The 12 Steps for Everybody [Step 6]

¡Hola! Everybody...
Thursday is actually my hump day. It’s the longest day of the week for me and also the most strenuous. Thursdays I run my women's prison workshop at a women's facility and that's always a challenge. Later, in the evening, it’s my men’s group. I am fortunate in that it’s a labor of love. I’ll be away for most of the day. Make it a great day, people, there's a vicious rumor going around that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.

I forgot to post something on the 6th step in June...

* * *

-=[ Willingness ]=-

We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

The readiness is all.
-- William Shakespeare

I believe that the concept of willingness is one that isn’t given its due -- especially when it comes to relationships. Willingness here not being the narrowly defined ego-will we might think of when we think of “will.”

Willingness is important enough in everything we endeavor whether it be spirituality, self-improvement, learning, relationships, etc. Our willingness or lack thereof, is key in all our activities.

But because of the nature of this post, I'll try to confine my reflection in the area of human relations.

I remember reading somewhere, or someone telling me (I forget which), that it was not enough for me to believe, that I had to be willing to believe. At that time, I was a bit confused about this, “Do this mean I must muster up my willpower?” I asked myself. This was during my early process of attempting a relationship with myself, which I will label here my spiritual journey.

Over time, I have come to understand willingness differently. For me, willingness entails two important components. One is surrender, the other acceptance.

Surrender/ Acceptance

By surrender I don’t mean hopelessness or humiliation, or “giving up.” Surrender, in this context, is knowing, in a very deep sense, that the concept of control is flawed -- ineffective. Surrender in this sense is clearing the way to create an open space and preparing myself to be in more harmony with the world. Realizing that there are aspects of my self and my loved ones over which I have no control, I can become ready to be changed by surrendering to this truth. In surrender, I become ready (willing) to be changed.

That makes all the difference...

I can be wrong, but my own experience has shown me that love, true love, is about change, about transformation. It’s only when we try to control it that it eludes our grasp. I could be wrong, though.

But surrender is not enough. It’s not true willingness unless it contains another ingredient -- acceptance. When I accept the truth of surrender I am already changed, I am more in line with nature and the universe. I can’t force family harmony into my life, but I can become ready to be harmonious. I can’t make a lasting love appear for me on command -- I can become ready (willing) for such a relationship when the opportunities appear.

This is what I look for most in a relationship. It’s more important than looks, than whether she can cook or not, or her attitude, or her sexual prowess -- all of that is superficial for me. When I see the internet profiles that go on at length about the qualities being sought, I am completely, utterly amazed. Sometimes it seems that some of us are looking for “The One” who will fit our wish list of qualities.

Here’s my Christmas wish list, Santa!

It’s as if we’re still little boys and girls buying into the myth.

But my question to you is really quite simple: are you ready to surrender? Are you truly willing? Willing to become completely vulnerable and naked before yourself? Because what I am trying for is to become ready -- not perfect, nor to satisfy my superficial list of ego needs/ wants. So, my question for you is...

Are you ready?

Love,

Eddie

Relationship Thursdays [The Single Life... Commitment]

¡Hola! Everybody...
It’s the summer and this here post is a “summer re-rerun”... been busy working my way back to you, girl. LOL

* * *

-=[ The Single Life... & Commitment ]=-

Most of you don’t know me in the sense of ever having met me in person. I do have a large percentage of internet friends who know me in real life, however. Truth be told, many of you who read me know me in ways my friends who don’t blog don’t. In my striving to be open here, there are aspects of me that you get to see in ways that people in the real world won’t or can’t. Not because I don’t put it out there, but because sometimes even those close to us have preconceptions that filter their perceptions of who we are.

Having said this I must also add that my internet persona, while real, is only an aspect of my total personality. The internet brings out the “performer” side of me, the side I show when with a group or in front of an audience. Those who have met me in a group setting know that I’m completely out of control. I push the envelope, do and say things I’m not supposed to do and say, and generally create mayhem and havoc.

But that’s only one aspect of my personality. Usually, I’m more reserved and thoughtful when it comes to one-on-one interactions. So much so, that those who know only my “performer” side tend to think something’s off or wrong.

In addition, and contrary to those vicious rumors flying about, you can talk to me for hours and sex will not come up as a topic. This is true, though I know hard to believe.

On top of it all, I’m not nearly the slut in real life that I am here. I’m pretty much upfront and clear about my needs and where I stand, but I’m not a whore in the narrow sense of the word.

I’m a big whore.

This brings me to what I’ve been mulling over in my head these past couple of days. I am single by choice and I do what single guys do -- I date and generally totally enjoy the company of women. In fact, I hang out a lot with women to the point where some of my girlfriends kid that I like being in the hen house too much.

Shoot me, I like women.

