Not because it is wrong to dream big, or to see yourself in a greater, more positive light. In fact, for some authors, I would think it helps them to continue on their journey towards being published. It probably feeds their creativity. However, I am not one of them. If I get caught up in play-land, and what I might become someday, I forget what I am writing for in the first place: the love of writing.
I guess I have to wear two hats when it comes to this subject. On one hand, I often live in an alternate reality where I am perpetually thin and good looking, and where I am living in a big, craftsman style home that I had built with my earnings from the sale of one (or all) of my books. So I do understand the need for being somewhat dreamy about my writing.
But with the other hat, I remain realistic and honest about my work. I am unpublished, and at this point that is where I am going to stay until I've perfected my craft enough to pique an agents interest. I have a small legion of friends who love my stories, and so I keep writing to entertain them. I do not have a contract with an agent, I don't have copies to give away or autograph. I am not a professional as of yet, no matter how much I dilute myself into believing so.
Sometimes it's easy to pretend. Again, this isn't always bad, it's just misleading. If I tell someone that an agent requested my manuscript in full, when in fact, I actually asked them to read it...that is deceitful. If I tell people that I can't believe I get paid to do something I love, it's deceitful. (I'm not getting paid. Otherwise I would be living in the aforementioned craftsman style house.) If I offer signed "free" copies of my "book", when at this point all it is is a bundle of xerox paper bound with a clip...that is deceitful. (How can I advertise them as free when they already are free?) Granted, I would love to be able to justify giving away copies of my book, but until it is published (whether by a company or self publishing) I don't feel like I can honestly advertise my work in such a way. It isn't wrong, per say, it's just misleading. That's why I don't indulge my famous author fantasy world.
(Though, I have to say, I still really like the stories written by delusional amateur writers. Because hey, a good story is a good story, whether the writer is honest or not.)
I say...why not be honest? Just admit you're struggling and that you're not getting anywhere yet, but that you might someday. Why pretend like you're walking red carpets and living the lifestyle of JK Rowling, when you're still eating mac-n-cheese from a box and clipping coupons? Are red carpets and wild popularity what a writer writes for anyway? Is it about the big craftsman style house and the interviews with Oprah? Is it about fancy dresses and cameos in movies? Is it about having the most blog followers and a deceived fan base that think you're something that you're not (yet)?
Maybe for some. And that's...okay. For them.
But not this writer. This writer writes stories because if I don't, my head will implode. Because even if I never get published, my legion of fans who have read and raved about my stories will continue to enjoy them. Because even if I leave this mortal coil without having ever hit it big, I will leave behind an arsenal of great romance stories that entertain the few friends and fans that I have. Sure, I want to be published. I want to make money at this (though I could skip the red carpet fantasy...that's not for me. Give me a nice check, and I will crank out some more great books.) and I want to be able to say "I did it!!"....but do I want to do it for those reasons alone?
Naw. I want to do it because when I write, it makes me happy. Period. More writers should get back to that feeling. Make it less about playing make believe in the role of the wildly successful famous author, and more about bringing it back to the basics. You. A pen. Some paper. And a kick a** story. Because at the end of the day, at this point, that's all that some of us have. And for me, that's enough. And that's what's realistic.
Brooke Moss.
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