Japanese Pluto-kun Your Plutonium Friend!

From the defunct Power Reactor and Nuclear Fuel Development Corporation (PNC) here is a cartoon featuring "Pluto-kun" or "Plutonium Boy" extolling the virtues of plutonium as our "friend":













Japanese Pluto-kun Your Plutonium Friend!



O_O

iPad For Single Women

They say the iPad is going to revolutionize the world. Well, let's take it one step further! Can someone put me in touch with Steve Jobs and Apple developers?

here for a larger view.

Please take a look at a slight edit in my blog header. This is a product I no longer need! But single ladies, don't worry -- I'm still going to write for you.

Modern Love: Penis By Request Only, Thank You

When are men going to learn? Your penis is on a need to know basis, ALWAYS!

Miami Anti-Social

The only really lucrative profession in Miami, capable of surviving the real estate bust.

Oh GAWD! I swore to myself, no -- I lit candles to San Lazaro -- that I would not blog about this stupid reality show. But you know what? I have to thank Bravo's Miami Social for generating some of the best laughs in the local online community lately. And unlike this blog, which has always claimed to be semi-fictional, Bravo has now done the most awesome thing evar by making Miamians look like the biggest fucking morons and calling it "real" instead of "hyperbole" and "satire," which is really what it should be.

Quiz: can you tell what's real and what's not in the blog post?

Mind you, I haven't watched the complete show, because I couldn't bear it, but the reviews have been supremely entertaining. I have, however, watched a few clips, which has made me wonder if I might not be pregnant, given the sudden desire to vomit at a moment's notice.

No, I know for sure I'm not pregnant. I got gang-banged by a bunch of vasectomy / penile enlargement patients last week while waiting in line at Publix, because South Beach is so sexy and that's how we roll here.

Well, I'll get around to watching the show at length when I'm too tired to wank-off to the Sham Wow guy late at night. But in the meantime, all this got me thinking ...

... here's the thing, in light of this representation of Miami as a shallow place place full of vapid people (holy shit, the entire Bravo network should be called VAPID, with the exception of Kathy Griffin), I wonder if Miami Social stole some ideas from my cartoons.

So, I'd thought I'd take an opportunity to republish them again, and let people know just exactly how stupid, sexually-obsessed and obnoxious we real Miamians truly are.

Miami is the land of ectomorphs with no brains and plenty of promiscuous pussy, dick and assholes who live in high-rise buildings. Oh, but I'm sorry, you snort so much cocaine, your nose is bigger than your [insert orifice of choice]. That's right. Oh and of course, don't forget to bleach your privates, too, because what could be more embarrassing than having an asshole that doesn't match your tan? Sporting a spotty bunghole is no way to go about in life, dearie.


It's too bad Miami Social's website has picture of Miami Sound Machine and Crocket & Tubs, cause you know, these entertainment classics -- the one a band from a million years ago and the other a fictional TV show -- are just so accurate a reflection of our fair city today in 2009. (PS, Sorry Gloria, I love you ... but Sound Machine was so 80s! Why didn't they have a picture of you NOW?)


Anyway, I'm sorry SoBe Fit, but most people here survive on a diet of vodka, french fries and surely some blow. This is the real South Beach Diet and don't let Dr. Agatston tell you otherwise.


Oh, and don't forget, it's a vapid-celebrity-star eat vapid-celebrity-star world out there, and this is before you even puke the $15 plain croissant you had at News Café.

You know, I wanted to pitch a show to Bravo about the Horny Housewives of Hialeah (TM), but I think I need to find another network that actually does reality TV. Actually ... you know what? Wanna see truly stupid and ridiculous? Go to any South Beach club or hotel bar and film the women's bathroom. There, you'll see a sad Haitian woman not getting tipped from the women freebasing on hairspray, stealing lollipops and talking about anal sex like it was getting a massage from a stone crab. And people wonder why I hate clubs!

