Mirrors of the Self, pt. I

¡Hola! Everybody...
Taking a few days off, trying to organize my place and then spend some time with mother dear!

* * *

(l-r) My sister Darlene, my maternal grandmother holding my newborn cousin, and myself

I was my grandmother's favorite. Sometimes it was cruel, but she made it clear to everyone that I was her heart. Every time she saw me, it was all hugs and presents -- secretly handed folded crisp bills, a toy, a bicycle. My grandmother worked her fingers to the bone in the garment industry, exploited by heartless men who paid her by the piece. She would bring bags of work home and cut lace by the miles. She always had something for me, even if she didn't have for the rest of the grandchildren. I was her fair-haired boy. My paternal grandmother died when my father was a mere boy, but his sister, my aunt, was a surrogate grandmother for me. And here too, I was her favorite. Both women knew pain. The pain of arthritis, of hands broken down by years of hard, relentless work. My aunt was a washerwoman, whose hands were stripped of skin from the harsh chemicals of her trade. Both women knew pain, both worked hard, were poor, but they always seemed to have enough for me. It was only when I grew older I realized the tremendous sacrifice a bicycle or a brand new pair of shoes meant to them. They gave and never asked for anything in return, except perhaps that I be a good boy and do well in school...

-=[ Song of the Self: The Grandmother ]=-
-- Alma Luz Villanueva

Surrounded by my shields, am
I:
Surrounded by my children, am
I:
I am the void.
I am the womb of remembrance.
I am the flowering darkness.
I am the flower, first flesh.

Utter darkness I inhabit --
There, I watch creation unfold --
There, I know we begin and end --
Again. In this darkness, I am
Turning, turning toward a birth:
My own -- a newborn grandmother
Am I, suckling light. Rainbow
Serpent covers me, head to foot,
In endless circles -- covers me,
That I may live forever, in this
Form or another. The skin she
Leaves behind glitters with
The question, with the answer,
With the promise:
"Do you remember yourself?"
"I am always woman."
"Flesh is flower, forever."

I enter darkness, to enter birth,
To wear the Rainbow, to hear her
Hissing loudly, clearly, in my
Inner ear: love.

I am spiraling, I am spinning,
I am singing this Grandmother's Song.
I am remembering forever, where we
Belong.

Sunday Sermon [Your Original Self]

¡Hola! Everybody...
Woke up late, and I’m headed out the door... the following is a summer rerun. I think the “exercise” at the end is pretty cool. What is your original self? Don’t answer! LOL

* * *

-=[ Original Self ]=-

“There is an inescapable sense of our original being in us, however much it gets battered by experience and repetitive conditioning. The original sense is that I’m good, I’m me, and within me that me there is the source of my health and well-being and vitality.”

-- James O’Dea

For centuries, we have operated on certain scientific assumptions about our reality. “A” causes “B.” An object cannot be in two places at the same time. Time moves forward, never backward.

No argument, right?

However, in the last few years quantum physics has made us challenge everything we take for granted about our reality and thrown it into a blender, forcing us to look at reality anew with a child’s eyes. In the same way, I have been encountering many people who are questioning the most basic assumptions about what it is that makes us human. To be sure, countless people talk to me about spiritual matters often taking place outside the realm of organized religions. People everywhere are searching for spiritual meaning in a very personal way.

Life 101…

For the most part, these seekers are asking questions: What do we all have in common? Why do we, unlike other species, have a dimension of life we call spiritual? What causes us to seek for something more? I think the answers to these questions have the potential to impact all of our relationships, not merely the romantic ones. I think that romantic relationships -- or the struggle to find them -- can illustrate what I would like to articulate today: our innate, or original/ natural self.

Think about when two lovers first fall in love: there is this unbridled optimism, the feeling of walking on a pink cloud, and the invincible sense that anything can happen, nothing is impossible. I am sure if you would whack someone in the throes the first blooms of love, that person would merely smile at you and pay thanks.

Juan and Juanita meet, and though they have both experienced betrayal and pain in their past relationships they are now certain of their love. “We are meant to be together, there is a destiny,” says Juanita before the wedding. “I know we can make it, I know we can. You can do anything as long as we’re honest with each other, we’re going to make it.”

