But every once in a while, I just don't feel like it. Not for any reason other than the fact that I don't feel like it. Nothing's wrong, nothing's bothering me. I just don't feel like it. Well, the truth is...sometimes I feel the same way about my writing.
On most days, I can't wait to write. I cannot wait until my daily responsibilities as a wife and a mother and a referee and a cook and a....well, again, you get the drift....until those duties are completed, so that I can lock myself in my office and write until my hands cramp. In my office (which has a pink and black "poodles in Paris" theme, if you don't believe me, look at some of my older posts) I can become a beautiful, tattoo'd, rockabilly chick like Dillon Murphy. Or I can become an independent, feisty redhead like Amy. Or I can become the sullen and introspective Gennie. Most days, I am literally dying to get to my computer to write and create and play make believe.
But then, occasionally, I just don't want to. I want to sit in front of the television and get fat(ter) and I want to read the third book in the Hunger Games or another one of Kristen Higgins' masterpieces so that I can laugh and giggle in my bed while my nerd saws logs next to me. I want to retreat. To bow out as an aspiring author for a night, so that I can be the one being entertained, instead of being the one to entertain others.
It's not like I am complaining. On the contrary. I love my legion of 25 "fans"! I love that they want me to finish book 2 of the Ominous Secret series so that they can know what happens next with Dillon and Gabe. I love that they all talk about different ways they want to be seduced by the illusive and incredibly sexy (fictional) character, Gabe Parker. I love that they are all hailing me as an excellent romance writer...even though no agent seems to agree at this time. *AGAIN, SIGH* (Shake it off, Sar!) But sometimes, as a writer, I feel like I spend more time ALONE in my office writing than I spend doing things that I love, or being with people who talk back, or enjoying the written words of someone else for a change. (I don't have a writing partner to write with anymore at night, as she couldn't handle neither my humor, nor my need to be her moral compass, and it's making me want to read books more than write books! Blech! That mentality isn't going to get me anywhere at all, plus...if I don't get book 2 out soon, the "fans" will show up on my doorstep with pitchforks and torches.) *SIGH* I wish one of them would bring an agent.
I find that in times like this, just like during times when I don't feel like praying or reading scriptures, or being devoted to my faith...or when I just don't feel like getting my big a** on the treadmill...or when I don't feel like writing...that's when I need to force myself to sit down and just do it. I make little mental deals with myself. If I sit down and write five pages, I can go read the rest of my latest Nora Roberts. If I edit one chapter, I can go watch a movie with my nerd. If I toss around some ideas for my next book (once the Ominous Secret series is completed), then I can go to the movies with a friend that night. It's the same as reading scriptures or saying prayers. Once I do it, I am blessed. Once I do it, and write that stinkin' chapter that I've been avoiding, I come up with some of the best stuff I've ever written! Once I sit down and devote myself to my craft, my craft improves...or better yet, I gain another "fan" for my little, unpublished romantic series. The blessings pour in!
I want to make this "writing thing" a career. Maybe I'll never get there, maybe I will. But either way, I am going to keep plugging away at it. But if I want to really, truly make this something other than a hobby (which so many people refer to it as, and I cringe) I need to devote myself to it the same way that I would devote myself to a career in medicine or law. I need to continue to study and learn, to perfect my skills. I need to take time every single day, no matter what, to grow as a writer. To polish my capabilities until they shine! Only then can I be truly proud of the work I've done. (In my humble opinion.)
Even when, on some days (rare as they may be), I am forcing myself.
Brooke Moss
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