My little piggies aint eating roast beef (anymore)

And she went wee wee wee all the way home.

I'm setting this up because I'm going to whine. Only a little. Or at least that's the hope.

I'll admit I'd been rather blissfully unaware that my age would affect my dating market value. I have always had attention from men and television and other media have confirmed the belief I was viable and would continue to be for a looong time, I mean look at Samantha from Sex in the City!

I was operating under many assumptions. For instance I thought my great job would be attractive, so too my confidence. Add to that I'm easy going in conversation and a fairly decent listener to boot. I honestly felt when I hit the dating market I'd be snapped up in a New York minute. Had no doubts in fact.

Truth hurts doesn't it?

Let's deal with the female condition first; this thing called hypergamy. The innate cross-cultural desire to pair up with an equal to greater valued partner. I didn't know as I refused suitor after suitor that I was making that judgement in my head. I simply chalked it up to incompatibility.

What were those incompatibilities that I knew within minutes? Well let's see: how he dressed; how he spoke; how he interacted with other people;how he interacted with me; employed and at what; overall attractiveness and more.

I often liked the person I met, but just didn't see myself with them in a relationship. Of course there were times where I would have liked to see them again and they felt the chemistry wasn't there.

That brings me to the other harsh truth. Men choose who they want to get to know based on appearance first. I'm good enough for my age category and may even be in the slightly higher than average category simply because I pay attention to how I look. Who I wasn't comparing myself to was younger girls. The youth and natural beauty they exude in their skins alone wipes me out.

Stumbling into Roissy was both a good and a bad thing for me. Painfully the blinders were ripped off. Shocking not only how some men felt about women in general but how early in my mind they viewed woman as hitting the wall. Fortunately not being a feminist to begin with and with a desire to learn more about how men think has brought me renewed hope. I'm viable but only to a select group and truthfully it's the group of men I've been rejecting since I entered the playground. Alpha (for lack of a better term) men my age who turn my crank have really only been interested in short term, exclusive relationships. I'm great for a good time not a long time. Isn't that a song? Why yes, yes it is!



So what's a girl to do? Well armed with new knowledge about my own motivations and men's triggers I re-strategize is what.

1. My first decision is to quit online dating. I think it's back asswards in terms of how relationships should start and it brings men who for the most part can't meet women any other way. Sorry that's harsh, but true.

2. Secondly I'm only going to date men who are at a minimum over five years older than I am. This places him in a higher status category by virtue of age alone. It also helps solve the hotness factor I lack with men my own age. I am a younger woman.

3. I take pretty good care of myself, but have realized that lower body fat will help my initial attraction. I am on day 10 of my new eating regimen and feeling better and seeing slight results. (It'll take a little time before I'm slight). Perseverance is my key word as taught to me by Clio.

4. Continue to develop inner beauty. My upbringing concentrated on the external so much I became quite insecure about not being perfect. I need to recognize that after beauty fades inner beauty still shines.

I should say and it's important to say this - that the end goal is NOT to simply catch a man. I desire, as all of us should, a healthy, loving, compatible, like minded values partner. I think the seemingly shallowness of hypergamy or the need for men to have a pretty woman overlooks the fact we all want something deeper. I've never doubted that. Some may have.