Confessions of an ex cryer.

I used to be a cryer.

When I was a kid, and a teenager, everything made me cry. Movies, drama with friends, books, mean teachers, being sad, scared, tired, angry, bored........whatever. It all made me cry. I got it from my mom, who is the ultimate cryer. It's hard to explain. Let's just put it this way: Anna Nicole's death was hard on a cryer like her. Everything used to make me cry. Everything.

But years and years and life experiences have hardened my candy shell. It takes a lot for me to cry now.

Thank God.

Death. Death makes me cry. Funerals especially. I mean, nobody likes funerals, but I am especially allergic to them. And when my kids are very, very sick. That makes me cry. But I honestly don't show much emotion to anyone but my nerd anymore.

And here is why: When you are an emotional person in a family like mine, it becomes extremely easy for others to label you as the "drama queen". And here's the deal: I hate that label. I've got some pretty seriously high strung people in my family, therefore I am not the drama queen. I could potentially be a drama dutchess or lady in waiting....but Queen? No way. That label is reserved for others who shall remain nameless.

This is why I changed:

When you cry and can't handle confrontation, people lose respect for you. It's not fair, but it's the truth. People don't respect someone who whimpers and scampers away from conflict. I don't LIKE conflict, but I refuse to back down from it.

When you are such a wuss that you can't watch movies or read books (or WRITE books) with confrontation, you are a wuss of epic proportions. Conflict is an unfortunate detail of life that everyone goes through. Even the people who hate it. I've learned to put on my big girl pants and deal with it.

There is nothing more annoying than having an argument with someone who cannot control their crying. It's aggrivating, and I hate it. I refuse to be one of those people. Refuse. I might shed a tear or two, but I refuse to be the person in the argument who can't keep themself together. REFUSE.

When I was a cryer, people referred to me as a "cryer". "Oh, you know, Sarah. She'll cry at anything. She's so emotional." Um, hello embarrassing! I never want to be referred to as "the cryer" again. I want people to think I have a heart of stone, unless I choose to show them otherwise.

I mainly learned not to be a cryer when I was leaving my first marriage. Our divorce got nasty, and my ex was (and still is) a dead beat dad of epic proportions, and I pretty much spent 8 months straight with a red nose and those hiccupy breaths coming out of my lungs. I know...pretty annoying.

Well...

I learned pretty fast that crying and weeping and pissing and moaning all the time wasn't going to help me. The vast majority of the people out there in the world couldn't care less what my troubles were, and so who was I to expect sympathy and understanding all the time? Sure, I was going through a rough time. The absolute worst time of my life, to be exact. But was that everyone else's problem?
No.

So I have to put on my big girl panties, and deal.

Now I am in my thirties, and I am different. It takes a lot for me to cry, and when I do, I am usually only around my best friends or my hubby. NEVER around other people. And even then, I do not demand attention or sympathy. In fact, I refuse it. I don't want sympathy. I want to disappear until I can pull my sh** together, that's what I want!!

Which is why I tend to avoid people who are too emotional. Not because they're bad people, but because it annoys me. "I don't like confrontation!" Well then...my advice to you is to stop pissing people off. "I'm just an emotional person!" Well then...go be emotional over there, because you're getting tears on my shirt, and it annoys me. I cannot deal with hysterical people. Friends who are crying? No prob. Business colleagues who cry because of nothing, and who demand excessive attention? Big prob. Close relative going through a rough time? No prob. Hysterical lady at church who was touched by the opening line of the opening song at the opening of church? Wow.....get some prozac. You need a good counselor.

My heart is made of stone, apparently.

Brooke Moss.