Judgment Day 2011; Athletes Who Will Be Left Behind

The End is Near.  No, it's not a proclamation by either the NFL regarding the lockout or the GM of the Phoenix Coyotes on the hockey team's future.   It's the Day of Reckoning for Mankind, so say the lunatic members of a doomsday group who predict the world will cease to exist after the earth is rattled by series of earthquakes and tidal waves tomorrow between 5 and 6 p.m. 

New York City has been plastered with ads warning if the upcoming Apocalypse on Saturday July 21 and how God will only spare those who are pure of heart.

So people, you don't have to fret over overdue library books or the vig to your loan shark.  Go ahead, make that nasty, drunken text to your ex because, after tomorrow, it won't matter.   It'll all be over soon.

This presumed "Rapture" will spare the souls of the pure by whisking them into heaven while the rest of mankind will be left to face their doom on the crumbling earth.  Professional athletes--however adored on earth--are not an exception and some won't be making that trip up to eternal happiness.

I believe the world must be coming to an end because how can you explain Jason Giambi jacking three home-runs the other night.  Who even knew he was still around?

And what about the Cleveland Indians?  Best team in the majors?  Come on. We're talking about Cleveland here.  That's enough evidence for me.

Tomorrow's Doomsday is just more bad luck for Cleveland all around.  The Cavaliers finally get two top-four draft picks to make up for the left-at-the alter move by LeBron James and BOOM!   No more Rock and Roll Hall of Fame or Dawg Pound.  It's over.  If it makes Cavs fans feel any better, James will be one of the fateful ones slated to be left behind--with no championships.

The Apocalypse will bring some good things.  We won't have to wring our hands about the NFL owners and the NFLPA hugging it out.  They're all on God's naughty list anyway.



And no one will have to care which team ends up on HBO's "Hard Knocks" this summer.  It's a moot point now.  Sorry Detroit Lions, you almost had your day in the sun and games on Monday nights.

Jim Tressel, I wouldn't worry about that whole deal about stipends for college players anymore.  You have bigger sweaters to fill.  Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you God is a Michigan fan.  Know what's worse than an NCAA investigation?  A Grim Reaper named Bo.

There are too many celebrities who won't be spared by the Almighty.  Arnold Schwarzenegger's ticket to heaven has already expired and don't count on any Kardashians taking the V.I.P. elevator up--or members of any reality series for that matter.  If Ahhnold had only waited a few more days before blabbing about his love child.

Tim Tebow won't have to worry.  He's a lock to be Raptured by God.

Lawrence Taylor, now that's another story.  Sorry LT, you'll be joining Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Brett Favre.  There's no room in heaven for wusses or horn dogs.  Did I mention that O.J. will be dodging rocks and waves after hitting the prison chow hall tomorrow night?

Tiger Woods didn't only drop from one big list this week.  The almighty doesn't look down too kindly on bratty golfers or philanderers.  I'm not sure in what order.

Also deserving to be left behind are the "Green Men," team mascots and any prima-donna wide receivers.  Just lump them in one annoying group and let them fend for themselves.

This just in--Lance Armstrong, things aren't looking too good for you right at this moment.  I would get out my mountain bike, it's going to be rough riding tomorrow night.  Wait.  No world Saturday means no "60 Minutes" Sunday.  You're in the clear.  Lucky you.

Jorge Posada will be spared, but the inside dirt from upstairs is that he will be batting ninth.  The Almighty is one manager you don't want to bail on and he (Yup, he's a he) makes George Steinbrenner look like a kitten or a Mets GM.

There is hope for the fallen to be sucked up into the heavenly skies tomorrow.  Michael Vick and Plaxico Burress have paid their debt to society and are deserving of second chances.  And pigeon-loving Mike Tyson will be spared--if only for his cameos in "The Hangover" franchises.  God likes raunchy buddy-movies.

I am taking all this so-called End-of-the-World talk seriously because I have proof that, on Saturday, the earth will crumble and burn.  I know, because I got a sure thing on a horse for tomorrow's 6:20 p.m. start of The Preakness.  Too bad the world ends twenty minutes earlier.  Just my luck.

Lawrence Taylor Pleads Guilty To Two Misdemeanor Sex Charges

Former NFL great Lawrence Taylor pleaded guilty to two misdemeanor charges for sexual misconduct today in a Rockland County, New York courthouse.  The ex-New York Giant will be sentenced in March and is most likely looking at 3-6 years of probation with no jail time.

Taylor was arrested for his role in a teenage prostitution bust at a Holiday Inn last May 6.  He admitted paying $300 to a teenage girl for sex.  He claimed he believed the girl was 19 years-old.  The District Attorney's Office charged Taylor with "improper sexual conduct involving an underage girl."

In court, Taylor admitted he knows now that the girl was 16 years-old at the time.


Taylor plead guilty to 1 count of sexual misconduct and 1 count of patronizing a prostitute in the 3rd degree.

Outside the courthouse Taylor had no comment but his attorney, Arthur Aidala, said the Hall of Fame linebacker "wants to put it behind him" and is satisfied that the case "ended swiftly."  He said Taylor acknowledged that the girl was 16 but his client "was lied to."

Taylor will be sentenced in March.  The judge will probably show leniency because Taylor is cooperating with authorities to break up a sex-trafficking operation involving the young girl's pimp.

In addition to the probationary period and monetary fine, Taylor will have to register as a sex offender.

LT Called For Hit On Sick Daughter

By Tony Mangia

Former New York Giants football great Lawrence Taylor is once again dancing with the bars.  On Friday, the ex-grid star was a no-show in a New Jersey court where he is trying to reduce his monthly support payments to his sick out-of-wedlock daughter. 

