The Gift

I don't often speak with my first and really only ltr guy. We've moved on in our lives and that's been a good thing for both of us. He called me rather out of the blue today. I could tell he'd had a couple of drinks and that always makes him open up more. It was funny too because I'd just been thinking about him. I told him as much and he said he'd hoped it was good thoughts. I said it was.

He asked if I was seeing anyone and I said no. I told him I'd seen a guy three times last week but I couldn't find any attraction for him. This started a lengthy conversation about me and what I need to do to find happiness.

In a nutshell:

1. Stop looking
2. Get content with who you are
3. Be yourself around others

I understood the motivation for the first two suggestions. The first one was really saying when you least expect it, it will happen. The second one says if you're not content with yourself who will be? I was surprised by the third.

He explained that I was a different person when with my family and with people I didn't know well. I asked him if I was likable when I was being myself. I think this is the root of it for me, I'm not sure people will. He answered simply and with sincerity - you're perfect.


I cried when he said it. Not because I was sad but because it was a gift from my first love who even after all this time and even after he's found another to love he can still tell me he thinks me perfect. I left our relationship for good reasons and have no regrets. I waited for a long time for him to get his shit together but he was unable to. I told him today that I have regrets about waiting and perhaps aging out of the dating pool. He said "everything happens for a reason". He told me he is confident I will meet someone, he said let's remember todays date and refer to it when you have. Today he gave me back some faith that I do know a good man's heart.