The Friday Sex Blog [Love Lessons]

¡Hola! Everybody…
Life is about to get "interesting" for this blogger... the waves? The surf is up and the it's getting rough. Wish me luck.

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Love Lessons

“The night has a thousand eyes,
And the day but one;
Yet the light of the bright world dies
With the dying sun.

The mind has a thousand eyes,
And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies
When love is done.”

Just to set the record straight I am 55 years-old and for most of my adult life, I have been a committed bachelor. I have had countless relationships, many casual, a few serious, but for most of my life, I have been single by choice. I have no regrets. I like it that I’ve been single for that long and consistently. With the exception of one woman, I have never married, though I’ve lived with women over the years. I am not looking for a long-term relationship – nor have I ever.

Does the above sound like a hopeless romantic?

Exactly!

I am as far removed from the archetype of the hopeless romantic as you can get. Women -- women looking for serious relationships -- stay away from me. LOL

Yet the fact remains that you will be hard-pressed to find a more romantic person than yours truly. If you’re the object of my passion, you will feel as if you’re the only woman in the world. I will write poems in your honor, make exquisitely and excruciating slow love to you, perform solitary parades to celebrate your returns, mourn your departures. You will remember our first kiss because the attention to detail devoted to that most anticipated of moments will make you wet with appreciation.

I am not a “good guy.” I’m the man your mother warned you about. You may hate me when it’s all done, but you will remember me.

I have broken countless hearts and have had mine shattered into a million pieces so many times, I no longer even bother trying to put all the jagged shards together. It’s there, this heart of mine – cracked open.

Welcome.

I share all this in the interest of transparency because the one thing I bring to the table is my honesty -- my earnest desire to be as real as I can be. Later you may scandalize me, but you will never be able to say I wasn’t true.

My first kiss was with a girl named Emily. I was twelve years-old and I can remember that dark winter night and the song was playing over her transistor radio (Mellow Yellow). I remember I closed my eyes (I always close my eyes) and I remember we kissed on a dare. We both liked each other, but I was too shy to do anything about it until one of my cousins dared us and we kissed. It was a delicious kiss. My heart thumped. After that first kiss, we would meet every night in that tenement hallway and kiss. One day she let me kiss her nubby breasts, which I kissed tenderly, and another night I ventured and felt the moist wetness between her legs. She moaned…

We almost broke up because my cousin, who was jealous, insisted that a blister on Emily’s lip was some kind of sexual disease (it was a fever blister). Eventually, her mother caught us kissing (on the rooftop), we weren’t allowed to see each other, and when the summer recess came, they moved far away. That was my first heartbreak (and hers).

I was very much a nerd in those days, extremely shy around the opposite sex. Not long after Emily, my first lover, the raven-haired beauty, Victoria ("don't call me Vickie"), our 16-year-old babysitter, came to me in the middle of the night and thrust her hairy pussy onto my face. I remember the pungency of her sex and feeling somewhat confused, until I flicked at her with my tongue and she groaned. We would make love like that for months, until my mother came home early one night (she was working a night shift at a factory) and caught us in the clinch. Victoria wasn't allowed to babysit after that, but it didn't stop us. Many years later, I ran into Victoria and she confessed feeling guilty at having corrupting me, but I assured her that I felt gratitude for having been corrupted by the lovely Victoria. We laughed...

I would fall madly in love at 14 with a girl named Milva. Milva was intelligent, was a writer (or wanted to be one), and was one of the few people who could keep up with me intellectually. When we made love, it was like a poem the way it unfolded. We made love under the boardwalk at Brighton Beach's Pier 6. I loved Milva with all my heart and we were the most popular couple in our high school. Milva had jet-black hair, large and intelligent cherry-brown eyes and a petite but curvy body.

Dang! We were so hot for one another!

Milva left me one day for an “older guy” (someone in college) and that was a devastating loss. It would be a while before I could love again in that completely open and fearless way. Afraid of rejection, of being hurt, I turned to literature and began reading all the “Great Books” of the Western Canon. Having lost at love, I explored my intellectual side and I drank greedily from that cup.

