Sexual Gatekeepers versus Soulkeepers

My ex-ltr called me to see how I'm doing in the midst of all my family troubles (very sick relative) and we commenced a conversation about relationships and sex.  Two things I loooooove to talk about.  He had some opinions on frenchi which weren't terrible but more along the lines if he's not giving you what you need then move on.  He was more interested however in talking about how easy it is for women to get laid and how he'd like to experience it for himself.  He feels I'm hot enough to span the demographic of ages and could have whoever I wanted in bed.  I find this funny because what he says is true in some respects, but not at all what women want.  He really wants to be a man in a woman's body and have sex.  I think he'd rather sex up women if that was the case, because otherwise he'd have to be penetrated by a dude.

Women do hold the cards in sexual engagement.  We are the gatekeepers.  I know that and yet feel no power in it.  Okay, maybe a little.  I know I could have sex with multiple partners every day of the week if I wanted to, even at the same time.  Men don't say no easily.  Men aren't as picky in who they'll bang either.  I work at being fit and keeping myself attractive which simply ups the quality of man, not the quantity.  Quantity is high for basically any woman if she so chooses.   A man's dream to have that much access to sex right?

Women are biologically wired not to desire that, which is where it gets confusing for men.  Even my ex-ltr was encouraging me to go out and do the nasty with more men, I think he was picturing living vicariously through my experience.   I find no joy in picturing myself with man after man simply living for the next sexual thrill.  don't identify with the PUA's on men's sites.  Sure there are women out there who will but my belief is they are looking for a man who will fall in love with her and they believe being sexually expressive will help.  If I've learned one thing at Roissy, men love sluts but they don't want to marry them.

I used to play an online game called Secondlife, it was a place I could express sexual fantasy outside of my bedroom.  I was quite the slut and had many men vying for my attention when I got online.  I can write dirty like nobody's business.  It was thrilling to be sought after in the virtual community.  I had a hot avatar and spent a little money in making her look realistic, but it was really what I said in my little chat box that had the men buzzing like bees.  I later learned that a lot of women avatars in Secondlife are actually men.  They knew they could get more by being a woman than by being a male, because even in virtual life women are choosy.  I found this out because men would ask me if I was a woman.  I thought that was a dumb question, not realizing the proliferation of males in the game itself.  I'm a bit nerdy so I was able to survive a bit of a steep learning curve where many women bow out.

Men and women have totally different power holds in the sexual marketplace.  Women to their bodies and men to their souls.  Both genders seem to want what they don't have.  Bottom line is we are responsible for what we want, need, desire and can't blame a gender when we don't get it.  Far too often we're unaware of what drives us, we confuse biological and emotional drives and we 'f' up because of it. Even now more aware of what drives the sexes I still am confused, it's a struggle for me to separate the two and only in crisis have I become more aware of my emotional side.  I damn well better learn something I tell myself...