So, I’m single I love the company of women, and do admit to being sexually motivated. If that makes me a slut, then so be it! LOL However (!!), when I’m in a relationship, I commit to staying true to that relationship. To me that means I don’t go out whoring, especially if my significant other isn’t into open relationships. This makes me think about my friend. We used to hang out a lot, but now he’s in a relationship and I tend not to hang out with him as much.

When I was married, I did not hang out with too many single men. Why? Because when single men go out, they go out for one reason and one reason alone. And that reason is unhealthy to any relationship I may have at the moment. If I’m married, I have no business hanging out with mostly single men on weekends because single men are on the make.

Period.

And for you guys out there shaking your heads? Save it for the missus, because I know better.

Don’t misunderstand, when I was married, I did things on my own hung out -- guys’ nights out --occasionally. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, you shouldn’t be hanging out all the time with single guys at clubs all the time because eventually you’re gonna fuck someone who ain't your woman!

Hang out in the barbershop long enough, and you’re gonna get a haircut, eventually. And as much as you or I say we love our woman, how much she means to us, and how we would never do something like that, if you’re hanging out in a single lifestyle often enough, you’re gonna act out.

Please, stop the bullshit, you and I both know is true, even if your woman will swear up and down you won’t do something like that, you and I both know it’s bullshit. You will stick your dick in that pretty young thing, and then feel bad after the fact.

Which makes me wonder why my friend insists on hanging out with me so much? To the point where he brings her along sometimes! People, don’t be bringing your woman to hang out with me when I want to do single type things because eventually I’m going to ditch you. And if you feel such a strong need to hang out with your single brothers so much, what does that say about your commitment?

You can’t be committed and act as if you’re single at the same time, brothers, get a grip. Moreover, while you’re at it, don’t bring your girl when I want to do my thing.

Love,

Eddie

Are You Ready?

¡Hola! Everybody,
Thursday is actually my hump day. It’s the longest day of the week for me and also the most strenuous. Today, my “girls” graduate – always an emotional event. Then tonight it’s my men’s group, which has almost completely turned over with new participants. I am fortunate in that it’s a labor of love for me. I’ll be away for most of the day. Make it a great day, people, there's a vicious rumor going around that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.

* * *

“The readiness is all.”
-- William Shakespeare

I believe that the concept of willingness is one that isn’t given its due -- especially when it comes to relationships. Willingness here not being the narrowly defined ego-will we might think of when we think of “will.”

Willingness is important enough in everything we endeavor whether it be spirituality, self-improvement, learning, relationships, etc. Our willingness or lack thereof, is key in all our activities.

But since this is a “Relationships” blog post, I'll try to confine my reflection in the area off human relations. I remember reading somewhere, or someone telling me (I forget which), that it was not enough for me to believe, that I had to be willing to believe. At that time, I was a bit confused about this, “Do this mean I must muster up my willpower?” I asked myself. This was during my early process of attempting a relationship with myself, which I will label here my spiritual journey.

Over time, I have come to understand willingness differently. For me, willingness entails two important components. One is surrender, the other acceptance.

Surrender/ Acceptance

By surrender I don’t mean hopelessness or humiliation, or “giving up.” Surrender, in this context, is knowing, in a very deep sense, that the concept of control is flawed -- ineffective. Surrender in this sense is clearing the way to create an open space and preparing myself to be in more harmony with the world. Realizing that there are aspects of my self and my loved ones over which I have no control, I can become ready to be changed by surrendering to this truth. In surrender, I become ready (willing) to be changed.

That makes all the difference...

I can be wrong, but my own experience has shown me that love, true love, is about change, about transformation. It’s only when we try to control it that it eludes our grasp. I could be wrong, though.

But surrender is not enough. It’s not true willingness unless it contains another ingredient -- acceptance. When I accept the truth of surrender I am already changed, I am more in line with nature and the universe. I can’t force family harmony into my life, but I can become ready to be harmonious. I can’t make a lasting love appear for me on command -- I can become ready (willing) for such a relationship when the opportunities appear.

This is what I look for most in a relationship. It’s more important than looks, than whether she can cook or not, or her attitude, or her sexual prowess -- all of that is superficial for me. When I see the internet profiles that go on at length about the qualities being sought, I am completely, utterly amazed. Sometimes it seems that some of us are looking for “The One” who will fit our wish list of qualities.

Here’s my Christmas wish list, Santa!

It’s as if we’re still little boys and girls buying into the myth.

But my question to you is really quite simple: are you ready to surrender? Are you truly willing? Willing to become completely vulnerable and naked before me? Because what I look for is someone who’s ready -- not perfect, nor someone who satisfies my superficial list of ego needs/ wants. My main question is...

Are you ready?

Love,

Eddie

PS: BTW, this was part of my 6th Step