Return of tree trunk legs.

I had a return visit from Tree Trunk Legs this weekend.

You may remember him from a post a month or two ago, in which he called me a "sell out" for wanting to write the kind of books that publishers and agents are looking for right now. Oh, and he also called the Romance Genre "porn". That was a fun conversation, let me tell you.

So anyway, we met again.

This time I was sitting in the foyer at church, to embarrassed to go into class late, because SO HELP ME, there are never empty chairs in the back of the room, there are only empty chairs in the front, and I am absolutely incapable of walking to the FRONT of the room once the class has already started, for fear of tripping, or my skirt being tucked into my pantyhose, or farting in front of someone....I know, my imagination goes wild. I can't help it. I have unecessary fears. So the point of this paragraph is: I was sitting in the foyer because I was late to class, and too much of a chicken to walk clear to the front to sit down. Translation: I am a wuss. Period.

Anyhoo...so I was working on some edits while I sat there. I had my latest chapter, and a red pen with me (always), so I decided to pass the time getting work done. And sure enough....TTL (tree trunk legs) comes walking up. Which made me ask the question...if I am forever in trouble for skipping classes, why isn't this dude in trouble, too? Because so help me, the guy is never in class, and always prowling around for someone to talk to (insult)! How does he manage to escape judgment, but I don't?? Very frustrating.

So I am sitting there, pretending not to notice that he is not only carrying in a fresh, steaming Starbucks cup, (In a mormon church...don't get it? Google it. You will.) but also carrying in a fresh, steaming Starbucks cup on a Sunday. You see, we don't go to restaurants or stores on Sunday, as it is the Lord's day, and we don't want people working for us, or serving us for money, on the Lord's day. Probably sounds like hooey to some of you, and makes complete sense to others. I enjoy it. Keeping the Sabbath day holy isn't much of a sacrifice for me. To each his own. Anyway....so this guy walks in, and I pretended to look the other way.

Now is the point in this post where I point out that TTL has taken a fondness towards me. I'm not sure why. I'm chubby, mouthy, and somewhat cranky. And, bitterly put, his wife is gorgeous and ridiculously intelligent. The whole package. So why would he like me? Who knows. I find that men I go to church with often find me to be too loud and too mouthy to enjoy. *Sigh* Except TTL. He thinks I am the shizzle.

So anyway, he comes up and sits down on the couch right next to me. Not across from me, not in one of the other chairs, but right, directly next to me, thigh to thigh. So...right off the bat, my bubble has been invaded and I am annoyed. Poor guy didn't stand a chance. I am not a touchy feely girl. I don't hug often. I don't hold hands with my friends, or hug or squeal or dance or embrace or...you get the drift. I'll stay in my bubble, you stay in yours. Got it? Mmmm, kay. So anyway TTL sits right next to me, so that I can smell his Starbucks breath. (Cocoa with a shot of peppermint. Bastard.) And proceeds to explain, knowing that I am a big Obama fan....

That Obama is evil, because "left" once meant evil, and he is not only a democrat, but he is also left-handed (So am I, a**hole.) and there was a time when lefties were considered evil. *Sigh*

Here we go again, the world according to TTL.

I sort of laughed at him, because everything he said was SO biased and SO un-PC, that I thought he HAD to be joking because nobody is this openly idiotic. I mean, vote republican, by all means. I tend to be a more left-leaning conservative woman myself, but compared to the rest of my family, I am pretty conservative. So I am absolutely not against the republican view, I just disagree with it. But you gotta go with what your heart tells you, and if your heart tells you to vote republican, well......I'll pray for you. :) Kidding. Sort of. Anyway, TTL wanted me to know, in no unclear terms, that "Left" equalled wrong, stupid, and evil. And his prime example was Obama.

(Now, this is the point at which I have to stop all of my uber conservative friends from writing me emails explaining all of the reasons why Obama IS evil. I don't need that. And I won't read it. If I had to respect George W. for 8 years for your sake, then do me the same favor. Respect him. You don't have to like him or agree with him, but make on "N" word joke or elude to him being a muslim or whatever...and our relationship ends here. Intolerance is a dead end road with me. Period.)

So anyway, he basically explains how left handers were once ostercized and considered evil, and that he "could if he wanted to" treat me differently, and essentially badly, because of my choice in hands Yes. That's right. I said my choice in hands. But it doesn't stop there. He basically then told me that the reason everyone hates Obama is because he is a lefty and people are picking up on the old school vibes that humans had towards left handers, and assuming he is evil.

Ok, TTL...1.) You're a freaking moron. And you have tree trunk legs. And your breath smells like the inside of a cat's anus. Don't sit so close to me next time. This is MY bubble.

2.) Really? You think that people hate Obama because he is a lefty, and we are all so primitive that we're turned off by THAT? I always thought that it is because they don't agree with his politics. Hmmmm...I was so off base.

3.) I am a lefty, dude. When you repeatedly call left handers "evil", you're insulting me. Woops, there, you just did it again. Please don't say things that are so moronic.

4.) Why is it ME you seem to constantly spout off all of this judgmental gobidly gook? Can't you go find someone else? Someone who doesn't feel like he/she wants to stab you? Maybe someone who might share your close-minded backwoods perspective on life?

5.) Also...I hate to be the one to break this to you...but you're a douche bag. I know, I know, it's hard to face. Nobody likes to be told that they are a complete tool. When people tell me, I hate it. But really, you are a big douche bag. Sorry.

I think from now on, if I am going to skip classes at church, I am going to have to find a private room I can hide in.

Brooke Moss.