Esteem

I spent some time this evening with the man I spent many a year with - my first love. A friend of his who'd been there the night we met was in town and he asked me to drop over. I did. The girl friend of my old flame was no where to be seen. If she'd been around you can guarantee I wouldn't have received an invite. She is threatened by me as well she should be. I don't mean that in a conceited way either. This man still has a flame going for me. It was quite evident tonight. Just as it was two months ago when he invited me out for a drink and then tried to book a hotel room. Well he already had the room, I just disappointed him when I refused to take it with him. Our sex life was always amazing - great chemistry and fire. He was particularly dominant in bed which is right up my alley (no pun intended).

The old friend who I hadn't seen for a long time was very complimentary and assured me I was as pretty as I was at the age of 20 when we met. This is total bullshit - but good to hear all the same. It was cool listening to him tell the story of the first meet between my ex and I. He said my ex had approached him and asked what he thought of me. The friend said, "she's pretty I think you should go for it". And our history for the next several years began. I had a few suitors from that first night. I was a singer in a local rock band and we'd just done a gig when I showed up at the local pub/lounge to continue the party. I felt good, looked good and danced like a demon that night - I know I was captivating the attention of a few good men. I went out with a few of them too. In fact I think at least two of them were very interested and would have been better candidates as ltr's but the ex had something about him. I wondered how much he liked me for example. I was was sent flowers anonymously and hoped they were from him but when I brought this up he shrugged and said, "they're not from me." I remember feeling very disappointed. The chase was on. Me for his love. I drove him crazy in bed and truthfully this was the reason I think he stayed around. We made love 7 times on his 21st b-day - nah it wasn't really love making truth is we shagged like animals. Sadly we never repeated the 7-time record although we came (heh) close a few times.

Tonight the air was rife with sexual tension. He had had a few drinks therefore he was much more affectionate than he otherwise might be and I was amused. At one point he showed me a picture of his grandfather and said that's what he'd look like in old age - then he pointed to a place you couldn't see in the picture and said I'd be there too. I laughed. He's always said in old age we'll be together. I know we won't and don't have any desire either, but I must admit it gives me a thrill to know he pictures me there not his current girl. I recieved an overdue esteem build...nice.