Not because I've done anything wrong (for once) but because that's just how things are going. I feel like I am sort of at the bottom of a long list of things to do for more than a few people. And that's okay. But for a forward thinking (obsessing) kind of chick like me, I tend to flail pathetically if I don't have all of my ducks in a row...
Yeah. Like that. Do you see his expression?? That is me today.
I like to know what is coming, and when it will arrive. I want to know how many, how far, how much, and how it is all going to happen. I want to know nothing has changed or everything has changed. I want no surprises, and I want everything to happen as planned for and predicted. Sadly, the rest of the world doesn't work that way. This is what is currently causing me ulcers.
I want to know that everything in my life is set and organized and will be done on time, and will be wrapped up with a pretty bow.
*SIGH* The world doesn't work that way, unfortunately. In the real world, I am forced to wait, to wonder, to over think and over analyze, to stress, to try and do it all myself, to brood, and to (sadly) get pissed off...
This is not a good thing. I think sometimes I need to control the world. Then I would have what I need, no matter what! Suh-WEET!
Ok, ok, not a chance.
But in any case, here are the things I really, really need today, but will more than likely go without:
1.) A nap.
2.) A maid.
3.) A listening ear.
4.) Firm support.
Okay. Maybe I don't want the support in bra form, but I wouldn't mind a little in human form. The bra does prove to be a fabulous analogy, though.
5,) Expensive cheese.
6.) Feedback.
7.) An old, non-hot nanny.
8.) A vacation to Greece.
9.) A friend who just gets it.
10.) A laugh.
Not to say these things are completely out of reach forever. They just feel out of reach today. And today feels particularly daunting. I have a lot on my plate. And by a lot, I mean A LOT. No more than most of the other writers I know, but still. The only way I feel like I can weed through all of this, is by organizing the shizzle out of myself for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, that doesn't necessarily work for everyone else.
You see? I've come back to the world control thing again. Maybe I really should look into that...
Well, anyway...I have to get back to work. I will get through my day that is already fixing to be crap. And I will do it with a smile:
Not because I want to be smiling, but because I have to keep smiling. Smiling people attract less attention than crying people. And because I don't feel like answering questions. I feel like having my questions answered! Dammit. Do you hear me...husband, kids, doctors, friend, foes, and fellow earthlings?? Answer MY questions for once! Meet MY needs for once! Make ME the priority for one day!
Argh. It's gonna be a rough day. I need some cheese.
Brooke Moss.
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