Miami Herald review - OMG funniest read evar!
Debate at Miami Beach 411 - which show is more fake? Miami Social or Miami CSI? And do salt-rimmed margaritas make your feet get puffy?
South Florida Daily Blog
Miami New Times

And for a good dose of reality, please visit my photo group: THE REAL MIAMI BEACH. Just walk down Washington Avenue any day. How's that for a bravo?

Cartoon in the Flesh

Earlier this week, I wanted Hugh Macleod to draw a cartoon on my crutches, but he didn't have the right kind of pen for the rubbery handle. Instead, he drew one on my arm!

Since I last mentioned Hugh on this blog, he relocated from London to Alpine, Texas. Most recently, he has been spending more time in Miami for work. His craft has evolved from "cartoons on the back of business cards" to full-size canvases. They're really quite beautiful when you see them in person, printed on gorgeous paper. You can see them online at Gaping Void Gallery.

My arm drawing will wash off, of course -- including that copyright symbol on my skin! I still have another spur-of-the-moment cartoon he drew for me a couple of years ago on the back of an actual business card.

Of course, one of my favorite all time Hugh prints is this one, which I find quite funny:



In his words: "Believe it or not, there are normal people who live in South Beach, and this print is for them."

Miami Missiletoe

On a sultry winter evening, not a cocktail was stirring. He was about to make his big tongue move when suddenly ...

... a big-ass coconut fell smack on her head! Moral of the story ladies, never hang out with tongue-wagging lascivious men under a coconut tree ... do that at Club Deuce!

PS ... we don't need mistletoe in Miami. It's not cold as a witch's tit, so we don't have to swap spit at doorways just to stay warm. We kiss just because we're a bunch of ho's!

tags: cartoon, sex, miami beach, mistletoe, kiss, coconut

Will Work for Sex

When people ask what it's like to live on Miami Beach, all I can say is why would I be inspired to do this blog!

Do you think this chick needs a job?



But wait, maybe she's too busy being picked up by these guys!



tags: cartoon, sex, miami beach

Eau de Scrotum

I'm sorry, I'm sort of a matter of fact person, and whenever you do an ad campaign with a perfume bottle on top of a skeletal model's vagina, I'm going to think wow, you want guys to start acting like horny dogs who sniff out hoochie!

Real classy, huh?

Ya know, I'm just kind of literal that way. But what if we turned the tables around? What if Tom Ford had to design a perfume campaign for women? Would gladiator-supersize-OMG peni be served so candidly and with such fervor? Hmm ... the cautious, compassionate critic in me says "I don't think so."

Here's the bottom line, folks. Pussy sells, dick does not.

And I would love to see scrotum served so cold, like a tuna platter, know what I mean?

And by the way, if I did have a for real boyfriend, I would NEVER buy him this cologne, unless of course, he had to figure out how to find it ... :-)

Please, please, please ... contemplate this the next time you give a guy a blow job, alright?

What more is there to say?

Do you or don't you want to your cologne to smell like hoochie? Sexual smells are wonderful, but not like this ...

tags: tom ford, perfume, video

Modern Love: An Indecent Proposal

Cartoon drawn up quickly over the phone while talking to a friend. We take social media VERY seriously!

tags: guy kawasaki, cartoon, twitter, comedy, social media, parody

Modern Love: Flickr Block

"He flickr blocked me and we never even had sex!"

tags: cartoon, comedy, freud, flickr

Bloggers Anonymous

Oops! My name is Manola and I'm a blogger.

tags: cartoon, parody, blog, alcohol

How 'Bout Dem Apples?

This cartoon is dedicated to Fanless, the b00bz crusader par excellence!

So like the other day, my hard-ass friends were giving me shit because I didn't know about Guy Kawasaki. Hello? Unless you're Buddha, Jesus, Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Angelina Jolie or my parents, please have your receptionist call mine and maybe we can do lunch.