Juan and Juanita could be anyone you know, they can be on Facebook, or live on your street. What happens to you when you read the story of their beginning? Perhaps, you may feel more than a little cynicism: you have heard this kind of optimism before and you know where it leads. But my point is this: can you also recognize the certainty Juanita -- bless her soul -- was feeling? This feeling is a peek into our original self, the part of our selves that is connected, that is at the same time a part of us and larger than we are. This is the way we really are and we do not have to wait until we “fall” in love to connect with this powerful aspect of ourselves.

No one starts off a venture, romantic or otherwise, expecting to fail. Everybody has a vision. We all possess a gut feeling about our real potential. We feel it when we start something new, before the ego-centered Mini Me starts its poisonous whispering. A relationship, a business, having a child, moving to a new house -- each opens a whole range of possibilities, of beginning anew. We all have a feeling of who we are, what our life can become, and what this planet could be.

Vision -- what I define as the creative ability to construct our reality -- is the fuel to our actions. It gives meaning to our lives, provides the inspiration to stretch beyond our self-imposed limits. Vision guides us in investing our energy, allows us to overcome obstacles, and, in a group of people coming together, vision is the glue that keeps them together and motivated. Just look around these loosely connected blogs, or social networking profiles for a minute and you will get an idea of what our collective vision is like.

This creative energy, vision, is also something that I feel is born within us. We are born with a sense of awe and wonder that is untouched by the limitations of the constructed world. This ability to engage in innocence is what makes childhood a time of wonder -- possibly the only time of wonder a person will ever know. Although this child-like wonder is unaware of the stresses and disappointments of the adult world, this is our true self; our true heart of wisdom. It actually knows something that is ultimately real.

This original self -- the wisdom of the heart is worth exploring. If we examine our own assumptions whenever we embark on anything new, whether a romantic relationship, a business venture, even a spiritual practice, tells us a lot about ourselves. If we pay close attention to how we feel and act when we are initiating something new, we will discover a great deal about our selves.

Try it!

Try this experiment before reading on. Think back to a specific time when you began something new. It could be entering a new relationship, buying a new house, starting school or a new career. Try to recall the imagery – the vision – you had of how things would go. How did you imagine how you would meet each situation? How did you anticipate being received? Just close your eyes and remember.

Good…

If you have a pen and paper handy, write some notes about these assumptions. You will discover something valuable about your heart.

It has been my experience working with people these last ten years that there is this ingrained habit of cynicism and disappointment. “It won’t work out,” they think, or, “I don’t have what it takes.” Oftentimes my work involves asking them to go deeper to the original vision before the voice of the Mini Me kicks in. It might be just an image or feeling. For some who have experienced extreme hardships, they might have to go way back to how they felt when they were much younger.

This innocent vision, the kind we live as children and later hide and repress as adults, emphasizes a playful approach to life: laughter, connection with the body, physical pleasure and the uncensored expression of life. In this state, we know nothing of achieving goals in a structured and imposed.

I will share with you what some people have shared when asked to reach back:

Happiness Happiness is the beginning and end point of our plans

Contentment We may desire things we could get in the future, but aren’t our futures desire-free? You are sitting on that fuckin’ beach with that special someone, watching a sublimely beautiful sunset. Do you imagine your mind as being distracted at that point?

Being fully present None of our fantasies, even of the perfect date, includes time spent worrying about other things. We often plan to be fully alive, empowered.

Harmony In our vision, we assume being in tune with others.

Fulfillment We do not expect dissatisfaction. We anticipate integration and feeling complete.

Success No one plans for failure

Honesty When we connect to our innocent, open heart, we do not plan to lie. Some have even said that honesty is the essence of being.

Love,

Eddie

Humility

¡Hola! Everybody...
I will be away from the office at a conference all day... I’m in a rush, but I will finish my “Jesus” series on Sunday. Some would say that the most important relationship is the relationship with your Higher Power. I disagree: anytime you perceive your Higher Power as outside your self, your disassociating yourself from reality. Today, a little on the most important relationship in your life -- the relationship you have (or don’t) with your self.

* * *

-=[ Spiritual Dignity ]=-

What we strive for in the effort to resolve the tension between our sense of inferiority and our grandiosity is not modesty but humility -- spiritual dignity.

