Simply Grounded

If I haven't said it before my man lives out of town so although we've dated for over six months we haven't spent tons of time together.  We haven't vacationed together, we haven't spent more than two nights together and we haven't done many things together outside of my home.   Even our phone conversations are short, he's not the phone talker type.

Tonight while having our daily phone convo I said I wanted to know more about what makes him happy, what an ideal day looks like to him.  I went on for a couple of minutes. Angsty, anxiety ridden conversation because that's how I roll when I'm nervous.  He simply said, "I think those are things we figure out about each other as time goes on."  He knows how to quiet me instantly.  Quiet my spinning mind.  I then thanked him for being so smart and we went into a jokey conversation about how it must be hard being smarter than the entire world.

I like how this man is.  He's really not trying to help me, he's just offering a simpler take on things I complicate.  He doesn't tell me what to think or how to think, it's just that how he responds speaks to me.  He grounds me.  For his part I think he likes how easy I am to re-direct.

Nerdville

I'm am such a nerd. How many women must start their day with YouTube videos?  I'm guessing very few. I don't appear to be a nerd, but I'm a total nerd.  I'm a weird nerd to top it all off.  I don't know any women who blog either.  I march to a different drummer for sure.  I think that's why I worry that my man will think she's just 'different' when he lives with me.  Angsty moment #10001.

Till Pensions We Do Share and other Treacle Thoughts

Angsty.  I'm in the he declared his love, I declared mine so now he'll decide I'm not all that and I'm going to be heart broken stage.  Crap it sucks having that hamster in my head!  I. Over. Think. Everything.  Why my friends are still my friends is beyond me.  Oh yea...because I pretend I'm normal and don't share every crazy thought that goes through my head, that's why  Instead I save it for you my fine friends of the interwebz.

He lives out of my town.  He wants to move to my town.  In fact we've talked about him moving into my abode, ma maison, he and I.  I love the idea.  Mostly.  Then I think about what that means.  I haven't lived with a man for a very, very long time.  In fact I've rarely shared my gorgeous four poster bed with a man.  Mind you it is fairly new. It means sharing a kitchen, a bathroom, a tub (okay that's a good thing), a TV. TV shows!  It means sharing ideas of what's fun, what's wrong and what's cooking?  I honestly couldn't think of a third what's except cooking.  That's a problem right? It means I don't even know what living together looks like. I don't.  My one and only experience prior was terrible, so I can say with confidence I have NO idea what the fuck a good relationship looks like.

I own my little home.  It's not grandiose but it has two apple trees in the backyard and that says something.  I have been feeling that it might be good to get our own place.  Start new.  Start with OUR environment, not adapt to mine.  I'd rent mine out and we could rent together.  Buying together is much too big of a commitment if you ask me.

I live in Canada and that means after six months of living together we can qualify as common-law spouses.  I hate that.  I want us to have a pre-nuptial prior to moving in.  I want him to feel protected from the gold digging ho' I am.  *I kid.  No but seriously men get done wrong by shacking up with poor choices for women, and I don't want him have an inkling of doubt about my intentions for his millions. Okay maybe if he had millions I wouldn't be writing this.  Gotta tell the truth does I.   We both need to feel that what we've worked for won't have to be shared with our mates.  If we make it to old-age pension time together then heck ya when he kicks the bucket I'd like a piece - but them days are a ways away and I'll have earned it or vice versa because we did the time.

So I've departed from my early angst ridden hamster thoughts in the post I see.   Just like a woman to lose her train of thought huh.  I better go and contemplate the next text I send him.  It's either going to be "good a.m baby." or "wow my walk was awesome".   The first one sends a sweet loving message and the second an athletic tigress one. They say a picture says a 1000 words?  Okay half naked pic tiz.  Phew...that was easier than I thought.