The Friday Sex Blog [Flowery Combat]

Hola! Everybody…
I spilled a full cup of freshly brewed Bustelos on my brand new keyboard, day before yesterday. I ran it through the faucet and tried to dry it out, but it’s actin’ funny now.

Again, some of you will see this as sexist...

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-=[ Flowery Combat ]=-

And how could I possibly have known
that all my martial arts
would fail me
against the flowers and the laughter
that were your forward troops,
the outstretched heart
of your army?

Dearest:

You are attracted to mutual sexual energy. Yes, it is true that you love your friends and family as well as your lover. But the unique aspect of intimate relationship is not love; its uniqueness is due to the attraction of the polarity between the masculine and the feminine -- the yin and yang of sexual attraction.

Every man and woman embodies both masculine and feminine energies, although each individual’s proportion is unique. This proportion determines your sexual gifts. It also influences whom you will find sexually attractive and who will be attracted to you.

Let’s try this for a minute. If you had to choose, would you prefer sex with someone who is radiantly alive, fresh and juicy, longing to surrender to your loving -- or with someone of deep integrity who sees through to your heart and wants to take you with confidence, passion, and total presence?

If you have more masculine sexual essence, then you will be attracted to a more feminine lover. By feminine essence I mean to describe the feeling of light, which feels as love and shines as all life. A feminine lover will splay open as radiance, full of life-force, yearning to open as love and receive your deep love. A feminine lover’s smile can literally light up your life and inspire your heart. Most women and some men have a more feminine sexual essence. (And please: having a more feminine sexual essence has nothing to do with juvenile notions of manhood, or a lack thereof.)

If your sexual essence is more feminine, then you will be attracted to a more masculine lover. By masculine here I mean to describe the quality of consciousness. In this context consciousness is manifested as a deep and penetrating presence. A masculine lover will take you and ravish you with deep and intense loving. A masculine lover can crack you open and expose the heart of a moment with humor.

If you are like most people, heterosexual and homosexual, then you don’6t have a balanced sexual essence (though a few believe they do). Everybody has some feminine and masculine characteristics -- especially on the surface. But deep down where it really matters, in the heart of your heart’s desires, your sexual essence is probably quite noticeably more masculine or more feminine. Deep down you desire to ravish or be ravished sexually, whether or not you that opportunity to enjoy this depth of loving in your life.

The masculine and the feminine are the Yin and Yang of love’s play -- they attract each other like magnet. Because of that, you will attract a lover whose essence is your polar opposite, a lover who, deep down, wants to take what your enjoy giving, who wants to give what you enjoy taking.

And it is in this polarity that lies the delicious torture, this dance of love, this “flowery combat” of intimacy. But the very thing about your lover that drives you to bliss, will drive you crazy. The lover who really turns you out in your sexual heart will also frustrate you to no end in the more mundane, superficial parts of your life. For example, if you have a feminine essence, then your masculine lover6’s confidence will turn you on, except when rushing like a bull in a china shop when discussing your feelings in a moment of conflict. If you have a masculine essence, then your feminine lover’s spontaneity and liquid sexual responsiveness will turn you on, except during times of psycho hysteria and unpredictable shutdowns.

In moments of deep connection and communion, the masculine and feminine open as an extraordinary gift -- two facets of one jewel, two facets of one reality. But in the more mundane moments, the shallower, everyday-dust-of-life moments, their differences can clash. For example, when trying to communicate something verbally, the masculine wants to understand the problem and get to the point, looking for a conversation that will travel as straight a line from point A to point B and hopefully with a resolution when all is fucking said and done. The feminine sees talking as it would a dance, as a way to connect to feeling, to be together, enjoying the currents of a shared life-energy.

What often happens, the more masculine partner gets frustrated by the feminine’s seemingly impractical style, while the more feminine partner is frustrated by the masculine’s strict adherence to a know-it-all matrix of The Way Shit Really Is.

Deep intimacy is based not on getting what you want, nor on compromising yourself, but on giving the deepest gifts of your sexual essence. Observe your superficial masculine need to solve a problem or your superficial feminine need to connect with your partner emotionally, and instead, offer your deepest heart and open completely to the moment.

If your feminine lover is babbling on about nothing in particular, offer your deep and unrelenting presence without turning away or zombieing out; penetrate your feminine lover’s heart with your gift of absolute presence.

If you masculine lover has reduced life to problems, solutions, and projects, overwhelm your lover like a monsoon of liquid light, soak your lover in love’s deep waters.

Him: “I am consciousness, and you are mine, my bright bitch.”

She: “I am light. Take me… if you dare!”

