Shoe store on Washington Avenue, South Beach. $19.99 Made in China plastic high heels have the life expectancy of a fruit fly. Pick up a pair on your way to the club and toss them out later with the condoms!
In this edition, we pay tribute to unbecoming public behavior and homage to a rising star in the limelight of English grammar!
PUBLIC WARDROBE ADJUSTMENT
The young man who decided to tuck his junk into his pants while standing under the bright lights of the ATM machine on a busy intersection just off the Julia Tuttle Causeway. He unbuckled his pants, pulled them halfway down his thighs and then proceeded to shove it all in. Too bad I wasn't standing in line behind him! Maybe I could've swiped my debit card down his crack for cash, but this doesn't shock me, because ...
PUBLIC POOPING
... when you gotta go, you gotta go! Earlier last week, in my perfectly respectable upper-middle class neighborhood, an older gentleman parked his car in a lot adjacent to a canal, opened the passenger side doors of his car, stepped in between both doors, pulled his pants and underwear down, squatted and then proceeded to defecate, thinking that no one could see him and not realizing that those of us who live on the other side of the canal had a full view of the ceremonious bowel movement! This is the sort of behavior you expect from a vagabond, but ...
PUBLIC SHAME
... even the female bum who has been living on the same block as The Forge for donkey's ages would never stoop so low. Walking back and forth mumbling to yourself around the corner of the parking lot in the dark is no way to live life, honey. I know you never beg, but with all the money being pilfered away at that swanky gin joint, couldn't someone buy you a cheeseburger?
PUBLIC PARASITE
Speaking of cheeseburgers, last week heiress Parrot Hilton proved to the world once and for all that money can't buy you brains. The active party girl avoided the clink by a narrow margin, detained after driving under the influence on empty stomach. Supposably, her publicist could remind the 115-pound blonde to chow down on an In-and-Out Burger before drinking tequila?
PUBLIC GRAMMAR
Yes, supposably is a word!
hoochie mama hags: high heels, south beach, paris hilton, dui, celebrity arrests
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