Big Pink

"Dear Manola 180: My boyfriend complains about my extra-large, over-lubricated vagina. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Ms. Too Big To Be Bothered"

Manola 180 has heard it all. Yes, ALL. To hell with this pusillanimous excuse of man who's complaining about the generous largesse of your hole.

Girlfriend, after you leave him, find yourself a man with a big dick. You're not the one with the SHORTCOMINGS ... your boyfriend is the one with the SHORT END OF THE STICK.

Find yourself a man to fulfill every inch of your juicy, wet and abundant jungle of womanhood. Get that tape measure. Size does matter, doesn't it? As in girth and width?

Sex needs to be tasty and nutritious. Instead of sleeping with this "meat oaf," go try the meatloaf at Big Pink in HoBe, after you've had a few cocktails at Ted's Hideaway around the corner.

As far as revenge, think dead horse, Godfather style. Send his next "aperture" challenged girlfriend a 20" PVC pipe stuffed with sweetbread.

Good luck.

Manola 180