Hamster spins the wheel again.

My man is back in town, but back on a project which is very time and deadline intensive.  I'm not sure when I'll be able to see him.  It's been almost a month since I saw him in person and I feel the distance  physically, mentally and emotionally.  He was away on family business and I agree with him in its importance.  He was great at keeping contact in the early days of his departure but as I wrote about in this post, followed up by this post, the contact became less frequent.  I know when I've gone away it's easy to forget or at least to have fade all that's going on back home.  I understand that.  It's harder for the person left behind because life continues as normal.

I'm awaiting his call and want to have the right attitude going into it.  I don't want to sound or be the needy, whiny girlfriend who makes demands for more time.  My biggest fear is I'm being played for the nice girl I am.   This is my own fear and not anything he's done, I feel I should state.  I waver between asking him for reassurance of our relationship status, and playing joe cool.  The latter option is a fake one.  I don't feel cool.  I miss him terribly and feel a strong desire to reconnect.  He assured me last night that when we see each other everything will be crystal clear.  My hamster spins and wonders what crystal clear even means.  I'm a hopeless case I admit.

I do have to say that when we are together it feels natural, any worries I have during our times spent apart fade.  If he isn't authentic then I've picked a damn good psychopath and should be proud of myself. There something to take credit for, that's how to reframe huh?  This little blog teaches me self-control, if I didn't have these pages to spew into, imagine what he might get.  Toxic sludge anyone?

Two minutes and counting to said call.  God I'm neurotic.  I'll report back if there's anything of interest.

Update: He called, I was charming, sweet and loving*.  He wants me to visit him next week for a few days while he finishes work and then take me on a mini-holiday.

*translation:
I kept my voice light not heavy.  I told him I really missed him.

Small portion of the convo:

Me: It is what it is (referring to a work situation)
Him: That's a Hell's Angels tattoo saying, are you a biker chic?
Me: Ya, didn't you see my tattoo?
Him: No I think I need to go deeper and harder looking for it

Yea, that's my man and he's back in town!