Wonder pants

Well, shit. The shiny porn pants aren’t gone. While we all let out an enormous sigh of relief when it appeared Wonder Woman had ditched her PVC pants for a more practical, stretchy, dark-blue pair, it appears our relief was ill founded. The porn pants are still there. Repeat, porn pants are go. (Man, that is going to bring some interesting keyword searches today. Helllloooo, perverts!)

After we got to see Wonder Woman’s Adrianne Palicki move it in what appeared to be a tweaked costume, NBC President Robert Greenblatt shot us down like the Invisible Jet in hostile territory. He told TVLine.com yesterday:

“There was an initial outcry about the long pants – you know, skintight pants as opposed to those little shorts [worn by Lynda Carter in the original TV series. But the shorts were always planned. They are actually used in the final confrontation when she beats Veronica Cale (played by Elizabeth Hurley).”

Um, dude, no one was mad that the pants were long. People were mad that the pants were shiny. Also, porny. Greenblatt said Wonder Woman has had three costumes all along: The shiny pants, the stretchy pants and the hotpants. And he says for all of our gnashing and wailing, nothing has changed.

“We haven’t made any changes from what was planned. But it’s always good to hear the feedback. I’d rather have people really passionately engaged in conversation, even if they hate something, than be kind of bored.”

Does this guy know how to play to the fans or what? No. 1, I have totally misunderstood your complaints. No. 2, I don’t really care what your complaints are because we’re not making changes. No. 3, watch my show anyway, suckers!

Greenblatt also went on to praise series creator and writer David E. Kelley, whose script for the pilot has been widely panned. Like, super duper, all over the place panned. I understand there have been some rewrites since, but I have the terrible suspicion that the line “Big tits save lives!” will still make the cut. I love boobs as much as the next gal (no, that’s a lie – I love them more), but I wasn’t really looking for Titty Empowerment from the new Wonder Woman. We have Helen Mirren for that.

As for the shiny pants, I’m starting to fear that Wonder Woman’s real foe will not be Hurley’s Veronica Cale. Instead, I think the real villain of the first season will be a lingering, chronic yeast infection brought on by non-breathable fabrics. Say hello to Wonder Woman, brought to you by Monistat.

Keeping abreast

Hey, hey. My words. They’re up here. OK, so, yesterday my thought process went like this: “Write many things and then spruce them up with some pretty pictures.” But today, I know better. Today I’m going to stop fighting it and reverse the equation. Why? Because it’s 10 days until Christmas (or if you don’t celebrate Christmas, a nice long weekend). I think we all deserve to turn off our brains a bit. And, as evolution would have it, my theme for today’s post has a habit of turning off brains anyway. I’ll freely admit, I’m not really a breast gal. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’ve nice – no, really nice. But I can usually still make steady eye contact with a lady in spite her really nice rack. Not that I don’t enjoy a peek now and then. There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world, it would be a pity to not stare at these. [Though your work might think otherwise, so tastefully – that means no nip – NSFW.]

Scarlett JohanssonSo she is single now. So, you know – hey, girl.

Christina HendricksLike I could leave her off this list. Pshaw.

Anna FrielSize doesn’t matter.

Julianne MooreI can’t say this enough: This woman is FIFTY.

BeyoncéIt’s kind of not fair being both bootylicious and boobylicious.

Anne HathawayAnne is totally laughing at my boobylicious joke.

Dita von TeeseMatching one’s cleavage to one’s jacket is truly a lost art form.

RihannaIf she really was the only girl in the world, that would be a shame because we wouldn’t be able to look at her.

Blake LivelyIs it just me, or does that look uncomfortable?

Salma HayekWhen she arrives to vacation on small South Pacific islands the villagers always notice an abrupt change in the tidal patterns which subsist immediately after she leaves once again. They have yet to determine what is causing the additional orbital pull. Ahem.

Lynda Carter/Wonder WomanThe Wonder Boobs were responsible for untold numbers of nascent lesbian experiences.

Love's Labor

Are you working? Well you shouldn’t be. Today is the day we celebrate working by not working. Yay, unproductivity! Like any good North American laborer I’m going to spend today being blissfully lazy, as will my Canuck friends, except they spell it with a “u.” So in honor of Labor Day, a day when we don’t actually have to labor, how about indulging in some sexy videos? You’re not at work so that mouth-breathing podmate won’t be leering at your screen. You’re boss won’t walk by right when things get good. This is the perfect time for a little (tasteful) NSFW YouTubery. I did all the laboring to find the videos so you don’t have to. You’re welcome. Oh, and you’re also welcome for Olivia Wilde up above. And by “you’re welcome,” I mean “don’t swallow your tongue.”

Girls kissing. Automatic pressing of the play button. Automatic.

Amber Heard in the short video “Death of Me” by her equally sexy girlfriend Tasya van Ree. That tattoo on her side, what does it say?

I never watched “Legend of the Seeker.” This was a mistake.

Also, because it’s Monday and because there are only two more episodes of “Rizzoli & Isles” (what, so soon, nooooo!), here is yet another Rizzles fanvid. No, I will not tell you how much time I spent getting sucked into searching for those. Needless to say, I’m glad I had another day to sleep in.

I’m certain these have whipped you into your own YouTube fandom rabbit hole. So enjoy. It’s a holiday after all. You go watch your favorite fandoms, I’ll go watch my favorite fandoms and… wait... hold on. Is that Wonder Woman… running… in… slow motion? So, clearly, we all have to watch this together.

Happy Labor Day, or Monday every place else.

My Weekend Crush

To think, all these years I’ve been thinking about how to get into Wonder Woman’s pants and all of a sudden I can’t stop thinking about putting on her pants. By now you’ve probably heard about the wardrobe change heard around the superverse. Women Woman wears pants – or at least some sort of industrial legging. It’s kind of shocking. My mind is at war with itself trying to decide if I hate hate hate it or think it’s progress that she no longer needs to do extensive waxing in her southern hemisphere to fight crime.

But all the talk about the Amazon Princess’ change from star-spangled hotpants and red-hot bustier to Hot Topic street fighter chic serves as a reminder of what Wonder Woman means to us. She is arguable (heck, we don’t even need to argue, this is fact) the most iconic female superhero ever. Despite her skimpy attire, she has never been salacious. She has been embraced as a feminist icon and even graced the cover of Ms. magazine. And, come on, you still wish you had a pair of those Wonder Woman Underoos like you had when you were five.

So changing her outfit is a big deal. And yet, it’s just an outfit – right? Wonder Woman still stands for what she always stood for – truth, justice and the world’s most transparent airline. She is powerful, she demands respect, she comes from a long line of female warriors. If she catches you staring at her Wonder bust too long in any outfit, she will clock you. But just think if they had originally drawn her in some sort of sensible stars-and-stripes pantsuits and then 69 years later the new guard switched her into her hotpants/hot top ensemble. The murder we’d be screaming, it’d be bloody.

In the end, I can’t get too worked up. Because this is Wonder Woman. She might finally get to wear some pants right now, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the hotpants are just at the dry cleaners. And as long as no one messes with my warm memories of Lynda Carter spinning and spinning and spinning, it’ll all be OK. Happy weekend, all.

EDITED TO ADD: Because it’s a long weekend. And because it’s the Fourth of July Weekend. And because the Fourth of July is all about the red, white and blue. And because one was more red, white and blue (pre-Hot Topic jacket and Lohan leggings) than Wonder Woman. Because of all of that, I felt like it was my patriotic duty to add this picture to the post. America, fuck yeah.