Hi, I'm not pregnant.

Hi.

My name is Brooke Moss. I am a wife, a mother of four, a former florist, and an aspiring writer of romance and women's fiction.

I like rain, hate snow, love cheese, use a lot of sarcasm, sometimes swear....okay, that was a lie. I swear a lot, and I should stop, but I won't. I like bright colors and the smell of blueberries. I have an obnoxious laugh, and I can impersonate people's voices really well. Though nobody knows, because I only do it to amuse myself. I'm hilarious!

Oh, and I'm also fat.

Before you start stroking my ego, or trying to, please just understand this: I just wanna call a spade a spade. I'm chubby. Pleasantly plump. Soft around the edges. Shade in the summer, warmth in the winter. A "big girl". Buxom. Bloated. Rotund. Round. Hugely feminine. Pudgy. Jiggly. Phat. Ten pounds of sausage in a five pound casing....

You get the drift.

But, I am not....I REPEAT, NOT....pregnant.

I have had two surgeries to insure that I will never, ever have to give birth to a human being ever again. I can't even claim to be carrying a "food baby". What I have is called: A weight problem.

I wasn't always this way. Before I had children, I could literally eat anything, and still remain thin and svelte and hot. I was smokin', if I do say so myself.

And then I had 2 kids.

Suddenly my metabolism was complete sh*t, and I was deathly allergic to cats. Explain that!

Then I went through a divorce, and ate my own weight in Ben & Jerry's.

Then I got remarried to a man who dared say, "I love you no matter what you look like!"

Dude. That's like giving a fat girl license to eat the h*ll out of a Vegas buffet with no guilt. He loves me! He loves me! No matter what I look like, he loves meeeeeee!


Um, yah. You get the picture.

Then I had two more kids. Back to back, irish-twin style. The last one did a number on my body. He came out in an hour, beginning to start, slithered out on the side of the bed, all over the doctors suit coat, and cracked my pubic bone in the process. Good times.

Then we had an unexpected death in the family. Then my mother had health issues. Then my brother went out of town to a dangerous country for work. Then my kid started having problems, and got diagnosed with the aforementioned disorders. And quite frankly....

I didn't feel like dieting. 


Okay, I admit it! I didn't feel like dieting. I didn't want to count calories and walk my fat azz on the treadmill. I didn't want to worry about the state of my stomach, when I was too busy worrying about my kid.


So..........I've let the whole "diet issue" go by the wayside.


I'm neither blind, nor am I mentally handicapped. I can see what I look like. Duh.


But I'm not pregnant. 


Sincerely, 


Brooke Moss.