Manifesting as feminine radiance and attending as masculine consciousness, every moment opens as one conscious light. Play your differences with humor, opening as one, loving as two.

Love,

Eddie

Ego, Spirit & Relationships

¡Hola! Everybody...
As promised -- a continuation of “crazy wisdom” as applied to relationships... LOL

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-=[ Ego & Essence in Relationships ]=-

“People say, ‘I want love.’ Take away ego (I), and desire, (want) and what are you left with?”

Yesterday I received two communiqués from friends on the frontline of love. Why they try me, when I don’t even own a cat is beyond me. Maybe it’s because they think I’m smart, or because of my background in psychology, I dunno. In any case, both were in pain.

It’s funny because I was reading some interesting material that I feel bears on this whole relationship thingee. As some of you know, stages of moral reasoning hold a deep interest for me and it dovetails well with relationships. If we can picture love as a light, then as that light passes through us, it’s filtered according to what level of moral reasoning you’ve attained. At one end of the spectrum, there’s relating from an ego-centered perspective, at the other there’s a spiritual or essence-centered perspective. Both have huge implications of how and who and why we love. Perhaps you can think about this the next time you’re out on the front lines bleeding out...

First, ever notice how people often say, “I am angry,” or, “I am sad,” but almost never say “I am love”?

::arches eyebrow::

Ego-centered Relating

The major characteristic of ego is a sense of being separate and “unique.” To relate from an ego-centered perspective to experience love as a want -- something to fill that hole you feel at the core of being. Loving in this sense is grasping, clinging.

Relating from an ego-centered perspective is like making the commitment to turn your lover into an emblem of your sense of unworthiness, and to use that individual as a justification to forget who you really are. It’s a determination to make someone else your Higher Power -- to see them as the source of your happiness, security, sense of well-being.

In that way, it is almost certain you will blame them for the feelings of unworthiness, insecurity, lack of fulfillment, anger and discontentment that you feel. It’s always him who makes you unhappy. If only she could be the way you want her to be, you would feel better.

Egoic love is like taking a vow to use the relationship to practice and perfect your ability to judge and project. Self-centered relating is giving to get, and solidifying your perception of yourself as a powerless victim. Relating from an ego-centered, lower-stage moral standpoint is valuing the form of your relationship over its content, and to focus your energy on whether or not the other is living up to your needs as you have defined them. In this way, as long as your lover fulfills the desires and demands of your ego, you will love her and be nice to her. When they don’t, you will feel justified in criticizing and attacking him, manipulating him and trying to change and control him. You will use the relationship to practice your belief that safety lies in separation, in keeping secrets, in being defensive and attacking or withdrawing when you feel scared.

In this way, you assure that you will emerge from the relationship more angry, despairing, cynical, defensive, hopeless and convinced of your guilt (and his/ hers) than when you entered it.

Spiritually-centered Relating

Spirit, or Essence, for me is about the original self -- a higher self -- before all the garbage created in order to perfect the walls of our egos. Ego-centered relating is based on fear; essence-centered relating is grounded in love. It’s another way at pointing at our spiritual nature. We experience our essence in those moments when we become translucent enough to allow the light of love shine through us with the barest of distortion. From a moral reasoning development perspective, essence is relating from a worldcentric perspective, where the sense of separateness that marks ego-centered relating is absent.

Essence demands you deepen your acceptance of your own true nature as Love itself and using that as the ground from which you engage in love with your lover. It is committing to see your lover as a reflection of The Sacred, and think of her as a beloved companion here to help you wake up to the sanctity of existence. From this perspective, it is committing to join with your lover in healing whatever defenses come up in order to experience love.

In cultivating your capacity for unconditional acceptance, forgiveness, kindness, compassion and trust, you surrender your judgments and pave the way to see him as innocent and entirely lovable. In this way you may come to know yourself as the same. Essence leads you to focus on nurturing the content of the relationship, honoring her by doing your best to relate from a place of honesty and kindness. Where you see something lacking, you look to what you could give, instead of looking for what could be.

Resisting the temptation to control in order to avoid facing your own pain, essence will direct you to commit to stopping when confronted your own wounds and instead explore the true nature of your hurt. This can be scary because in sharing your process with another, you’re asking for support in opening your heart and in that way, surrender living under the thrall of your inner fears.

This sounds like a tall order, but it is infinitely more rewarding and healthier than anything you may have tried in the past. Relating from Essence is like returning home into the heart of Love together. It’s coming to the realization that through our relationships we may become our truest Self: free, whole, at ease, and capable of loving without condition.

Whew! LOL

Eddie