I always moved between the landscapes of my heart and mind and, in many ways, I was in love with love. Towards the end of high school, Milva would return to me, but it was too late. Besides, by then I had Mona, a fierce Milva rival. Mona of the cinnamon colored skin, the insatiable need for sex. God! We spent a torrid summer years after high school in each others arms. She even threw out her husband. We made love everywhere and every which way. Mona was the first woman would gave me her ass willingly. Life was good.

Over the years I searched for the ideal way to love, sometimes through the eyes of that 12-year-old and occasionally with the wisdom of a maturing young man.

We all have a 12-year-old inside, that adolescent boy or girl in search of the perfect love. Our stories may be different, but we bring them into all the aspects of adult relating, influencing our styles of communication, our conceptions of intimacy, our degree of sexual openness, our values, our hopes, and our dreams. And because our stories are different, we sometimes collide, confronted with the inevitable conflicts of love. Until we make these internal stories conscious and become fully willing to explore them with our partners -- with understanding, patience, and compassion – we will never know true intimacy.

Without intimacy, life withers away. As all the great poets have noted, we need each other, deeply, in order to survive. When faced with love, we find ourselves reflected in the eyes of another and, if we’re able, we can grow together through this stormy search for self. Through love, our souls can unfold – like a rare and beautiful flower. We embrace, we discover each other, we grow, but still the mystery remains.

I have never found the perfect love of my idealistic adolescence, but I found something far more rewarding-- my true self. And the voices I’ve encountered along the way -- the books I’ve read, the women I have known, and the stories we’ve shared along the way – these are the seeds from which the man who stands before has grown.

Yo soy el hijo del cariño y tambien de la dulzura.

The Dance

¡Hola! Everybody... I’ve become so accustomed to posting a blog everyday, that it doesn’t feel right not posting. I didn’t write something new today, but here’s something I wrote some time ago...

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-=[ The Journey ]=-

“He who is outside the door has already a good part of his journey behind him.”
-- Dutch Proverb

Sometimes, when we look at how far we have strayed from the kind of people we want to be, we are overwhelmed by how far we have to go to pick of the pieces and get back on track. Perhaps for the first time we see clearly how unfair we were or how much we hurt ourselves and our loved ones. Just maybe we see more clearly the power ineffective patterns have had over our lives and how much we have missed as a result.

It is at this time that we become most ready to do the work of becoming a more integrated human being. What is probably most helpful at these times is to remember that life is a journey not a race. In reality, the path is the goal. The past is a memory and the future is but a fantasy, but if we look closely, we spend too much time lamenting past mistakes or wishing for a better future. Life is like a dance: the importance is in the dance itself, not reaching the end of the song.

One day I had what I now call a “spiritual awakening.” No, there weren't any angels, no God tapping me on the shoulder or striking me blind. No burning bushes or lightning. My spiritual awakening occurred at the most darkest, most desperate time of my life. My spiritual awakening was coming to terms with utter, hopeless defeat. In time, with a lot of help from many different people, I have been able to pick up most of the pieces of the wreckage of my life.

There were times when it seemed that the distance was too long -- almost impossible. But I just put one foot in front of another, one day at a time (sometimes one breath at a time) and when things seemed really bleak, I used the power of a support network -- men and women who were there for me and gave me what I needed and not what I wanted. I learned that the important thing was to stay on my journey and to allow things to unfold on their own. You put in the work long enough... shit happens.

If I look back, I can say “I” (meaning the “I” encompassing my family, friends, and community) have come a long way since that dreadful time eighteen years ago. What I have learned is that if I’m on a path of a positive and spiritual direction, that I have a good part of my journey behind me. Once we start, outside the door, we are progressing. And we will continue to progress if we remember that it is the reward of the journey itself that we seek, not merely the destination. It’s not something you remember, or something you seek in the future that will bring you what you want. It’s here, right now, if you open your eyes.

