Dysfunctions of a Team

I love to read business books.  My experience as an executive allows me to see myself and/or my organization when I read them.  I happened to hit a used bookstore when I was visiting Frenchi last week and snapped up a few.  Reading inspires me.  I very rarely make it more than a chapter when I put down the book and start focusing on some aspect or another of my business.  I'm working to achieve my project management certification but every time I pick up the text book it leads me off in a direction for my own business plan.

This week I'm reading The E Myth Revisited, by Michael E. Gerber and The FIVE Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lenicioni.  Both have been great for moving me forward.  The E Myth has me seriously building my own enterprise like a franchise.  Operations manuals, strat plans, even a dress code are all in the works.  I actually envision it as a franchise and want to set this up at the earliest stages to accommodate for growth.  The Dysfunctions book speaks to me on a deeper level.  It's painful in some ways because in my last role as CEO I failed to build a great team.  I had two fantastic members but out of my team of seven that's a low number.  To be fair to myself I had lack of support from the owner in regards to building my team - my efforts to budget a retreat were turned down as an example.  The failure of the team and the response by the owner led me to the decision to be my own owner.  in reading the book I can see where we failed and where we could have succeeded.  Some of the members were weighing us down in critical ways and I should have 'moved' them along.  The lack of a replacement kept me from doing so, but in the end it was a huge detriment.

I can't help apply the principals of the book to my personal life.  My guy and I are functioning poorly, when you look at the bottom of the book's model which is Absence of Trust it highlights the criticalness of our current state.  I don't trust what's going on.  At. All.    What I haven't done is enter into conflict with him.  I haven't recognized the benefits of honest, vulnerable communication.  In order to be healthy this is where it starts.  I have to stop being afraid of showing my real vulnerability.  I'm so damn afraid of being hurt by him/others that I pretend that I'm super cool, independent chick with a laissez faire attitude and truth is I'm super sensitive.

Last night he failed to phone me or text me. Again.

This time I slept through the night.  I've been pulling back emotionally and distancing myself.  Which feels healthy, but isn't really.  I keep saying this will end naturally, he won't work here, the relationship will end.  What have I learned from it?  Nothing.  I've shown I can be drama free, but what has it gained me?  Again, nothing.

He text this am:

Him: Gm :) got my phone, he charged me $40, not bad! Left work at 10 last night, today n tomorrow will b same! Can't work inside starting monday.  How r u?

Me: (I waited a minute...trying to figure out what to say).  Working right now.  It is busy.  Getting together with (insert sick family member) today.  They want to see me.  I'm buried in work which helps me cope.

Him: I c, good for u! How is (insert sick family member)?

Good for me?  Ummmm...i said i'm working to cope, that's not a rah rah comment.  Anywhoo I respond.

Me: Lots of roller coaster feelings.  (insert sick family member) are remarkable.

Me: It's a struggle for all of us.  Lots of family things.  You are out of the loop, contact between us is terrible.  Let's be honest.  :)

Me: Text is hard to relay feelings. Etc. Phone contact is sporadic and short.  What do you think you and I need?

Me: Besides sex.  Lol.  :)

A couple minutes pass.

Him: Time together...I miss "us"

Me: I do too

Him: Can I call u at noon?

Me: Yes please

Him: I will xxx

Me: xxx


I don't have soaring hopes about the two of us, but I do have hopes for me.  I have got to learn that conflict is healthy for moving things forward.  To have healthy conflict I have to enter into building trust with him and with myself.  He may not earn it, he may not be capable of being trustworthy.  He may be.  I just know that we are on the ground floor.