Class, there are some mornings when The Blond (i.e. your blondalicious teacher) needs to get something off her chest before she can do anything else....and today is such a day! Thus, I am posting early...something almost unheard of from me, your late night, absentee, tardy, and oh-so-edgy blogging teacher!
I have received numerous emails which ask a similar question, and I'll use a sample quote from one such email:
"How do shitty blogs become so popular?"
This is what I want to know too! Quite simply, many popular blogs s**k BIGTIME, and how do they attract readers, links, fame & fortune? Many of you've probably asked yourself the same question.
Following in the illustrious footsteps of TMZ, my dedicated staff and I are currently investigating, researching, snooping in trash cans, and employing other methods (which we can't tell you about) so that Blog-Blond can write the ULTIMATE UNDERCOVER expose about these P.S. B. (popular shitty bloggers). I believe you'll be pleased with the results and sleep better at night knowing HOW the P.S.B. cheated.
Mind you, not ALL of them have cheated! Some of these P.S.B. merely have dumb luck on their side, and other bloggers were saints in a former lifetime.... and thus have extremely good karma, even when it comes to the time-wasting and grueling hobby known as blogging.
However, we have determined through our (continuing) investigation why SOME of these P.S.B. are successful. (No, I'm not going to name names, but everyone knows who these P.S.B.'s are, don't we?! How can we not? Pu--hlease! Their blogs are boring, self-aggrandizing ads.) We're not including in this list and investigation the obvious ever-popular photography blogs: ahem, the p***o blog genre.
Here's what we have discovered:
One such P.S.B. bribed an entire hospital staff to link to them, vote for them, and write comments. Oh yeh!
Another P.S.B. bought a whole village, installed computers in every home, and enacted a law requiring the townspeople to blog about the P.S.B.'s blog. Sad but true!
Yet another P.S. B. married a high-powered, wealthy Hollywood 'muckety-muck', and others who wish to curry favor from the 'm.m.' (generic hollywood k*** a**), rave about her blog elevating it to blog stardom. (She's a friend of mine for the time being. That is, unless she reads this post and recognizes herself in this post-- which she probably won't since she's totally self-involved.)
These are only three examples with the theme of Money Talks. Fact of life, my sweet, hard(ly)-working blog students! BUT there's still hope for us small-time bloggers. Even if we don't have the massive moolah with which to cheat, AND we choose to play fair-- we can still work into our blogs certain famous names which (if the witch doctor is right) will assist us to catch a reader here and there through search engines: this is why you should probably mention Anna Nicole Smith, Britney Spears, and Humor-blogs.
In the works for Blog-Blond: a talk-radio show where you will HEAR the same dark and edgy tone you read here. I'm currently interviewing co-hosts. Requirements: dark, edgy, snarky, chatty, up-on-current-events, AND submissive. If you think you have what it takes, drop me a comment or email.
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