Listen to Manola's unexpected Southern Baptist evangelist cousin chime in for a religous rant with a totally fake accent! This ignorant, back-assward blogger confesses she doesn't give a shit about blogosphere celebrity. Don't get her wrong ... it's not about the bloggers, it's about the hype!

We apologize in advance for the crappy quality of the audio. We also apologize for the customary irreverence and disrespect. The truth is, we do appreciate the hard work, talent and worldly influence of so many folk who have forged ahead in our era of electronic communication ... but seriously, shall we grieve if we not know wherefore Guy Kawasaki?



Kawasaki let the good times roll ...



guy kawasaki , technorati , blog, humor, parody, audio, apple, boob

Silicon Chips vs. Silicon Tits

Inspired by a true story of sexual harassment way yonder in California but also my current musings on the web 2.0 phenomenon, which are both favorable and unfavorable. Most people barely have the emotional skill sets to have real relationships in meatspace; life online only complicates matters. It's a catch-22: the internet brings people together, but also has the potential to kill intimacy.

I still feel it's a tool, a means to an end, as easily manipulated by the end user as a good white lie and a poker face in conversation. Intuition is difficult to muster without flesh and bone and a voice to gauge. I do spend much time online because of my writing and art, but I also set boundaries in order to harvest what's best for me from that enormous net I've thrown into the sea.

This phenomenon is particularly interesting for my generation because I didn't grow up on web 2.0, but I'm still young enough to be growing up on whatever new webs we are currently weaving (3.0? 4.0? 5.0? I contend this scale would be best utilized for rating orgasms!)

I used to write my high school term papers on a typewriter. (Boy, do I miss the clankity-clank of the keys and ca-ching of the carriage return!) In those days, we lacked a second, ethereal world tied by cables and electrical impulses that creates a simulacrum of ourselves.

Still, most of my dear friends today are people I've met thanks to this blog. But that's just it: we met there and moved on. We no longer live online; the internet is simply our carrier pigeon which, thankfully, helps us share so much of ourselves as an extension -- not a substitute -- of ourselves.

Like I said, catch-22.

Call me old school. Last week at The Abbey, I felt a sudden urge to write and draw. I asked the bartender for paper. He handed me a small notepad and I shook my head: "Oh, no. I'm going to need A LOT." He understood. After looking under a stack of old newspapers, he placed a glorious yellow legal pad before me, which I wrote in feverishly for six full pages. Once satisfied, I thought the words were going to spill out onto the bar, overflowing like the foamy head on my Duvel.

This inspiration would've never occurred on a laptop. Nothing can replace the raw sensuality of writing or drawing with ink on paper.

And most importantly, nothing can replace true human interaction.

Bah. Enough seriousness. Stay tuned for the South Beach version of this cartoon, coming soon to a sexy blog near you!

tags: cartoon, parody, web 2.0, social network, sexual harassment, feminism

Modern Love: EAT MY FACEBOOK!

If you find the letters a wee bit small to read, do please click on this delightful image for a Ron Jeremy size close-up.

Oh my! I am SO going to hell for this one. YEAH! I got some of my mojo back ...

tags: facebook, twitter, cartoon, parody, web 2.0, social network, sex, cunnilingus

The Dissolusionment of Love

Is it love that I'm feeling? Or incontinence? Every woman ought to know the difference!

Yes, that's a new word I coined: dissoluble + disillusioned = dissolusionment. I think I can retire now, thank you. What woman shall cast the first tampon? What woman cannot relate to this? Drawn at The Abbey, Miami Beach.

Disclaimer: this cartoon in no way whatsoever pays homage to Hugh Macleod. I've been drawing for donkey's ages, long before I met this man. I can't help it if he likes to draw on business cards and Lord knows I can't control myself if a legal pad, tablecloth, firm ass or other surface amenable to my scrawls just happens to leap at me when I have a pen in my hand.

cartoon, vagina, relationships