Tonight: New Girl

Tonight is the premiere of another TV show that looks great: New Girl. Zooey Deschanel plays a nerdy but lovable emotional wreck, who, after a traumatic breakup, moves in with three single male roommates. (Btw, with her huge cartoon eyes and husky voice, no wonder Zooey is every girl's girl crush.) Here's a cute interview with her, below. Will you watch it?

Fall TV show

The new comedy Up All Night starts tonight! It's about a stay-at-home dad (Will Arnett) and career woman (Christina Applegate), who are totally overwhelmed by new parenthood. The trailer made me laugh out loud. It's on NBC tonight at 10pm.

Will you watch it? I'm psyched!

Would you date older?

Have you ever dated an older man or woman? I had never dated an older man before, but Alex is a whopping 13 years older than I am. At first I thought his age might be a deal breaker, but it's worked out (old movies, cooking skills, doesn't mind my under-eye wrinkles:).

Have you ever heard this funny trick? "Divide the older person's age in half, then add seven, and that's the biggest age difference you can have. So if you're 30, the youngest you can date is 22." It's actually a pretty good rule of thumb!

So, I'm curious: Have you ever dated an older man or woman? Much older? Would you rather date older or younger? How old would you go? Is your current partner older than you? I'd love to hear your thoughts...
(P.S. Btw, George Clooney is 50, so he's fair game for any of you older than 32 1/2!)

Dr. Katz show

Have you ever seen Dr. Katz, the genius animated show about a therapist and his grown son? He'll give sessions to his patients, but each patient's voice is actually a famous comedian (Conan O'Brien, Ray Romano, David Cross). One summer, my brother and I got totally obsessed with it and watched it everyday in Michigan. Well, this morning, I came across this clip and couldn't stop laughing.

(Now I'm tempted to buy the dvds and watch the full season:)

Project Runway premiere

Project Runway's new season starts tonight! Yahoo, I can't wait. Are you going to watch it?

(Photo by Stephen Lovekin/Getty)

Just 'cause.

The Glades: Sunny With a Chance of Hunkiness

Matt Passmore as Jim Longworth on the set of The Glades, tenderly holding a marsh rabbit. You know what rabbit (conejo) means in Spanish, right? Think the "p" word.

It's about time someone replaced Horatio Cane in the pantheon of South Florida TV crime fighters. Don't get us wrong, we love Horatio. Heck, we already know that every savvy woman carries a Horatio Cane amulet in her purse for protection.

But just like mosquitoes, we need fresh blood and The Glades might be the answer. Step in Jim Longworth (played by hunky Australian Matt Passmore), a disgruntled ex-Chicagoan who moves to a sleepy town in the Sunshine State for a good game of golf in between solving murders.

Like many folks new to South Florida, Longworth soon realizes that not everything is at it seems here in paradise, and if you've truly experienced the real Everglades, you know that's true: the water seems shallow, but step in it and the mud will suck you in.

According to the press release, Longworth is a "an attractive, brilliant, yet hard to get along with homicide detective," and we hope he will not disappoint. We are excited about Longworth not only because his name is ridiculously phallic, but because if he proves to be tough in the swamp, great in the sack and an asshole only when he needs to fend off gators and criminals, we know he'll make an excellent Hurricane Season Boyfriend.

Those biceps would make an excellent addition to any Hurricane Preparedness Kit.

What excites us even more is the fact that unlike Miami CSI, this show was actually filmed in Florida, according to sources. But we shall see; ehem, we can spot a fake Florida outdoor set 3,000 miles away.

Sex and the Beach will hang out with some cast and crew this weekend during a private premiere party at the fabulous Hyatt Pier 66 in Fort Lauderdale. The intracoastal resort property was a location for several scenes in the first four episodes of The Glades. Stay tuned for a report!

"Sunny with a chance of homicide," The Glades premieres Sunday, July 11 at 10PM ET/PT on A&E.

Photo credits: Gene Page

Miami Anti-Social

The only really lucrative profession in Miami, capable of surviving the real estate bust.

Oh GAWD! I swore to myself, no -- I lit candles to San Lazaro -- that I would not blog about this stupid reality show. But you know what? I have to thank Bravo's Miami Social for generating some of the best laughs in the local online community lately. And unlike this blog, which has always claimed to be semi-fictional, Bravo has now done the most awesome thing evar by making Miamians look like the biggest fucking morons and calling it "real" instead of "hyperbole" and "satire," which is really what it should be.

Quiz: can you tell what's real and what's not in the blog post?

Mind you, I haven't watched the complete show, because I couldn't bear it, but the reviews have been supremely entertaining. I have, however, watched a few clips, which has made me wonder if I might not be pregnant, given the sudden desire to vomit at a moment's notice.

No, I know for sure I'm not pregnant. I got gang-banged by a bunch of vasectomy / penile enlargement patients last week while waiting in line at Publix, because South Beach is so sexy and that's how we roll here.

Well, I'll get around to watching the show at length when I'm too tired to wank-off to the Sham Wow guy late at night. But in the meantime, all this got me thinking ...

... here's the thing, in light of this representation of Miami as a shallow place place full of vapid people (holy shit, the entire Bravo network should be called VAPID, with the exception of Kathy Griffin), I wonder if Miami Social stole some ideas from my cartoons.

So, I'd thought I'd take an opportunity to republish them again, and let people know just exactly how stupid, sexually-obsessed and obnoxious we real Miamians truly are.

Miami is the land of ectomorphs with no brains and plenty of promiscuous pussy, dick and assholes who live in high-rise buildings. Oh, but I'm sorry, you snort so much cocaine, your nose is bigger than your [insert orifice of choice]. That's right. Oh and of course, don't forget to bleach your privates, too, because what could be more embarrassing than having an asshole that doesn't match your tan? Sporting a spotty bunghole is no way to go about in life, dearie.


It's too bad Miami Social's website has picture of Miami Sound Machine and Crocket & Tubs, cause you know, these entertainment classics -- the one a band from a million years ago and the other a fictional TV show -- are just so accurate a reflection of our fair city today in 2009. (PS, Sorry Gloria, I love you ... but Sound Machine was so 80s! Why didn't they have a picture of you NOW?)


Anyway, I'm sorry SoBe Fit, but most people here survive on a diet of vodka, french fries and surely some blow. This is the real South Beach Diet and don't let Dr. Agatston tell you otherwise.


Oh, and don't forget, it's a vapid-celebrity-star eat vapid-celebrity-star world out there, and this is before you even puke the $15 plain croissant you had at News Café.

You know, I wanted to pitch a show to Bravo about the Horny Housewives of Hialeah (TM), but I think I need to find another network that actually does reality TV. Actually ... you know what? Wanna see truly stupid and ridiculous? Go to any South Beach club or hotel bar and film the women's bathroom. There, you'll see a sad Haitian woman not getting tipped from the women freebasing on hairspray, stealing lollipops and talking about anal sex like it was getting a massage from a stone crab. And people wonder why I hate clubs!

Miami Herald review - OMG funniest read evar!
Debate at Miami Beach 411 - which show is more fake? Miami Social or Miami CSI? And do salt-rimmed margaritas make your feet get puffy?
South Florida Daily Blog
Miami New Times

And for a good dose of reality, please visit my photo group: THE REAL MIAMI BEACH. Just walk down Washington Avenue any day. How's that for a bravo?