The other sister.

Sister 2, Sister 1 and Me.  

So regular readers know I have a sister who recently underwent brain surgery.  The outcome was good, she retained cognitive and mobile functions. She has a long recovery ahead of her, but her faculties remain and that's a huge relief.

I have another sister who is also facing possible death.  She's anorexic.  She is my height and weighs around 90 lbs.  She is an obsessive compulsive runner/swimmer and simply doesn't eat.  Her skin literally hangs off her body.  I saw her in June and I saw her last week when she flew in to see my sister before the operation.  She has lost at least five pounds in that time period.  Five pounds she couldn't afford to lose.  She is six years younger and looks ten years older than me.

June.  At least 5 pds down since then. 

The irony is I had a sister who suddenly was declared deathly ill, but I've had a sister facing death for much longer.  I haven't said anything.  I can no longer sit idly by thinking it's not my business.  My recent face to face with death allowed me to see I had no regrets with sister 1, we had a close relationship and had worked out relationship challenges over the years, we also live five minutes apart.  Sister 2 lives thousands of miles away and I see her maybe once every two years.  She'd stopped communicating with me a couple of years ago and I allowed my own busyness to intervene and didn't pursue why she'd stopped (it was on her end). Now I know it was self-induced isolation.  She has no friends left, she's pushed them all away.  Her husband is unwilling to look at her illness and when approached rebuffed attempts for an intervention.  Sister 2 is very upset with her husband for allowing her to get the way she has.  I get it though, she's the most disciplined, stubborn, intelligent person I know.  Hard to argue with a master wall builder.

I've written a letter which serves my own need to let her know how scared I am for her.  I don't want to regret that I never said anything.  I am of course hopeful that my harsh letter can shock her into reality and she'll seek professional support.  I need to have faith that she'll get it.  My mother plans on writing her own letter.  Having my mom willing to face the truth is a big step. My mom prefers slim and thinks I'm too fat.  She's part of the reason my sister is the way she is.  My mom weighed sister number 2 every night when she felt she was getting too fat as a teenager.   My mom now wants to vomit when she sees my sister because it's so alarming.

I've aired a lot of family stuff that last little while.  I normally keep that part very quiet.  I think it's good for me to write it out.  It's cathartic.  I also know I'm not alone with family dysfunction.  What is normal anyway?    I refuse to feel shame over having a somewhat broken family.  We carried on for too long as the perfect family.  The attractive girls, the beautiful surroundings, well rounded, classy people were the messages we sent to others.  Beneath the facade is a bubbling cauldron of insecurity, neurotic behaviour, and lies.

I've been called out on these pages for my own lack of self-worth, my need for attention and my vanity.  I'm a product of an environment.  These pages allow me to express in ways I can't with the people closest to me.  I'm very grateful I have this blog.  I think I'm healthier than I would be if I didn't have a chance to get this crap out.  I think I feel better about myself seeing my body in half naked pictures than I did before I posted them, because I have a very fat mental image of myself.   I suffer to a much lesser degree than my sister, but I get her on many levels.

I've recently started sister number 1 (brain surgery) on blogging her experience.  Perhaps I need to do the same with sister number 2.