All.

The.

Way.

That’s why I’ve mentioned that beginnings are extremely difficult at times with yours truly. If I’m seeing you and we both know there’s a surrender happening in the near future – we’re both feeling these feelings and we know it’s headed somewhere – then I’m not holding much of anything back. I’m not saying that I’m blabbing everything out by the third date! LMAO!! That’s codependency, not love. I am saying, however, that I work at being transparent. I don’t play hide and seek. If I’m feeling something, I will look you in the eyes and let you know, “Sweetie, I don’t know how or why, but I’m starting to have these feelings… ” I won’t play The Game. The one thing you can always count on with me, is that you will always know where I stand (sometimes this is not such a good thing, especially if I’m hurt *grin*)

Sometimes I think that I’m too transparent or honest for my own good, but that’s how I roll: I put my cards on the table and lay it out as I see and feel it. Some women like that, but there are others who will use that. Those who would manipulate my transparency don’t last, because, shit, I’ve been around the block a few times and I’m a veteran of the Love Wars for longer than even my tired eyes could tell you. I’m not going to let you use me that way. I’d rather go home, curl up in a fetal position, and ride the hurt until I’m done with you.

Still, there’s a lot of anxiety around opening up to another in that way. What helps with me, is basic reassurances. I’m like a kid in many ways. Something simple such as a hello or a show of affection goes a long way with me. It’s ironic because those things can be easily faked to some degree, but if I’m getting the attention and shows of affection, I’m not as anxious. Some women don’t like men like me, but it’s who I am. A kiss, a note, a surprise fuck, even just a tender smile soothes me and lets me know that, though there aren’t any guarantees in life, you’re there and you’re somehow saying that we’re moving forward – that you’re there with me, feeling me.

In other words, I need tons of affection! LOL!

You see, I’m really not all that complicated. If we were together, all it would take is that you throw some food at me, pay lots of attention and some sex here and there, and I’m straight.

I’m only half joking. I guess what I’m saying is that relationships aren’t easy and there is a lot of me invested in such ventures. I’m also saying that a couple needs to reassure one another, especially in the beginning, when things are not so clear. Sometimes what makes the difference between having Mr. Right as opposed to Mr. Right (now), is how you open up to that person.

I’m sayin’

Love,

Eddie

Sunday Sermon (Uncovering the Heart -- Repost)

Hola Again!
For some strange reason, this post keeps getting lost. I blieve this is one of the first blogs I ever posted on 360. Someone asked me which blog I would want someopne to read and while this is probably not my best, I like it because it's what life and love are really about...

* * *

"What counts is to strip the soul naked. Painting or poetry is made as we make love; a total embrace, prudence thrown to the wind, nothing held back."

-- Joan Miro

Uncovering the heart means exposing the very core of the self. This is a scary move into unknown territory, even though it is a part of our inner selves that we are uncovering. The heart symbolizes feeling and intuition. Though we may be fearful, the true danger is in the death, not the exploration, of the heart.

Sometimes our hearts remember, better than our analytical minds, the times and places of our deepest felt experiences. During times of crisis or personal breakdown, the heart insists on revealing itself to us; we are forced to pay attention. These are times of deep personal pain that most of us would rather escape, because we fear that the load will be too much to bear -- that it may be possible to feel too much.

Just as it is possible to close our eyes and not see the world around us, we can also close our hearts. We do so at a great price: we may choose to live in a world of flat surfaces, a dry and angular world seemingly sterile until we look under the carpet.

To undress the heart is to reveal our inner history -- a history forgotten or hidden. We may be paying a price for relegating powerful forces to the shadow world for it is there they hold greater power over ourselves. One of the aims of depth psychotherapies is to help us rediscover our lost selves gradually and integrate them again into our whole personalities.

The language of the heart may seem illogical. But if we listen to it -- really listen to it -- without losing our heads, we might just find hope in it that what lies ahead is a new and better way of living. It is in this aspect that there is strength in living with a naked heart.

However, there is that fearful vulnerability also. We take a chance when we open to others. We can be hurt. We may ask ourselves if we are risking too much.

I have found that in my own life, some of the most rewarding examples of creativity have been those moments when my heart was uncovered, when I was able to emerge and address those unique yet universal experiences that bind us together in the human condition.

I have learned that the uncovered heart contains both vulnerability and strength. Its strength perhaps lies precisely in that ability to open itself to itself, with an exquisite grace that invites the hearts of others to do so too.

Love,

Eddie