Love,

Eddie

Sunday Sermon [Audaciousness]

¡Hola! Everybody…
Hmmmm… it seems we now we have a Road to Nowhere that connects to the Bridge to Nowhere. Sarah “I can see Russia, Charlie!” Palin has repeatedly told the lie that she killed the infamous “Bridge to Nowhere.” The reality is that she was for it initially until it became too embarrassing and congress killed the funding. Once the project was practically dead, she decided it wasn’t good for the people of Alaska (after a cost of astronomical proportions). Well, it turns out that we now have a three-mile bridge in the middle of nowhere linking to a bridge leading to nowhere. Maybe that’s what they should call the Palin/ McCain campaign: The Road to Nowhere.

You do the math: 3.1 miles at a cost of $25 million dollars. Here’s your money at work:

(The road to nowhere connecting to the bridge to nowhere)

Maybe the money would've have been better spent on comprehensive sex education? ::blank stare::

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-=[ Living Audaciously ]=-

“Let no one be discouraged by the belief that there is nothing that one man or one woman can do against the enormous array of the world’s ills. It is from the numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped.”

Robert F. Kennedy spoke those words over thirty years ago. He went on to add, “Each time a man stands up for an ideal, strikes out against injustice, or acts to improve the lot of others, he sends a tiny ripple of hope, crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.”

At the same time, Martin Luther King, Jr. referred to the “fierce urgency of now” and passionately articulated a need for “vigorous and positive action.” These two men were cut down in the prime of their lives, but they weren’t the movement they served. We -- you and I and people who desire a more just world -- we are that movement. Those days, while filled with turmoil from deep tectonic cultural shifts, are not as critical as the world we live in today.

There is a sickness in this world so systemic, so widespread that most folk don’t want to acknowledge it. Everyday, as we sift through the mess of a disconnected and mechanistic society that costs countless lives, another chance appears to reclaim our right, to grow a relationship, to become more whole, more connected. Each act is another chance to speak louder, become stronger and more comfortable with loving truths. Each act you take is another chance to nurture the power, hope, and focused positive action necessary to create some sense of sanity in our daily lives.

But we seemed to have fallen asleep for a bit there and now that we are awakening, we want to blame everyone but those who should be held accountable. Truly, huge swaths of people in this country are still asleep.

There’s a slogan popular with the huge fellowship of the 12-Step movement: walking the walk. What it means is having the courage to live your principles. It’s about dropping the nonsense and, one day at a time -- sometimes one breath at a time -- living fully. Walking the walk to me is living audaciously. It’s getting out of your head and into your life, living your principles. Are you the change you want to see in the world? And if your answer is in the affirmative, is that change embracing of others and not just confined to your narrow demographic? What good is your child’s school, for example, if they’re being raised in a society that is failing millions of children? Eventually our children will pay for our fear-based narrow-mindedness. Of that, I am certain.

As nature is clearly showing us, we live in a world that is deeply interconnected in ways we’re only beginning to recognize. What we say and do affects countless others. Your actions can be life-affirming or they can be life-denying. The true challenge facing you today and every day you wake up is if your actions and thoughts will serve to make a better world, or if your actions will add to the fear and isolation that threatens to destroy us.

Every day, you’re given this chance to make a difference.

Every day…

This isn’t going to be easy, it will take every tear, every chuckle, every exalted and painful moment, for all of us to become more fully human, but it can be done. In fact, there are people already doing it:

· A group of teens takes action and help raise funds for an elderly woman who was assaulted and robbed -- giving her the $900 she lost.

· A small community-based organization helps a young couple buy their fist home.

· One grief-stricken mother begins a movement to end drunk driving, possibly saving countless lives in the process.

· One sober addict helps another stay clean.

Every day there are people everywhere making a difference, being the change they want to see in the world and that is the only way we will effect true change. Whether you’re a conservative or liberal, or radical, we have to come together respectful of our different values in a life-affirming spirit in order to save this planet. It doesn’t matter your views on abortion or God. Those are distractions fabricated to keep our wills away from enacting change. There is common ground, but that ground can only be inhabited if we respect our differences, white, black, or brown, gay and lesbian or heterosexual. In short, we have to walk the walk or become lost on the Road to Nowhere.

Love,

Eddie