-- Jean Hardy

A common mistake in the self-esteem movement is the mistaken belief that by merely feeling better about yourself, or simply being “positive,” will solve all our problems. Self-esteem is respecting the self. But what is it exactly that we are esteeming? If our sense of self is based on feelings of grandiosity it follows that that puffing that up won’t result with more effective ways of dealing with yourself and others. Put more simply, if what you’re esteeming are the same issues that are causing you pain, then how will that help you?

I see a lot of two types of people these days. I see a lot of angry people walking around these days full of self-esteem on the one hand and many ego-maniacs with low self-esteem on the other. LOL!

Maybe we need to adopt a different strategy...

I like this notion of humility as a “spiritual dignity” because true humility has nothing to do with putting yourself down -- or what could be called self-abasement. There is a certain elegance and internal dignity to genuine humility.

Grandiosity is the opposite of putting yourself down (self-abasement); it is inflating your ego (self-exaltation) in order to feel better about yourself. Humility -- spiritual humility -- is as much the opposite of self-abasement (putting yourself down) as it is to self-exaltation (puffing the old ego up).

Self-abasement -- which alternates with feelings of superiority and inferiority -- comes from feelings of guilt and self-loathing and has nothing to do with the spiritual quality of humility. When we operate solely from an ego perspective, we feel small and powerless. These feelings in turn have the effect of instilling fear and judgment. Look around at those who pass their days judging and ridiculing. Do they seem like “big” people? LOL!

When we respect ourselves and our place in the universe, then we are humble in the true sense of the word. Humility is about keeping ourselves in perspective, knowing we are connected, accepting how small and powerless our ego-selves are, but also knowing that we contain a spark of the divine -- of something god-like -- within us too. Spiritual dignity is knowing that beyond the ego, we are powerful and eternal.

With this spiritual feeling comes a sense of awe and respect for the world we live in and a feeling of gratitude for the life we’ve been given.

Love,

Eddie

Mirrors of the Self, no. 1

¡Hola! Everybody...
Taking a few days off, trying to organize my place and then spend some time with mother dear!

* * *


I was my grandmother's favorite. Sometimes it was cruel, but she made it clear to everyone that I was her heart. Every time she saw me, it was all hugs and presents -- secretly handed folded crisp bills, a toy, a bicycle. My grandmother worked her fingers to the bone in the garment industry, exploited by heartless men who paid her by the piece. She would bring bags of work home and cut lace by the miles. She always had something for me, even if she didn't have for the rest of the grandchildren. I was her fair-haired boy. My paternal grandmother died when my father was a mere boy, but his sister, my aunt, was a surrogate grandmother for me. And here too, I was her favorite. Both women knew pain. The pain of arthritis, of hands broken down by years of hard, relentless work. My aunt was a washerwoman, whose hands were stripped of skin from the harsh chemicals of her trade. Both women knew pain, both worked hard, were poor, but they always seemed to have enough for me. It was only when I grew older I realized the tremendous sacrifice a bicycle or a brand new pair of shoes meant to them. They gave and never asked for anything in return, except perhaps that I be a good boy and do well in school...

-=[ Song of the Self: The Grandmother ]=-
-- Alma Luz Villanueva

Surrounded by my shields, am
I:
Surrounded by my children, am
I:
I am the void.
I am the womb of remembrance.
I am the flowering darkness.
I am the flower, first flesh.

Utter darkness I inhabit --
There, I watch creation unfold --
There, I know we begin and end --
Again. In this darkness, I am
Turning, turning toward a birth:
My own -- a newborn grandmother
Am I, suckling light. Rainbow
Serpent covers me, head to foot,
In endless circles -- covers me,
That I may live forever, in this
Form or another. The skin she
Leaves behind glitters with
The question, with the answer,
With the promise:
"Do you remember yourself?"
"I am always woman."
"Flesh is flower, forever."

I enter darkness, to enter birth,
To wear the Rainbow, to hear her
Hissing loudly, clearly, in my
Inner ear: love.

I am spiraling, I am spinning,
I am singing this Grandmother's Song.
I am remembering forever, where we
Belong.