Thank the good Lord for White Dade's readers. Even though both White Dade and Manola are blogging buddies who have reportedly agreed to disagree on who can be more tongue-in-ass, imagine my relief when one of White Dade's readers, a complete stranger, personally emailed me to set the record straight [verbatim]:
Dude
Girls who have guys they “fuck” and guys they “marry” aren’t worthy of being married to, because they are sluts. That was my point on White Dade’s post, these are the girls you “fuck”. Girls who save it for a relationship are the girls you “marry".
Manola
Dear Dude, Thank you for taking the time to personally express to me your opinion. My life would not be the same without it. Peace, M
Dude
Oh you’re welcome. It’s always good to be thanked properly for trying to help people out.
Indeed, I am so blessed to have some stranger, whom it seems might've been losing sleep over my limited knowledge of double standards in a male-dominated society, tell my 39 year-old single ass about the ways of the world.
What a revelation, praise be Jesus! Now I know why I'm an ancient hag who's not married!
Case in point. Once, I made love to a man who never returned my phone call. Duh. Hello? Phone calls didn't actually happen until the 19th century! Anyway, his name was Henry and he commanded some royal clout. He would've sent me to the Tower of London for a well-deserved beheading if he had suspected I wasn't a maid fair and true, forced to be sperminated by his fat, ugly and tubercular ass, screwing around for the sake of siring money-making legacies.
Don't you understand? His penis had a political purpose! And my uterus was unwilling. God damn it!
SCIENCE IN SERVICE OF SEXUAL PHILANTHROPY
Let me tell you, ever since I received this chap's email, I've been losing sleep too, trying to conjure a spell for these poor men who are clearly suffering. Oy vay! So many sluts; so little marriage!
Oh my Lord, I've just put together two sentences that are grammatically promiscuous! OMG! You're supposed to slip on a condom, not a semi-colon on a loose predicate clause! Is that truly a copulative ceasura? The world is surely coming to an end, if not an ejaculative expression!
And you know you just want to come all over my
Well, after stroking my spinster's clitoris for five minutes, eureka, I've got it: his and hers sexual microchips! With a practically invisible, lightning-fast Miami CSI lab procedure attached to your genitals, you won't be just having sex, you'll be processing data!
For him: powder blue, applied to the vas deferens. For her: razr pink, attached to the cervix. Then, during sexual intercourse, you'll know whom she has fucked, how often and -- with revolutionary technology -- if she ever faked an orgasm. She won't bother reading any of your data because since you are a man and dominate the world and can fuck your testicles dry without judgement, your sexual history is irrelevant. This technology only serves men, of course, because a man can fuck every woman on the planet and so what? It's a moot point.
Oh wait. Don't believe me? That's right. Juvenile dick may be too young to have wanked off to Barbarella or enjoyed a good romp inside the Orgasmatron!
tags: barbarella, sex, orgasm, double standard, slut
No comments:
Post a Comment