Taylor--who is already awaiting trial for allegedly having sex with a 16 year-old prostitute in a Holiday Inn--emailed the judge a last minute doctor's note blaming a medical condition prohibited him from flying into New Jersey for the mandatory hearing.  The "condition" has not been made public.

This excuse apparently didn't fly too well with Judge Peter J. Melchionne.  "Why shouldn't I issue a bench warrant?" the angry judge scolded Taylor's lawyer, James Keys. The judge warned Keys that he was ready to sack Taylor with a warrant if he missed another court date.

While LT was willing to blow $300 for an hour with the alleged prostitute last May, the troubled Taylor wants to slash as much as $500 off the estimated $1825-per-month payments to his daughter Erielle.  The 12 year-old lives with her mother, Ebony Washington, and suffers from Crohn's disease.  The chronic intestinal illness was diagnosed earlier this year.  Taylor has never publicly acknowledged Erielle.  She is one of seven children Taylor has fathered with a number of different women according to court papers. 

Taylor made the motion after Washington filed in Bergen County family court to increase her support deal.  Washington says part of the extra money will go towards Erielle's medical bills.

Erielle's mother claims Taylor, who lives in Florida, misses more than court dates.  She said Erielle rarely sees her father.  "He promises to visit her when he's in the area, but he's never shown up, not once," vented the mother. She claims her only contact is via text messages or through his lawyer.

Washington also said Taylor had promised to increase support payments when his other children grew up and he was financially more stable.  Melchionne ordered both sides to show financial statements next month and set a February trial.  Taylor has already been accused by the judge of reducing amounts on checks in bank statements previously turned over to Washington's lawyer.

The "Dancing with the Stars" contestant will be waltzing in and out of a lot of courthouses in the next few months.  Taylor is looking at up to five years in prison and sex offender registration if he is convicted on felony 3rd degree statutory rape and 3rd degree patronization involving the Holiday Inn arrest.  He plead not-guilty in July.

L.egal T.rouble

By Tony Mangia

DANCING WITH THE BARS

It's not surprising about the mess ex-Giants and football icon, Lawrence Taylor, got himself into last week---it's the sheer stupidity. Taylor's fast, blitzing style of play not only pleased fans but that same recklessness has also followed him off the field too. The alleged rape of a sixteen year-old girl in an upstate New York Holiday Inn was the latest in a long-line of the ex-linebacker's criminal offenses and convictions. The "runaway" was dropped off at Taylor's room by a pimp who allegedly punched her for, at first, refusing to go. What did Taylor do after he was done with her? He gave the beaten and black-eyed girl $300, sent her on her way, and hit the hay. The girl notified her uncle of the alleged rape and he called the authorities. Police said Taylor was sound asleep when they knocked on his hotel room door a few hours later. He was denied a request to use the bathroom and was led away in handcuffs.

Taylor was charged with third-degree rape and solicitation of a prostitute and is out on $75,000 bail. His attorney, Arthur Aidala, denied the charges and claimed Taylor was a "family man" and "he didn't know the girl was underage." Any time those two phrases are mentioned in the same breath, something just can't be right. "As with any celebrity, Mr. Taylor is a target," Aidala claimed. That same notoriety is what charmed courts and kept him from prison in the past.

Taylor's battles with drug and alcohol demons are well documented. He admitted smoking crack the night before games and beating drug tests by using other people's "clean urine." His play on the field had many players and coaches overlook any infractions that occurred. Fans adored his roving, balls-out play. The more devastating a hit, the better. There wasn't a bar or night club where he didn't have drinks lined up and paid for by his admirers. He WAS that vaunted Giants defense which won two Super Bowls--tough and unyielding---just like his persona and lifestyle. The crime that prosecutors are now charging Taylor with now is so repulsive that none of his past supporters can say anything. What's scary is most people don't seem to put it past Taylor. His open admissions of his past trangressions have come back to haunt him. Giants owner, John Mara refused to comment on the charges and all that his ex-teammates can say is that they thought he cleaned up his life. Taylor's current, and third, wife called it a "setup."

Most Valuable Prisoner

It's been over ten years since Taylor was arrested for drugs. He claimed in his book," LT:Over the Edge", he would go through $1000 worth of crack in a night. He was busted for buying cocaine from an undercover agent in 1996, but police reported finding no drugs in his hotel room in the latest incident---only a bottle of liquor. In 2009, he was arrested for leaving the scene of an accident---then driving two miles without a front tire and, before that, tax evasion charges and bankruptcy.

There aren't a lot of things that haven't been said about L.T. in the media. It all comes down to too much. Too much adulation. Too much partying. Too many incidents. Taylor is not some tragic figure who deserves our pity. He needs help plain and simple. In a best case scenario, Taylor's claim he unwittingly paid for an underage prostitute will be proven. Not much light at the end of that tunnel--a light jail sentence and divorce--if he's lucky. The roar of thousands at Giants Stadium now becomes the silent stares of twelve of his peers in a jury gallery.

There is talk of banishing Hall of Fame members for criminal actions. Where do you start? The violence of football is glorified as macho--a man's sport. Its what separates the members of Canton from the run-of-the-mills. Does a DUI constitute banishment? How about assaults and drug convictions? How do you distinguish the man on the field from the man off it? The 1986 NFL MVP has been given many chances and Taylor seemed to benefit from them. This time a young girl is involved in the most sordid of crimes---rape. Lawrence Taylor has let down too many people for too long. If he is found guilty, even the most ardent fan will find it hard to remember Taylor as a gifted athlete. He will get his day in court and, this time, it seems even the staunchest of a Lawrence Taylor goal-line stand may not help.